I loved J&B madly & if I had to describe them in one word it would have to be MAGICAL. They are & will always be my all time favorite GH couple. I can't believe it took me soo long to fall for them. I wasn't like some other fans who saw the magic the minute Jax laid eyes on Brenda in his penthouse. No, the magic took a little longer to hit me. It was when Jax swooped Brenda off to Malibu the first time that I fell hard. I knew I was a goner the moment he took her on a shopping spree on Rodeo. It reminded me of Pretty woman my all time favorite movie. I loved them because after so many years of being desperate Brenda finally had a man show her how love should really be. He was like a knight in shining armor who literally swooped in & saved her from her demons & at the time of the dark S&B. J&B were a welcome breath of fresh air.

J&B created so many beautiful scenes together that it is so hard for me to pick just one favorite. However, I must say that I absolutely adored New Orleans. It was fun & yet sensual (the dance in the rain left it's official mark on my consciousness). & no one knew how to do romance like our Jasper. For instance his proposal to Brenda had to be one of my all time favorites:

"I love you Brenda, more each day.

I promise I'll never hurt you.

You don't have to prove yourself to me, or turn your life upside down to show your loyal.

I'll never scream at you, I'll never frighten you, or hurt you knowingly in any way.

You're safe with me."

I love these lines because it epitomizes everything that Jax was for Brenda. I know that she's gone but for the longest time it was hard for me to realize that she wasn't going to come back to him and that she was gone for good. I think it finally hit me that day during Jax's grieving that he was listening to her message on the answering machine. There was something so final about that entire scene. It was like Brenda was saying I love you for the last time. I sometimes think of J&B when I hear the Sarah McLachlan song "I will remember you" because it is such a sad song & I always want Jax to remember how important Brenda was to him. I miss the way his eyes just used to light up whenever she was in the room. She was so spunky & just alive & I really miss that.

I often wonder what a reunion would be like. My dream would be for Jax to be standing on the docks when Brenda just appears out of the mist like a ghost. He is unsure at first but then he runs to her & they are reunited. However, as much as I want this reunion it would not be acceptable with a recast. The only Brenda I want for Ingo's Jax is VM.

In the meantime Jax should keep a photo of Brenda at least in his wallet & look at it from time to time. Unfortunately I am not currently enjoying Jax's storyline. If I could change the last 11 mos, I would have Jax still trying to take over Cassadine industries with Alexis & have them start to develop feelings for one another. I would never have included the trip to Monte Carlo & he never would've heard of Chloe Morgan.

So I guess I'll just sit back & FF through J&Chloe while I anxiously await something to enjoy about Jax again. & I'll always be grateful for J&B for making me believe in fairytales.

Ah, the memories. It's funny how time can slip away from you, then, months later, you're thrown head first into the past. While I was listening to the radio today, "Love Will Lead You Back" by Taylor Dane came onto the radio. Jax and Brenda flooded my memories as they so often do. The song took me back to the beginning, when I first fell in love with them. They captured me from day one, but when they made love for the first time, it sealed the deal.

I often ask myself why I loved them so, and the answer is always clear--it's because of their energy. They just give me a good feeling about them and about myself. It's certainly the kind of love I want, and Jax and Brenda help me believe I can have it.

Diary, when I think of them, only one word comes to mind--necessary. Jax and Brenda are necessary, I know it. If that's not true, then I don't know anything. To keep myself from crying, I changed the radio station, and came across "She's All I Ever Had" by Ricky Martin. Let's just say, Diary, that this didn't stop the steady stream of tears that had begun to flow.

I finally decided to turn off the radio, but Brenda and Jax did not leave my thoughts. My mind went immediately to my all time favorite scene. Brenda came home to the cottage after visiting Veronica, and Jax was waiting for her. Their body language was perfect, as Brenda absently stroked Jax's face, and he smelled her hair and caressed her face. That moment was 'full circle' for me. I could clearly see the faith they had in each other.

Still in dreamland, that sexy smile of Jax's comes into my mind. He's looking at Brenda and she's returning his smile. "You're insatiable," she says, grinning from ear to ear. "I can't help it," he responds. "Everytime I look at you, I feel incomplete if I can't touch you." I sighed, and leaned back, Diary, completely in the moment. Suddenly, my smile leaves me, and I hear the haunting words that Brenda said. Words that will be eternally etched in my memory. "You know, I've never been able to accurately describe you to someone who doesn't already know you. Because you're so incredible, on so many levels. You're beyond words." When I first saw that scene, Diary, I was beyond words.

While we're on the subject of words, Diary, another person's comes to mind. Alexis, on Brenda's birthday. Alexis brought Brenda back to life for a few moments when she said, "I remember the first time that I saw her. I stopped dead in my tracks, she was that beautiful. The two of you were having dinner, and she was telling you some story. And she said something funny, and she laughed, and you laughed and then she laughed again, and I realized that was what made her so lovely--her joy at your joy." Diary, my mind wondered again, as if often does, to Dawson and Joey from Dawson's Creek. I fancy them to be the teenage versions of Jax and Brenda. During a powerful scene, Dawson asked Joey what she felt about sad love stories. Dawson said, "Doesn't[the fact that those couples didn't make it] worry you about your own lovelife?" Joey said, "No, the effect [of watching the sad stories]is positive." Then Dawson asked a question I've often asked myself about Jax and Brenda -- "What good is their love if it couldn't overcome those obstacles?" And then Joey answered with a sentence that certainly rings true for Jax and Brenda. "Because in spite of those obstacles,they never stop loving." That screams Jax and Brenda to me.

In a perfect world, Jax and Brenda would have been together forever. But alas, they are not. It hasn't really hit me that Brenda is gone, and I suppose it never will, but never did I feel so much for the loss as I did during Jax's grief. Diary, I recall the moment clearly-- Jax stood at the spot where Brenda left him and said quietly, "I'm not gonna jump." And then later, Brenda's absence was brought to the forefront of my thoughts when Lady Jane asked Jax not to send his father to prison. Jax said, "I'd give anything to have Brenda tucked awayin a cell. At least I'd be able to touch her..." I think it hit me the most when Jax decided to pack up Brenda's things.

I will miss many things about Brenda and Jax, Diary, but mostly I will miss the way they made me, and all my fellow angels, feel with the shortest, simplest of scenes. I'll miss the genuine love they felt for one another, because they shared that with us all.

Wallowing in my memories, now, I consider a JB reunion. It is perhaps my greatest wish in this life, something I pray for on a regular basis, and something I fully expect. I don't think I will accept a recast unless Vanessa Marcil makes it clear that she will not return under any circumstances. Somehow, they must live on, if only in my dreams. Either way, Diary, this recast has got to be superb. Diary, my ideal reunion is something I've dreamt about day in and day out. Jax would be trying to find and rescue Brenda, and he'd think he failed at the attempt. I envision him devastated, much like Brenda was, outside the warehouse fire. Brenda and Jax would finally see each other, their eyes locking all at once. As they stare, and a tear falls from Jax's eyes, they move towards each other, taking baby steps. I hear Brenda letting out a scream when their bodies finally make contact and they fall to the floor from the sheer impact and joy that they feel. Few things bring me to my knees, Diary,but this certainly would.

That reunion seems a ways off, so for now, Diary, I think I'd like to see Jax honor Brenda's memory. Jax should devote himself to the neurology wing and research he's been funding. Jax should meet and befriend a woman that this illness is affecting. Jax would find a cure, help this woman, and in this way, help his beloved Brenda. Jax should visit her gravesite, too. Though, just between you and me, Diary, she's not buried there, or anywhere. She's alive. Laura and Lucky got grave sites, didn't they, and neither one of them are dead.

All this talk of sadness makes me want to rewrite a little history. If I could back it up 11 months, I'd start with Jax, Brenda, and the test. I'd let Brenda find out she doesn't have the gene. They'd have the wedding of their dreams, and it'd go off without any hitches. Brenda would become pregnant, and they'd have a baby boy onscreen. He'd have blonde hair and blue eyes, and they'd name him Jackson. Then they'd take Veronica to Kronos, or Malibu, and she could live out her days in peace. I'd let Jax and Brenda leave together.

Thinking back has made me think of the future, Diary. Loving Jax and Brenda changed my outlook on several aspects of my life. Everytime I tackle something, I use the strength I know they had and still have. If they can overcome, so can I. Each victory I share with them, and you, Diary. I know I can do anything. And when I see a potential mate, I don't think setting him to Jax's standards is by any means too high. Jax and Brenda are my guidelines for almost everything in my life.

Diary, loving Brenda made Jax 'more'. Loving the both of them has made me 'more', as well. I am able to see the more important things in life. I got a harsh dose of reality when Brenda left him the first time, on her birthday. I ignored the previews, and couldn't accept that she'd really leave. Each of those days was a living hell, watching him hurt. I wanted them together so badly that when it finally happened, the feelings were surreal, and sublime. I've never been so supremely happy about anyone or anything before or since. I'm waiting for the day of their reunion to feel that way again. I'm more of a person, Diary, because of the love they gave to me, just by being real to each other, truthful, and honest. I'm a better person after coming through that relationship.

And finally, I'll leave you, Diary, with this. As Jax said, "I love you. And our life is going to be perfect. It's only going to get better..."

I fell in love with Jax and Brenda at a young age, but I hadn't become a true fan yet. It took until the second wedding for me to realize that I truly liked them. It was the chemistry they shared, and this pure love that I had never witnessed before. I saw that pure love on screen when Brenda told Jax she loved him, that has been my favorite scene in the entire Jax and Brenda story. I love the promise of "Nobody Leaves" that J&B made to each other, that was very beautiful. When I think of Jax and Brenda, I think of soulmates, thats what they were to each other.

Whenever I hear, "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing", I remember the last love scene. My parents had a Jax and Brenda relationship, my mother gave my father 2 weeks to decide if he was going to marry her, or never see her. Whenever I hear that story, it screams Jax and Brenda. I never realized Brenda was really gone, until Jax packed up her belongings. Her energy filled the penthouse, and when Jax packed it all up, thats when I realized I'd be missing her energy. I would love for Vanessa to come back, even if it meant that Ingo was leaving. No one can replace Vanessa, and I hope that one day she can come back and resume the romance with Jax. I wish Jax wasn't dating Chloe, and he would preserve Brenda's memory, like Edmund did on AMC. Because of Jax and Brenda, my friend Amy and I decided to make the first Jax and Brenda website. It started off as a little project, but as our love for J&B grew, it turned into a huge website. That is how J&B made me more.

From the moment Brenda walked into Jax's PH , the machine said Jack Pot I knew that was the couple I had been waiting for. They just had "it" from the beginning. I fell in love with them immediately. Over time they evolved into such a caring couple - putting each other first. Theirs is a lasting love. There were so many scenes with them that I love but one of the best ones was at the hospital when she was tested for the disease. That's what romance & love are all about. I could write a book on them as there are so many fond memories & lines of theirs that just seem to "hit" me at times. Some of my favorite lines were when Jax asked Brenda to marry him & she said I'll marry you over & over again. They didn't have to say alot . Sometimes just "always" was enough & each knew what the other one meant. My favorite line of Jax was "I'm as sure as the sun" & my favorite line of Brenda's was "I'm head-over-heels in old fashioned love with you."

"Powerful" is the word that describes J&B to me. Together they could do anything. I'm sitting here listening to one of their songs which I really love called "Love" (Love is free, free is love). There are so many of their songs that just bring tears to my eyes as I listen to them. I love to pop them in & let them take me back.

I know a couple that are so much like them. They are there for each other & the acceptance they have for each other is something I saw with J&B. It took time of course. I've seen their trials & tribulations & they keep making them stronger. They never give up on each other. Brenda will always be with Jax to guide him if he needs it & show him the way when need be. He's is struggling to follow the path she finally took of goodness & light. He'll make it. I feel Brenda taught Jax as much as he taught her. I really miss Brenda's love for life & inspiration. Brenda & Jax are truly meant to be & they will be. I am patiently waiting for that day. It will come as sure as the sun. If Van is not able to make it back when the time comes I can accept someone filling in as long as it is a reunion & not more tribulation for them. They've been through enough. (and so have we) I would like to see Brenda washed up on a beautiful & peacefull island. She has no way to contact Jax. She sends a "message in a bottle" which someone finds & by putting two & two together, contacts Jax. She has sent several messages & it's the last message she sends that he gets. (She always saves the best till the end you know) He finds her of course & they have their perfect wedding at sea. When he finds her she has two little Jaxes with her. They will then sail off into the sunset for their new life together.

In the meantime I would like to see Jax keep working on the project to find a cure for the illness that her mother has & possibly that Brenda may have. He would have the project named after Brenda. It would help alot of people & there will be a cure found eventually. I think he could really honor Brenda in this way.

The grieving process of Jax wasn't shown as much as it should have been. After all Brenda is the love of his life. He was not given the time he needed to heal. He still needs time. There are so many people that could have helped him through it & we could have seen it. I wish we would have seen some of this with his family . I also would like to have seen more conflict over the family deception & them dealing with it as a family. Jax should have a true male friend which I don't ever remember seeing for him. He doesn't always need a woman. I don't like that Brenda has been packed away in a box as if she was just something to take down to the basement to get out of the way. How rude! Brenda & Jax have given me strength & optimism. I am from an abusive relationship which affected me & my three daughters immensley. Their optimism kept me going at times to just watch them & tune out my own life a little when need be. With everything they went through it gave me the strength & hope to get through some things here & help my daughters get through some very trying times. If Jax & Brenda could do it, so could I. When I needed to be pulled up I would pop in one of their scenes. Now I just watch them for the enjoyment. They are definetly one of a kind & I saw it all!