|
0800 |
Style hair.
A fashionable Jedi must have stylish hair at all times. |
|
0930 |
Destroy weapon of mass destruction, thereby saving
peaceful and defenseless world.
(Wimpy.) |
|
1030 |
Check on hair. |
|
1031 |
Ai! A split
end! I really need to use more conditioner!
|
|
1100 |
Decline large award from ruler of world saved from mass descruction. Jedi
aren't supposed to accept
gifts. |
|
1105 |
Ruler of saved world throws in a Mitsubishi
Eclipse. |
|
1106 |
Moment of serious consideration |
|
1107 |
I take the award. Hide everything in Jedi robes. Hope Yoda won't
notice. |
|
1200 |
Run from Imperial Inquisitors. |
|
1230 |
Run into refresher to check on hair. |
|
1245 |
Exit refresher station. Cornered by clonetroopers/stormtroopers. |
|
1255 |
Oh great, I've been caught
by Brandl again.
He looks good. |
|
1300 |
Taken to Chancellor Palpatine's
office. Obviously he wants beauty tips |
|
1400 |
Still waiting in office. What is with this? |
|
1430 |
Notice mirror next to diabolical statue of a nasty
looking tattooed Iridonian. Primp. |
|
1455 |
Finally invited into Chancellor Palpatine's
office. |
|
1500 |
Funny.
Chancellor Palpatine keeps on insisting I
call him 'my Lord'. |
|
1515 |
This little red haired girl runs into his office
with a nosebleed. Palpy dabs at it for her. How sweet! |
|
1516 |
Palpy tells me not to call him Palpy. Touchy. |
| 1522 | Tell Palpy that the logo and name change are really nifty. Galactic Empire just sounds better than Galactic Republic. Gotta love the circular logo. So much sexier than the old one. |
|
1530 |
Palpy tells his guards--dressed in red, how
fashionable--to take me away. He says
he does not believe I am a real Jedi, even after I show him my
lightsaber. Palpy
says there are too many stupid people out there and that's, like, why they
need good leadership. Whatever. |
|
1531 |
Tell Palpy the guards'
uniforms really matches well with the wallpaper |
|
1545 |
Young cute Imperial Officer escorts me out. He's sorta cute in this "I
have been brainwashed by the totalitarian state" sort of way. |
|
1600 |
A Jedi does not know love |
| 1601 |
Oh, what the hell.
|
|
1615 |
Silly cute Imperial Officer says he doesn't like Jedi.
Why? We are, like, so cool. |
|
1700 |
Evil Sith Lord enters
scene. I dispatch it with my trusty
lightsaber. Ugh! Sith
lords are SOOOO pre-Republic! |
|
1800 |
Grateful cute officer thanks me for saving his
life. |
|
1803 |
I use Jedi mind trick to make cutey-patootie
amorous. Hahaha
he's mine! |
|
1830 |
We escape to Rebel Base |
|
1902 |
Greeted by my wisecracking Corellian
best guy friend.
He says using mind trick on befuddled cute Imperial is
distasteful. Typical. |
|
1903 |
I'm sure he's just jealous |
|
1904 |
Hey wow, he's jealous! |
|
1910 |
Practice primping hair with the Force. Spiffy! |
|
1920 |
Consider eating dinner, since I haven't
eaten all day in order to maintain ideal weight. |
|
1922 |
Decide to take possibly-hungry cute Imperial out to
dinner. |
|
1924 |
Apparently spiffy cute Imperial is under maximum
security after defection. |
|
1925 |
Jealous best guy friend
says cute Imperial is being debriefed.
OMG! |
|
2000 |
Break detained cute Imperial out of prison |
|
2030 |
Great, now dinner is over and the mess is
empty. WAIIIIII! |
|
2031 |
Ungrateful cute Imperial is sort
of boring. Says he refuses to
consort with rebel Jedi scum |
|
2041 |
Attempt to educate
brainwashed cute Imperial about the benefits of democracy. |
|
2042 |
Okay, so brainless cute
Imperial won't have any of it. |
|
2045 |
Uses Jedi mind trick to brainwash indoctrinated
cute Imperial |
|
2046 |
Racy cute Imperial says he wants to teach me the Alderaanian Jiggle |
|
2050 |
In the storeroom.
Pssh.
The Alderaanian Jiggle is just some stupid
dance. |
|
2300 |
Eww! Apparently
Jedi Mind Trick has nasty side effect. |
|
2305 |
If smelly cute Imperial farts one more time... |
|
2306 |
Blasts dreadful cute Imperial guy with Force
Lightening |
|
2310 |
Must find way to explain pile of ashes in storeroom
to Corellian best guy friend who is also leader of
the resistance |
|
2315 |
Run out of the storeroom |
|
2315 |
Crash into token Black character |
|
2316 |
Asks token Black character for whereabouts of token
Asian character. |
|
2318 |
Token Black character says token Asian character
was just an extra in a scene that George Lucas will probably cut and was sent home the next day and is insignificant. But he was CUTE!!! |
|
2319 |
Remind token Black character that the same thing happend to Lance from NSYNC,
and Lance is sooo NOT significant |
|
2320 |
Token Black character says Lance is a pansy |
|
2321 |
Moment of contemplation. |
|
2322 |
He may be right.
Boybands are sooo
passé. |
|
2330 |
Hit the showers.
Lather and rinse with Herbal Essences.
Yes! |
|
2340 |
Temporarily lament tragic loss of cute Imperial
officer. Oh well. Better luck next time. |
|
2345 |
Lights out |
|
2345 |
Wait! Night
light! |
|
2347 |
Wait, if the Corellian
best guy friend who is the leader of the resistance was jealous |
|
2348 |
That means he likes me |
|
2349 |
Which means |
|
2350 |
Oh, this is all too much. Nite nite! |