"Process and procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit or wisdom to do their job properly."
"Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office."
"Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots."
"Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability."
"Remember the three golden rules:
1) It was like that when I got here
2) I didn't do it
3) (To your Boss) I like your style."
"Set out to leave the first vapour trail in the blue sky scenario."
"Show me a good loser and I'll show you a LOSER!"
"Statistics are like a lamp post to a drunken man - more for leaning on than illumination."
"This is office is like an army. I'm the field General. Your my foot soldiers and customer quality is the WAR!!!"
"There may be no 'I' in team but there is 'ME' if you look hard enough. There's no 'I' in team but there's no 'I' in 'useless smug colleague' either. And there's four in 'platidue quoting idiot. Go figure."
"Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do."
"What does a Squirrel do in the summer? It buries Nuts. Why? Cos in winter he's got something to eat and he won't die. So collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a Squirrel do that? Think Squirrels. Think nuts."
