Rita: So Aubrey, I have come to understand you are friends with our Hero Harry Potter
Aubrey: Who? Harry?
Rita:Yes
Aubrey: Oh yes. I ate a cake in the shape of his head, once.
Rita: Is there any thing you can tell us about him?
Aubrey: He's CRAY-ZAY!!! He's a party animal. A PIMP, girls.
Rita: How so?
Aubrey: Total pimp. Yep. Whoo whoo. How so? How so? How so what?
Rita: Tell me some things that he does.
Aubrey: Well, in the morning, he gets up, and he gets off the RIGHT side of his bed, kids, even though he COULD get off the left side, well, it would be a little squished cuz there's a wall there, but he COULD! And then he brushes his teeth. He scrunches up his nose when he brushes his teeth.
Like this ((imitates Harry brushing his teeth))
Rita: Hmm very interesting
Aubrey: Yes he's an interesting fellow just yesterday I was saying to Jeanette
"Hey Jeanette, Harry sure is an interesting fellow, don't you think?
and Jeanette said "Yes"
Rita: Really?
Aubrey: What? Oh no, not really. Sorry. Sometimes I get carried away.You know how it is.
Rita:That is great, and how long have you known him?
Aubrey: I forget.
Rita: I see. Now would you call your relationship w/ Harry a good one?
Aubrey: No. No, I wouldn't. But one time, me and some buddies were camping out, and we were saying "Hey wouldn't it be funny if Harry were here right now!!!" and they said "Yeah he'd probably be running around screaming WHAT!! WHAT!!" Haha! He has a disease, you know.
Rita:Yes i've herd
Aubrey:Yes.
Rita: Yes, Well what about you Aubrey, tell us a little about yourself
Aubrey: Well... What would you like to know?
Rita: Is there Anything that you would like our readers to know about you? You have had your fair fights with evil villains yourself have you not?
Aubrey: Um, maybe. It's really hard to tell. You know? You know? you know? You know what I mean?
Rita: No I don't
Aubrey: Oh. Well, that's alright then. So, how long have you known Harry?
Rita: About a year I would say
Aubrey:Oh, oh wait, I remember this one time, we walked down into this CAVE thing, and there was this weird demon thing there, that was a fight!! It was!! It was scary!! But Harry wasn't there. Or at least I don't think he was. You know, maybe he was. It's really hard to tell, you know?
Rita: Not really,
Aubrey:You don't know anything, do you?
Rita: I have herd that there have been many adventures this year at Hogwarts where Harry was not included
Aubrey:WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW ABOUT HARRY?!?! I CAN TELL YOU ANYTHING--- ANYTHING I TELL YOU!!!!!! ANYTHING!!! I KNOW EVERYTHING AND ALL......
Well yes, there have been many, because Harry's a weird chap.You know? He disappears a lot.
One second he's in the conversation and the next he's silent for an hour
Rita: Really?
Aubrey: And then he suddenly will pop up and say "hey, I haven�t said anything for a while" yes, its quite odd, really
Rita: Hmm anything else odd like that you can tell our readers?
Aubrey:Although he does blow up occasionally, too.
Rita: Blow up as in?
Aubrey:Boom! Shazam! Kerplowie! I remember this one time I fell asleep in class, I forget which one, and when I woke up Harry was scared of me. He was acting like a cat who'd seen a.. a.... a.. a big scary thing that cats are scared of.
Rita:That is strange
Aubrey:Yes.Yes.He doesn't THINK he's a cat, though, That�s the REALLY strange part.
Rita: It sounds strange
Aubrey:But you know Fred Weasley is my boyfriend.
Rita: Is he now? Fred Weasley is? Ron Harry's best friend�s Brother, correct?
Aubrey:Yes sir.
Rita: That's great Is Harry in any relationship at the moment?
Aubrey: Other than with his pillow, and I'm sure his right hand, not that I know of. NO WAIT!!!
He's obsessed with this Sheree girl! Obsessed!
Rita: Obsessed with Sheree?
Aubrey: He does EVERYTHING for her and she freaks out on him and it's sad!! Well no, it's actually kinda funny. But still!!
Rita: Aww, that sounds awful,
Aubrey: Well no, but still nothing, it's still kinda funny. No, its kinda funny. So what do you want to know about Fred Weasley? He's my boyfriend.
Rita: Yes, is he a good boyfriend?
Aubrey: I don't know. Probably. He's a nice guy.
Rita: Really? I herd rumors he wore Barbie boxers, is this true?
Aubrey:Yes. No wait. I thought it was Barney boxers. Ohh it must be both.
Rita: I uhh, see
Aubrey:C'mon c'mon! I've got all the goods on everyone! This is your big chance! Ask me secret juicy questions!
Rita: Really? Is there anything juicy you want to tell our readers?
Aubrey: No. You have to ask me or I'm not telling.
Rita: I Herd that someone wants to kill Harry, do you know who it is?
Aubrey: Yes.
Rita: Do tell our readers who,
Aubrey: I don't know who. But, one time, I had this dream, in class, and I dreamt that I killed Harry.
Rita: Reeally?
Aubrey: Except he wouldn't die!!! I had a gun and I shot him, bang, bang, bang, but he just wouldn't die dammit!!
Rita: Why did you want to kill Harry in your dream?
Aubrey: He's had his fifteen minutes. ((looked dark and forboding))
Rita: Could you explain to me exactly what that means?
Aubrey: You know what I mean. He�((choked, then coughed violently for several minutes)) Sorry. You know what I mean... So don't you have any questions about Kiersen? She's invisible.
Rita: Really? I haven't herd of her,
Aubrey: She's invisible. George is in love with her.
Rita: Invisible?
Aubrey: I think???
Rita: George?
Aubrey: Or maybe she's in love with George?
Rita: George?
Aubrey: Or maybe Fred's in love with her?! OH MY GOD!!! FRED IS CHEATING ON ME!!!!!!!!! I CANT BELIEVE HIM!!! Oh wait now I remember, it's Kiersen that's in love with George. Right? Right, Mary? Wait that's your name right? Mary?
Rita: Rita, Rita
Aubrey: Kiersen's in love with Rita?!!
Rita: No
Aubrey:But, but, Rita's so OLD!
Rita: Thats my name
Aubrey: and--
Rita: Hey! im not old
Aubrey: Oh. Oh I remember!: Kiersen's in love with Fred!! Awww. And George is in love with Kiersen.
Rita: Aww, that's so sad
Aubrey: Yes. I had some sort of similar experience. Or maybe that was Fred.Yes, I think it was him. No, it was me too. Wasn't it? Right? Mary? That's right, right?
Rita: My name is Rita and i have no idea
Aubrey:Oh sorry.I�m sorry. I'm so sorry.((burst out sobbing)):
Rita: It's alright Aubrey don't cry
Aubrey: I, I'm sorry, I just, I j-just have troublee ((sobbed violently))
Rita: Aubrey Please
Aubrey: My m-memory isn't very good. ((buried her face in the potted plant she was sitting next to and wailed)) I'M SORRYYYYYYYYYYY! I'm so sorry..
Rita: It's alright
Aubrey: Ok So it's Gina, is it? Ok Gina. I'll remember now. I promise.
Rita: Umm, yes that�s right
Aubrey:I remember this one time, Cho, you know Cho Chang, Harry called her his girlfriend, and she FREAKED OUT! and got super mad!! Which was really stupid. and then Harry got sad. Sad.
Rita: Oh? Poor Harry, he just doesn't have much luck with girls. So you know Jeanette then right? She�s a little strange isn�t she?
Aubrey: No she's normal. She's not odd at all. She's so normal and unspecial, it's scary.
No I'm just kidding actually. Jeanette's cooler than melted cheese. And she's very special.
VERY special...If you know what I mean..... Jeanette is using her telepathic skills to growl at me, so I would like to retract the previous statement. Jeanette is cool and special and unique. But not in an "if you know what I mean" way.((got up and left))
This Interview was brought to you By [email protected], and [email protected]