Feb 3, 2005 Deep Thoughts, By Me-
What you may see is a well-adjusted, comfortable, and confident young woman, happy with herself, and anything she desires lays on the path before her.
What you see is what I long to be. Most times. What you see is not what I feel.
I still feel like a silly, little girl, just trying her best in this world. I cannot understand hate or why anyone would feel it, least of all towards me. It is a useless emotion which accomplishes nothing and only drains your time and energy and leaves you upset and ill at ease. Hate has no place in my life or even in my realm of understanding. I am truly baffled that anyone should feel this, and rather than be offended, I can only shrug it off because it is too trivial a thing to concern myself with.
I cannot understand jealousy either. Perhaps because it is a sign of weakness, one which I will never show and will never exist. Jealousy arises from insecurity- in yourself, in your life, in what you do, and in how you believe people see you. Why have these insecurities? I can barely fathom my own worth, but I know it is there. Like hate, jealousy will hurt you more than any other. It is entirely your own fault, and it will be your fault when you destroy your life because of it. Even if you do not have the best and if another is chosen over you, your own value diminishes in no way. Again, I cannot understand or be upset by this emotion.
And perhaps these sentiments make me naive or prove my own inexperience in life that I have experienced nothing which should provoke these things from me. Maybe I am just a silly, little girl.
Or perhaps it is the opposite. Perhaps I just know better than to allow these things to enter my life and upset me. Is there a chance that I already possess more of the wisdom I seek in life than that which I may already know? Maybe I am closer to the woman I wish to be than I think.
If the former be true, and I am just so naive, then I wish to be so forever and to never know and never learn the horrible things men do in this world.
I am not nearly so bold nor so brave as to bet on the latter possibility, though, so I will believe this veil still covers my eyes either way.
"Let me be a princess today. Let my future be far away.
Please let me forget my life, just for one sweet day." -Me