Disclaimer: All characters belong to NBC and the verses
from 1 Cor. 13
If I Have Not Love
***********************************
And now these remain: faith,
hope, and love.
***********************************
“Deb, look, I…” John searched for the words, but his mind
was a blank. He didn’t know how to tell
her. “You mean a lot to me.
John closed his eyes at the safe words. Deb nodded at him and sat down on the couch,
curling her feet up under her, hugging her knees to her chest. John followed suit and sat down on the
familiar couch. “You’re my best friend
and you’ve been with me through a lot,” John explained, slowly choosing his
words.
“That isn’t the problem
John. We both know we care about each
other and that we’re best friends. That
isn’t new,” Deb lamented. “This is
about me being upset with Abby and how that relates to my feelings for you. And your feelings for me.”
John was taken aback at her
assessment of their relationship. She
seemed to distance herself from him. It
was like she was scared to say it out loud.
“It’s not about Abby, not anymore,” he informed her.
John had been attracted to Abby,
and now after spending more and more time with Deb, his thoughts drifted less
and less to Abby.
“What are you talking about?” Deb
asked. “You’ve been pining away for her
for months.”
John heard the touch of
resentment that echoed in her words. He
nodded. “I can’t argue about that. You know me too well for me to lie to you,
but I’m telling you the truth when I say that I’m over her.”
Deb lowered her legs and sat
cross-legged on the couch. “Why?” she
asked curiously.
“I think I’m falling in love with someone else,” John admitted finally.
» * »
Jing Mei studied John’s face as he
said those words. Her heart skipped a
beat when he’d mentioned someone else.
Jing Mei couldn’t imagine who it could be. Susan? Another ER doctor?
Someone he met through some fundraiser? The possibilities seemed
endless and her hope of
being with him…
The thought made her stomach
flip. She had hoped to be with him. Somewhere down the line, Jing Mei had been waiting for John to notice
her. Jing Mei swallowed hard. Now it was
over?
She shook her head. It was
probably another fantasy girl. Jing Mei
smiled at the tense John who was staring at her. “Great!” she lied. “Is
she another one of your older blonde doctor types?” Jing Mei knew the joke fell flat as John shook his head.
“No. She’s not my ‘type’. That’s what makes her so
special,” John said seriously.
Jing Mei’s stomach lurched as she
searched for some possibility that he was making this all up. “Oh,” Jing Mei replied distractedly. “Where did you meet her?”
John seemed to look at her funny
and then quickly answered her question.
“She’s a doctor at the ER.”
Jing Mei had this sinking feeling
in her stomach. ‘He was not joking.’
Jing Mei had never seen John look
so serious or intense about anyone he was dating. She saw her hope slipping away with every word. “She’s very special to you…isn’t she?”
John nodded and grinned. Jing Mei had never seen this look of
complete happiness, contentment, and peace over one woman. “Yeah, she’s perfect
for me. Too bad it’s taken me so long
to realize it.”
‘Why
couldn’t you realize it with me?’ Jing Mei’s heart ached.
“Well, what’s she like?” Jing Mei
smiled half-heartedly.
Jing Mei didn’t really want to
know, but what kind of a friend would she be if she didn’t ask?
“We’ve known each other for a
long time,” John said carefully.
“Really? An old girlfriend?” Jing Mei suggested,
getting up from the couch and walking over to the kitchen counter. “Hot chocolate?”
John nodded and also got up from
the couch. He walked over to where she
was and leaned on the counter that separated them. “No, just a friend. She’s smart and funny. She doesn’t let me get away with anything,” John
laughed. “We can talk for hours and not
even notice a whole day passing by.”
Jing Mei listened to the
description of the girl. She’d thought
that she’d been the only one who did those things with him. How
presumptious of her.
“Well, what does she look
like? Maybe I know her,” Jing Mei asked
as she filled the kettle with water and turned on the burner.
“Brunette. My age, about your height.”
Jing Mei brought out two mugs and
leaned on the counter, her arms holding her up. “Wow! That really sounds
great. You’ve found the perfect girl. I guess you’ve figured out that love thing
now, huh? I was right about you finding
love in people you’re not looking for.
Maybe it’s because of the hair?” Jing Mei joked.
She had a hard time not choking
out the words.
“Yeah, I guess I did,” John
smiled. “Deb are you all right?”
“Oh,” Jing Mei exclaimed snapping
out of her own thoughts. “I’m
great. Stunned, but happy for you. I mean, you didn’t even mention that there
was a possibility of someone in your life, someone so close to you. Guess I don’t know you as well as I thought. I mean, if I can’t even figure out that
you’re in love with someone else?”
Jing Mei looked at John. He shook his head at her. “That’s not true Deb,” John laughed.
She had this gut feeling that
there would be no silly infatuation with this woman. John had finally found his match. And the thought of it just broke her heart.
» * »
John had chickened out of telling
Deb directly. He’d hoped that she would
realize he was talking about her, but no such luck. Instead, John watched an array of emotions go through his best
friend. She seemed stunned, then
denial, acceptance, and then sorrow. He
hated himself for making her go through all of these emotions.
“Deb, you are my best
friend. This thing came up
unexpectedly. Wait,” John put up his
finger looking down at his pager. “Listen,
my pager is going,” John informed. “If
you really want to meet her, come to dinner at Grams’ again. Tomorrow night?”
John could see Deb try to come up
with an excuse not to come, but John wouldn’t allow it. “Tomorrow at 7, okay? And this time I won’t be late,” John grinned
as he gave Deb a hug and a kiss.
“All…all right. I guess,” Deb agreed somewhat
reluctantly. “I mean, I have to check
if I work that shift, but if I don’t I will be sure to come.”
“I’ll make sure you’ve got that
shift off,” John called, walking out the door.
As soon as the he closed the apartment door, John sighed in relief. He hated just leaving things like that, but what else could he do? John began his trek back to the hospital.
Inviting Deb over for dinner had been
a spur of the moment thing. In the end,
it was probably best. John could use
the time to figure out how he would tell her that she was the one for him.
‘Boy would she be surprised,’ John thought.
» * »
Jing Mei began to panic. How would
she get herself out of it? She didn’t want to meet this perfect woman. Jing Mei turned off the burner and walked to her bedroom. How did
her life get so messed up?
Jing Mei slumped onto her
bed. “This is what you get when falling
for John Carter,” she stated out loud.
She shook her head and told
herself to get over it. ‘In one night, you’ve discovered that you’re in love
with John and that he’s falling in love with another woman,’ Jing Mei thought
to herself.
Jing Mei got up off the bed and
walked to the bathroom. As she stared
at herself in the mirror, Jing Mei shook her head. “And this is the reason you’ve never analyzed yourself,” Jing Mei
stated, pointing at her reflection.
“You wouldn’t discover these revelations of the heart.”
As the thoughts of the day ran
over and over in her head, Jing Mei could do nothing but scream. “Ahhhh!
How could you be so stupid?” she asked herself.
Finally when Jing Mei had gotten
a hold over her feelings once more, she looked at herself in the mirror. “It’s going to be fine. You aren’t madly in love with him. You’ve just realized you had feelings for
him. It’s not too late. Just suck it up and go to the dinner,” Jing
Mei lectured to herself.
Jing Mei slumped her shoulders
and walked out into the living room. Who was she kidding?