Yesterday was a fun day. Major drama. I'm not sure what exactly went on, but it ended with Grandma Huang throwing a bowl of dumplings at the cook and having it shatter all over the floor and then yelling at the cook and Kitchen Girl and leaving. I think it might have had something to do with serving order, but I'm not sure, as she didn't extend me the courtesy of speaking in English. I don't know what sort of drama normally goes on here. Edith Wharton is great when you speak the language, but I'm more on the level of throwing bowls of dumplings.
Then we went out to dinner to a hot pot place that I think served food from the NW of China and they presented Jenna and me with little silver (colored?) bowls. Just for being foreigners. We had a foreigners' high five. Kind of balances out the usual circus side-show freak thing.
My kids were asking questions about me yesterday in class and I'm afraid I revealed the truth about why I'm in China. Stealing the Crystal of Magic Power from the Cave of Mystery under the Waterfall of Death on the 3rd day of the 3rd week of the 3rd month of the Venusian calendar. And avoiding grad school.
And I would like to issue a special "thank you" to N.E.R.D., sponsors of tonight's sanity. Currently at China Telecom, where the computer stations come with ashtrays and whoever gets there first gets to choose his or her crappy music. And N.E.R.D. is about as far away from Chinese pop as I can get. They are still listening to Celine Dion and Richard Marx. Who even remembers his name? I certainly didn't, until someone told me.
On the upside, I bought "Minority Report" and "Shanghai Knights" on DVD for $2.50.
My picture is now plastered on the front of the school, in a collage with the other teachers. They have had a photographer come out three times to take pictures of all of us since I started teaching.
Anyway, the smoke here is killing me, so I'm going to go.
I just finished reading "Rivertown", by Peter Hessler. It was good. He talked about how he taught his class Shakespeare and they discussed the one-child policy and their grandparents lives when they were young. I asked my kids to write about their grandparents when when they were young and they told me that they didn't know. Nothing like Hessler's poignant tales of growing up poor in the countryside, crushed dreams, and perservering spirits.
Our trip to the zoo went really well. Zunyi is a small city in a poor province and so the conditions are quite bad. They have a lion, two tigers, a panther, a hippo, a crocodile and various other animals. The big cats were in square cages -- maybe 15 by 20 feet -- with nothing in them. They just lay there. We talked about reasons zoos were bad: the animals are lonely, they are dirty, the cages are small, they can't excercize. Most of them even knew the word "depression" (but they didn't know "valley"). I told them that the hippopotamus is the most deadly animal in Africa. Things are more interesting when something gets killed. Then I explained that the name comes from Latin. With six kids pooling their knowledge, they were even able to understand what I meant.
The zoo also had lots of monkeys. There was a group in a series of small cages- maybe 5x5x5- and one had a cigarette that someone had thrown in. He kept picking it up and putting it in his mouth. It was really funny, which was good, because the whole monkey section was pretty depressing. One boy asked if I thought one of the monkeys was "clear." He was trying to say "sane." Did I think that a monkey stuck alone in a small cage all day with people throwing cigarettes at it could still be sane? I told him that I didn't think so.
There was an Egyptian vulture in a cage that looked to be about as wide as its wingspan. Then there was a dry sunken pit of monkeys with a tree-ish cement island in the center. I offered the students 50rmb (about $8) if they would jump in. Sky Wolf (one of the boys) offered me $500 U.S. if I would jump in.
The Washington Post and New York Times have been banned, we think. It's been weeks since we've been able to access the websites.
I have my own apartment now. Three bedrooms and a large living/dining area. If anyone wants to come visit, or knows of a family of 10 that needs a place to stay in the middle of nowhere, China, let me know. I figured out how the washing machine works last night. The hard way. It took me about 15 minutes to bail out the kitchen. Fortunately, the floor held and I didn't have an angry neighbor yelling at me in Chinese.
Lawyers: The temperature of the hot water in my bathroom is 80 degrees celcius. That's probably about 175 degrees farenheight. Many of those seemingly frivolous lawsuits and consumer safety groups are worthwhile. Thanks for keeping our capitalist system in check. And thanks for bringing lawsuits against the government so we keep our freedoms. Jenna's roommate told her that the only reason there was violence in Tibet was that certain groups were trying to cause problems and were hurting the Chinese "helpers" who had gone there to assist the people. Anyway, I'm distracted and dinner is ready. More later if I feel so inclined.
Quote of the day: "Living with foreigner is like funny T.V. show." -Ninna, Jenna's Chinese roommate
More about the Spring Festival trip. While in Xi'an, We met the farmer who discovered the terra cotta warriors and he signed my book. As the other person standing there said, when he first discovered them (while digging a well), he couldn't even write his name. Now he probably can, but since everything he wrote is in Chinese, I'm not really sure. We also met the archaeologist who first studied them. I bought some postcards from him. He wrote descriptions on the backs of three of them. I'll try to put them online. Untranslated. The guy had a card that said he was a "fellow." Nothing about jolly goodness, but he seemed pleasant enough. I had my picture taken with him and as soon as I get that other cord for my imaginary digital camera, I will put it online. All "fellow" seemed to entail was sitting in an unheated room, selling postcards. I don't know if it was depressing. It seems that one should be doing something more dignified after doing such important work, but then, it is China and he is rather old. So for an old, retired guy in a communist country, he's probably living the good life. I would rather be working at the Smithsonian.
Then there was the whole "terra cotta warrior" buying scandal. I bought a little set of terra cotta warriors ("they're real!"- real what? terra cotta? members of the Emperor Qin's Mini Me terra cotta army?) for 20 yuan. The street sellers had originally wanted 50 yuan for them and our bargaining involved Jenna grabbing them from a little boy, but never has a little boy deserved it more. I gave him 20 yuan (our final bargaining price) and he said, "20 yuan more!" So I told him to give me back my money, but he wouldn't and started walking away. Then Jenna grabbed the warriors from him, while shouting in Chinese, "She gave you money and you gave her nothing!" The look on his face was priceless. People are always shocked when we (she) speak Chinese.
The other day, we were walking down the street, when we came upon some guys in dragon costumes and drummers performing for the opening of a new restaurant, so we stopped. Of course, a sizeable chunk of the crowd turned to look at us. Then the dancers were coming out a bit and one came over and gave Jenna a rose. Her theory on life in China is, you take the least likely thing and mythologize it to the point of being a fairy tale. Although perhaps I take issue with her use of the word "mythologize," her theory has merit (and I can't think of a better word). Just when I think things are as weird as they can get, they get weirder. Absurd.
I start teaching an advanced class in two days. I have no idea what to teach. All ideas are welcome.
Right. The Ode I promised you. I left my notes at home, so next time, okay?
The whole trip started last week when we flew to Xi'an, home of the terra cotta warriors. We visited the warriors, Banpo neolithic village, and the tomb of Emperor Qin -- still unopened. Fortunately for us someone was kind enough to make up a cheesy tourist trap mock-up of what the tomb might have been based on historical records. It reminded me of the Small World ride at Disneyworld.
I'm at China Telecom and someone keeps listening to the same bad song over and over again, without headphones. In addition to the smoking and spitting on the floor that's going on.
Back to the vacation. We had flown to Xi'an, but were trying to avoid flying back, to save money. However, all the trains in the entire country were booked by others traveling, so we tried for a bus. We went to the China International Travel Service and they told us there were no buses heading south from Xi'an. So we asked about flying to either Chengdu, Chongqing, or Guiyang, at which point the English-speaking(!) travel guy informed us that there were no airports in Guiyang. Which was funny, because Jenna and I had flown out of Guiyang to get to Xi'an.
We ended up flying to Chengdu, a large city in central China. There's not much to see there -- except for the GIANT PANDAS (it was all for you, kiffie). So Jenna and I did that. Still haven't really read that manual for my digital camera, but I managed to figure out the movie function and I took a short clip of a baby panda playing. It's adorable. Still don't have that cord to upload and all the stores I've stopped in say they don't have it. I might end up ordering it online. I'll be able to post the pictures I took with my real camera soon.
From Chengdu, we took a bus to some backwater town in Sichuan and then crossed the border into Guizhou. Now, I don't know how many of you have spent time on a long-distance bus in China, but it's an experience. First of all, the guys smoke. That's something I don't quite get. As I understand it, the cigarette companies are run by the government (what with it being a Communist country and all); and cigarettes bring in lots of cash, so people are encouraged to smoke. I was discussing this with someone who pointed out that the cost of healthcare would outweigh the profits from cigarettes. Not if you don't treat cigarette-related illnesses. So, the government encourages people to smoke, but women who smoke in public are seen as loose. In addition to being a total double standard, this means the government is missing half its market. They should totally run a sexual equality program and encourage people not to think badly of women who smoke.
Buses. So everyone smokes. And then they either show a bad movie, which is okay, or more often they show bad music videos or play bad music. Loudly. Its the same top 40s schlock everywhere. So I guess that most people like this really bad music, which is scary in its homogeneity. And they play it really loudly so that even if you want to listen to some other music (dissent), you voluntarily take off your headphones, b/c there's no point in trying to listen as their music is so loud and pervasive. "Music on Long-Distance Buses as a Metaphor for Life in China." If you do choose to use that for your master's thesis, I expect an acknowledgement.
Then we got to Chishui, stayed the night and took the long bus back today. It was a crappy, old bus, so it didn't have music! Yay! And the scenery was some of the most beautiful I have ever seen. Those foggy mountains with the terraced hillsides. That made it all okay.
Next time: An Ode To Lawyers.