Author�s note: a very, very, very big thank you to RedBlaze for letting me write this outtake. I think this universe she�s created is simply amazing and I am honored to be playing in her playground :).

She never thought he would actually go through with it.

Up until the very last minute, when he�d knocked on her door early in the morning to say goodbye before leaving for his early train ride, she had actually thought he would stay. Not that she ever would have asked him to, of course. If Josh couldn�t be bothered to see that she needed him right now--if he couldn�t be bothered to be here for her--then by God she wasn�t going to ask.

Snow glistened on the grounds outside, crystalline against the starless onyx sky. Hermione�s breath made mist on the panes of glass and she absently ran a finger through the condensation, tracing random shapes and paths, watching threads of water run down the window.

This wasn�t exactly the happy Christmas she had hoped for, but then they hadn�t had a normal Christmas since this whole nightmare began. Part of her felt guilty for not having gone home to her parents during the holidays. Certainly, they had been disappointed when she had informed them that she�d be staying on at school for the two weeks, but they had also understood when she told them that Harry needed her and Ron right now.

It seemed everyone understood that Harry shouldn�t be alone right now.

Not that he was wanting for companionship, of course. Earlier in the evening she�d caught him sneaking down the staircase, making up some ridiculous excuse about going to nick food from the kitchens, when she knew perfectly well he was heading to Cho�s room. She supposed it would be better this way, though, Harry thinking she didn�t know any better and him not knowing all the sordid details of her and Ron.

Ron.

Even his name was enough to open up fresh wounds that never seemed to heal no matter how far she�d thought she�d come. Josh could distract her easily enough when he was here, but he wasn�t. And now that he wasn�t, there was no way for her to pretend that Ron didn�t still have this vice grip on her heart.

Stupid, stupid girl, she thought. How much longer are you going to keep brooding over this? It�s over. You two are over. You�ve moved on...

She heard a distinct noise that made her straighten. Crookshanks had leaped up on the window sill beside her, and she laughed shakily at her jumpiness.

�What are you doing, scaring me like that?� she said, scratching him between his ears.

�Sorry, I had no idea I could be scary.�

Hermione gasped, looking up to see Ron standing in front of her, giving her one of his deadly grins.

�Ron...�

Crookshanks jumped off her lap and scampered away, and Hermione untucked her legs, then rose from the window sill.

�What are you doing up?�

He shrugged. �Couldn�t sleep.�

He didn�t elaborate, but he didn�t have to; she knew the reason. He�d had trouble sleeping ever since the encounter with the Death Eaters. Nightmares, horrible nightmares, that rivaled even Harry�s.

�Are you all right?�

She reached out to touch his shoulder, not expecting him to flinch when she did. Hurt by his reaction, she started to go back up to the girls� dormitory.

�Not leaving on my account, are you?�

She smirked at him.

�No, Ron,� she said. �I know this might come as a great shock to you, but the universe isn�t centered around you, you know.�

His grin widened dangerously, and she actually felt herself take a step back. He caught the motion, she was sure of it, because he inched closer to her as a result.

�Hmm,� he said, �I�d�ve never guessed it.�

�I�m going to bed-�

�What�s your hurry?�

She eyed him carefully, not sure what his game was, and she realized she wasn�t always like this around him. Things seemed so much less complicated when he was just her best friend.

But he had to go and make her fall in love with him.

�It�s been a long day. I don�t quite feel like celebrating tonight.�

The grin gave way to genuine concern now, and he moved closer, taking hold of her arm.

�Are you all right?� he said. �Why are you alone, anyway? Where�s Josh?

�Not here.�

She saw a switch turn on in his eyes, and he let out a small, but rather arrogant laugh.

�Oh? Trouble in paradise?�

She wrested her arm from him. �Shut up, Ron,� she said. �He�s at home. With his family.�

�He�s left you alone on Christmas?�

God, she hated it when he was being smug. She opened her mouth to fire off a retort, but found the words hadn�t quite caught up with her tongue just yet.

�He didn�t...� She sighed. �I�m not alone. Obviously.�

�If I were with you,� he said, in such a serious manner all of the sudden that she didn�t know what to make of it, �I wouldn�t leave you alone at Christmas.�

His eyes burned into her, that familiar stare that stripped her of all pretense and guardedness. Damn him for knowing her so well. Damn him for knowing exactly what to say to get her to soften towards him.

�Well, you�re not... are you?�

He stepped back, as if her words had actually struck him physically, and he answered her flatly.

�Right,� he said, �thanks for the reminder.�

She was sorry for having said what she did, but she had to admit, it had been a long time coming. Even after all this time, the pain of his betrayal still swirled inside of her, raw and powerful like the eye of a storm.

�Look, we�re fine,� she said at last, pushing aside her guilt. �I wish you�d stop trying to find some flaw in my relationship with him. I know you don�t approve, but-�

�Whether I approve or not is not the issue, and you know it.�

He was looking so intently at her that it actually unnerved her. But Hermione gathered enough strength to turn towards the staircase.

�Spare me-�

He managed to grab hold of her arm, spinning her around to face him.

�Spare you?� he said. �I think I�m the one that needs to be spared, Hermione.�

�What is that supposed to mean??�

His answer was a maddeningly cryptic one.

�Think about it.�

But she didn�t want to think about it. She didn�t want to fall prey to him again, and let him make her feel foolish and toyed with.

�No, why don�t you tell me, Ron?� she said. �Go on, tell me! I am so sick of playing these mind games with you!�

Fire lit in his eyes, and she knew at once she never should have issued the challenge, because she knew what he was about to say would be the hardest thing she�d ever have to hear.

�All right, you want me to say it out loud?� he said. His face was etched in pain, and he seemed reluctant to continue, but did anyway. �How is it... that you can be with someone you claim to love and then fuck another man senselessly?�

The shock of his words hadn�t even registered when he leveled another blow, this one a thousand times more painful than the first.

�And more than once, too-�

He caught her wrist just as she raised her hand to strike him, the lightning-quick reflexes of a true warrior. She was going to slap him, too. Hard. But she knew she would have only been taking out her anger on him, when the one who truly deserved it was her.

He had only spoken the truth.

Silence stretched between them, their eyes locked with each other until Ron was the first to offer the olive branch.

�I�m sorry,� he said, softly, sincerely.

But she�d taught herself to harden her heart to this. Snatching her wrist from his grasp, she said, �And where have I heard those words before?�

�I am, Hermione! I�m sorry, I...� He groaned in frustration. �God, I didn�t want to fight with you on Christmas...�

�You should have tried harder-�

�Would you stop it??� he said. �For God�s sake, can�t you for once, just...�

Something about the way he shook his head stopped her, and guilt stabbed at her.

�Just... what?�

�Why do you make things so hard, Hermione?�

There was only one thing she could think to say in response.

�Why do you?�

�I never meant to hurt you,� he said. And she knew he wasn�t talking about just tonight. �I swear...�

�Well, you did,� she said, wishing more than anything that they didn�t have to have this conversation.

�I�d do anything to take it back.�

So would I, she thought. She caught him taking another step forward, and she panicked and backed away.

�Look,� he said, �how about we break tradition right now?�

She blinked back at him, caught off-guard by the awkward segue.

�I beg your pardon?�

�Presents,� he said. �Let�s open presents now instead of tomorrow morning.�

She arched her eyebrow at him. �What are you on about, Ron Weasley?�

�I�m calling a truce, all right? What do you say?� He held the gaze, hoping, no doubt, that she would soften in time. �It�s Christmas... and besides, I�m dying to know what you got me.�

At this, she actually managed to laugh.

He�d promised he�d only be a moment, but when fifteen minutes had passed and he still hadn�t reappeared in the Common Room, Hermione decided to take matters in her own hands and go to the boys� dormitory herself.

It was completely deserted, as she had expected; Ron and Harry had been the only two who had stayed over the holidays, with everyone else going home to be with family during this unsettling time. Ron was bent over his trunk, rummaging through it, muttering profanities under his breath.

The sight was enough to make Hermione chuckle.

�Wha�?�

He turned and saw her, straightening immediately.

�What the hell do you think you�re doing here?�

�What are you talking about?�

�In case you�ve forgotten, this is the boys� dormitory,� he said.

She laughed even harder. �You�ve got to be joking,� she said. �You actually have a problem with me being here?�

�I�m pretty sure you don�t have a Y chromosome,� he said. �Therefore this should be off-limits for you.�

She came closer, momentarily intoxicated by the thought of unnerving him, even if it meant placing herself in a rather tempting situation in the process.

�After all we�ve been through,� she said, �I didn�t think you could still be embarrassed by something like this.�

Desire flickered in his eyes, and Hermione, suddenly aware of what was happening and not wanting to be the one to inadvertently fan the embers into flames, inched away ever so slightly.

She saw him swallow hard, then say, �What�s that?�

It took her a few seconds to figure out what he meant.

�What�s what?�

�That.�

He reached behind her to see what she had been hiding, making contact with the small of her back as he tugged at her arm, sending shivers up her spine.

�It�s your present, you prat,� she said, laughing as she sat on Harry�s bed.

�Ah, the infamous present...� He grinned, then reached into his trunk and produced his own small, neatly-wrapped package. �And here is yours...�

She looked up at him and smiled, delighting in the way his eyes lit up as he tore into his package. After everything that had happened to them--especially to Ron--it was wonderful to see him this way again, carefree and... happy.

�A... rock,� he said, when he�d reached into the box to pull out its contents. �A brightly-painted... rock. Well, I can honestly say this is something I wasn�t quite expecting, Hermione...�

He held up her present and inspected it, obviously not knowing what to make of it.

�All right, I give up,� he said. �What is it?�

She rolled her eyes and took it from him.

�It�s a dream rock, Ron.�

�A what?�

�It�s for people who have trouble sleeping,� she explained. �You put this under your pillow, and you�ll be able to get a good night�s rest.�

�Oh...�

It seemed to hit him then what the significance of this was, what she had been trying to tell him with it. He looked at it in silence, turning it over in his palm.

�Thank you,� he said quietly.

Hermione knew this would be all he would be able to manage, but it was more than enough for her. He knew. He knew that all she wanted for him was to just be happy. To be at peace. He needed that so much right now.

�All right, I guess it�s my turn,� she said, hoping to distract him.

She peeled at the spellotape he�d carefully laid to seal the wrapping, driving him crazy, she knew, with taking her time to open the present.

�For God�s sake,� she heard him mutter, �presents are supposed to be ripped open, don�t you know?�

�That�s the difference between you and me, Ron,� she said. She knew the last thing he wanted right now was a lecture, but he was going to get one anyway. �I�ve got something you might have heard of once or twice. Patience.�

�Only some things in this world are that worth waiting for,� he said.

There was no mistaking what he meant by the statement; his eyes shone unmistakably with hunger, and flustered, she returned her attention to the present. When she�d torn the last of the wrapping away, she opened the tiny box, and let out a gasp at what she found. It was a small, glass pendant, filled with something that she couldn�t quite make out.

�It�s us,� he said, answering her question.

She looked up at him in curiosity. �Us?�

�You, me, and Harry. It�s a lock of hair from each one of us.�

He reached over to fasten the chain around her neck, sliding his fingers down the column of her throat and causing her to close her eyes for a few seconds.

�That way you�ll always have a reminder that we�re here for you,� he said. �No matter what.�

She nodded wordlessly.

�Now don�t let me catch you putting these into some godforsaken Polyjuice Potion.�

She realized she�d been staring at him, and forced herself to laugh, but it was already too late; he�d noticed. He reached out a hand, then the other, holding her face as if it were made of precious porcelain, and his eyes glittered in the semi-darkness of the room.

God, he really was beautiful. And she realized, that had been her downfall from the very beginning. She never really even had a chance.

He held her face for a few moments--just held it--with a gentleness that made her ache, his thumbs fanning her cheekbones with a mere whisper of a touch. He seemed to asking for some sort of permission with his eyes, and she granted it by being the one to move in closer, closing her eyes at the feel of his ragged breath on her face. He kissed her hesitantly at first, then deeper and surer as the seconds passed, as if wanting to brand this moment into their memories. There was no urgency in his movements, no insistence, just a give-and-take that only a true lover could offer, one who knew her better than anyone else ever could.

Better than even Josh.

At the thought of him, Hermione suddenly snapped to reality, realizing what was happening, what was about to happen. She caught a glimpse of Ron�s eyes as she looked up; he looked as if someone had cut off his lifeline.

�What�s wrong?� he said, reaching out to touch her face.

�Ron, I can�t... we can�t...�

�Why?�

It made her angry that he had to even ask the question. It made her angry that he didn�t already know the answer.

�You know why.�

�Josh.�

�Yes, Josh,� she said, more to remind herself than him. �I�m... with him... you know that...�

Voice cracking with deep pain that made her flinch, he said, �It�s never stopped you before.�

He was right. She knew he was right. God, what had she done? She�d only made a bigger mess of things by leading Ron on those other times. She�d never meant to, but...

Damn it. Why did things always have to be this complicated with him? With the both of them?

�It should have stopped me before,� she said.

The look on his face was almost enough to bring her to her knees. She hadn�t wanted to believe that she was capable of hurting him this much, but the harsh proof was standing right in front of her. He turned away from her, probably knowing that she could read every nuance of pain in his eyes, and she felt the prick of tears coming on.

Without thinking, without paying heed to the last vestiges of reason, she crossed the distance between them and turned him around, reaching up to slide a hand behind his neck and pulling him towards her. He clung to her like a drowning man clinging to a life vest, squeezing his eyes shut as he kissed her with everything in him.

�This... doesn�t change anything between us,� Hermione whispered against his mouth. She could almost feel his defeat, though he only held her tighter. �We�re just friends... just friends... always...�

�Always,� he said back hoarsely, before pulling her with him and letting them collapse together on his bed.

Articles of clothing became casualties, strewn on the floor in a haphazard manner. Their limbs tangled together as they fumbled to touch each other, as if their very lives depended on the action. And all the while, Ron held her close, cradling her to him.

He slid in easily, almost embarrassingly so. There was no hiding anymore how much he affected her; she should have given up pretending long ago. He was still for a few heartbeats, as if wanting to savor this moment that they both knew would be over soon enough. She was desperate for him though, and it was she who began the tortuous rhythm, she who broke his will, leaving him shaking and moaning with want.

She had expected tonight to be fast and driving, as it had been the other times they had given into temptation before. But it was different. He was different. His movements were gentle, adoring, filled with as much wonder as lust. He was saying goodbye, she realized. Goodbye to the promise of them as lovers, because she had slammed the door shut for them time and time again. Tonight, it seemed he finally understood that.

It was then that she realized she was truly sorry for doing this to him--to them--even as she had absolutely no idea how to even begin to fix it.

Afterwards he threaded his fingers through her hair, murmuring her name before pressing his lips to the back of her shoulder and falling asleep. She listened to his breathing slow, then turned to face him and watch him, running her fingers over the beautiful contours of his arm, remembering all too well that the moment had passed now, and she would never get to lie side-by-side with him like this ever again.

She knew she should be sorry right now. She knew she should be feeling some kind of remorse for what she had just done, what they had just done.

But she didn�t.

She didn�t regret any of it, not a single second. Not the moment he had kissed her back, tearing down what little had remained of her crumbled will, nor the moment he brought her to completion, when she cried out his name over and over in throaty moans that she was sure the entire universe had heard.

She tasted salt on her lips; she was crying. Knowing what she had to do, she pressed her fingers to her lips, then touched them to his face. He stirred momentarily, but didn�t wake, and when she was sure he wouldn�t open his eyes, she slipped out of bed, stopping just one more time at the door to capture this image.

He would sleep well tonight, she knew it. And she left his room, certain that his dreams would be sweet.