Therapy?
7-23-03
For those of you who know me best and, after reading all my essays, still don't think I need to be committed, I wrote something else dark and incriminating. It's about nightmares and how I have trouble sleeping. It's really good, but I'm afraid to put it up because my family looks at my site too and might send me to a psychologist. Well maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea, maybe it would help me, but, in truth, it would be useless because this is my therapy- writing.
Besides, I'm not that interested in seeing a professional because their primary goal would be to find out what's wrong with me, thereby classifying me and judging me, neither of which are actions I encourage, condone, or accept. It's not their place to judge me. I know myself better than anyone else except for God maybe, so who else could really help me besides those who know me best? When I have my faith and myself, what else do I need?
Also their second goal would be "cure" me or "help" me by having me talk about my life and what goes on and all my problems. What a waste of time, I say. What does it look like I'm doing here? Contrary to popular belief, I'm not doing this for my friends, to get attention or recognition, to be published, or even for other people to read at all.
In fact I really wouldn't mind if no one read anything I wrote. I only put it here because it's harder to get a hand cramp from typing, and some people really are interested in what I have to say, surprisingly enough. I just write...for myself. It's what I do, and I even enjoy it a lot of the time. You'd be amazed how much simply writing can help. I like to talk about it and get my feelings out- onto paper, and it doesn't matter whether I share or not, just as long as it's out somewhere. Shoot, I've found that talking to myself helps just as much as talking to a professional. I like to talk; I just don't like people. I don't really find them all that necessary to have in my life. That came off sounding a little snottier than I meant it to, but it's pretty much true. I'm like my dad in that aspect- other than his wife and kids, he doesn't really care much for being around other people. He's a nice guy but doesn't really need others very much, doesn't care for them much. People are alright; I have a handful of close friends, but I just don't have much interest in people in general.
You know, I'm starting to notice that I'll begin writing about one thing and end up with quite another. I'm sure Freud would have plenty to say about that.