Clash of the Titans
Thanks to their trailblazing acting, TV will forever value big fat black bruthas'
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| Carl Winslow vs. Phillip Banks: Clash of the Titans |
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| While Bill Cosby may have broke the colour barrier in I Spy during the 1960s, the fat black man was admonished for his girth and lack of functional screen presence. The Animated series Fat Albert has been noted as a step toward colour/weight equality but by the 1980s, shitty sitcoms like 227 and Amen had destroyed any credibility that ethnic comedy had gained.. Fortunately things were about to change. Reginald "Carl Winslow" VelJohnson and James "Philip Banks" Avery starred in two knee-slapping HI-larious comedies, ABC's TGIF kingpin Family Matters and NBC's Must See TV's The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air respectively. Throughout the 1990s, these two heavyweights squared off for the title of TV's most beloved fat black brutha'. Each week, Veljohnson's antics as a tubby Chicago police officer fighting off the gay sexual advances of Jaleel "Urkel" White were a striking contrast to Avery as an L.A. lawyer/judge beating the shit of Will Smith and his closet-case son Carleton (played by Alfonso Ribeiro). Holy shit, they rocked hard. They gave and they gave to satisfy the mainstream public. And for WHAT?? To please some pissant unemployed shit-for-brains who couldn't get laid on a Friday night! TGIF sucked!! Do you realize how much they had to eat to maintain their unhealthy figures? By Fresh Princes's 6th season, NBC had to pay Avery his weight in bacon grease per episode. People refuse to see the depth of their characters and their limitless potential. Thanks to their trailblazing acting, TV will forever value big fat black bruthas' |
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| By Family Matters fifth season, Veljohnson's drinking problem became evident to his fellow castmembers. He believed that his character Carl should leave the family and begin life as a caped crimefighter in his own spin-off "That Crazy Nigga Zorro" | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Avery's penchant for erotic romance novels and barely-legal porno creeped the shit out of Ribiero and Joseph "Geoffrey" Marcell. It was not so much that Avery read the novels that disturbed them, but rather his insistance that part of the books be re-enacted onscreen. Repeatedly NBC execs rebuked his ideas. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| In the series finale, Carl Winslow and Urkel are finally united in what is remembered as the first onscreen kiss between a fat black man and a nerdy white kid playing a nerdy black kid. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| In 1997, James Avery lived out his childhood dream when he bought the land rights to several Navajo reservations. Avery promptly booted the indians off his land to make way for his own chain of Lucky Savage Casinos and Brothels. Several tribes attempted to regain control of their lands but their legal battles ceased in 2000 when Avery sold off his holdings to Veljohnson's own company: The International House of Winslow (IHOW). Veljohnson sucessfully lobbied congressional leaders to get a group of people with guns to clean out the Navajo ghettos that had gathered outside his casinos and brothels. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| In 2001, gave peacefully gave himself up to LAPD officers after an armed robbery and buggery fiasco. Here we see Veljohnson surrendering to police as the victim of his 'buggerying' is seen walking away in shame | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sadly, James Avery died in 2002 after attempting to toss DJ Jazzy Jeff out of his house. He slipped on a flaming pile of dog shit Ribiero had placed on his front step as a prank and broke his neck. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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