![[Jokes]](http://us.yimg.com/i/ligans/cb/smjoke.gif)
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.
After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to 2 men and a woman, but only one position was available.
The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." they explained.
The man got a shocked look on his face and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!"
"Well," says the CIA man, "you're definately not the right man for this job then."
So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances" they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her"
The second man looked a bit shocked, but nonetheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 min., then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her, I just couldnt pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess i'm not the right man for the job."
"No," the CIA man replied, "You dont have what it takes. Take your wife and go home"
Now they're down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the same door to the same room and then hand her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstnces this is your final test. Inside you?????????????????? will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him."
The woman took the gun and opened the door. Once the door closed, the CIA heard the gun start firing. One shot after another.After came 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet.
The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didnt tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat the bastard to death with the chair!"
Once a woman was in labor; she was having a really tough time dealing with the pain. The doctor came to ther husband and her and told them of a new experimental drug that allows the woman to transfer 25% of the pain to the father. The husband feels really bad for his wife so he decides they will try it.
The wife takes the pill and a few minutes later the husband says, "I dont feel a thing. You women are babies. Take another pill I can handle this." So the wife takes another pill. Same thing happens. Her husband tells her to take another pill. Same thing. By now she has transferred 75% of her pain to her husband. She is feeling a little pain but her husband is still feeling nothing. He is convinced that women are complete wuses. He tells her, "Take another pill. This isnt hurting me at all. Let me take all the pain away." So she does. Now they are both feeling great.
A few hours later, the wife gives birth to a beautiful baby boy. The next day they take their newborn son home, and there they find the mailman dead on the doorstep.
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was. Over the course of the evening, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the housekeeper than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered,"I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional."
About a week later, the housekeeper came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it do you"
John said "Well, I doubt it, but I"ll write her a letter just to be sure."So he sat down and wrote:
"Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take the gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which said "Dear son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your housekeeper, and i'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with your housekeeper. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"