Release Date: 1988
Label: DGC
Tracks: 1. Teen Age Riot 2. Silver Rocket 3. The Sprawl
4. 'Cross the Breeze 5. Eric's Trip 6. Total Trash 7. Hey Joni
8. Providence 9. Candle 10. Rain King 11. Kissability
12. Trilogy: The Wonder 13. Trilogy: Hyperstation
14. Trilogy: Eliminator Jr.
Big Muffology becomes required learning in all public school curriculums. Students are taught to memorize various EH schematics, knob placements, and silk screens from a bygone era.
J signs a law on his third day as Prez. The law states everyone must refer to him as an awesome drummer who happens to play guitar and under no circumstances a Guitar Hero. Breaking the new law is punishable by a 3 to 5 year sentence of solitary confinement with a stack of Weezer records.
The P-90 becomes the most popular pickup, once and for all sending all humbucker equipped guitars to the abyss they so deserve.
America �Land of the Beautiful� simply becomes Ear Bleeding Country.
Kevin Shields is appointed Vice President. Other cabinet positions include Mike Watt for holding down the low end, Ron Asheton as Secretary of Inept Solos, and Roger Mayer as Head of Intelligence.
Lou Barlow records are used to interrogate Al Qaeda suspects.
All metallic colored Jazzmasters and Jaguars with non-matching headstocks are outlawed.
Breaking with tradition Mascis decides he will not address the nation from the Oval Office as he finds it �Square, Man�. He sets up on the White House lawn behind a DW drum set and insists on using an old AKG D12 for recording his voice. When his aides inform him that the Shure SM57 has been used to broadcast the President for the last 30 years Mascis is indifferent. He then yells at the aides to run more compression on his voice until it sounds like a Beach Boys record. Mascis grows incredulous by the day.
Ian MacKay and Gregg Ginn plot an assassination attempt against Mascis when they decide he is not living up to the ideals and aesthetics of Punk Rock. The plan goes haywire when an out of breath Tad Doyle is shot down trying to scale the fence of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. America is in turmoil.
Citing security reasons Amherst, MA is declared the new capitol of the USA.
Jay gives his parents token cabinet positions since he�s �like, living at home and stuff�
The new administration puts a tariff of 350% on all imported Boss Pedals.
Neil Young reaches out to Mascis and tries to restore calm. J is moved by his idol and seeing the error of his ways decides to renounce his presidency. An impromptu election is held and won by Kathleen Hanna, she becomes the first female Head of State. She fires all high ranking male officials. Electric guitars and moshing take a backseat to Sisterhood, Motherhood, and Gay and Lesbian rights. America becomes a better place.
Rock music slowly creeps back with loads of pop and more jangle than ever since there remains nothing to rock out against.
All angry music now comes from Nordic countries where it is very cold and the kids have no reason to live. It proves to be a poor substitute. Kathleen Hanna in a move that shocks everyone orders a nuke dropped on the entire region. That unexpected military move and the eradication of many bad records cement her legacy as the most Punk Rock person alive.