The
Bloviating Light Of Witlessness
Half Assed Reiki Degree
This incredibly pretentious document certifies that
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has dutifully toned the B.L.O.W.H.A.R.D. mantra ("Meeeeee"), which automatically attunes the initiate to the highest levels possible in this tradition. This degree confers entitlement to:
*adding grandiose titles to your name, earned or unearned ("avatar," for instance, is currently very popular)
*dividing your course into 259 or more degrees, charging as much as you
want for each separate degree
*changing the name of what you teach so you can teach it again to everyone
at inflated prices (it helps to require that your previous course be
completed first)
*promising students complete and total enlightment, tremendous wealth,
unlimited power, and everlasting life (if they complain when it doesn't
happen, point out that it must be some inner flaw of their own)
*treating others like the unimportant slobs they are--after all, they're
not B.L.O.W.H.A.R.D.s like you are--they should worship the ground you walk on. Often.
*knowing it all, whether you do or not, and teaching it at every opportunity
*using flowery and new age phrases to such an extent that no one knows for
sure what you're saying. It helps with the B.L.O.W.H.A.R.D. image to be "obscure"
and "esoteric."
*ownership of the Brooklyn Bridge and certain waterfront property in Louisiana
This extremely moving and poignant ceremony has been a public service provided by the Bloviating Light of Witlessness Reiki Certificate Mill, a wholey-owned subsidiary of Our Lady of Perpetual Garage Sales-- Discount Chapel, Grotto, and New Age Bingo Parlor. If you're looking for a truly classless society, you've come to the right place. Everyone agrees: we have no class!
Our country ashram, corporate offices, and telemarketing facility