"We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?"
~Jean Cocteau
"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how hard I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."
~Mitch Hedberg
"My mom was a ventriloquist and she was always throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father."
~Wendy Leibaman
"My problems all started with my early education. Iwent to a school of Menatlly disturbed teachers."
~Me
"One can always tell it's summer when one sees school teachers hanging abou the streets idly, looking like cannibals during a shortage of missionaries."
~Robertson Davies
"The trouble with heart diease is that the first symptom is often hard to deal with - sudden death."
~Michael Phelps
"Stress: A definition. The condition that happens when your mind prevents your body from beating the crap out of people who badly need it.
"If my life gets any worse, I will call hell to ask about the exchange program"
~Niles from Frasier
"The male chromosome is an incomplete female chromosome. In other words the male is a walking abortion; aborted at the gene stage. To be male is to be deficient, emotionally limited; maleness is a deficiency disease and males are emotional cripples."
~Valerie Solanas
"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
~Dennis Wholey
"Mother Nature is a bitch."
"God must love stupid people, He made so many of them."
"I married beneath me. All women do."
~Lady Nancy Astor
first woman member of the British Parliament
"I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice."
"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months."
~Oscar Wilde
"Don't be humble, you're not that great."
~Golda Meir
"Women who seek equality with men, lack ambition. "
"Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed... "
~Mark Twain
"Hating something is too much work to do. What you want to do is ignore something. It is more effective."
~Sridhar Ramaswamy
"All things being equal, fat people use more soap."
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
~Albert Einstein
"I hope life isn't a big joke... because I don't get it."
"Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry."
"He's in an altered state of consciousness: he's dead."
"The problem with America today is that too many people know too much about not enough."
"Carpe Diem - Seize the day
Carpe Noctum - Seize the night
Carpin Denium - There's a fish in my pants
Carpe ovum - Seize the egg
Cave Canem - Beware of the dog
Of course I'm crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. I'm mad but not ill."
~Robert Anton Wilson
"Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change."
"If you're rich, you're eccentric; if you're poor, you're crazy."
"Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot."
"Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of blaming my parents."
"Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future."
"The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working."
"I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage."
"Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!"
"All of me is beautiful, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts."
"When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying."
"I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain."
"Joan of Arc heard voices, too!"
"I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed."
"As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am more in touch with my inner sociopath."
"I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia."
These following quotes are ones that I can easily see my calssmates saying with a straight face and meaning them.
"Whenever I watch TV and I see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
~ Mariah Carey
