Love or insanity?
Have you ever cared so much for somebody that it tore you up inside? So much that their mere presence could mend any trouble or hurt, so much that at their slightest frown, all you want to do is hold them but feel so awful that you can’t even go near them? They’re inches away, yet miles from reach. You can feel a river of love pouring from your heart and wonder hoe they can’t see it in your eyes. Somehow you imagine yourself loving them and holding them forever when you can’t even as much as hold their hand now. You can see yourself lying in their arms until the end of time in a world of absolute perfection. Once threatened by nothing that was greater than the fear of contemplating the future, you see one in their smile -yours- and know it will shine. Barely surviving the turmoil of your own family, you can’t wait to get away until you see a new one in his eyes, not girlish wishing, but extant and so nearly tangible that you realize your heart skips and are filled fear and cannot wait for your tomorrow. You are overwhelmed by emotion and can barely breathe; your thoughts are confused, feverish and yet clearer than ever. You don’t feel just love for them or like you’re in love with them, but a pouring forth of emotion for them that nothing can hold back. You feel as if at any moment all of you will burst forth, a force unstoppable by any wall, any gate, any barrier, any dam. But somehow your weak flesh holds onto it as it threatens to tear you apart, and doesn’t. And all you can do is sit in an agonized silence, bubbling over with what they cannot know, what you cannot tell or even show. You’d kill to know how to end it and how to hold on to it forever. And you can’t stop.