1928 LCS
Expos v. Collusion II: No More Shenanigans

For the second time in as many years the wildcard Expos and Eastern Division champs Collusion meet in the EBL Divisional playoffs. And just as in the first matchup, the low-scoring/pitch-or-die Collusion enter as underdogs against the shifty platoonaholic Washington Expos.

Game One

Cuyahoga Falls greets the visiting Expos with a 46 degree temperature and a brisk wind to right. The Collusion elect to pitch Jesse Petty against Ownie Carroll and hold off a tired Lefty Grove until Game 2. The “inept” Colluders push a run across in the bottom half of the first as a Stone Hands Heilmann groundout plates Buddy Myer. Expos manager Gaelan Murphy appears unconcerned by the relative offensive barrage. Meanwhile the Collusion bench celebrates by pouring a round of cocktails. The already inebriated Hal Carlson, benched for the series, pulls down his pants, points to his bare bum and asks catcher Mickey Cochrane to kiss it.

The celebration would be short lived, however. The Expos tie the game on a Metzler single in the third, forcing Hal Carlson to pull up his pants.

But the Collusion would respond in the 4 th when Leach leads off with a double and scores on Hendrick's single. Before the Expos and Carroll can escape the inning, Bill Regan doubles Hendrick home and the Collusion enter the 5 th up by two.

This margin would hold up on into the 9 th . With the score now 3-2, Jesse Petty returns to the mound to face the heart of the Expos lineup. Jim Bottomley leads off with a single with sets the Collusion manager Jay Patrick into a state of frenzy. With Hubbell still injured who will face the mighty Expo lefties to close out the victory? Rommell? Haines?? OSSIE ORWOLL?? By the time Patrick emerges from the dugout and makes the call for Eddie Rommell, Petty's gone 2-0 on Mickey Cochrane. The situation worsens when Rommell allows a single to Cochrane setting up runners on first and second with nobody out. Patrick finishes off Carlson's bottle of gin and retires to the clubhouse, unable to watch. Hal Carlson promptly takes the helms and orders a squeeze bunt. Still in his right mind, Murphy pinch runs for Bottomley with Cliff Heathcote who promptly takes off for third trying to catch Wally Schang napping. But Schanger nails the fool at third for the first out of the inning. Rommell, distracted but intrepid, finishes the Expos off with two groundouts to end the threat and pickup the save.

Collusion win: 3-2

W – Petty (1-0)
L – Carroll (0-1)
S – Rommell (1)

Game Two

Cuyahoga Falls fills League Park to capacity for Game 2. Even James Montgomery and wife Jennie of Dearborn, MI made the trip down to see their beloved Collusion. All of them expecting some magical shenanigans from the Collusion dugout. Lefty Grove hadn't pitched yet and after all, this was the matchup that brought about the Great Switcheroo of '27 (or so the Collusion media guide described it) that “catalyzed” last season's victory over the vile, hated, despicable, swill-sipping, talkie-loving Expos. Reports confirm that they did indeed enjoy Al Jolson in the Jazz Singer. Duped by a novelty-act, a passing fad. Pathetic. Manager Patrick rallied the team before the game saying, “They must be destroyed for the sake of humanity.”

But the only shenanigans fan would witness would be the final score of the game.

Lefty Grove took the mound in the 1 st and promptly allowed Roettger to double home Bishop. Just those Lefty jitters. Nothing to worry about, thought those hometown fans who also booed that Cy Young-stealing Red Lucas as he tossed his warmup pitchers before the bottom of the inning. The Collusion media guide calls him “Satan.”

This extremely impartial reporting will conclude the recap for this game by saying that the Collusion led entering the top of the 5 th 5-3, Billy Rogell reached base all four times he came to bat and the shenanigan-less Cuyahoga Falls manager sent Hal Carlson out for more gin in the 6 th .

Expos win: 12-6

W – Satan (1-0)
L – Grove (0-1)

Game Three

The series shifts to Washington where the weather proved warmer which obviously just means that it's that much closer to Hell.

With the series tied 1-1, the Collusion remain confident that their superstar rookie Carl Hubbell (who professed to not really understanding all the Expo hatred) could deliver a game three victory… and early on, it appeared that the Expos were going to cooperate.

Up 5-1 entering the 6 th inning, Hubbell had surrendered only an unearned run and seemed poised to pick up his first post-season victory of what promises to be many. And then the kid fell apart. Bishop singled. Bottomley homered (5-3). Roettger singled. Combs walked. Bluege singled (5-4). Hal Carlson visited the mound to calm the youngster down and give him a swig of gin. Sewell hit and infield single to tie the game. Bartell pinch hit for Joe Genewich and doubled home Bluege and Sewell for the fifth and sixth runs of the inning. Upon his arrival back to the dugout, Manager Patrick calmly placed his hand on Carl Hubbell's shoulder and asked “Do you hate the Expos yet?” “Yes,” Hubbell said. “I hate them with the passion of a thousand raging supernovas all singing ‘Mammie.'” Patrick squeezed his shoulder. “You'll do fine on this team, son. Now go sit down and hope we can score some runs.” The dugout had a nice chuckle at that one.

And indeed the Collusion could only manage to scratch home one more run before Boom Boom Beck closed the door in the 9 th .

Expos win: 7-6

W – Genewich (1-0)
L – Hubbell (0-1)
S – Beck (1)

Game Four

Lacking the enthusiasm that propelled the Collusion to a victory in game one, they took the field behind Lefty Grove pitching on short rest. Jesse Haines continued to look on from the dugout wondering where all the magic had gone.

The Collusion again score first in the 3 rd as Wally Schang plates Lefty Grove. Apparently tired from his race around the basepaths, Lefty combusts in the bottom half of the inning allowing an infield single and two walks to load the bases before Billy Rogell boots a sure double play that would have ended the inning. Instead, three unearned runs cross the plate before Lefty can restore order. Jay Patrick calls both remaining Collusion timeouts, leaves the dugout to cry in the shower before returning to the field refreshed.

The Expos would need no more, but add a fourth run in the 5 th on a Bottomley sac fly. The Collusion offense musters one base runner, but never more, in each of the final four innings as Ownie Carroll coasts home for the Expos crippling win.

Expos win: 4-1

W – Carroll (1-1)
L – Grove (0-2)

Game Five

If this reporter thought the Collusion looked flat in game four, he hadn't seen anything yet. The Collusion return game one winner Jesse Petty to the mound against the Expos' Clarence Mitchell.

The fiasco turns south early as Petty walks in a run in the second. A second would score on a Clarence Mitchell sac fly. Even the Expos fans forgot to cheer for this kind of excitement.

Meanwhile, the Cuyahoga Falls bats remain anemic, moth-eaten, termite chewed pieces of rotten lumber. They do, however, manage to pull within one run in the top of the 6 th at 3-2 but fail to even the score despite a greater opportunity to do so. Regan grounds out and Welsh flies out to end the threat. During the inning though, a rain delay causes Jesse Petty's arm to stiffen and eventually fall off. Luckily, team doctors were able to re-attach. Will the wonders of modern medicine never cease? Ossie Orwoll takes over and breezes through the bottom half of the 6 th . He runs into trouble in the 7 th when Bishop doubles to lead off. Jay Patrick, feeling the last remaining breaths of Cuyahoga Falls ' season slip away, rolls the dice and intentionally walks Expo slugger Jim Bottomley to set up the double play and play the matchup game against whatever pinch hitter Gaelan Murphy tosses into the game. Knowing, at the very least that he gets Murphy to burn an extra pinch hitter is enough to take the risk. The gambit results in Rommell v. Shires… and Art Shires delivers. His single scores Bishop from second. Earle Combs follows with the nail in the coffin, driving in both Bottomley and Shires to put the Washington Expos up 6-2.

The Cuyahoga Falls Collusion would not mount a rally. They would not fight the good fight. They would not manage another hit before Jimmy Welsh flew out to end the game. They would just sneak out the back door of Griffith Park , silently, to avoid talking to the media and catch a twilight showing of Buster Keaton's Steamboat Bill, Jr. at the Chevy Chase Theater on Connecticut Avenue because they all needed a good laugh.

“I know one thing for certain,” Patrick said outside the Chevy Chase . “If I have to think that Al Jolson's the cat's pajamas to be a winner then… well… I won't say I'm okay with losing, but let's just say I'll sleep okay at night knowing that Al Jolson, Red Lucas and that [Gaelan] Murphy character can keep each other company.”

Expos win: 6-2

W – Mitchell (1-0)
L – Petty (1-1)