GUY- Your typical college age guy.
GIRL- Your typical college age girl.
GUY
Oh hi, don't I know you?
GIRL
Who? Me?
GUY
Yes, you. Aren't you in one of my classes?
GIRL
I don't know, maybe.
GUY
Yes you are, you sit in the front next to the blond girl and that guy that always wears the same hat.
GIRL
You?re right I do, that hat is weird isn't it? You're in that class?
GUY
Yeah, I'm the one that sits in the back and answers all the questions.
GIRL
Oh, now I recognize you. So do you like that class?
GUY
Kind of. I like the subject matter but the professor can make it so boring sometimes.
GIRL
I know.
GUY
But occasionally he will also say something that is so brilliant it makes you stop and really rethink everything.
GIRL
Exactly, sometimes the things he says just make all the boring and useless stuff he says worth it.
GUY
Yeah, he may not be the best teacher but he is so smart that is scares me sometimes.
GIRL
Some of the things you say are pretty smart too.
GUY
Thanks. That's nice to hear from someone else in the class. I'm always afraid of being considered annoying for all my comments.
GIRL
You're not annoying at all, you are one of the best parts of the class.
GUY
Thanks.
GIRL
You're welcome. I just wish I had the guts to say things in class, I feel bad sometimes asking questions and I'm always afraid of looking like an idiot.
GUY
Never be afraid to ask questions. My parents taught me that, and I think it has done me well. I was definitely not one of those ?A good child is seen and not heard? kids.
GIRL
I could tell.
GUY
Thanks., I think.
GIRL
No it was a compliment, you seem like you are always having a good time. Even in class.
GUY
Having fun is what I consider to be my outlook on life.
GIRL
That's a good outlook to have.
GUY
I agree, hence why I have it.
GIRL
Right, well anyway I have to get going. I have to meet some friends for dinner. I?ll see you in class.
GUY
See you then.
(GIRL exits)
I'll be looking forward to it.
(GUY exits)
(GUY enters)
GUY
So I met this girl, and we started talking. She seemed to be really interesting and so I decided to pursue it a little further. After talking to her and getting to know her better I found her out to be everything I thought she would be and more. She is so amazing. I don't know what it is about her, but whenever I hang out with her I feel; I don't know how to describe it. I just feel better. It doesn't really matter what is going on or how I am feeling. When I am with her I just feel so good inside, and all over. She is beautiful and wonderful and amazing and great and everything else. I can't tell you exactly what it is about her; all I know is that she is perfect. When she smiles I smile. I find myself thinking about her at random times and my heart lifts. What she does to me and my feelings can't be explained. I didn't think I could ever really feel like this. Sure I had a crush or two before, but nothing really like this. This is what it must feel like. I'm in love. For the first time in my life I'm in love. And I like this feeling. I just want to spend as much time with her as possible and get to know her as well as any guy can know any girl. It's as simple as that.
(GUY exits)
(GUY and GIRL enter)
GIRL
Hi, did you just call me?
GUY
Oh yeah. I left a message
GIRL
I got it. You wanted to tell me something?
GUY
Yeah, but it wasn't anything important.
GIRL
Are you sure? You sounded worried or something in your message.
GUY
It was nothing. Don't worry about it.
GIRL
Okay, well what did you want to talk to me about?
GUY
Oh nothing, I just had a question about the homework. It can wait until later.
GIRL
Oh, good. Because I am on my way out.
GUY
Really? Where are you headed?
GIRL
I'm going to the movies.
GUY
You are? With who?
GIRL
Oh that guy I was telling you about. He is really nice.
GUY
Oh him.
GIRL
Yeah, I really like him, he is such a great guy.
GUY
Oh, that's good to hear. So you like this guy?
GIRL
I think so. Whenever I'm around him I just feel happier. Do you ever get that feeling with anyone?
GUY
Well there is this one girl. But I don't know what to say.
GIRL
Then I say go for it. It can't hurt to try. But anyway I have to go. See you around.
GUY
Bye.
(GUY and GIRL exits)
(GUY enters)
GUY
(Talking on a cell phone) Oh, umm hey, it's me. I just um, wanted to talk to you about something, something kind of important. I-I just wanted to tell you something, and umm I was wondering if you could call me back when you get this message. I guess I'll talk to you later. (Closes the Cell Phone and looks at it.)
(Talking at the Cell phone) I can't believe what I am saying, but I might as well come right out with it. I Love You! I can't believe I said that. It has taken me such a long time to say that, but I just said it. It is amazing how simple that sentence is. Three simple words, none longer than 4 letters, two of which are so simple that they are sometimes left out of sentences completely. It's the tricky second word. Love. Four little letters, such a simple word. You hear it from the very beginning of life. I guarantee the first thing I ever heard was my parents saying how much they love me. I may not remember it, but they did. Growing up I learned to say it at all the right times. To my Grandmother and aunts and to my parents before I went to bed. And about Jesus and God on Sundays.
But then something happened. To some people it happened early, but to me it happened very late in life. Not until I was well into high school. That word, that simple word, suddenly had a much deeper meaning. Tossing it around casually to my relatives was one thing, but in other circumstances it could not have been more different. It could have been a girl I met in class one year, or at a dance, or that girl that I had known forever and suddenly realized how amazing she really was. At some point it happened though. At some point I just knew it, and I wondered how I had ever lived before. She is that one person for me, and I don't know how I had ever lived before I met her.
Sure, I had crushes before, one I remember very vividly. We met through a mutual friend in High School. She was amazing, or so I thought. I was struck by her, and nothing I could do would change that. She wasn't interested in me, and for almost two years I just kind of sat around not doing anything. We became good friends, and eventually I realized what a fool I had been. That was just puppy love hitting a high school sophomore full on.
Now this girl; she was different. I met her at the beginning of freshman year. We were in a few classes together and we had a so much in common. So we got to know each other better. I am not sure when I actually fell in love with her. I guess it was a gradual process. Starting off we were just friends, but after a while I started to realize how great she was. She was amazing, absolutely amazing. If I could just tell her how I felt it would work, and everything would be better. It was just a simple matter of telling her. Unfortunately, Love is not simple. And things got complicated.
I coule never really get around to telling her how I felt. I was weak, and I was scared, and to tell the truth; besides the prom and other formal dances in high school; I had never gone on a date with a girl. And even those weren't really dates, considering half of them were with friends. So whenever I though about telling her how I felt I got extremely nervous, and ended up not saying anything and feeling sick to my stomach. I think I'm weak, but to quote a friend, The weak do not take on the pain of love.
So while I sat wallowing in my own self-pity engrossed by how much of a loser I was, she went out and met a guy. And it tourtured me. Watching them together was complete and total agony. That was a rough patch for me I had no idea what to do. I wanted to kill him, but he made her happy and I wouldn't want to do anything that would hurt her. Then they broke up. I really don't want to get into that. But needless to say I wasn't very upset, except over what it did to her. Seeing her get so upset made me upset. More than anything else I wanted her to be happy. Well more than anything except for her to be happy while being with me. Is that too much to ask?
After they broke up I seized my opportunity. Really I did. I marched right up to her and expressed how I felt for her. It was a glorious moment with much tears and rejoicing and a kiss out of a crappy Hollywood romantic comedy. Right. I wish. What I really did was secretly harbor my feelings for her, until such time as I grew enough bal - got up the courage to tell her. Did that moment come? Not right away. In fact that moment still hasn't come.
But I've had enough of this. This is the moment for me. I have kept my mouth shut for too long. I am finally going to tell her how I feel about her and nothing is going to stop me. Tonight is the night. She has gotten over her ex, and I have been waiting for too long now. This night is my night. After tonight things will never be the same. After I tell her everything will be better, and we will be together and we will both be happy.
But who am I kidding? Why would a girl like that ever go out with a guy like me? She is absolutely amazing. She is smart and funny and beautiful and just absolutely amazing. But I don't think I can go on any longer without telling her. I'm a good guy, and I know we're good friends, so things could develop from there. I mean how she could say no after all that we have been through togeth...
(Reaches inside his pocket and pulls out a Cell Phone)
Hello? Oh hey you.. no, nothing much...nothing really;.OH. OH really, and what's his name? Have I met him before? No, oh, okay,..Really, did you have fun? ....That's good to hear. I called you earlier? Oh yeah I did, didn't I. I wanted to tell you something...something important? Oh umm, I was uh, joking, it was nothing important, I was just seeing what you were up to tonight. But I guess you and him are going out, so. Well, I hope the two of you have a great time. Call me later if you want to hang out afterward.... Well, have fun, and don't do anything stupid. I know you won't do anything stupid... Well I guess I'll talk to you later. Good luck, and have fun...Yeah call me later. Okay... Bye.
(GUY closes the cell phone, and looks at it for a second. He raises it quickly above his head as if to smash it, but thinks better of it. And with his hand shaking he sticks it in his pocket. He stands and is very apparently distressed. GUY exits.)
(GIRL and GUY enter)
GUY
Oh. I was just coming to see you.
GIRL
I was just on my way to see you.
GUY
Good thing we ran into each other then.
GIRL
We could have been searching for each other all night.
GUY
Eventually one of us would have called the other.
GIRL
But I don't think either one of us wanted that.
GUY
No I didn't think so.
GIRL
So how was your break?
GUY
Stressful, but I think we are both avoiding the subject.
GIRL
At least you had the guts to say that aloud.
GUY
Yeah. I figured it was better than standing here awkwardly.
GIRL
Anything would probably be better than standing here awkwardly.
GUY
I have to agree.
GIRL
So I think we should go somewhere and talk.
GUY
My roommates are having a little party. Going there may not be the best idea.
GIRL
Well my roommates are there, but I think I can convince them to leave.
GUY
I guess we could get the conversation started on the way.
GIRL
Yeah, it will prevent a very awkward and very long walk.
GUY
So do you want me to start, or do you want to start?
GIRL
I think it would be best if you started.
GUY
Okay, let's start walking and I'll start talking.
(GUY and GIRL exit.)
(GUY enters.)
GUY
This is it. This right here is the single most important thing in my life right now. The fate of this little letter will determine my fate. As soon as I put this letter in the mailbox I will have no control over its destiny. It will be out of my hands and into the very capable hands of the United States Postal Service. Neither Rain, nor sleet, nor dead of night will prevent this letter from getting to her. I hope. I don't know what I would do if this letter didn't get to her. I can only imagine what the wait is going to be like. But I have to do this. If only for my sanity.
I cannot explain how hard it was to write this letter. Strike that. This letter was easy to write. To actually write it was one of the easiest things I have ever done. It was so simple and the words just flew from my mind right onto the page. I think writing this letter was one of the best experiences of my life. It just felt so good to express everything that I feel for her. But at the same time I can barely force myself to re-read it. I did once, just to make sure that I didn't make a complete fool of myself. To make sure I didn't say anything extremely stupid. Don't get me wrong, half of this letter is probably very stupid, but it's all true. Everything I say in it.
I just hope she likes it. But I have no idea what is going to go through her head. Will it be a grand revelation to her? Will it confirm a sneaking suspicion she has had for a while? Or will it just be the final straw in a long wait for me to finally say something to her about how I feel? Somehow I think it will confirm a sneaking suspicion. I can't see her being completely oblivious. I mean no one can be that oblivious. Can they? And she can't really know how much I feel for her can she? If she did she wouldn't have let it go this long without saying something. She wouldn't have put me through this. If she knows how I feel and hasn't said anything she definitely isn't the girl I think she is. So she has to suspect there is something, but is she expecting this? I don't think she is suspecting this. I don't think even my closest confidants would expect this.
But what is she going to say? What is her reaction going to be? Will she be surprised will she be upset. Will she say yes? Will she say no? I don't know. I'm so nervous right now and I haven't even sent the letter. How will I be able to survive the next few days? I think I may need lots of distractions.
But she'll probably say no. I know it. Or am I just saying that to myself to keep my hopes low so I don't get crushed when she says no. Deep down inside do I really have the hope that only a hopeless romantic can feel. But can one grandiose gesture really win a woman's heart forever? I don't think so, but that doesn't stop me from hoping. Why can't life just be like all those movies where the guy gets the girl in that one grand move and they walk off into the sunset hand in hand ready to lead their blissful life together?
Gahhh! I just can't take it anymore. I want to go up to her and tell her how I feel. That I love her and that I have always loved her and that there is no one in the world I would rather be with right now than her. But I know that the second I see her I will enter that dumb state where I can't say a word and I just gawk and stare and mumble. And I know that I will never be able to express as eloquently aloud as I can in this letter. At least not to her. The letter says it so well. I love you, you are the most beautiful girl in the world and there is no one in the world I would rather spend time with than with you. Just the standard everyday, I can't possible imagine what my life would be like without you letter.
And I can say exactly what brought this on. It was this one night. I can still remember it clearly. She called me up, just to see if I wanted to hang out. And what was I going to say? No? Needless to say I jumped at the opportunity to spend any amount of time with her. But from the second I saw her I knew something was wrong, but not exactly what. So after trying to not talk about it for a long time she just looks up at me with this pained expression and her eyes and asks me quite simply for a hug. At that moment I was done. I would have done anything in the world for her at that point. The look in her eyes. I can't describe it, she was almost on the verge of tears, but there was something behind it even more, I don't know. I can't say what, and I don't know if I will ever actually be able to. Seeing that pain in her was causing so much pain in me and I would have moved mountains if it would make her feel better. For the first time in my life I think I really felt what it was like to truly care for someone that much, to truly need someone so much, to really, honestly, and truly love someone.
So I gave her the hug she so desperately needed, and then we got to talking, we talked about life and how she was doing and how she had been feeling and what was going wrong in her life. I could have talked to her for hours like that, it didn?t matter the subject matter, as long as this talking made her feel better it was all good for me. We could have talked about how the Julian calendar affected peasant life in Gaul for all I care. Just to be with her and have her bare her soul to me and me baring my soul back. It was one of the truly great moments of my life.
And then at the end as I was getting up to go she looked at me again gave me a very silly smile and put out her arms asking for another hug, and I of course obliged her. But this hug was different from the first. This was not a hug, it was an embrace. And it lasted at least two minutes, if not more. For two minutes I experience happiness. There I was, the girl of my dreams in my arms, and at that moment there was nothing in the world I could have wanted that wasn't there for me. I had it all and I never wanted to let go. But the moment did have to end, and then it did.
At that moment I resolved that I had to tell her how I felt, I knew she had to feel at least something toward me, how could she not after the moments we just shared. I knew myself well enough to know I could never tell her, so I decided to write a letter. And in this letter I have laid it all out pure and simple and now I must send it on its way. Now to find a mailbox.
(GUY exits.)
(GIRL and GUY enter)
GIRL
Oh, hey. How are things?
GUY
I'm doing fine.
GIRL
Look I just wanted to say...
GUY
No, you don't have to say anything. It's okay. I'm okay. You don't have to say anything.
GIRL
I just figured that I should...
GUY
Should what? Huh?
GIRL
Never mind. It's not important.
GUY
Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten mad at you like that.
GIRL
It's understandable.
GUY
I'm glad you agree. So what did you want to say?
GIRL
Never mind.
GUY
No come on and tell me, I really want to hear what you have to say.
GIRL
I just wanted to say that I am sorry.
GUY
Sorry? Sorry! As my little brother puts it so eloquently, sorry doesn't help.
GIRL
I don't know what else to say.
GUY
Then maybe you shouldn't say anything at all.
GIRL
You have a right to be angry.
GUY
I know I do.
GIRL
But you also have to take my feelings into account.
GUY
You don't think I have? That is all I thought about. I rearranged my schedule and did things just to make life easier for you.
GIRL
Maybe we just shouldn't spend time together right now. I'll go.
GUY
No that's okay. Don't leave. We can't keep avoiding each other forever.
GIRL
We do have class together tomorrow.
GUY
Just like every single day all year.
GIRL
But something tells me this one is going to be different.
GUY
Yes, very, very different.
GIRL
So what do we do about it?
GUY
I don't know, I guess we should just take it one day at a time.
GIRL
I think that's the best idea.
GUY
So do you want to go sit and talk for a bit.
GIRL
I guess that would be a good idea.
GUY
Let's just try to make it not weird.
GIRL
I don't know if that's possible.
GUY
I know. It probably isn't, but we should try.
GIRL
We definitely should at least try.
(GUY and GIRL exit.)
(GUY enters.)
GUY
(Looking up into the sky.) WHY?! Why does it hurt so much? Why do I feel this way if it is only going to cause me pain? Why do I have to suffer through all of this? What good does this pain do me? Huh? Can someone please explain that to me!
I told her how I feel, how often I feel it and how deep that feeling is. And what do I get? "You're one of my best friends." Well you know what, you're one of my best friends too, but that doesn't change the way I feel. From what I've been told, the person you love should also be your best friend. The way I see it, we're halfway there. Well, she's halfway there. I'm all the way there. I love her, I really do, with all of my being I love her, and what do I get? You know what I get, I get the "Let's be friends" talk.
It hurts me so much. Just being next to her is pain, but I subject myself to it almost every day. Why? Why do I do it? Because I hold onto the increasingly stupid hope that someway, somehow she will change her feelings. Then she will come to the realization that I am the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with. Then she finds me and falls into my arms and we live happily ever after in the suburbs with the 2 car garage, the 2.4 children and the golden retriever. Or maybe a chocolate lab. Or maybe not a Dog. Maybe a cat instead, or maybe some goldfish, it doesn't really matter. The only thing that matters to me is that she is there with me.
I just want to be with her all the time and I know that isn't possible. And that's what hurts the most. That thought that I will never really be able to hold her in my arms like I wanted to; like I still want to. I feel this ache inside sometimes. When I look at her I just want to reach out and put my arms around her and hold her forever. And now I will never get the chance. And I don't know if that has really hit home. I don't know what will happen to me when that actually happens.
I know that I'm not the first guy to feel like this. Far from it. I've heard that 95% of pop music comes from unrequited love, and from listening to the radio recently I have to agree. Those guys felt what I felt. But what does that actually mean to me? Is that supposed to help me in some way? I know that misery loves company, but what does the misery of some now middle-aged singer going to do to ease my pain right now? Absolutely nothing.
So now that she has said no am I just supposed to hit some imaginary switch and turn off these feelings? If there is such a switch please tell me about it and how to find it, because I guarantee there would be a HUGE market for it. It's not that simple and I know it. Sure I feel angry and hurt now, but how are things going to be in a week? In a month? Aren't their different stages to grief? When does the sorrow come in? Because I know at some point this is going to hit home and I'm going to end up alone in a corner of my bedroom sobbing hysterically. But that's not what I feel right now. Not at all. All I have right now is the anger and resentment. Sure some of it is directed at her, but I think more of it is directed at me.
I just keep thinking that there must have been something I could have done differently, something I could have said or that I could have given her that would have won her over. I guess this is the denial stage kicking in. There must be some way to do it, now I just have to find it and do it. But I know that's not true. Or at least I try to tell myself that it's not true. I think there will always be that doubt there. And I don't know if I will ever get rid of it, but I have to try otherwise I will beat myself up too much over it. No more of the maybes. Maybes can only cause you pain. To put in concisely; no dwelling.
So now I have to move on, and I think that may be the hardest part. Because I have spent so much time and invested so much of myself in this. But the dwelling is not helping so I need to do something. I think a stiff drink would be a good first step. I'll just find the solutions to my problems at the bottom of a bottle. My uncle would be proud.
(GUY exits.)
(GUY and GIRL enter.)
GUY
Hey.
GIRL
Oh, hi.
GUY
What are you doing here?
GIRL
I'm going to the party upstairs. I'm guessing that is why you're here too.
GUY
Yup. So how are things going with you?
GIRL
Things are good. How are things with you?
GUY
Oh things are looking up.
GIRL
That?s good to hear.
GUY
How are your classes?
GIRL
They are good. How are yours?
GUY
Kinda boring. But you know me and my lack of work habits.
GIRL
I certainly do. I remember some of our study sessions.
GUY
You mean the ones that devolved into you reading the book while my mind wandered all over the place until you had a question and asked me to help you with it?
GIRL
Those are the ones.
GUY
We had some good times at those study sessions.
GIRL
We did, didn't we?
GUY
Yeah.
GIRL
Well, I'm going to head inside.
GUY
I'm waiting for someone, but I will be right in.
GIRL
Waiting? I thought it was funny you were out here standing by yourself. Who are you waiting for?
GUY
A friend of mine.
GIRL
Friend?
GUY
Yes, she's just a friend, at least for now.
GIRL
Oh really, good luck with that. I really hope things turn out well for you.
GUY
So do I.
GIRL
Okay, I'll see you inside.
GUY
See you in a few.
GIRL
Bye.
(GIRL exits)
GUY
Bye.
(GUY exits.)
(GUY enters.)
GUY
The whole damn situation was complex. But I just couldn't dwell on it anymore. I resolved to stop doing this to myself. I had to do something or it would eat me out from the inside. So I started to deal, I moved on, I branched out and I think I really got something going. I met this new girl, and she was great and I'm planning on asking her out tomorrow. Sure you could say she was a lot like her. She's not as uptight, and from a purely unbiased perspective, she is much more attractive. And all my friend say that sheand I have much more in common and seem better together. And I feel better now than I have before and I really think that I have gotten over her. Or should I say I really thought that I had gotten over her. I don't know what actually happened or why it happened.
I went to a party last night and I fully expected her to be there. We know the same people and she even told me she was going to show up. That wasn't a big deal. We had been to parties together before, even after everything happened. And I may have freaked out and left once or twice, but that was before I met this new girl, and everything had been good. I had been good. I know longer thought about her all the time, and when I was with the new girl I didn't think about her at all. I was only thinking about the new girl and how great she was, but maybe I was deluding myself.
At this party something happened that got her upset, I'm not sure exactly what, but she came over to me and started talking about it. And I reassured her and told her that whatever it was it wasn't her fault. So there I was comforting her and hugging her and reassuring her, like I had done so many times before, but each time before it had been rough for me and this time was no different. I would do anything for her, including subjecting myself to that torture. That searing pain of being so close to her and realizing nothing can ever come of it. It just hurts so much inside, but if it makes her feel better it is all worth it.
Needless to say, as soon as she came up to me and we shared our moment I was out of it, I secluded myself by the door taking over the role of doorman. I could use it as an excuse for avoiding her. And besides someone had to guard the door, and since my night was already ruined I figured it wouldn't hurt me anymore to waste the night standing by the door. And so there I stood making sure only people I recognized were admitted to the party.
People would come up to me and ask me what was wrong, why I was guarding the door, and why I wasn't partying with everyone else. I used the excuse that someone had to guard the door, and people were always telling me what a great guy I was for doing that. They didn't know I was only doing it to save myself. I could have let the party, but I think that would have made things more obvious, and someone else would have had to be the porter. And everyone seemed like they were having such a good time. The excuse of guarding the door seemed to work on everyone. Everyone except one guy.
He is one of those guys you think you can understand instantly. You feel the first impression is all there is, and yet underneath that is one of the most interesting people you will ever meet. He was able to read into the situation between me and her without any input from outside sources. He is a very observant and very intelligent guy. So as I was standing by the door. He comes up and doesn't even ask what's wrong. He doesn't need to. He just gives one look at me and says "Keep your chin up, okay. You can get through this." I didn't know what to say or what to do, he just read the entire situation instantly and so I just responded with a very heartfelt thank you.
And then I cried. I have no idea why. I just started crying. Not the huge sobbing tears you see in bad movies. I felt a tightening in my cheeks, my lip started quivering and tears started to come. The thing is, that was the first time in this entire fiasco that I had cried. I thought I had been in worse moments, specifically the rejection and immediately afterward, but I had never cried then. So there I was in the entry hall of my friend's dorm crying for the first time while people were streaming by me on the way out. I managed to control myself until the party ended. I asked if they needed any help cleaning up and they said they didn't and so I left the party. It was then that I really started to cry. Walking down the stairs and out on my way home, composing myself for the 15 seconds I passed groups of people I knew who were still milling after the party. That was not a fun walk home.
Looking back on it I still have no idea what actually happened. How did one observant remark trigger the crying? Will I ever actually be able to move on? How will this affect things with the new girl? Should I still pursue this new girl if I feel this way about her? I honestly can't answer these questions. I thought I was in control, I thought I had it all figured out, and then things happened again. Why does this keep happening to me? Why do I still feel like this after all I have been put through? When will it get better? Will it get better? Why me? Why?
(Pause)
Why can't she just love me like I love her?
(GUY exits.)
(GIRL enters.)
GIRL
I like him, I really do, I could even say that I love him. But not like that. And I guess that's the problem. He's one of my best friend, one of the best friends I have ever had. I feel like I could tell him anything. Whenever I'm feeling bad I know that I can talk to him and he will make me feel better. We've been through so much together and no matter what the situation or the time of day he will be there for me and help me. But only as a friend. I could never really see him as anything more. I don't know why that is, I can't really put a finger on it. He is like a brother to me, and I look at him like that. I don't know what more to say about it. I can't love him like that, I can't change my feelings, and yet I feel so bad. But I just can't change the way I feel about him. It's as simple as that.
(BLACKOUT)