Softly Awaken

 

 

Chapter Six

 

*****

But they do not know
the thoughts of the Lord ;
they do not understand his plan,
he who gathers them like sheaves to the threshing floor.

                       Mic. 4:12

*****

 

The steady brushing of a straw broom against cement echoed in Luka’s ear.  Suddenly the scraping sound stopped.  “How are you today my son?” a man’s voice asked.

 

As Luka turned his head to the right, he realized the man sweeping the front sidewalk of the old cathedral was speaking to him.  “Fine thank you,” replied Luka as he continued ahead.  He’d just finished his shift and was ready to drop.

 

The older man leaned up against the broom handle and smiled wistfully.  “Isn’t it a beautiful morning?”

 

Luka rubbed his neck, sighed and turned around.  “Uh, yes.  Well, I have to be getting home now.”  He excused himself and waved his hand goodbye.  Luka continued towards his apartment flat.

 

The older man called behind him.  “Well feel free to drop by anytime!”

 

Luka turned back to thank him for the invitation, but as he looked back, Luka found him staring at the dull grey cathedral.  The man had disappeared, and in the place of where he stood was a swirl of leaves from the morning breeze.  Luka shivered and shook his head.  Had he imagined it? As he stuffed his hands in his warm wool jacket, Luka continued home for a long needed sleep.

 

~~~

 

Abby spent the morning tidying up after her shift.  She’d planned to head over to an AA meeting that afternoon, since she’d been unable to the last night.  Abby felt more secure of herself again -- like she was walking on level ground again.  “Abby!” Susan called.

 

Looking up from a patient chart, Abby smiled at the chipper woman doctor.  “Yeah?  Whaddya need?  I’m off in,” Abby looked at her watch, “5 minutes.”

 

Susan tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.  “Oh, well, I was wondering if you were doing something tonight?”

 

Abby frowned for a moment, trying to recall if she and John had made any plans for the evening.  “Uh, I don’t think so.  Why?” asked Abby.

 

Susan smirked.  “Well,” Susan drawled.  “I was thinking that we might go grab a coffee or something?”

 

Abby bit her lip, “Well, I’ve got a meeting this afternoon, but if you wanna do it around sevenish I’m up for it.”

 

Susan nodded.  “Sure.  That’s great!  I kind of wanted to ask you something.”

 

“Okay.  Does it have to be now?  I kind of have to catch the L.”

 

“Yeah, sure,” Susan dismissed lightly.  “It can wait till tonight.”

 

Abby smiled.  “Okay, seven tonight.  Oh, wait!” called Abby as she headed towards the ambulance entrance.  “Where do you wanna meet?”

 

Susan pondered this for a moment.  “How about Roca Jaks?  It’s a new coffee house not to far from South Anthony Ave?  I can pick you up if you’re not sure you can find it?” offered Susan.

 

Abby shook her head.  “No, I’ll be fine.”

 

***

 

“And what has you so uneasy about this relationship?” Dan, the sponser asked.

 

Abby hated AA.  But Abby also felt some sense of comfort from the dysfunctional group of people.  “I don’t.  I’m not.  Not really.  I…do you think that it’s too soon?  I mean, I had a relapse and now I’m starting on a new relationship?” Abby asked.

 

She’d been feeling so comfortable with John, but Abby also felt uneasy.  He seemed to come with so many expectations of her.  Abby didn’t know if she could live up to them.  She didn’t know if she wanted to.

 

The small group of three members nodded silently.  “Abby it’s good to have a normal relationship,” Dan comforted.  “But if you think it’s putting additional stress on your life, maybe you do need to slow down.  Have you…been together?”

 

Abby scratched her head and chuckled.  “Isn’t that…well, isn’t that private?  I mean, I know you’re trying to help, but what has that got to do with anything?”

 

Jill raised her hand timidly.  “Well, I don’t think Dan is trying to pry or anything, but I think that’s just an added stress.”

 

“Stress reliever!” Abby joked as she took a sip of her coffee.

 

The three chuckled.  “What I’m getting at is, well, your relationships are a sign of how you’re dealing with your addiction.  If you’re doing well with your boyfriend that’s great, but if you feel like you need him, or that you’re leaning on him…”

 

Abby understood where he was going with this.  When she’d left rehab, Abby hadn’t been able to start a relationship for a year.  It was a condition in the agreement she’d made at the Center.  And then slowly she’d be able to work her way up.  First starting with a plant and then a pet.  Abby didn’t have to worry about that back then because she had been married.  Now being divorced, it brought a new reality to how she dealt with her alcoholism.  She needed to be independent, strong in and of herself.  “I…”  She didn’t know what to say.  “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

 

The group nodded in unison.  Abby felt a hand on her shoulder.  Dan had risen from his chair and smiled.  “I’m hear if you need to talk about this anymore.  But if we want to go on to Carrie or Jim,” Dan offered the floor to the remaining AA members.

 

Abby was glad the shining light wasn’t on her anymore.  She didn’t know how they’d started in on her relationship with John, but Abby was beginning to feel less certain about starting their relationship the way they had.

 

Why did everything have to be so complicated?  Nothing ever seemed to turn out right for her.

 

~~~

 

Jing Mei had been running through what Stephen had said to her last night.  They’d been talking on the phone about their problems.  Stephen was searching for a ring at the moment and Jing Mei was having problems with Weaver again.  Jing Mei promised she’d go with him in search of the perfect ring, when Stephen had conveniently mentioned a position opening up in the hospital he happened to be working in.  “I don’t know why you’re still there.  You’re farther from the family than anyone else.  Besides, who wouldn’t want to work in the same hospital as their big brother?”

 

She’d been mulling it over during the entirety of her shift, which left her a bit distracted; much to the displeasure of Dr. Weaver.  “Dr. Chen, what are you doing?  You’ve been walking around this hospital in a daze!  What is your problem?  You’re hired to fix patients not chew on that pen of yours.  Now your patient in exam 1 is waiting.”

 

Jing Mei grinned and bore it.  She had enough problems without heaping hot coals on her head.  “I’m sorry Dr. Weaver.  I just was lost in a thought,” Jing Mei apologized and headed towards exam 1.

 

The more the day seemed to wear on, the more Jing Mei truly began considering applying for the position at Mercy Hospital.  It would be nice for her to be able to see her brother almost everyday.  And since she didn’t have anything keeping her here…

 

“Deb!” John called.

 

Jing Mei turned around and found John jogging towards her with a chart in hand.  “John,” greeted Jing Mei stoically.  Things hadn’t been repaired in their friendship.  It also didn’t help that she never saw him without his sidekick Abby.  “What can I do for you?”

 

John made a funny face.  “What’s with the formalities?” he chuckled.

 

Jing Mei shrugged and pressed on.  “Is there a problem with a patient or anything?”

 

John sighed and set his chart down on the admin counter.  “What’s wrong?” he asked.

 

Jing Mei feigned confusion.  “What do you mean?  Nothing’s wrong John, now what’s your question?”  Her voice was tinged with resentment.  How could he presume to know anything’s wrong with me?

 

“Spit it out Deb.  I know something’s wrong, I can see it on your face.”

 

Jing Mei looked down at her recent patient chart and threw out lightly, “I’m surprised you noticed.”

 

John rolled his eyes.  “I know I haven’t been the greatest friend, but come on,” John coaxed.  “I promise I’ll be better.”

 

Jing Mei swallowed.  His big round puppy eyes and his little pout made her melt.  How could she resist?  “I’m considering applying at Mercy in the spring.  My brother works there now and he said there could be an opening for me.”

 

The look on John’s face seemed to say it all for Jing Mei.  It was mute, not even somber.  The idea of her moving didn’t quite seem to matter to him.  “Never mind John,” sighed Jing Mei.  “It’s nothing you have to worry about.”

 

~~~

 

Leaving County?  The thought stunned John.  With Mark gone, John had counted on Deb staying.  He’d just assumed that since the whole debacle with Weaver and Malucci was over, things would settle down and the whole ER would find its rhythm again.  He never imagined losing Deb.  “Sorry?” John snapped out of his thoughts.  “Did you say something?”

 

Deb looked irritated.  “I said never mind.  Can we just get to your question?  I have a patient in exam 3 waiting for me.”

 

John studied her face.  He’d never seen the look of unhappiness so evident on her face.  She’d always been so hard to read, well, for others.  But even the nurses could read the discontentment on her face.  “Uh, oh, right.  Uh, I’ve got a woman in 2 with abrasions on her thighs and face and she won’t let me examine her.  I was wondering if you could possible take that.  I’ll take your one in 3?”  John handed her the chart that was lying on the counter.

 

Deb nodded.  “Yeah, no problem.”  John took the chart that she held out.

 

She began to walk towards exam 2 when John instinctively reached out and grabbed her arm.  “About Mercy?”

 

Deb stopped and faced John. “Yeah?”

 

“Why do you want to work there?  After all the stuff you’ve endured and held out on, why move now?”

 

Her eyes lowered, seemingly unable to look at John in the eye.  “Things change John, you of all people know that.”  She began to pull away.  “I really should get to the patient in 2.

 

John nodded.  “Just wait,” he sighed.  “Is there anything I can do to change your mind?”

 

Deb stared at John for a moment and then looked away.  “John, there are just some things you can’t control.  And for me, this just seems right.  I don’t think I belong here at County.  I don’t fit in.  Maybe all the bad things that have been happening, are just a wake-up call?  I don’t know.  I haven’t made my decision yet, but it seems like that’s where I’m headed.”

 

John watched her disappear behind curtain 3.  He didn’t know why he felt like yelling her to stay, that they needed her here at County.  John could have, but that wasn’t his style.  He looked down at in his hand.  Just when things seemed to be under control or going his way, something had to come along and shake things up.