117 BAILEY HALL SIUC 1999
EPISODE I: WELDING
One day, we were bored, and Tex and Dave had just bought a welder. Why, I'll never know, but they did. T&D had already removed Dave's mufflers via cutting torch, and they were going to put on tips to add to the car's aesthetic value. So they commenced to welding outside our dorm. The laugh factor was off the scale about this time. We kept waiting for A) the Resident Assistant to come down and check out the hulabaloo and/or B) the cops to show up and arrest us all. Hope this sets the scene.
This is Dave's T-Bird, the victim of this misguided experiment in merrymaking. The steps lead up into the dorm. The landing is a good place to hang, smoke, and generally sit and B.S. about the world.
This is Dave, my suitemate. We call him Slim. He's holding the tip we welded on.
Tex and Dave. Tex is the long skinny one on the ground. That's a genuine piece of Americana laying next to him on the ground, his hat. It's a long story.
This guy is the other suitemate, Mike. He's Dave's roomie. His nickname is Flamer. That's another long story.
Dave is just so happy with his Thunderchicken that he decides to burn out whenever possible, which is often. This just happened to be a time when we could get it on film.
EPISODE II: BIKE TOSS
Dave's dad had graciously given us a pair of useless bikes, and we didn't want them. We decided to dispose of them properly in the only way we knew how: Campus Lake. This picture is of Flamer and I right before we recycled the bikes.
In the process of the act. We thought the water was about 4 feet deep at this point of the lake, so that would hide the evidence.
We were wrong. The pedal of the red bike stuck through the water, that's how shallow it was. Were we ever wrong.
Oh well.
There is a epilogue to this story. After this, we discovered the bikes had been removed from the lake, and we found the green one. Slim rode it around for a while, then proceeded to excercise our right to beat the tar out of metal. The bike ended up on the rack outside our rooms. It was recently removed without us knowing it and it disappeared into the great void.
EPISODE III: FAN TOSS
Allow me to set the stage for this latest bit of silliness. I brought a small fan, about 14 inches, to my room to help move air about. I had hoped to make it through the year with it intact. I was wrong.
I came home one night from rehearsal and found my fan, sans blades, in the shower. I, being the naturally curious type that I am, inquired gently of my roommates, "What the hell happened here?"
Tex, Mike, and Dave all busted up laughing. I didn't find it nearly so amusing. Then again, I rarely see what's so funny about busting up and breaking my stuff.
Finally, I got the story out of them.
It seemed that Dave and Tex wanted to give the fan more "character." Does anyone else see shades of "Tool Time" here? Anyway, it caught on fire. Thompson grabbed the fan that had flames shooting off of it, and then went running into the hall. Brilliant move. To make a long story short, they tried to plug it back in, and it made it about 10 seconds before it caught fire again. That's how it ended up in the shower. It junked up the room for two weeks or so longer, then I got tired of it laying around, so one night, I wrapped the cord around the base and chucked it into Campus Lake. The water was actually about 4 feet deep, I checked this time. You can still see it if you know where to look. The Bailey Hall Bandits remain on the loose.
Dave, doing his ever tasteful Titty Dance. Ask one of us sometime.
EPISODE IV: THE TV
Have you ever witnessed a TV imploding? It's really cool. Tex and I, along with Nicole and my brother were out hiking when we found an old TV in the woods. Tex had brought his ice ax just in case we found ice on a 65 degree day. Go figure.
Before....
During.........
Tink, Tink goes the ax on the glass.....
BOOM!!!!!! The thing sounds like a 12 gauge going off. It was one of the coolest things I had ever witnessed. The sound echoed around the woods.
EPISODE V: DAVE, DUCKS AND PADDLEBOATS
One beautiful May day, Dave and I went for a paddleboat ride. We were cruising around Campus Lake, getting nowhere fast, when we spotted these ducks just swimming along. We immediately gave chase and paddled as hard as we could after them. We really thought the stupid things would take off and fly away, but they kept swimming along like nothing was wrong. We were getting mad at this point, because the ducks could swim faster than Dave and I could paddle. The one we were chasing joined up with two others and started quacking and talking amongst themselves. We finally chased them into the shoreline. I found a branch floating in the water, and since I was steering the boat, I gave the branch to Dave. We got close to the duck that had separated from the other two, and Dave chucked the branch it. It squawked off in a hurry. There's not much to do around Campus Lake, so we had to liven it up.
This is Regan, one of the honorary Bailey Hall Bandits, from down the hall. He had something happen to his comforter, something spilled or something on it, so he was going to clean it off. He couldn't find any latex gloves with which to clean it off, so I tore a garbage bag in half and scotchtaped it to his wrists. It worked, at least for the purpose he had in mind.