jottings

Disconnected Jottings

Someone else used this title before. I can't be too sure, but I think it may have been either Eion Young in Autocar or the late Denis Jenkinson in Motor Sport. Anyway, whoever it was I hope he won't mind my borrowing it (I promise to give it back when I've finished with it), because it describes so perfectly what these pages are all about - every now and then I write down some thoughts that are passing through my head on one topic or another. Here they are, for what they are worth..

11 February 2004

Another fine, dry day � we seem to be on a roll; hopefully it will last � so I decided to do the School run in the E-type this morning. Isobelle didn�t like it � she prefers the comfort of the Mercedes � but for me it was an uplifting, almost spiritual experience. As we settled into a comfortable 110 down the A30, it really didn�t seem to show its 37 years, purring comfortably along on a whiff of throttle. But I did have to admit that the cockpit of a convertible E-type with the roof up is not a civilised place to be, as I strained to hear the radio above the din of the roof / wind noise. On the way home, however, with the roof down, it was a whole different ball game and I could not think of anywhere I would rather be (my ears did get a bit cold, however).

Later this morning, the allure of the sunshine and the E-type was too hard to resist, so I went out for a drive, just for the sake of it. About a hundred miles or so through some of the finest countryside in England, taking in the windswept North Cornish Coast and the wild beauty of Bodmin Moor. The E-type performed faultlessly, a combination of the effortless torque of the long-stroke race-bred XK engine and the predictable, forgiving handling, allowing me to make the most of the fast sweeping curves and the clear, dry roads.

13 March 2004

I have now had the new Merc � �00 E430 estate, 27K miles - for ten days and covered about 500 miles. So time for my initial impressions, I think.

Yes, I like it!

Comparisons are inevitable, the most obvious ones being with the one which preceded it � �95 E280 estate W124, bought in 1999 with 57K miles on the clock, sold with 117K, so run for almost exactly 60K miles / five years; and with the BMW � �99 528i saloon � which we have now had for just over a year.
Compared to its predecessor, it is in very many ways a better car, as indeed it should be � faster, sharper handling, better gearbox (with one more speed), even smoother and more refined (which is saying a lot, because the last one was exceptionally good in this area), with lots more labour-saving / convenience / safety devices.

In a few (admittedly minor) ways, it is not so good. The main of these (and this does concern me) is the cabin finish / fittings. Compared to the vast majority of cars on the road, the interior of this car is a sumptuous and beautifully appointed place to sit. Some of the fittings, however, do not give me quite the same feeling of quality as the W124 and fall short of BMW standards, too. It just isn�t quite as �special� as it ought to be.

Then there are the little details. Gone is the third sun-visor above the interior mirror, long a Merc trade-mark and a wonderful demonstration of good sense (the engineer) triumphing over economy (the accountant); ditto the asymmetric door mirrors, an equally excellent example of Teutonic logic (the engineer again) triumphing over fashion (the stylist) in design. Finally the slim, wand-like gear lever, with the plain but elegant knob, has given way to a stubby affair, with an unnecessary �Avantgarde� badge on it. OK, so I am nit-picking, but all of these things add up to a change of attitude in Stuttgart, that coincided with a change of identity (as Daimler-Benz became Daimler Chrysler, RIP Karl Benz, one of the founders of the motor car industry, move over and let Walter take your place).

And while I am being negative, the seats. The old ones were covered in a variety of very hard-wearing cloth (not a sign of wear after almost 120K miles speaks volumes) and the new ones are upholstered in leather. Both are extremely comfortable, but the former really held you in your place, where the latter leave you feeling that you are about to slip off.

So, having given my new car a good slating, what can I say that justifies the not inconsiderable expense of �trading up�?

For starters, there�s that engine. The 280 is a hard act to follow, with an extremely refined straight-six twin overhead cam engine (one of my all-time favourite configurations) of great quality that is well up to the job of moving a large estate car around with remarkable speed. The 430, however, is in a different league, making the 280 seem as rough and underpowered as the average diesel, with a creamy-smooth 4.3 lire V8, which turns out 275 bhp and 295 ft lbs of torque and propels this large, heavy car to 100 mph in a shade over 15 seconds. Now, that may not bear comparison with my 911, but it is faster than my other E-type (Jaguar) and as fast as my Bentley Turbo R. And, indeed, that is a good comparison � they are both large, heavy cars, that do a damn good job of impersonating the best of sports cars, while offering the accommodation of a large, comfortable drawing-room (the Merc furnished in contemporary fashion, the Bentley with fine antiques).

At no time do you feel that you are being hurled forward with indecent haste � the engine is too quiet and effortless for that � but you do find yourself arriving at bends rather faster than you had anticipated, so it is comforting to discover that the brakes and the handling are well up to the job of knocking off the speed and hauling you round the corner, respectively.

Once again, I was a very satisfied customer when it came to the 280�s autobox, but that in the 430 is oodles better. The changes really are almost imperceptible and, while the older car repaid some intelligent stirring of the lever, the 430�s box does the thinking for you. For the record, it is a five-speeder, with well spaced ratios and a high top gear which makes for very relaxed cruising (the ton comes up at a smidgeon over 3,000 rpm), and may also account for the fact of almost identical fuel consumption to the 280. The gearbox is of the �adaptive� type and it does indeed interpret your requirements very well. Although it has a �tip-function�, it is not a tiptronic gearbox in the manner of a Porsche or BMW � it controls the range of gears available for automatic shifting, rather than selecting individual gears in the fashion of a clutchless manual. Nor does it have a �sport� mode (relying, quite satisfactorily in my view, on the �adaptive� bit for that), but it does have a �winter� mode, suited to use on slippery surfaces. So, it makes no pretensions to having a dual identity. It is an automatic gearbox only, albeit a highly sophisticated one - and a darned good one, too.

The handling is a great improvement on the 280. Much sharper, much sportier, but without any loss of ride quality - it still soaks up bumps as though they just didn�t exist. This is in part due to the fact that, being the �avantgarde� version (what a silly name � why is this nonsense necessary?), it has sportier settings & a lower ride height; and in part due to the tyres � Dunlop SP Sport 2000 235/45 on 8J x 17 alloys (in a nice, easy to clean 5-spoke �cup� style, unlike the BMW�s, which are a car cleaner�s nightmare).

The steering is excellent � light at low speeds, but well-weighted at higher speeds, it gives just the right amount of feel and allows you to place the car exactly where you want it to be at all times.
And in this general department, as well as ABS (which came with the old car) and Brake Assist (which didn�t), it has a full Electronic Stability Programme � a sophisticated form of traction control. And it works. Instead of feeling as though it is inflicting a sudden loss of power half way through a corner � which our BMW is inclined to do and a Bentley Arnage which I tried recently did too � it merely moderates the power delivery to each wheel progressively and you just stay on the road instead of ending up in the ditch.

So, on the primary safety front, it is a considerable improvement over the old car. Same goes for secondary safety, as we get a whole heap more airbags (in doors and above windows), though still none in the A pillars, like the BMW has.

Unlike some Japanese, Korean and even British cars, which �come with everything as standard�, the basic price of a Merc is only the starting point. A properly specced car will cost at least 25% to 30% more than the base price. Which is one reason why those of a parsimonious disposition don�t buy Mercs. And the more fool them, for, as the late Sir Henry Royce was prone to say, the quality will be remembered long after the price has been forgotten (well, he would, wouldn�t he!). A flashy Daeotabushi or MG-Rover with all the goodies may look like a good deal, but own a well-specced Merc for a year or two and you will know what a good deal is.

It is also a reason why there is a lot of under-equipped Mercs on the second-hand market. A 430, however, is a pretty rare bird (so many Merc buyers opt to follow the example of the Stuttgart Taxi fleet and buy a car that runs on the same stuff farmers put in their tractors, or buy an underpowered cheapie, so that they can say �I�ve got a Mercedes� over a half of lager & lime down at the Ferret & Radiator). Apart from the fact that many of the items which were options for cars lower down the range came as standard on the 430, the sort of chap who was prepared to pay out for one in the first place, was less inclined to stint on the extras. Certainly the first owner of mine seems to have been fairly liberal with the options list.
Among the more useful of the toys are:

Rain-sensing wipers that work, so you really can just �set & forget�.

Seats which adjust every which way by a host of electric motors and can store up to three different settings for both driver and passenger, together with the positions of the door mirrors and the steering column (which adjusts electrically for both rake and reach), make finding and subsequently recalling the ideal seating position an easy task.

Door mirrors that fold back at the touch of a button are very handy in narrow lanes.

A passenger door mirror that adjusts downwards to give a good view of the kerb when reverse gear is engaged, is also a useful gizmo.

Radar front and rear to help with parking at close quarters is a boon to one-eyed monsters like me (no stereo vision to help me judge distances).

Self-dipping interior and driver�s door mirrors also get my vote.

The two rear-facing seats that come out of the boot floor to make this a seven-seater without any loss of boot space (unlike the average SUV � Silly wUzzock�s Vehicle), are a favourite with my seven year old daughter, who loves riding in them, pulling faces at the driver of the car behind. We had these in the last Merc, but they now come with their very own cupholders (making a total of 6, including the 2 that pop out of the drop-down armrest in the centre of the middle row of seats)!

And on the subject of seats, the two built-in booster seats in the middle row seat cushions which pop up when required, are a very neat idea.

And the multi-function steering wheel that controls among other things an excellent radio / cassette / six-stack CD system, is not only convenient, but a major contributor to safer driving.

Finally, let�s end on a low note � the looks! Not only is the W124 a much better looking Merc, but the super-elegant 5-series BMW that sits next to it in our drive really does make the E430 look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Which makes it all the more extraordinary that BMW have now chosen reverse the situation by replacing the most beautiful car in its class with the ugliest car in the world.

1 September 2003

Is it ugly, or what?

How is it that a company as capable as BMW can come up with such an unattractive replacement for one of the most elegant medium-size saloons ever designed?

I refer, of course, to the latest 5-series, but my comments could have been made when the current 7-series arrived, were it not for the fact that the previous one, while undeniably good-looking, was not in the same class as its smaller stable-mate when it came to the style stakes (there is a last-series 528 parked in my drive right now � my wife�s daily driver � and whenever I see it I cannot help but admire it).

I have no doubt that someone loves the new 5-series and I assume that it will sell in large enough numbers to keep the Quandts (BTW, did you know they are related to Hermann Goebbels?) in luxury for a few years more, but will it be the runaway success that its predecessor was? I doubt it.

No, in my view, BMW has a lemon on its hands, rather like Merc did with the last S-class (but isn�t the present one gorgeous?) and Ford did with the final reincarnation of the Granada / Scorpio, famously compared by Jeremy Clarkson, with unusual perspicacity, to a wide-mouthed frog.

And just as the Merc and Ford were failures in the sales stakes compared to their immediate predecessor, so, in my not very humble opinion, will be the new 5-series - and, although I have not checked the sales figure, I suspect the current 7-series already is (I read somewhere recently of the owner of a new 7 being offered exactly half the new cost of his car when he wanted to sell it after only twelve months, which doesn't say a lot in its favour, does it?).

Indeed, BMW seems to be orchestrating a well-organised campaign to alienate some its most loyal customers with Teutonic efficiency.

Take my brother-in-law, for example (well, my sister did). As an active director of a property company with interests all over the country, he drives about 50,000 miles a year. Every 18 months since he traded in his coach and four, he has been taking delivery of a new 7-series BMW. Until the current model was announced.

He is not an unreasonable man, but to expect him to �drive around in something that looked like that�, was, he felt, beyond the pail. He wasn�t at all sure that he would be able to understand the I-drive thingy either, but he doesn�t like to admit that - just like most of the people who have bought them, who pretend they know how to work their cars, but are careful to take a ten-year old child in the front passenger seat everywhere they go, to operate the controls.

However, instead of doing the obvious thing and popping in to see those nice Daimler-Benz � sorry Chrysler � people and coming out with a shiny new S-class, he said �no, I have been happy with BMWs for as long as I can remember, so maybe I can make do with a smaller one this time� and bought a 5-series, with which he is well-pleased. In a few months, however, it will be time to replace his car � and they�ve gone and done it to him again!

And if my wife thinks I am ever going to replace her car with a new 5-series, she has another think coming � except that by the time I get my wallet out, they will probably have brought out a new model, and if they learn the same lesson as Merc did with the S-class, it will be a stunner.