Author�s note: what can I say other than thank you, thank you, thank you, RedBlaze, for your generosity, creativity, and most of all, your willingness to put up with my gazillion questions. You�re an angel!! :)

�So that�s it, then? You�re just going to leave now?�

Ron deliberately kept his back turned to the girl as he pulled his trousers back on and walked to the nearby chair to retrieve the shirt he�d so carelessly flung aside just moments before. He�d learnt it made things so much simpler this way. It was a thousand times easier to say goodbye to the girl when he didn�t have to look directly at her and see the disappointment in her eyes.

�Yeah,� he said, �I am.�

He slipped his shirt back on.

�But thanks.�

That last part he always added, though he knew full well it was probably the equivalent of rubbing salt into raw wounds. It was the sort of thing insensitive bastards like him said in the aftermath of a meaningless, casual encounter such as this, but surely this girl had known the deal right from the start. She was no na�f. She�d known exactly what she was doing when she purposely cornered him as he came out of the library this afternoon, making sure to flaunt her plentiful curves by leaving her tie loosened, and the top three buttons of her blouse flagrantly unbuttoned.

Clearly she had wanted to get a particular reaction out of him. And Ron Weasley was not one to disappoint, especially when he had a reputation to uphold.

He felt her arms slither around his waist, her cheek touch that space between his shoulder blades, making him flinch involuntarily at the unexpected contact. She didn�t seem to have registered the reaction though, or else taken offense at it if she had, because she only pulled him in closer to her in response, no doubt to remind him of the fact that she was still ready for another go.

�What�s your hurry?� she purred. �I thought we had some fun just now.�

Ron unclasped her hands and shrugged on his robes.

�Sorry, I�m late,� he said vaguely.

�For what?�

�For things.�

This time, he did turn around to face her. She hadn�t even bothered to put her clothes back on, and she was just standing there, staring at him, as if she just couldn�t believe he was actually choosing to leave right now, when she was so willingly offering him another free pass at her.

But he just couldn�t stay in this room any longer. He was going to be sick if he stayed here one more second.

It wasn�t personal. It never was. The bloke she�d just been with had been someone else entirely; it had been his body and nothing more. Just the mere shell of him. There had only ever been one person with whom he didn�t deliberately detach himself, to whom he had always given all of himself and more. But she had chosen somebody else.

So he was reduced to this. Giving in to just another random fuck with some nameless girl he really couldn�t care less if he ever saw again.

�See you around.�

He left the room before she could say anything else, not even stopping to look behind him when he slammed the door shut. That was the routine. But he knew all too well that no matter how many times he walked away like this--no matter how fast or how far or where to he ran--he would never really be able to get away from his many demons.

They would always be there with him, taunting him until he�d gone completely mad.

When he was far enough away and was sure she wouldn�t be coming after him, he let himself slump against the wall, and he slid down slowly until he could sink no further and was on the ground, like a broken man. There was nobody around to see him like this, and for that he was grateful. He heard the sound of dry sobs, and after some time, he realized it was coming from him.

And for the first time in the last two years, it finally hit him just how much of himself he had really lost.

He had never been so relieved to see the boys� dormitory empty. Normally one or two blokes could be found lounging around at any given time--usually Neville, who Ron was beginning to suspect needed serious guidance in the art of socializing. But tonight they were all gone, having all left for dinner, he guessed, upon catching a glimpse of the clock on the bedside table. He wasn�t hungry, though. Far from it. And besides, he didn�t feel much like facing people right about now.

He strode over to his trunk and kicked it open, rummaging through the dirty laundry that had piled up over the last week and the pathetic, beat-up second-hand books whose bindings long began to fall apart some time ago. Somewhere inside here, underneath all this utter rubbish, lay the prize jewel he was hoping to uncover, and he let out a triumphant laugh when his fingers came upon the sensation of cool glass. He pulled the bottle out, marveling at the feel of its sheer weight in his hand, mesmerized by the motion of the deep amber liquid within.

Ogden�s Fire Whiskey. Extra grade.

Just what he needed for tonight, and he didn�t give a damn how many brain cells he was going to kill tonight getting himself thoroughly, senselessly, unapologetically pissed. He just wanted to be as numb as possible, because he sure as hell wasn�t about to let these emotions he�d spent almost two years trying to suppress overtake him.

He wasn�t going to let any emotions overtake him at all. He was a war mage, and war mages couldn�t afford to feel anything.

He jumped onto his bed and unscrewed the cap from the bottle, then took a long, hard swig out of it. The name was certainly appropriate; it burned a path down his throat, and for a brief moment, it even felt a bit like dying a slow death. But he ignored the sensation and gulped readily and hard, wiping his mouth clean with the back of his hand before he put the bottle to his lips once more. Charlie had said this would help in those moments when things got really unbearable. Ron had always considered himself much too strong to turn to such pathetically weak measures as escaping in drink, but at that moment, he found it awfully hard remember exactly why he didn�t do it more often.

It just felt so good to shut down his brain for a few blessed moments. It felt so good not to feel a fucking thing for once, not to see flashes of hooded monsters and him plunging a dagger deep into their black hearts, or feel a twinge from that ugly scar on his cheek.

Or remember that Hermione had pledged herself to someone else all because he�d been such an idiot.

Bloody hell, if only he could fix it so he could go through the rest of life not having to feel any one of those damn things.

After a while, it seemed even his throat had gone numb from the continual assault of the Fire Whiskey. The bottle, which had felt so heavy nearly an hour ago, now felt ridiculously light. And with good reason. He�d just about finished all of it off tonight. Not bad, especially for someone who hadn�t got his hands on this stuff in a good long while.

He poured the last of it into his belly and slammed the bottle down hard on the night table, so hard that he hadn�t even heard the door open.

�Hey Ron, we missed you at dinner-�

Ron sat up, realizing immediately he�d done so much too quickly, and he closed his eyes in an effort to stop the room spinning.

�Oh, fuck...�

�Language, Harry,� Ron slurred.

He reached for the bottle, hoping to have enough time to hide it before Harry spotted it, but it was too late, and Harry was too quick for him. He had crossed the room and snatched it from Ron's hands.

�Are you insane??� Harry said. �Ogden�s Fire Whiskey? You drank an entire bottle of this?�

�Oh come on, you act like this is the first time you�ve ever seen me take a drink-�

�God, look at you! You�re pissed, you�re absolutely pissed!�

Ron stared back at him defiantly and took the bottle back from him.

�Spare me the lecture, please,� he said. �Just because St. Potter wouldn�t dare drown his sorrows in drink doesn�t mean we all have to follow suit.�

Harry just shook his head at him, which only served to make Ron angrier. He wasn�t about to be looked upon as if he were some child needing to be scolded, especially not by his best friend who not so long ago had engaged in much the same behavior.

�If you can�t stand the sight of me like this, why don�t you just leave, then,� he said. �As you might have gathered, I wanted to be alone right now, anyway.�

�Yeah, I got that,� Harry said. �Don�t worry, I�ll leave you to your Fire Whiskey soon enough.�

He knelt down to his trunk and began to look through it, no doubt looking for his invisibility cloak, Ron mused. Probably off to visit Cho--which he couldn�t care less about, as long as Harry stayed the hell away from his sister.

Something fell out of Harry�s trunk just then, as he rummaged through it some more. Ron saw that it was the Marauder�s Map and was about to hand it back, when he saw a familiar dot on it coming down the girls� staircase, heading out the portrait.

�Have you seen my Herbology book?�

�What?� Ron said, looking up.

�My Herbology book--oh forget it, why am I asking you, anyway. You don�t seem to care that we�ve got exams in about a week.�

He went back to looking in the trunk, and Ron went back to looking at the map, watching the dot move across the page and enter the Prefects� bathroom.

�Why fuss over exams when there�s a bloody war going on?�

Harry got to his feet. �I can�t talk to you when you�re like this,� he said.

There was no more anger in his voice, only pity. Ron preferred the anger to pity.

Harry turned his head, having found the missing book on his bed, and Ron slipped the map back into his trunk while he wasn�t paying attention.

�Fine, I�ll get out of your way then.�

�Ron, wait-�

�Have fun revising.�

And he walked out of the room, determined to find the one person he knew could help him feel better right now.

The bloody statue would have got a beating by now if he had been a real person.

�I�m sorry, sir, I�m not allowed to let anyone in who isn�t a Prefect.�

Boris the Bewildered looked even more bewildered now--utterly clueless as to how to handle the raving maniac in front of him, no doubt. Ron wasn�t about to let this go without a fight.

�Look, I�m not going to go in and vandalize the damn bathroom! I just need to get in there-�

�Not without a password-�

�I said, Pine-fresh, you bastard, now let me through!�

�That is not the correct password-�

The door swung open just as Ron was about to lunge at this uncooperative statue. Ron came forward to go in, but lost his footing, and stumbled just at the foot of the door.

�Ron!!�

It was Hermione. She was wearing nothing but a towel, and her hair was soaking wet, bouncing around in ringlets by her cheeks.

�What are you... Get in here before you get caught!!�

She pulled him up and inside the bathroom, then closed the door behind them, making sure to lock it.

�What is the matter with you??� she said. �Screaming like a lunatic--they could have heard you down the hall!! You could have got caught!�

Ron avoided her eyes and slumped back against the wall. The tile was slippery with residual moisture from the bath Hermione had drawn--he realized he�d just interrupted her--and he nearly lost his footing again, but managed to keep upright this time. He heard her let out a gasp, then felt her lift his chin up sharply to look at her.

�You�re drunk!�

�I�m not-�

�Yes you are, you�re drunk! You don�t think I know what it looks like?�

�Hermione, not you too,� he groaned. �Look, I�ve already had the lecture from Harry-�

She snorted. �Well, obviously it had no effect!�

He couldn�t respond to that. He wanted to, but he was just too tired and he realized he didn�t even care anymore.

�I thought you had stopped drinking,� she said.

He shrugged. �I started back up again.�

�Ron!� She sighed. �When?�

�Tonight,� he said. �Don�t worry, I haven�t been sneaking behind your backs all this time. I�ve been a good little soldier.�

He noticed she was clutching the towel, fiddling with the knot to make sure it stayed put. He let a wicked grin form on his lips.

�Relax, it�s not as if I haven�t seen what�s underneath that towel.�

Color invaded her cheeks, and she readjusted the knot once more, making it even tighter.

�You make a lousy drunk, Ron,� she said.

He stopped laughing. The words sliced into him unexpectedly, and she must have noticed, because her features softened, annoyance giving way to concern.

�I thought things were... getting better,� she said.

They�d known each other so well and for so long that they never seemed to need many words between them; theirs was a secret language that anyone outside of their little circle of three would never have any hope of penetrating.

�They�re not,� he said flatly, tearing his eyes away from her.

She came closer, placing her hand on his shoulder. God, he thought he would die from how good it felt to be touched by her.

�The dream rock isn�t working anymore.�

He saw her take a deep breath. He knew that she understood.

�Oh God, Ron... I�m so sorry...�

�Don�t be sorry, I don�t need you to be sorry!�

He shook his head. He kept shaking his head, until finally he had to look away from her and bent forward, squatting against the wall and letting his head hang down.

�All I want,� he said, �is to make these fucking images go away... I�m tired of closing my eyes and seeing blood, Hermione! I�m tired of seeing myself slaughtering those bastards!�

He paused, not wanting to say what he had to say next, but knowing that if there was one person he could admit it to, she would be the one.

�I don�t even care that they�re dead,� he said. �I just want to stop seeing them dying...�

She came up to him, raising his chin once more. For the longest time they simply looked at each other and let no words pass between them. Then she said quietly, �Why did you come here tonight, Ron?�

�To find you.�

�Why?�

He didn�t want to say the words. He didn�t want to let down his guard any more than he had already done. But something in her eyes made him feel as if it would be okay to feel vulnerable just this once.

�Because... I need you...�

Without saying anything, she reached up on her toes and kissed him. Gently at first, a mere brush of her lips over his, and then he felt her tongue slide across his bottom lip. It was like a switch coming on in his brain, and that was all it took to make him come alive. He parted his lips, welcoming the sweet invasion of her tongue, and lifted his hands to cup her face, feeling the water from her hair trickle down her cheeks and into his mouth where he could taste it. Taste her.

After a while, they parted for air, and he saw her looking up at him, giving him a lazy smile.

�What were you drinking tonight?� she said.

�Ogden�s Fire Whiskey.�

He laughed, watching the play of conflicting emotions on her face.

�You like the taste,� he whispered into her mouth, �don�t you?�

He could feel her trying to resist a grin.

�I still don�t approve, you know.�

He swallowed her groan. �God forbid...�

�Ron?�

�Yeah?�

�Shut up...�

Gladly.

They switched positions deftly, with the grace of a perfectly choreographed dance. Ron slid an arm behind her, resting his hand on the small of her back and pressing her small body to his, while the other hand reached in between them to undo the knot on her towel. He pulled away slightly to lock eyes with her as he let the offending piece of material slip down to the ground, noting the flush rising in her cheeks the longer he stared at her.

There was hunger in her eyes. She wasn�t holding back anymore, the way she had all those other times before, when she�d fretted over the sin they were about to commit. But they�d come to an unspoken agreement long ago. This was between them, and them only. No one else had to understand.

He took in the sight of her perfect body, reacquainting himself with the curves that were hers alone, all the secret treasures no one else but him could ever lay claim to. In spite of everything, this was one thing that couldn�t be taken away from him. From either of them.

God, he had never wanted anyone so badly as much as he wanted her. No one else could ever possibly come close. No matter how many girls offered themselves up to him, none of them would ever be Hermione. None.

He saw a corner of her mouth lift up ever so slightly into a grin. She reached out a hand and grabbed hold of his tie, then playfully pulled him towards her.

�You, Mr. Weasley, are a bit overdressed for the occasion.�

He laughed. �Oh no... we can�t have that, can we?�

�No,� she said, running her tongue across the length of his scar. No one had ever done that before. �We most certainly can�t...�

And it did not take long to remedy the situation. Together, they attacked each item of clothing one by one, tossing them aside haphazardly--Ron thought he saw one of his socks get thrown in the bath, but he could honestly say he couldn�t care less at that moment. He had other things to occupy him.

�I want all of your faculties intact,� she said. �If we have to draw this out until you�re sober, so be it.�

�Mmm... trust me, Miss Granger, I�m quite lucid now.�

He showed her exactly what he meant by placing his hand back on the small of her back. She gasped into his mouth when their bodies made contact, and pressed herself even more into him, then slid her hands in between them to run them down the smooth plane of his chest.

�Oh God,� he breathed.

Evidently, she was pleased with his reaction, because she moved his hands down to her hips, and pulled away an inch to give him a nod. She knew what he wanted; he knew it was because she wanted the same exact thing.

He lifted her up, hearing her hiss when her back made contact with the cool tiles. She arched into him, and he waited until she was comfortable before he plunged deep into her, shuddering at the magnificent sound of the loud cry that came deep from her throat. Her legs wrapped around his waist, a little too tightly, but he didn�t care.

A little discomfort was a small price to pay.

�Oh God, it�s been too long,� she moaned.

Indeed it had been. Months, in fact. Ron knew exactly how long, down to the hour. He knew, because the last time he had felt alive like this, felt anywhere close to being a living, breathing, feeling human being again, was when they�d made love the last time.

He plunged into her again, marveling at the way their bodies fit so perfectly. It was as if her body had molded itself to his, and no one else�s. Even the universe had seen fit to bring the two of them together.

Her breath was scalding hot in his mouth, forming words, incoherent words. His brain couldn�t register them, but they entered his bloodstream nevertheless, as potent and fierce as any drug. Together they rocked, skin sliding against skin, and for the first time tonight, he was actually happy to feel something.

When he was with her like this, he never wanted to be numb again.

Her cries splintered in his ears, blending with his, and he lost track of time as they both waited to come down from this exquisite high.

When his breath had somewhat settled, he looked up at her again. She was smiling at him, gently brushing away that damn lock of hair that always seemed to fall in his eyes.

At length she said softly, �I wish I could take all your nightmares away, Ron...�

He took her hand and pressed it to his lips, then gently set her back down on the ground.

�You do,� he said. �You�re the only one who can.�

�Don�t you ever wish we could go back to those simple days? When we were children and we didn�t know anything of war or death? We used to be so innocent...�

Ron couldn�t help but laugh. It seemed like a lifetime ago since he�d been innocent. He didn�t think he would ever get that innocence back, no matter how much time had passed by.

�What�s the use?� he said. �Can�t change the past.�

She looked at him with such sadness in her eyes. And he realized she had to be sad enough for the both of them, because he simply wasn�t capable of it anymore.

He leaned forward and kissed her, as much to avoid seeing that sadness in her eyes as to feel her unique magic once again.

�I should go,� he whispered.

�You don�t have to.�

He smiled, grateful for the gesture, but knowing he couldn�t take her up on the offer. He�d imposed on her enough.

�Yeah I do.�

He gave her one last kiss before gathering his things and heading for the door. She stopped him just before he stepped outside.

�It�s still in there, you know. I can see it.�

He looked back at her, puzzled. �What?�

�Your innocence,� she said. �They haven�t driven it out completely, Ron. Don�t forget that.�

He smiled his thanks. Maybe, just maybe she was right. Maybe there was still such a thing called hope.