I'm not exactly sure where I should start. There
is a lot to tell. So I'll just start by telling you about my
appearance. I'm a handsom devil. No doubt
about it. Na, I'm just pulling you arm, wait, your leg.
I was told by Dan, a punk at Camp
Lebanon, that I looked like Tiger Woods. So then this whole
"Tiger" thing started, and has stuck with me since then.
Anyhoo, I am done with this subject.
Um, did you know that peanut butter sticks to your mouth
when you shove a whole lot in at once?
I did that once. I had trouble breathing, and I
couldn't swallow, so I had to spit it out. So since then,
I've only put peanut butter on my sandwich. I like
the crunchy stuff da best. MMM, yummers.
Once, I stuck a whole bag of Skittles into my mouth...yeah,
bad mistake. I had trouble breathing,
I couldn't swallow, so I had to spit it out. So
since then, I only eat a couple at a time.
Oh, and one time, I stuck a piece of hard candy into my
mouth, and accidentally swallowed.
It got stuck in my throat, and I had trouble breathing,
and I couldn't swallow, so I had to cough it up.
So since then, I don't eat too many hard candies.
Ah yes, and once, I tried eating the entire 15 piece pack
of Juicy Fruit. Well, it was fruity. However,
I got it lodged in my trachea, and I had trouble breathing,
and I couldn't swallow, so I had to go in
for emergency surgery, and the doctor said I only had
a 12 1/2 % chance of living through it.
But anyhoo, they took me into surgery, and they removed
my trachea, and stuck a piece of copper
piping in instead. Or wait, was it the trachea
of a dead moose? Oh well, that's not the point.
The entire surgery lasted 6 hours, 12 minutes, and 47
seconds. After the surgery, the pipe in my throat
gave me intense pain, and I had trouble breathing, and
I couldn't swallow, so...
Never mind. I've gone on too long already.
Peace out