May 1, 1928

The Dodgers organization would like to state in the strongest terms our
disgust that Luke Sewell would be accused of taking performance
enhancing pig fat. First of all, while it is true all foods taste
better slathered with pig fat, its performance enhancing capabilities
is strictly anecdotal and has yet to be verified by any reasonable
scientific standard. Secondly, Luke Sewell is our 4th string catcher,
his only use to us being his ample number of at bats and his ability to
stand in front of the plate in an attempt to injure opposing
baserunners. He has no real performance to enhance. Thirdly, Luke
Sewell's home run was a direct result of the inferior nature of the
Collusion's pitching staff and, if the shadow of suspicion is going to
fall upon all those who use "performance enhancers" then any hitter
facing a Collusion pitcher and any pitcher facing a Collusion hitter is
guilty of unnaturally increasing their odds of success.

Gentlemen, have a nice day.

Chad Johnson
Brooklyn Dodgers