Disclaimer: All
characters belong to NBC and the verses from 1 Cor. 13
If I Have Not Love
***********************************
It does not envy, it does
not boast, it is not proud.
***********************************
“Deb, come on!” John coaxed. “Let me take you to dinner. It’s the least I can do after you got me
through that night.”
Jing Mei looked at him crookedly. “John, you don’t have to.” She didn’t want to go on a thank you
date. Jing Mei wasn’t that desperate—yet.
“But I want to,” he smiled that Carter smile, which
pretty much almost got him anything he wanted.
“Fine. You
can take me to Mickey D’s,” she stated, finishing up her paperwork for the
night.
Out of the corner of her eye, Jing Mei saw Carter roll
his eyes at her. “Hey, you keep that up and you won’t get the pleasure of my
company!” she warned, looking up after scribbling a note for 2ccs of morphine.
“All right,” he put up his hands in surrender. “But can’t I just take you out somewhere
else than Mickey D’s? Aren’t you tired
of it yet? I always take you there.”
“Not lately,” she mumbled. Jing Mei looked up at the pleading Carter. “Nope.
We’re going to McDonalds and getting a happy meal. I need one after my run in with Romano. Seriously I don’t know how Susan can stand
him sometimes. If he wasn’t an amazing
doctor, I’d throttle him.”
Carter shrugged and headed to the staff lounge. “Fine, you’re loss. You could have had an all-paid-for meal at
Chez Huit!” he yelled over his shoulder.
Jing Mei smiled to herself. It was the first time in weeks since they’ve gone out to
MacDonalds. She had begun missing their
talks over Big Macs and fries. “I’ll
take Mickey D’s any day!” Jing Mei yelled and quickly finished her charts.
~~~
“So, your turn for a crappy night?” John teased,
biting into his Big Mac.
“Yeah. It
wasn’t a big deal, but sometimes I wonder why I work at County,” she
moaned. Jing Mei smiled to herself as
she watched a dribble of sauce linger on the corner of John’s mouth. “You’ve got…right...” she waited for John to
lick it with the tip of his tongue, but he kept on missing. “Here.
Let me get it.”
Jing Mei reached over the small table top and wiped
away the sauce with her thumb. “You
know, I feel like a mom doing this to you.”
John’s brown eyes seemed to study her as she quickly
realized what she had just said. “You’d
make a great mom,” he said quietly, his eyes still watching her intently.
“Thanks,” Jing Mei said rasply. She picked up a fry and began to twirl it
between her fingertips. With renewed
strength, she joked to Carter. “Why is
it that we love these fries?”
John blinked at her as she looked questioningly at
him. Looking away, he seemed to give
way to the change of subject Jing Mei obviously wanted. “I don’t know. I think I feel an obligation to stand by MacDonalds for making
the first processed fry,” he laughed.
“Hey John, behind you is an older lady that seems
like your type.” Jing Mei muffled a
laugh.
“Where?” he asked absentmindly.
“Right behind you.
Twelve o’clock.”
He turned around and she could tell by the slouch of
his shoulders, he’d spotted her. “Haha.
Very funny Chen.”
Jing Mei continued to look at the elderly grey-haired
woman, hobbling around with a wooden cane.
In feign shock she exclaimed, “John, I was sure she was your
type!”
The sardonic look on John’s face said it all. She doubled over laughing. “You should have seen your face John!”
He rolled his eyes at her and crumpled the empty
paper wrap that once held his burger.
“Are you done?” he asked, looking at the small pile of fries dispersed
on the tray.
She stopped long enough to answer him. “Yeah,” she smiled. Taking a breath, “Thanks for supper!”
They both threw their garbage in the trash and
proceeded to the L-train. “I can take
you home Deb,” John offered.
Jing Mei felt a shiver down her spine as the cold air
hit her face, blowing her straight black hair away from her face. “I’m fine Carter. I can take care of myself.
I’m a big girl.”
John shrugged and smiled a crooked little smile. “Hey, it’s a gentleman’s duty to walk his
date home.”
She closed her eyes as John labeled their night out a
‘date’. Opening her eyes again she
smiled. “I’m fine,” she said
resolutely. “I don’t need a
babysitter.” Jing Mei knew she sounded
a little more testy than she should have.
Jing Mei looked over at the observant Carter,
seemingly trying to figure out what was wrong.
“Look John, it’s not like I live in the worst neighborhood in the
world. I’ll be fine.”
He smiled again and shook his head. “Nope.
I’m taking you home.”
And with that, he linked her arm through his and they
began the journey to her apartment.
»
* »
They hopped off the L-train a couple of blocks
ago. John didn’t know what it was. Things were so different with Deb now. ‘Jing Mei,’ he reminded himself.
What started as a friendly rivalry in med school
became an honest friendship. John
always trusted Deb to give him an honest answer and feelings be damned. Not that she wasn’t sensitive and sweet when
he needed it, but Deb was always ready to give him a swift kick in the arse if
he needed or deserved it.
John used to envy Deb’s brains. Back in med school, when girls didn’t matter
as much as being the top of the class, John would secretly watch what Deb was
doing or what she was saying to understand the recent class topic. Not that he was a dummy, but it didn’t hurt
to hear a different point of view or have a comparison to see if he was right.
She also had another advantage. It didn’t hurt for her to have parents that
were almost the top of their field in medicine.
But she never bragged about it. Having parents that were doctors, or that she always aced the exams, much to John’s chagrin.
“John?” Jing
Mei brought him back to reality.
She always brought him back to reality.
In it all, she was in fact, pretty modest. Actually, self-conscious, about her skills
as a physician. ‘Maybe that’s why
she’s gotten herself into the messes she’s had. She always waited around for someone to tell her she was
right. Deb was so scared of being
wrong, that she ended up becoming what she didn’t want the most.’
“Hey Carter!
I know you’re a startling coversationalist and deep thinker, but do you
think you could stay with me here?” she said sarcastically.
John looked over at his friend, actually his best
friend. Although he hadn’t been
treating her that way, especially in the past few months. “What?” he asked defensively.
“John, I know you’re probably self-analyzing
everything you did today, but I’m here to tell you. Don’t. Don’t analyze all
the calls you made, don’t beat yourself up for the mistakes you might
have made. Just be. Just trust you did the best you could at the
time.”
John looked intently at the woman who seemed to hold
the wisdom of the ages and cocked his head and smiled. “I will if you will.”
She seemed a little stunned at the retort. “What do you mean?” she asked as they
stopped at a crosswalk.
“I mean,” he paused pointing his finger at her, which she quickly swatted away. “You give good advice my friend, but you sure don’t take any of it.”
Her mouth pursed at the comment. She opened her mouth to reply, but then
quickly closed it again. “I don’t
analyze myself Carter. Stop
projecting,” she accused.
“Deb, did you or did you not just tell me tonight
that you asked Romano’s opinion about some patient, even though I know
that you know exactly what was wrong with him.”
She rolled her eyes.
“John, that has nothing to do with analyzing everything I do.”
John tugged on Deb’s arm and they continued their
walk back to her apartment. “You know
as well as I do, that since you’ve been back, you’ve questioned every call that
you’ve made in the trauma room, especially if Keri or Mark was assisting.”
“You’re wrong,” she replied, keeping her gaze ahead,
towards the approaching apartment building that she lived in.
“I’m not,” he said casually, shaking his head.
John felt her hands on his chest push him to a
stop. She had stepped in front of him
and stood on the verge of tears.
“Fine. You’re
right Carter,” she stifled a sob.
“You’re right. You’re always
right. I don’t know if I’ll make a good
doctor anymore. I can’t seem to do
anything right in that hospital. People
I work on, they die. Okay, two. But I’m sure that you haven’t got two deaths
like I have on your record.”
John watched as she shook with rage. He knew it wasn’t at him. He knew it wasn’t at the accusing
doctors. It was at herself.
“Deb I’m the last one to judge you. I’m a drug addict for pete’s sake.”
Deb wiped away the tears sliding down her cheek.
“Yes,” she said. “But at least you
don’t make the same mistake twice. At
least your mistake didn’t cost you the life of two patients.”
Deb’s hands slid from his chest and hung lifelessly
beside her. He opened his mouth to say
something, but before he had the chance, Deb walked away.
“Deb!” he called.
She didn’t turn around. “I’ll see you tomorrow John.”
John stood there for a while. Looking up at the apartment window being
lit. A shadowy figure snuffed out by
the flicker of a light switch.
Please R&R!
I hope you guys like it. Keep in
mind that it is my first Jinter fanfiction.
Be kind!