Minnaisms
"If
wishes were fishes they'd drown." "Life woulnd't be life unless it sucked"
"You should have pretended to be an idiot from the start--then we could have slowly worked our way up."
"And the world was a fisher and I was a wisher of dreams"
"Incompetence is the most diverse lifeform in the galaxy."
"I don't get writer's block. I just get writer's suck."
"Your momma's a HALLWAY."
"You've honestly never seen me break anything before?"
"Titakky!"
"She's like a BUS, okay? Anyone with the right amount of
change can get on her."
"All I'm saying is, maybe church retreats are in
the mountains so maniacs can get closer to god. Literally."
"The toilet seat was so cold I thought it was wet."
"Who rows boats down streams, anyway?"
"185 blind mice walked into a bar. They said 'ouchie'".
"Life is pain--anyone who says different is selling you something."
"Castro? Nice guy when he isn't being mean."
"Castration? That's a bit mean, is it
not?"
"Did you know that most steer are castrated bulls, they aren't
agressive. Why are you?"
"Let's just say she's not the brightest crayon in the box."
"Hint hint. Wink wink."
"Someone jumped into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't
looking."
"I fell out of the family tree and hit every branch on the way down."
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
What does kill you really sucks."
"I've a photographic memory, but sometimes the lens cap is on."
"I've an IQ rivaling that of garden tools."
"I've a room temperature IQ. So sue me."
"My eyelids look like Bert's from
"Take what I say at face value; don't take what I say to your face about
values."
"Band-Aids are racist."
"The Bushes moved into the White House after the flowers kicked them out
of the Green House."
"Don't cry..."
"You do that, hero."
"Be a man! At least more man than Michael Jackson."
"Smile!"
"There is an EVIL ONE, and he does EVIL, which is EVIL, and EVIL is
really EVILY EVIL."-- Prez.
Bushie.
"If someone put a penny in my pocket everytime I
heard someone say that, I'd need bigger pants."
"If someone gave me a dollar every time I heard someone say that, I'd have
to tell him I wasn't his whore."
"Yeah, well, cynical idealists don't exactly do well in this world."
"If I had another brain, it'd be lonely."
"So harvest your brain cells and sell them for drug money."
"I am captain obvious. Obviously I state the obvious.
Obviously this has been another obviously thrilling report from Captain
Obvious."
"Life is like a box of chocolates. I'm allergic to chocolate."
"Diputs si loochs."
"Hobos for Doof!"
"Got Doof?"
"Skoobs 4 School!"
"Hugs for Holden!"
"Mink Power!"
"Me is Special."
"Obviously your lack of a dick doesn’t limit your ability to be one.”