Title:The Merry Jedi Part 4
Author:Storm
Rating:PG
Feedback:be gentle... [email protected]
Category:crossover Star Wars/humor
Disclaimer:It's George's world, I'm only playing for a while.
"A true knight Qui-Gon is. Forever on his own quest."
from Cloak of Deception

"attend and listen gentlemen
that be of freeborn blood
I shall tell you of a good yeman
His name was Robyn Hode"

opening lines of "A Gest of Robyn Hode"

~*~

Prince John of Palpatine and his group of handmaidens made their way to the stands. Palpy gave cheerful waves to all as he passed, and the handmaidens, clad in truly ugly saffron colored robes, giggled and simpered. He sighed. You just couldn't get good help these days. As the young girls stopped to flirt with a dashing, cocky ne'er-do-well accompanied by a large hairy man, his patience began to fray.

"Sabe, Eirtae, Padme. All of you. Let's get a move on, ladies. The fencing won't start until we take our places."

The handmaidens fluttered after him, all except one, who continued to flirt with the hairy man. Padme, he noticed. Who else? Padme was a tramp, and would flirt with a nine-year-old boy given the opportunity. Taking her firmly by the arm, and glaring coldly at the sneering ne'er-do-well, the Prince climbed the rickety stairs to the royal box.

Padme seated herself with a grand gesture, smoothing her ugly robe out on the wooden bench. She patted the seat next to her invitingly, and Palpy took it reluctantly. Annoying she might be, but after all, a tramp is a tramp, and even a Prince couldn't be too choosy.

"Did you place the bets?" she asked him.

"Of course, my dear. Everything on the boy. I must say, betting against my own Sheriff is an odd feeling. Vader and I have been together for a long time. I knew him when he was just a child. But, he's older now, and much slower. This new one, this Sir Duke, should defeat him handily."

"Luke," Padme said in a long suffering voice. "Sir Luke. Are you sure this is wise? Trusting our fate to a boy we hardly know? The King would not approve."

"The King doesn't have to know," the Prince said soothingly.

"Well, I don't approve," Padme muttered.

Prince John of Palpatine waved jauntily to the cheering crowd, and spoke out of the corner of his mouth. "Don't mutter my dear. It's so unattractive."

~*~

Little Obi wandered through the forest, lost and alone. This was a part of Sherwood Forest he'd not been in before, and he was tired and hot. Disconsolate, he dropped down to the moss-covered forest floor and closed his eyes.

Why had Qui-Gon sent him away on a wild goose chase? After all, everyone knew that wild geese were not to be found in the Forest at this time of year. It almost seemed like he was trying to get rid of him for some reason, but why? What had he done? Qui-Gon had told him he and Mace-A-Dale would be busy helping train a new boy for the fencing tournament. Well, Obi-Wan thought bitterly, I could help too. Or I could just watch. I wouldn't interfere if they didn't want me to. It's not my place to interfere, I know that. But fencing is dangerous, everyone sees that. Why can't Qui-Gon?

Obi's depression might have continued, but at that moment he heard footsteps rustling through the leaves and he sat up curiously.

A large white rabbit ran into the clearing. He was wearing a waistcoat and carried a large watch that he was consulting as he ran. As he had his eyes on the watch, he never saw young Obi where he lay on the ground, and he tripped over him quite magnificently.

"Oh oh oh!" the rabbit exclaimed. "Mercy me! Now I shall be later than ever!" And picking himself up he scurried off. Just as the rabbit disappeared into the trees a young girl came hesitantly into the clearing. Seeing the prone Jedi she asked timidly "Excuse me, sir, have you seen a white rabbit, one in a hurry?"

Little Obi pointed, and the girl rushed off in the direction indicated. The Jedi pushed himself over to a tree and leaned back. "Curiouser and curiouser," he said softly.

~*~

Han and Chewie worked the crowd. They were one of the best pickpocket teams in Nottingham, and though they had promised the fair maiden Leia they would desist, old habits die hard. Han already had two silk purses, one sow's ear, three leather wallets and a string of amber colored beads. Chewie was doing even better, since he didn't have to be discreet. If a gigantic hairy man dressed in a crossbow and nothing else deigned to steal your money, you simply thanked him for not killing you and hurried away. Han watched Chewie with admiration. He made it look so easy.

Han sidled up to a large bosomy woman who boasted a large emerald brooch on her immense chest. He struck up a conversation with the man to her left, while surreptiously inching his arm around the woman's shoulders. Without looking he knew he was close, and he lowered his creeping hand and closed it gently. He felt the woman jump suddenly, then turn to him. His eyes closed briefly as he realized that his hand was well-ensconced in her bodice, and was gripping quite firmly her right...well, needless to say, it wasn't the brooch.

He turned to her, thinking furiously all the while of excuses, to see that she was grinning quite toothily at him. He smiled back nervously, then his eyes widened in horror as he realized that she was gripping him quite firmly on the buttocks. He opened his mouth to protest, but suddenly there was no need to. An angry Leia pushed her way between the two of them, releasing the woman's grip on his bottom, and yanking his hand out of her undergarment. Sadly, her rather large...bosom...came out with his hand and bounced once, gently. He stared in fascination until Leia pinched him. Pinched him hard.

Just then the woman's husband became aware of his wife's state of undress, and looking around quickly to see if anyone was watching, he stuffed her back into the bodice. The woman gave Leia a wary look, then gave Han one last predatory smile and turned back to the tournament field.

Leia dragged him away unceremoniously. When they were a distance from the crowd, Chewie lumbered up, roaring in a questioning manner, and she turned on them furiously.

"You know, between his howling and your groping everything, it's a wonder the whole county doesn't know we're here."

"Bring 'em on! I prefer a fair fight."

A loud cheer arose then from the crowd behind them, and they could hear the voices of the two-headed tournament announcer.

"Laaadddiess and Geeentlemeen! Boys and girls! Children of all ages! Welcome to greatest show on earth!"

"Damn. C'mon, it's Luke's fight, we can't miss it. And get rid of all those riches you stole."

Han and Chewie stared at each other. "Get rid of them? How?"

Leia strode away, saying over her shoulder, "I don't care what you do with it. Give it to the poor."

TBC

~*~