Title:The Merry Jedi Part 6
Author:Storm
Rating:PG
Feedback:be gentle... [email protected]
Category:crossover Star Wars/humor
Disclaimer:It's George's world, I'm only playing for a while.
"A true knight Qui-Gon is. Forever on his own quest."
from Cloak of Deception

"attend and listen gentlemen
that be of freeborn blood
I shall tell you of a good yeman
His name was Robyn Hode"

opening lines of "A Gest of Robyn Hode"

~*~

"And so you see," the deep mellifluous voice rolled over the crowd, "That if X equals the square root of M to the third power, the rate of midiclorians will peak when the subject reaches puberty, and training can proceed normally. If, on the other hand," and the Sheriff's voice became stern as the crowd scrambled through their hastily handwritten notes, "If X equals Y, two outcomes are possible. First, the subject must be trained at an accelerated rate, which could cause the inititate to turn to the Dark side."

The sound of Vader's breathing rasped in and out harshly as he tried to catch his breath. He was by nature a man of few words and this lecture had really taken it out of him.

"Or, second, and actually the more likely outcome, the subject could spontaneously combust."

The crowd gave him a uniform look of disbelief, and Maid Leia turned on her heel and stomped off towards the Forest. Sir Han watched her go, then turned to Sir Luke, who was scrabbling through his scraps of paper. "What's with her?"

Luke looked up distractedly. "Huh? Oh, the Maid. Her step-father spontaneously combusted. She's never gotten over it."

~*~

Prince John of Palpatine was excruciatingly bored. Padme and the other handmaidens had long since fallen asleep, all except Sabe who seemed absolutely fascinated by the impromptu lecture and was franctically scribbling notes.

Palpy, who had sat through the same speech over a dozen times before, could have quoted it in his sleep. His gaze wandered over the crowd, wondering if there was perhaps someone he could torture or something. Anything, for heaven's sake. He was bored to tears.

His eye was caught by a flicker of white entering the Forest. The new Maid in town, he thought. Lay-me-down, or something like that. Interesting. Seeing that Sabe was too involved in mathematic equations to notice, the Prince slipped quietly out of the royal box.

~*~

Qui-Gon, Mace, Yoda and Sir Ben were huddled together against the Castle wall. Qui-Gon and Mace-A-Dale were on the outside, and their long bodies blocked the sight of their activites from casual passerbys.

They each were staring intently at objects they held in their hands, and they silence was absolute. Finally Mace nudged Qui-Gon.

"Your turn."

Qui-Gon grimaced, then answered grudgingly. "Pass."

Yoda threw his cards down in disgust. "Fold I do."

Sir Ben quirked an eyebrow at Mace-A-Dale. "I call, and I'll raise you two." And the old man tossed two ears of corn into the pile of cobs in front of them.

Mace looked at him measuringly. "I think you're bluffing. I call. Show 'em," he challenged.

Sir Ben smirked as he laid his cards down, and Mace snorted in disgust. "Three Queens. Figures. He tossed his hand down as Ben gleefully scooped in the fresh corn.

~*~

Leia strode angrily through the woods, kicking small animals out of her way indiscriminantly and mumbling under her breath.

"Faker. Charlatan." Her voice deepened as she imitated the sound of the Sheriff of Nottingham's tones. " 'We are symbionts with them.' 'They surround and penetrate us.' Yeah right. Blah blah blah. What a crock."

She wasn't looking where she was going and suddenly she tripped over a pair of long legs. A pair of long arms caught her as she fell, and Leia found herself looking up into a pair of long eyes. No, wait, blue eyes. Whatever.

"Hello." The young Knight gave her a slow happy smile. There was nothing Obi-Wan Kenobi liked better than beautiful women falling on top of him.

~*~

The Sheriff's lecture wound down. Vader swung his head around in a circle, thinking that the crowd had been a rather good audience. Only a few had fallen asleep. Or course, Tarkin was one of them, but he'd heard the whole thing before. Young Sir Luke's eyes had glazed over, but that was to be expected. It was hard to take it all in at once.

Vader nudged Luke with his black booted toe, and the boy jumped up quickly. "Yes, sir?"

"Let's go do lunch." And the taller man strode off.

Luke scrambled after him. "Lunch, ah, lunch, sir? What about the tournament?"

"Don't be silly, I'm not going to fight you. I am your father. Hurry up, I hear the cook is making sausages." And the black-clad Sheriff of Nottingham entered the Castle courtyard.

~*~

Palpatine followed the Maid's tracks with ease. It was simply a matter of going from one kicked animal to another. Quite easy, really. Women could be so predictable.

Hearing voices, he stopped suddenly, then crept nearer. Peering through the gorse bushes, he saw Obi-Wan Kenobi and Maid Leia snuggled together under a willow tree. Little Obi was whispering in her ear, and he had unfurled her death defying hairdo and was re-braiding it neatly.

She had a sardonic look on her face. She knew the words he was speaking were nothing but a line, but figured what the hell, he's doing my hair. And he's doing a better job than Sir George had done.

Palpy couldn't decide which one to torture. On the one hand, to capture one of those pesky Jedi Knights would be a feather in his cap, but on the other hand, the woman was wearing a white dress, and white showed up so very nicely in his dungeon. Before he could decide, Obi-Wan rose and entered the bushes, answering a call of nature. Palpy moved as fast as lightening.

Grabbing the woman by her long, neat braid, he dragged her across the clearing. She began to yell, and Little Obi rushed out from the bushes, hastily pulling up his trousers. His lightsaber was under the willow tree, and he tripped as he ran to get it. Leia called to him.

"Obi-Wan! Help me!"

Obi-Wan tried to flick on his lightsaber but nothing happened. He shook it hard and tried again, and this time he was rewarded with a faint sizzle and two quick loud pops, then nothing. He stared helplessly after the Prince and his captive as they disappeared into the Forest. The Maid's voice came to him faintly as she continued to yell.

"Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi! You're my only hope!"

~*~