the fruit files by kt the hutt, sith in training disclaimer, mild sauce, chedder and jack cheese, beans, beef...: don't own any one, cept breif mention of myself/alias. notes: this is the response to a challenge from the YORL egroup, we were suposed to include a fruit basket, wirecutters, inaminate objects that don't remain so, obi-wan. Coruscant Square, 0800, Fruit Stand "I have a bad feeling about this..." Qui Gon said as an apple hit him in the back. He turned around to face Obi-Wan. "Stop it." Obi-Wan shrugged, "Wasn't me!" A soft giggle came from behind a fruit basket. The two ignored it and continued walking, several more pieces of fruit were hurled at Qui Gon. "I said, stop it." A pineapple hit Obi-Wan, followed by an outdated Apple computer which nearly fell on Qui Gon. The Master and Padawan turned to their "fruititacker", "STOP IT!!!" Yoda stood from his hiding place, "What? Have no fun can I?" Qui put his hands on his hips. "Listen, you little... If you do that again I'm-" He was cut off short as Yoda levitated a HUMONGOUS fruit basket above Qui Gon's head. How humongous? Big enough to fit 4 double bladed lightsabers end to end. Yoda grinned as he mentally let go of the basket. Coruscant Square, 1000, Park Bench under a Tree "Master! Wake up!" Obi-Wan tried to shake his master awake, with no luck. He turned to Yoda, "You shouldn't have dropped that Basket on his head!" Yoda shrugged, "Thought it was empty I did." "IT WAS OVERFLOWING WITH FRUIT!!!!" Yoda puffed his chest out in defense, "SEE IT FROM DOWN THERE I COULD NOT!!!" "YOU SHOULD HAVE *SENSED* HOW FULL IT WAS!!!" "SOO???? PADAWAN YOU ARE, NOT YET ONE WITH THE FORCE YOU ARE, THEREFORE, WRONG YOU ARE!!!!!" "AT LEAST I'M NOT A SHORT, UGLY, WRINKLY, GREEN ALIEN THAT DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HIS SPEICES ARE!!!" Yoda's eye's were wide with anger. "I'M DAMN SEXY!!! LOOK AT MY SEXY BOOOODY!!!!!" Obi-Wan was about to insult Yoda further when Qui Gon groaned and opened his eyes. "Man, Scully, I feel like I've been run over by an alien space ship!" Yoda and Obi-Wan were about to continue arguing when what Qui Gon had just said(and the accsent he said it in) reached them. Coruscant Square, 1030, Bench by a Hot Dog stand Yoda took a big bite out of his chili-dog as Obi-Wan interrogated Qui-errr-"Mulder". "Soooo... You're name's Mulder?" Obi-Wan asked, Q-uh-Mulder nodded, "Yeah, Fox Mulder, I’m an embarrassment to my peers, a joke to my friends, they call me Spooky. Spooky Mulder who’s sister was abducted by aliens when he was just a kid, shouting to the heavens or who ever will listen, that the jig is up, the fix is in. And when it hits it’s going to be the &%#$ storm of all time." Obi-Wan, wide-eyed(and just a little bit paranoid.) continued with the questioning. "Ohhhhh-kaaaayyy..... so, who is he?" He asked, pointing to Yoda. Qui/Mulder *shrugged* "Agent Skinner." Obi-Wan nodded slowly. "Oooohhhhh- kaaayyyy. So, who am I?" Qui/Mulder rolled his eyes. "Dana Scully, now are you gettin' me that hot dog or not?" Obi-Wan looked to Yoda, who's jaw was wide open, chili dripping on to his cloak. Coruscant Square, 1045, Alley Yoda looked up at Obi-Wan, "So, now do we what?" Obi-Wan shrugged, *pretty* sure he understood what the green elf had just said. "I donno, play along, I guess, What'd he say this place was again? Washing-machine D.C.?" Yoda shrugged. "Maybe dropped that basket on his head I should not have..." Obi-Wan glared at him. Yoda looked up. "What?! Mesa done nothing!" Coruscant Square, 1100, Coffee shop Qui/Mulder sat down with his coffee, reading the Coruscant Weekly. (The cover read "Giant Midiclorians Invade Naboo!!" and "I had Yoda's Baby!") Palpatine walked through the door, carrying a copy of Galaxy Daily. (cover reads "I married a Sith Lord!" and "Jabba's cousin, KT, arrested!") He greeted The three-um, make that two-Jedi and FBI Agent. Qui/Mulder eyed him suspisously, and went back to reading his paper. Palpy shrugged and went to the counter. Obi-Wan looked questioningly at Qui/Mulder. Qui/Mulder shrugged, "What? You don't remember who *he* is either, Scully?" Obi-Wan shrugged. Qui/Mulder sighed, "Cancer Man, you know! The one behind your abduction?!" Obi-Wan shook his head sadly as Qui/Mulder reached for his coffee, which moved out of his reach. "Yoda..." Obi-Wan said warningly, Yoda shook his head. "Me it was not!" Obi-Wan and Qui/Mulder looked around the coffee shop, noticing that all the coffee cups started to move. A squeaky voice coming from Qui/Mulder's cup said: "Come, my sisters! My brothers! The time is ours! ATTACK!!!!" Qui/Mulder, Obi-Wan and Yoda dived under the table as the scorching cups of coffee started dumping themselves on the customers in the shop. (What does this have to do with the story? you tell me!!) Coruscant Square, 1145, Hardware Shop Qui/Mulder was studying a high-power listening device while Yoda was grinning insanely at a box of wirecutters sitting on a shelf, right above Qui/Mulder's head... Obi-Wan glared at him. "No, you don't, or he'll wake up thinking he's Bart Simpson!" Yoda shrugged. "Know not of what you speak, do I." Obi-Wan glared a moment more, then turned back the holonet aquipped PineApple3000. "Good." Yoda turned his attention back to the box of wirecutters, unable to help himself. He continued to grin insanely as a levitated the box above Qui/Mulder's head, and... CRASH!! "YODA!!!!!!!!" Coruscant Med Center, 1500 Qui Gon awoke, greeted by a splitting headache. He opened his eyes to come face to face with a drunk, shirtless, pantless Yoda dancing on his lap. Obi-Wan was snoozing in a chair. Corscant Med Center, 1501 Just about every one in the Med Center could hear a very loud: "ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OOOOBBBBIIIIIII-WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" END!