Author�s note: once again, thank you to RedBlaze for letting me write another outtake in her universe. When an author creates a world this good, one can�t help but want to return to it again and again :).

Everyone came back from holiday just after the first of the year.

Hermione had only just begun to enjoy roaming the empty corridors and hallways when students started to arrive in a steady stream from the train station at Hogsmeade, all pink-cheeked and bright-eyed, with their laughter forming mist in the frigid air outside. It seemed as if the time at home with family had rendered them all completely immune from the reality that Harry, Ron, and Hermione still had to face day after day.

Then again, they were war mages, and war mages had a different reality than everyone else.

It had taken the whole of the two weeks for Hermione to get used to hardly seeing anyone in Gryffindor tower or about the castle. She�d found it difficult at first to adjust to the relative emptiness, particularly with Harry and Ron taking turns brooding over something or other in those first few days after everyone had left for home. Admittedly, she�d have to take at least some--perhaps even most--of the blame where Ron was concerned, but still, without those two to help her properly pass the time, the loneliness seemed overwhelming at times.

Eventually, though, she did come round to appreciate the solitude and quiet of the last two weeks. And the time alone ended up doing her wonders, helping her to get her jumbled, disjointed thoughts into some semblance of order. The ones that centered around Ron were the ones that gave her the most trouble of all.

But all of that was over now--or at least she hoped. She and Ron had come to a new understanding in their relationship, and she had a feeling that this time, it would be different. This time she would be stronger, and not lose sight of the fact that she was in a wonderful relationship with a wonderful man who was right for her. Nor would she lose sight of the fact that Ron was one of her very best friends in the whole world, and if anything ever took that friendship away from her, she�d fall to pieces.

This was the way it had to be; this was the way it was going to be.

Harry and Ron were late for dinner, as usual. They�d been awfully moody of late, especially as the end of the holidays drew near. Hermione reckoned that neither was looking forward much to everyone returning, and she couldn�t really blame them. By the end of the week, it was bound to be crowded and noisy again, so overwhelmingly noisy that it would be hard to even hear oneself think.

Ron seemed to dread the start of term even more than Harry did; it was almost as if he were taking offense that time had indeed marched on before he was ready to catch up with it. And he didn�t look good, either. In fact, he hadn�t looked good in days. He�d been pale and bleary-eyed for a while, and growing even more so as time went on. God knew Hermione didn�t want to recognize the signs at first, but now there was absolutely no turning away from it. The problem was, she knew exactly why he was like this. And she knew exactly what--who--was to blame.

She was.

Harry stifled a yawn as he reached the bottom of the boys� staircase. Behind him, Ron looked barely awake himself, and Hermione couldn�t help but wonder how long it would take the both of them to collapse into a near-coma sleep after they�d had a chance to refuel. They couldn�t go on like this. Sirius was starting to get worried, she knew it, and though he�d kept silent about it so far, surely it was as obvious to him as it was to her something had to be done--and soon.

�Come on, slowcoaches,� she said. �Have you two been napping all this time?�

�Hermione, we�re not six,� Ron said. �Harry and I went for a run just now. We�re a bit tired.�

�Again? Sirius made us run ten miles this morning!�

Ron shrugged. �We had a lot of stress to relieve, all right?�

She knew exactly what he meant, but wasn�t about to take the bait.

�That true, Harry?�

�You worry too much,� Harry said, then he took her by surprise by giving her a quick peck on the cheek.

Ron smirked and followed closely behind Harry, the both of them heading towards the portrait. Hermione watched them and shook her head. She hated being outnumbered by them.

�If I don�t worry about you two, then who else will?�

She ignored their laughter all the way to the Great Hall. But it all stopped--or at least, Ron�s laughter did--the minute they came upon the entrance. The house tables were nearly fully assembled by now, and Hermione knew that Ron�s eyes must have wandered to the same spot hers had just then.

His cheeky remark in the next instant confirmed it.

�Well... looks like loverboy�s back, Hermione.�

Normally she would have responded with a swift kick to his shins or at the very least, her best glare, but she was just not in the mood to get into it with Ron tonight. With as little emotion as possible, she said, �Save me a seat. There�s someone I have to welcome back first.�

She wasn�t prepared for the pain in Ron�s eyes when she turned to look at him. Hadn�t he been joking just moments before? Suddenly, she wasn�t sure anymore, and guilt stabbed at her when he brushed past her to make his way towards the Gryffindor table. She was about to go after him when she felt Harry put a hand on her shoulder.

�Go see Josh,� he said. �I�ll talk to him.�

Hermione nodded, though she didn�t feel one bit better. She watched Ron sink down onto the bench and begin scooping food onto his plate like an automaton. She kept hoping all along he would turn around and look at her--just once--but he never did. By the time she looked towards the Ravenclaw table, she saw that Josh had already spotted her, and was waving her over.

She gave him a smile and made her detour towards his table.

�Hello there,� he said. �Missed me?�

�Very much, yes.�

Her eyes were still fixed on a certain redhead at the Gryffindor table, however, betraying her words. But Josh, for his part, seemed oblivious enough.

�You can sit down for a bit, you know,� he said, patting the empty space next to him. �I know the headboy personally--I don�t think he�d mind.�

Hermione laughed and slid beside him.

�And would the headboy mind if I gave him a welcome home kiss?�

She leaned over to kiss him, but was surprised when he pulled away abruptly.

�Not here,� he whispered. �Later, when we�re alone.�

Several Ravenclaws that were sitting nearby sniggered under their breath. Despite Josh�s attempts to be discreet, Hermione knew it wouldn�t have been hard to have worked out what had just happened, especially when Josh had been so obvious in pulling away. Cho Chang, who happened to be sitting right across from Hermione, looked to have caught every word just now and offered a sympathetic smile.

�I�m sorry,� she said, trying to ignore everyone�s stares. �I was just... happy to see you, that�s all.�

�I�m happy to see you too, love. But not everyone has to be witness to that.�

Heads turned away swiftly when he looked up, but Hermione knew better. They were all watching, and all she wanted was to get out of the spotlight.

�I�d better get back to my table, Josh-�

�No, wait,� he said, just as she stood up to leave. �You�ll come by tonight, won�t you? I�ll meet you right outside the portrait.�

�Of course.�

He smiled, then lowered his voice. �I promise,� he said, �when we�re all alone, I�ll make up for all this time apart.�

�That sounds good.�

It did sound good. That was all he wanted, for them to be alone. It was perfectly understandable. Some people just weren�t comfortable with public displays of affection, and Josh just happened to be one of them. There wasn�t anything wrong with that, she reminded herself.

�Hermione...�

�Yeah?�

He was staring at her in a very odd way. Hermione was used to being scrutinized--it was a fact of life back when she had bushy hair and buck teeth--but she wasn�t used to being scrutinized by Josh. At least not like this.

�What is it?�

�Your uniform�s getting a little tight, isn�t it?�

Hermione looked down and smoothed the pleats on her skirt.

�I�m sorry?�

He nodded towards her jumper. �My God, what exactly do they have you doing at those training sessions?�

�They do work us pretty hard,� she said.

�Apparently.�

There was a coldness to his voice that she didn�t recognize. She knew they�d had differing views on one or two things before, but he�d never used that particular tone with her, not even when they�d disagreed greatly on something.

�Are you trying to tell me something, Josh?�

�Oh, it�s nothing, love,� he said, but his laugh seemed a bit too dismissive to be believed. �It�s just that... well, you should probably tell them to take it easy on you, don�t you think? You are a witch, after all. Muscles may look perfectly natural on a wizard, but I�m sure you don�t want to end up looking like one, do you?�

She was sure he didn�t mean for the words to come out the way they did, but nevertheless, they stung far worse than a slap to the face. Hermione�s eyes flashed towards the Gryffindor table; Ron had turned around for a brief second, but he�d already turned his back to her again by the time she tried to meet his gaze.

�I�ll see what they have to say about that,� she said. �I really should get back.�

�All right, then. See you later.�

�Right.�

She forced a smile, but he didn�t seem to be able to tell the difference. And as he smiled back at her, as if nothing extraordinary had just happened, Hermione realized that Josh Devon didn�t know her at all.

Not at all.

Ginny had once asked her what it was that had drawn her to Josh. Hermione thought the answer would have been quite obvious.

She had first met him in third year, in Arithmancy class. They hadn�t interacted much at that time; he was a shy, quiet boy who seemed to blend into the crowd all too frequently, and Hermione had had her hands full with much larger things even then. But she�d learnt then that beneath the shy exterior was an exceptionally bright mind, one of the brightest she�d come across here at Hogwarts.

It wasn�t until Professor Sinistra had paired them on a project together a few months ago that Hermione had a chance to get to know him. She realized now she hadn�t exactly been altogether there at that time; it had only been weeks after she�d found out about Ron�s betrayal, and looking back she had been in a sort of fog then, desperate to claw her way out. Josh had been her way out.

He was everything Ron wasn�t. Studious. Refined. Cultured. She could have serious conversations with him about art and literature and politics--things she would never have got Ron to even talk about, let alone discuss in great depth.

They really were perfect for each other. In every single way.

If only she hadn�t already fallen in love with someone who was all wrong for her.

Hermione wasn�t naive enough to think her relationship with Josh was flawless, though, and since the start of term, that fact was becoming increasingly more apparent. Painfully so. Though he hadn�t mentioned it since, his comment about her training still haunted her weeks later. She knew he was probably just too polite to bring it up again, but it was obvious it was on his mind. It was obvious in the way he touched her--or didn�t touch her.

Not that they made love all that often to begin with, but it seemed lately he didn�t have any desire to even broach the subject. He tried to ease her mind with excuses that he was busy with schoolwork, and headboy duties, and other things he thought to find excuses for, but she could tell by the way he looked at her that none of it was true.

She knew she had never been the type to be considered beautiful; she�d learnt that in first year when girls like Lavender and Parvati had been the ones to draw all the attention. But at least she had been desirable to someone once.

Although it seemed even that hadn�t been enough to hold onto him.

Fire crackled in the fireplace, and Hermione watched as the flames grew weaker among the dying embers. She wasn�t making any headway at all into her Transfiguration assignment, and though she knew it�d probably be best to just head up to bed, she couldn�t make herself move from this spot, either.

She heard the muffled padding of feet coming down the boys� staircase. She was sure it would be Harry sneaking out to another rendezvous with Cho, but when she turned around, she was surprised to see it was someone else entirely.

�Ron...�

He was leaning against the wall, with his arms crossed, and watching her with a somewhat amused expression.

�Are you going to just stand there and stare at me?�

�I could think of worse things to do in the middle of the night,� he said. ��Course, I can think of far better things to do, too.�

If his objective had been to make her blush, he had certainly succeeded. Hermione tucked a lock of hair behind her ear as casually as she could, but Ron knew her too well; he must have known he had managed to make her feel uncomfortable.

�Did you have a special reason for being up and about, or have you just come here to be a nuisance?�

He laughed.

�A nuisance, eh?� he said. �Well, that�s a new one. And to answer your question, yes, I did have a special reason for being up and about.�

�And what would that be?�

�I saw you from the top of the stairs, still working on that damn assignment. Aren�t you going to go to bed yet? You know Sirius wants us out on the pitch at five-thirty sharp. If you go now, you can still manage a good five and a half hours of beauty sleep.�

�Thanks for your concern, Ron, but I�ll manage.�

She thought that would be enough to send him upstairs, but apparently, she had underestimated him, just as she always seemed to. He crossed the room, then pulled out a chair and turned it towards him, and straddled it.

�Please have a seat,� she said, arching her eyebrow at him.

�Don�t mind if I do, thanks,� he said. Then his tone grew serious. �What�s wrong?�

�What makes you think something is wrong?�

She looked away from him, turning her attention back to the books in front of her, but it wasn�t long before she felt his fingers underneath her chin, making her flinch at first, before she eased into his touch and let him gently turn her face towards his so that she met his gaze again.

�Call it a hunch.�

It was only then that she had noticed just how tired he looked, even more so than he had in the last few weeks. Hermione wasn�t sure whether it was merely the bad lighting from the dying fire, but she hadn�t seen him this pale in a long time.

�You look awful, Ron.�

He withdrew his arm immediately, then straightened, clearly offended by what she said. �Wow, thanks, Hermione. I never get tired of you telling me I look like hell."

�You know that�s not what I meant,� she said. �And don�t swear.�

�Oh, for fuck�s sake,� he muttered.

She was about to scold him again when he started to get up altogether.

�You don�t look so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed yourself, come to that,� he said. �And I mean that in the nicest way possible, of course.�

Hermione shook her head. Some things never changed.

�Of course.�

�Look,� he said, letting out a sigh and sitting back down again. �I know when something is bothering you. And I know you don�t exactly fancy spilling your guts out, but it�s me. I�m your friend, you know that. Talk to me.�

She had planned not to break. After all, this was hardly worth mentioning anyway, and Ron would surely make a bigger deal out of it than was necessary. In fact, she was sure this was exactly the kind of thing he�d pounce on; it seemed he was always looking to find fault with something that Josh said or did.

But then he reached out to close his hand over hers and she remembered that as embittered and hardened as Ron Weasley had become in the last year, somewhere deep inside there was still that little boy, the one with a gentleness and sweetness that could put anyone at ease in an instant.

She trusted those eyes. She trusted them more than anything else in the world.

�Ron, be honest with me,� she said. �Do you think... do you think that women shouldn�t be war mages?�

�What?�

�Do you think it should be something that�s best left to wizards?�

�What in God�s name would make you ask that?�

She sighed. �Just answer my question, all right?�

�Of course it shouldn�t just be left to wizards,� he said. �You heard what Sirius said. Witches are quicker and more nimble. A woman war mage is an asset in a fight.� He leaned over and grinned. �And besides, I think it�s kind of attractive the way you can kick my arse so easily.�

She shot him a look of disgust.

�That�s not funny.�

�What?� he said, obviously taken with himself for having made such a clever joke. �Why are you so upset? You�re always going on about how I�m not as invincible as I think I am.�

That was it. This was a bad idea to begin with. She knew she never should have opened up to him. Without even giving him a second glance, she began to close her books and gather the quills and parchment, but he stilled her wrist.

�What�s this all about, Hermione? Wait a minute, did... did Josh say something to you?�

�Why would you automatically assume that?� she snapped. �What is it with you always trying to paint him in a bad light?�

�Take it easy, would you?� he said. �It was an educated guess. You�re upset. Is it so illogical for me to think that it could have something to do with your boyfriend?�

She didn�t answer him, only busying herself with putting the stoppers back into the ink bottles.

�I take it by your deafening silence he did say something.�

She felt his hand on her arm again, this time to give her a gentle tug so she would sit back down.

�I don�t know, maybe he�s right,� she muttered.

�I highly doubt that-�

�I�m not in the mood for this, Ron.�

�I�m sorry,� he said. �I�m sorry, just tell me what he said, all right?�

When her hair had been longer, it had been a habit of hers to run her hands through the thick locks when she was nervous; now she couldn�t and she didn�t know what to do with her hands, other than place them in her lap and stare at them.

�He said that... maybe I should ask Sirius to take it a bit easier on me.�

�What? What the hell for??�

�Because all this training is... Josh doesn�t seem to think I look too lady-like these days.�

�Son of a bitch-�

�Ron!�

�I�m sorry, Hermione,� he said, �there�s no delicate way of saying that your boyfriend�s a bastard.�

�You keep talking like that and I�m going to leave-�

�Wait-�

He reached out for her arm again, and for a few seconds, she was torn between following through by marching upstairs and staying here with him.

�I�ll behave, I promise.� His eyes were pleading with hers not to go, and finally, he released her arm. �I just... I hate the fact that he�s hurt you like his.�

�Well,� she said quietly, �me too.�

She sat back down and drew her knees up to her chest, resting her chin on them.

�I don�t think he meant it in a bad way... I mean, he�s just concerned, that�s all...�

Ron shook his head. �Why are you making excuses for him?�

�Because, I... I love him, Ron...�

The words seemed too much for him to bear because he broke off the eye contact immediately.

�Well if he loved you,� he said, �he�d see that you�re fucking beautiful the way you are.�

For once, his swearing didn�t put her off. She looked up at him and smiled.

�You mean it?� she said.

His eyes swept over her face, as if to familiarize himself with every feature once more. She was so caught up in his penetrating gaze that she hadn�t even noticed when he raised her hand to her cheek, and just barely brushed it with the back of his fingers.

�How can you even ask me that?� he murmured.

�You really think I�m beautiful?�

�More than anything I�ve ever seen in my life...�

The distance between them had shrunk, getting even smaller by the second, and gradually, Hermione became aware that it was she who was closing the gap.

By the time she kissed him, she�d given up trying to rationalize anything. Ron�s hand slipped behind her neck, pulling her even closer, and she felt him shift his position so that he could bring his other hand to the small of her back.

He wasn�t pushing her away. And Hermione was just beginning to give into the moment when suddenly, the lifeline was cut off.

�What�s... what�s going on here, Hermione?� he said, his breath heavy and warm on her face. �What are we doing?�

She smiled and leaned in to kiss him again. �I think it�s obvious what we�re doing, isn�t it?� she whispered against his mouth. �Especially to you, of all people-�

She didn�t expect him at all to push her off, however gently.

�Wait a minute... what happened to us just being friends?�

�We are friends.�

�Friends who happen to have a good snog once in a while?�

�God, Ron, you make it sound so horrible!� she said, breaking away from him, then walking over to the fireplace to poke at the ashes with a rusty rod.

�I just want to get things straight here, Hermione.�

She whirled around to face him again.

�I thought you wanted this? Isn�t this what you wanted?�

He shook his head. �That�s... that�s not the point, is it?�

And suddenly, Hermione felt like the biggest fool in the world. Being rejected by Josh had been humiliating enough; she never in a million years would have expected Ron to do the same.

�No, of course that�s not the point. What was I thinking?� She turned back to the fireplace, feeling her eyes sting, knowing full well it wasn�t because she was standing so close to the flames. �I mean, you come down here, stroking my ego and throwing out double entendres... Silly me for misinterpreting it all! Anybody else wouldn�t have got the wrong impression!�

�Hermione...�

�You what�s really funny, Ron? How you can fall into bed so easily with someone--anyone--but I kiss you and suddenly I�m a scarlet woman!�

She could almost feel his shock at those words. It was a low blow, and she knew it, but it was too late to take it back now.

�I never said that-�

�No,� she said, �you didn�t have to, did you?�

She heard him come up behind her, waited for him to put his hands on her shoulders, but he didn�t. He was clearly holding back.

�And you�re not just anyone, Hermione,� he said quietly. �Look, I�m sorry. I�m obviously not handling this well at all, but this is turning out to be even harder than I thought it would be. I meant what I said before, though. I need you as a friend. I�m not going to risk fucking that up again. And if I kiss you right now...�

He turned her back around, lifting her chin up to look her in the eyes.

�If I kiss you right now, that�s exactly what would happen. You�d end up hating me, I know it. And I wouldn�t be able to take that.�

There were tears that had got away from her; she felt them trickle down her cheeks, and she reached up to swiftly brush them away before he had the chance to comment on them.

�Fine time you picked to start being noble, Ron Weasley,� she said coldly, deciding she�d had enough of this for one night.

She was leaving.

�Wait-�

He�d attempted once again to grab hold of her arm, but she jerked it away from him before he could.

�Don�t touch me!� she said. �I think you made yourself perfectly clear just now. Don�t worry, Ron, I got the message, all right.�

�Hermione, don�t be this way-�

She brushed by him roughly to go back to the table to gather her things. �Leave me alone!�

�Hermione!�

�To hell with all of you!!�

She didn�t need any of them. Josh, Ron, anyone. No one was ever going to make her feel worthless ever again.

Ron had been right. It had been a bad idea to say up so late when they had to get up so early the next morning. In the darkness, she heard her small alarm clock ticking away noisily, reminding her that she had only a few more hours to get some kind of sleep.

But it was useless.

Over and over, the argument with Ron played in her mind, until it became like a bad Muggle film that never seemed to end. As bad as she had felt the last few weeks after what Josh had said, none of it compared to what she was feeling now, knowing that she�d had yet another blowout with her best friend. Rows had always been common between them, but lately it seemed to take so much more out of her to recover from them.

The curtains on her bed were drawn, and she could see that her roommates were all sleeping soundly. She felt a pang of envy as she watched them; she wished for once she could know what it was like not to have a care in the world. It seemed so long since she had felt that way.

This wasn�t going to do her any good staying in bed when her mind simply refused to shut down and let her forget about everything for a few blessed hours. Being in here only made her feel like a caged bird, and if she didn�t get out of here, she�d go mad. Keeping an eye on her sleeping roommates, she sat up, then slipped out of bed, not even bothering to slip on her robe, though it was freezing without the warmth of her thick blankets.

She didn�t quite know what possessed her to leave her room, nor leave Gryffindor tower altogether. She thought for sure she�d be caught after the fat lady expressed her surprise a little too loudly at Gryffindor�s prefect being out of bed this late, but somehow Hermione had managed to calm her down and more importantly, get her to promise not to tell anyone she had gone.

The corridors were so eerily quiet at this hour; even the ghosts seemed to have retired for the night, because as much as she dreaded running into Peeves or Sir Nick unexpectedly, there didn�t seem to be any sign of them whatsoever. Hermione hadn�t exactly planned where to go after she�d left the tower, but it seemed her feet knew which way to go nevertheless, and after a long time of lurking beneath the shadows, listening intently for those tell-tale footsteps from Filch, she finally found herself in a familiar place: the third floor corridor.

It seemed as if she had stood before the door of that empty classroom for a long time, shivering against the draft of the chill air. Part of her wanted to turn away and head back to the warmth and safety of her bed, but the other, the more insistent part of her, wanted to stay rooted to the spot. At last, she realized standing out here would only make her vulnerable to being discovered by someone, and so she pushed the heavy door open and went inside, whispering a locking spell first, and then a silencing spell for good measure.

God, it really was a dreadful place. Full of dust and dirt, and broken furniture that had long since seen useful days. Not the kind of place girls dreamed of losing their virginity in, and yet that�s exactly what it had been for her. This was the place where everything changed for her and Ron.

Irrevocably.

Suddenly she heard the door handle jiggle, and she spun around with a gasp. She hadn�t been imagining it; someone was trying to open the lock, and panicked, she fled to the darkest corner of the room and waited for whoever it was to go away. After a few seconds, however, silence filled the room again, and she decided it wouldn�t hurt to take a peek from her hiding place.

There was nothing there. She could have sworn she�d heard the door open and shut, but there was nobody in the room with her, not even a nasty little poltergeist, or Filch�s cat. Slowly, she emerged from the shadows, only to let out a scream when she saw the air before her ripple and Ron emerge from Harry�s invisibility cloak.

�What you think you�re doing-�

�Shh!!� he said, placing a hand on her mouth to muffle her voice. �Let me do the silencing spell first, or we�re both dead!�

She broke away from him as soon as he had uttered the words.

�What are you doing, scaring me half to death like that? You could have got me caught!�

�I�m not the one who was practically screaming at the top of her lungs!� Ron shot back. �It�s a wonder the whole castle hasn�t woken up!�

�Oh don�t be so melodramatic,� she said. �What are you doing here, anyway?�

�Funny, I was about to ask you the same thing. It�s the middle of the night, Hermione!�

�Yes, I�m well aware of that.�

He arched his eyebrow, but she ignored him.

�I couldn�t sleep. I came here to... be alone.�

Ron didn�t say anything. He was looking around, as if only just now realizing where they were. Hermione knew she wouldn�t have to explain.

�How did you know I was here?�

�I didn�t,� he said, tossing the invisibility cloak onto a nearby chair. �I snuck into your room and saw that your bed was empty, and I panicked. I�ve been looking everywhere for you! I was about to give up and go back to wake Harry when I saw Mrs. Norris skulking about, sniffing at the door. Bloody hell, you�re lucky Filch didn�t come in here and haul you up to McGonagall for being out of bed!�

She must have been staring at him, because he narrowed his eyes just then.

�What?�

�Nothing, just... what were you doing in my room?�

�I... wanted to apologize,� he said quietly.

�You... what?�

�For earlier,� he said. �I shouldn�t have... Look, I feel horrible, all right? Josh was already giving you a shit time, and you were feeling rejected, and here I go making you feel even worse-�

�It�s okay-�

�No, it�s not okay!� he said.

He strode over to the desk and leaned against it, kicking its legs behind him with such a force that Hermione nearly jumped out of her skin.

�I�m always telling myself that I won�t let anything hurt you, and then I�m the one who ends up hurting you the worst. I hate it!�

�You were right, Ron.�

He raised his head to look at her, obviously taken aback by what she had just said.

�I�m what?�

�You were right. We promised that we wouldn�t...�

God, she couldn�t even say the words. Had things between them got this bad that she couldn�t even bring herself to say the words out loud?

�We promised that we wouldn�t do anything to ruin our friendship,� she said, �and I almost messed that all up! I... I don�t know what possessed me--I shouldn�t have done any of it...�

Ron actually recoiled, as if the words themselves had caused a physical blow, and instantly, she cursed herself for being so careless with what she said.

�I mean, I... obviously lost my head... Honestly, I don�t know what I was thinking-�

�So you�re saying it was all a mistake.� His voice sounded so cold that it scared her. �Kissing me was a mistake.�

�Isn�t that what you think?�

He let out a strangled laugh. �Right, of course,� he said. �And hey, why compound the mistake with another one, right? I�d better go-�

�No, wait!!�

�What for?�

This wasn�t the way it was supposed to be. Not again. How could she do this to him again?

�Because I need to make you understand,� she said.

�I understand, Hermione. Understanding it isn�t the problem.�

This game was never going to be over, she realized. Not as long as she kept pulling him towards her, only to push him back at arm�s length again. They couldn�t keep doing this. Something had to give.

�This is exactly why we can�t do this, don�t you see that? I can�t stand hurting you like this, Ron! I can�t stand seeing you look at me that way. I need to stop leading you on-�

�Is that what this is all about?�

He was looking at her strangely now, as if he had just put together the pieces of a particularly challenging puzzle. Hermione absently took a step back as he slowly approached her.

�I... keep giving you the wrong idea...�

Hermione had unwittingly backed into the wall, and Ron seemed to have made that realization at the same time, because he leaned into her and grinned.

�And what is that, exactly?�

Why was he testing her? Why was he making her say the words?

�That I... that you and I...�

�That you and I have something that can�t just be shoved aside?�

She needed to be strong. Now more than ever she needed to be strong. She�d already slipped badly earlier; she wasn�t about to let it happen a second time.

�Friendship,� she said, rather lamely.

�Yes,� he said, knowing full well it wasn�t what she truly meant, �friendship.�

Ron caught hold of a strand of hair, running the length of it between his fingers before brushing the back of his hand down her cheek. Hermione tried hard not to react, but couldn�t help the shudder that escaped her upon his touch.

�You�re trembling.�

�It�s cold.�

�I can change that.�

�I thought you said we should stick to our agreement...�

He smiled. �That was before I found out that you�re just afraid of leading me on.�

He leaned in further, and instinctively, Hermione closed her eyes, waiting for the brush of his lips across hers, but instead, she felt his hot breath travel from her pulse point to her ear.

�In case you haven�t noticed, Hermione,� he murmured, his voice humming on her skin, �I�m a big boy now. I don�t need you to protect me.�

�I don�t want you to get hurt...�

�Pain�s a part of life. Can�t get away from it.�

He said the words so matter-of-factly that she turned her head to look him in the eyes.

�I don�t want to be the one to hurt you, Ron.�

Without breaking the gaze, he said softly, �It�s too late for that.�

She thought she had actually felt her heart shatter into a million pieces at the words. This was her doing. This was both of their doing. They had created this mess for themselves, and there was simply no way out of it now.

They were both in too deep.

She didn�t push him away when he bent down to kiss her, instead willingly taking in all the emotion he poured into the act, all the hurt and regret. She let him release it all, in the process, setting free her own inhibitions.

�Tell me you don�t want this and I�ll walk away,� he said hoarsely against her mouth. �I�ll go, I will...�

She squeezed her eyes shut. Every rational part of her being was screaming at her to say the words, but she just couldn�t bring herself to do it. As if sensing her conflict, he pulled away, his hands still cupping her face.

He was waiting for her to make the next move.

�I... don�t want you to go...�

It was all it took to break is will. Bracing herself against the wall, she slid one arm around his waist, and the other around his neck, pulling him closer. His lips made shapes against her skin, words she knew not only by sound, but by feel.

Love. Cherish. Always.

They were words she rarely ever heard from Josh, let alone in an intimate moment such as this one. And she realized, it was why she always went back to Ron, no matter how little it made sense to do so, no matter how many lives she was toying with by doing so.

His expert hands roamed her body, shedding clothes and reacquainting themselves with all the familiar paths that only he had ever been allowed to travel. His fingers glided gently over the curves of her muscles, as if to worship every single line and angle to remove any lingering doubt that they were anything less than beautiful.

That�s what it was all about tonight. It was about Ron reminding her that she was beautiful to him. That she always would be.

And he reminded her with his hands, and his mouth, and every loving thrust of his body. Hermione clung to him until they both came undone, and it was a while before the world was still once more.

Outside the clouds had already begun to break apart to make way for dawn. Hermione had been resting her cheek in the crook of Ron�s shoulder, but felt him begin to stir, and she raised her head to look at him. He smiled at her, brushing the hair from her face before kissing her nose and releasing her back to the ground.

�It�s going to be hell having to be out there in a little while, isn�t it?� he said, laughing softly. �We�ll be dead tired. Sirius is going to have our heads for sure if we�re not able to finish our laps.�

Hermione leaned her head back against the wall and shut her eyes.

�I won�t tell if you won�t,� she said.

She heard him laugh again and place a kiss on her collarbone.

�You okay?� he said.

�Mmm, much better,� she said. �Not at all ready for a morning of hard training, but... much better.�

�Good.�

�Ron?�

�Yeah?�

�Thank you.�

She opened her eyes again and saw him smiling back at her.

�Anytime, beautiful.�