September 2, 1965 - Eternity
Jenny Conner was only 37 years old when she died on October 19, 2002. She left me with our small sons, Joshua 8 and Jacob 5, and with a void in my heart where a part was torn out at her death. For five increasingly hellish years she suffered from Lou Gehrig's Disease, unable to move or speak during the last 18 months of her life. She spent many, many long hours in muted pain entirely unable to move even a finger to relieve the agony of a body frozen in numbing aches and pains. And during her final week she suffered horribly from the flu, which compounded the effects of ALS. When her diaphragm muscle began to fail, she slowly suffocated - unable to move, speak, or draw breath - all the while having a sharp mind and clear thoughts. In her last moments, we looked into each other's eyes; both of us knowing the time had come. I then bade farewell to my wife, my best friend, and my hero - the most courageous person I have ever known.
Jenny was a true hero. Not because she suffered indescribably, but rather, because of how she lived during her suffering and how well she died. The last week was absolute hell for her, indeed it was for us all. But amid her torment she communicated something to me that so typified the courage and strength she had displayed throughout her journey. It took a few minutes, but she conveyed this simple message, "It is better to not be bitter". Coming from a healthy person without challenges these words would have been meaningless, even offensive. But coming from Jenny at the height of her suffering, only days before her death, these words were profound.
Jenny knew the Lord Jesus Christ and had stood in faith for healing in past years. In 1995, she was completely healed of a debilitating stroke at 30 years old. Just four months later, she was scalded from shoulder to knee, only to have the power of God heal her burned body before our very eyes. When her neurologist gave her the death sentence, we believed she would beat this one too. Yet, after several long years of terrible suffering, while still hoping and believing at the zenith of her pain, she communicated to me, "It is better to not be bitter". Because the presence of the literal person of Jesus so pervaded her, she was able to not be bitter and to convey that liberating truth to others. She had a level of relationship with Him that I wanted, that depth of experience with the Lord that she developed through her hardship. I wanted that same quiet strength she manifested, that fearless surrender to the very person of Jesus. And when she died, I "saw" into the Spirit and watched my wife launch from her tormented body and explode into Glory! She came right up out of the recliner that had cradled her for years - she just didn't land in the living room! She was rescued from torment - not just to be free, but to be rescued into the presence of Jesus!
In the days that followed, the Lord took me to the book of I Kings. He showed me the story concerning the transfer of the anointing from Elijah to Elisha; Elisha being the successor to the prophetic office. Elisha had asked for a double portion of the anointing that was resident upon his master. Elijah stated that if Elisha was able to "see" him taken up, then Elisha would receive what he had asked for. As Elijah was swept up into the whirlwind, Elisha saw it all and received a double portion of the anointing. As I was considering this, the Lord spoke to me about my request to have what Jenny had. He reminded me of what I "saw" in the Spirit when Jenny left. That He told me, was the same as Elisha seeing Elijah being taken up. He had given me all that He had given Jenny, and offered me the very same rescue from hardships and heartache that would usher me into a new level of relationship with Him!
Jenny left something for me that was available only through her courage and unswerving faith in the face of death itself. Her desire was that all who hear her story will embrace the reality of the literal person of Jesus, experience a rescue from overwhelming hardships, and launch into a new level of relationship with Him. Anyone can have what she had, merely by asking God and believing.
Jenny Conner was heroic with her life. She was and still is my hero. Thank you, Jenny for loving me and giving me more than any wife could ever hope to give her husband. I love you, Jenny! I'll see you at the Gates!
