It is Cleatus
2) How did it get that name?
It was given to us by the mega-corporation that formed us as a tool to penetrate the teenage girl 'market' and exploit their hormone driven pocket money binges. The plan was a spectacular failure and we were set loose into the wild after the marketing advisors were all executed.
3) How would you describe your music?
It walks the thin line between stupid and clever. However if people want to categorize us, we play fast melodic emo/pop/skate/etc punk.
4) Who is in the band and what do they play?
Juste 'Howe' Mennis aka Beaneye - Lead vox & guitar
Canon Anville Bassiste - Bastarde (& b/vox) purveyor of filth, a dirty man
Norris 'Big' Rig Baldeste, QC aka SpliTarse - Drums (disgusting womaniser)
Sweet 'Dicky' Beau - Guitar & b/vox "the boy can dance"
5) What is the scene like in your community?
Fickle.
I live in London and the scene could be better. People really don't seem interested in taking a chance on a small DIY show when they can go along to see whichever Epi-fat band is touring at any given moment and know exactly what they're getting. That's why we always prefer to play towns that are off the major touring circuits as they seem to have by far and away the best 'scenes'.
6) Who are the bands influences?
Leatherface, Snuff, Walter Elf, Lagwagon, Green Day (Sorry but it's true), Pulley, China Drum (the early years) started us off. Now we listen to those guys plus newer shit like Annalise, Otherwise, Joe Ninety, Milloy, Face to Face, Saves The Day (And lots more American soft rock passing for punk).
8) How many groupies does the band have?
What..you mean girls?
9) Have any members of the band had problems with heroin?
Not yet.
10) How many pills do you take with your alcohol?
Beaneye is a heavy user of Asprin, Neurofen and Diocalm
11) What is your favorite drink?
Beer is.
12) Do you smoke weed?
Can't remember.
Sorry.
13) Do you skateboard?
Nope (not for about 10 years anyhow), but we're described as 'skate punk'. Weird.
14) What do you think of skating these days?
It looks good and is fun on the Playstation. Often has a nice soundtrack.
15) How many tours have you been on?
One in 2002, just finished. Some good gigs, some shite gigs. Van was broken into and most of our band shirts were stolen.
The thing that keeps us playing is that at every single show there was at least 1 person who enjoyed the set. We merely need to play another 5 billion shows and the whole world will like us.
16) Have you played with any big acts?
Not massive bands, but personal favourites of our own such as Annailse, Milloy, Travis Cut, to name but a few. Oh them and Bobby Davro of course.
17) Will you ever sell out?
Depends on your definition. We would never want one of our songs on a coffee/cat food commercial, but it's very hard to say what anyone would do under certain circumstances. I think a lot of people should grow up and realise that there are very few decent self-sufficient bands out there who don't rely on some other income to survive.
For example have Cleatus sold out because we choose relatively well paid day jobs and fit the gigging in whenever, or are we being realistic because you have to be very fucking lucky to get into the position of not having to have a job to survive. On the bigger scale, what is selling out? There is a very long sliding scale of selling out-ness. What was the question again?
18) How old are you?
We have a combined age of 100 years. That's a century to you.
19) Any advice on how to pick up on chicks?
Use both hands.
20) Do you like Kid Rock?
Never met 'im. He comes across as being a cocksucking asshole though.
21) Do you have any questions you’d like to ask yourself?
Isn't that illegal?
22) Are there any up and coming bands you’d like to mention?
Mafia vs Ninja, Milloy, Fishtake, Black Rod and the Disgusting Fucks.
23) Have you ever been to Cheyenne, WY?
No. WY should I?
24) Have you ever heard of a band called FELT?
Nope, but I have been felt by a BAND. (you should ask Big Rig about the night he spent with 9 Welshmen)
25) How many people usually attend your shows?
Anywhere between zero and a hundred (not counting the soundguy)
26) Does your town smell like cowshit?
Nope. Just years upon years of smog and ground in filth
27) What did you think of the magazine?
It's gotta be my favorite fist-fucking magazine of all. Keep up the good work dudes.
28) Famous Last Words? "The ladies have to go first. . . . Get in the lifeboat, to please me. . . . Good-bye, dearie. I'll see you later."
How would you recommend people get a hold of you?
With both hands.
E-mail address? [email protected]
Web Page?
It doesn't actually exist at the moment due to the fact that the lazy git(s) who say they'll do it don't.
Try www.ukbase.org.uk or www.fireflyrecordings.com in the meantime.