With or Without You
By Jedi Adia

Summary: Christian's thoughts in the time preceding Spectacular, Spectacular

Disclaimers: Moulin Rouge belongs to Baz Luhrmann and "With or Without You" belongs to U2.

Christian sat in the window of his flat, staring at the Moulin Rouge across the street. He almost felt as if she were looking back at him. She was nothing like the rest of them. Even though she'd denied it at first, she could love. And she loved him...as he loved her.

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

He wanted so much to take her away from this place. She didn't belong here, under someone else's control, being forced to try and make men want her. Some of them really did want her. Like the Duke that Satine had first thought Christian was. But could the Duke really love her the way she was meant to be loved? Christian didn't think so. Profit was the Duke's only love.

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you

The Moulin Rouge was poisoning Satine. No one knew anything of Christian's virtues - truth, beauty, freedom, and love. They used beauty against the other three. Satine herself had told Christian she couldn't love. "But you can," Christian said, as he looked out the window now. "This bond between us...is one of love."

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you

Christian looked up at the hole in his ceiling, through which the Argentinian had fallen. His encounter with the Argentinian and the other Bohemians had forever changed his life. They had brought him to Satine.

Christian sighed. He couldn't get her off of his mind. With the pretense of working on the play, he went over to look for her. He didn't have to look very far, for when he entered the Moulin Rouge, she was walking in his direction. They walked toward each other, and all the while, Christian held out his hand.

"Christian...", Satine said, "we can't do this..."

This took Christian by surprise. What was she thinking? He felt as if he barely knew the woman standing before him, even though they got to know each other in a way neither of them thought possible. "Can't - can't do this? Satine...how can you say that?" Christian asked. "Satine, we have something so powerful that nothing can come between us!"

"No, Christian," she said, as if talking to a child, "we have nothing." She took a breath and pushed on. She had to do this; it was the only way. "I've chosen the Duke."

Christian's mind reeled. "So I was just one of your playthings, is that it?"

"No..." Satine vehemently shook her head.

"I see it in your eyes, Satine...you can't lie," Christian said, as tears came to his eyes. He reached into his pocket, and pulled out all the money he had. "Here," he said, throwing it at her, "take it."

Satine closed her eyes as she refused him.

"Why won't you let me pay you?" Christian asked. "Satine..."

"I can't..." Satine whispered. "I just can't." She turned away and fled back in the direction from which she had come.

Christian rushed back to his flat, leaving the money where he'd thrown it. Spectacular, Spectacular had come to life. But the courtesan had chosen the maharajah.

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

My hands are tied
My body bruised, she's got me with
Nothing to win, and
Nothing left to lose

He knew he couldn't go back. He couldn't watch her with the Duke, knowing what would happen later, after the play. Maybe she was right. She couldn't love. Not without a price, anyway. Christian paid that price and now felt as if he were falling apart. He had believed in their love, and it had blinded him to everything that was really happening.
Satine's illness...the Duke driving himself between them...the life Satine led. Christian tried to convince himself that it was all nothing. Deep down, he really did believe that. That belief drove him back to the Moulin Rouge, even though he knew he could be killed. But to him, his love for Satine was worth dying for.

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you

He would never dream it would end so quick. She was dying before he knew she had so little time. His tears mingled with the blood on her lips, his sobs mingled in the air with her whispered words. He couldn't live without her. She'd brought meaning to his existence, love to his life. He needed her. How could he go on without her?

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you

He wrote their story a year later. The story of the penniless poet and the woman he loved, the star of the Moulin Rouge. When she died, he wondered how he would ever go on without her. He did go on, though, and he gave everything he had to their story, right up to the final two words - the end. Their story ended there. But their love was one that would live forever.