Disclaimer: I do not
own any of these characters. They
belong to NBC. The lyrics belong to
Geoff Moore & the Distance
If You Could
See
“No John,” Jing Mei cried, shaking her head. “I…I,” Jing Mei couldn’t describe the fear
she felt. She was scared of losing
him and she was scared of being with him. What was she going to do?
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John watched Deb as she began to shut down. She pulled her hands away, which were entwined
in his. “Deb, don’t walk away, please,”
John said hoarsely.
His stomach was doing flip-flops. John didn’t want to end this conversation
like this. He felt his hand grasp Deb’s
trembling arm. “Don’t runaway,” John
demanded.
Deb turned around and faced him. Her dark eyes were clouded by confusion and
fear. “I can’t John…I can’t answer
you.”
The words echoed in his head as his stomach lurched
in disbelief at the rejection.
John shook his head and steeled himself against his
insecurities and the compounding reasons of why she wouldn’t say yes. “You can’t just walk away. Talk to me Jing Mei,” he whispered.
He waited anxiously for her next words. John now truly realized how much he loved
her. The mere idea of rejection would
send him spiraling.
»
* »
Jing Mei didn’t
know what to say to the man who’d been her best friend, who was her best
friend for a lifetime. She owed him
more than that, more than just walking away.
Jing Mei took a deep breath, which seemed to calm her
and even slow down her racing heart.
“John, I don’t know what to say…” she admitted truthfully.
John pulled her closer until his arm hung loosely
wrapped around her waist. “Okay. Don’t say anything,” he coaxed softly. “Just don’t runaway.”
Jing Mei felt the tension in her body melt as John’s
warm arms tightened around her. The
moonlight illuminated his brown eyes.
She rested her head on his chest as she’d done so many times before.
Why was she scared?
This was John. Her best
friend. Her lover.
The passing thoughts seemed to tame all of her
instincts to run. Now, even the
thought of leaving seemed like a distant memory in the strong arms of the man
she loved.
“John, why?” she whispered. “I know we’ve grown…closer, than I’d ever imagined, but
marriage?”
Jing Mei regretted the question as it left her
lips. She knew it was more than closeness,
and John had professed his love for her many times, but Jing Mei didn’t know
how to express what she felt for him. Habit. Jing Mei had kept her feelings for John hidden
for such a long time that it didn’t seem natural to tell him. It left her wholly vunerable. Not to mention the fact that Jing Mei didn’t
deserve to be loved by a man this much.
Sometimes it drove Jing Mei crazy, but mostly amazed her, how much John
believed in her and his knowledge that they belonged together.
John seemed to hesitate. “Deb, I…I know you’re scared,” he paused. “Don’t you think I am? The thought of marriage scares the hell out of
me.”
Jing Mei felt his arms drop from her waist and watched
as one hand ran through his light chestnut brown hair. “Then why?” Jing Mei asked tentatively. “I wasn’t pushing you to do it. Hell John, I haven’t even managed to tell you
that I love you…”
This time it was Jing Mei who turned around the distracted
John. She looked him in the eye searching
for a reason, a reason why he wanted to marry her. Or, maybe, a reason not to.
»
* »
As John was turned around and confronted by a pair of
dark probing eyes, he felt his throat close. He unbuttoned his collar. John
was going to lay it out on the line. He
would tell her exactly what he was feeling.
It was all or nothing.