Softly Awaken
Chapter Thirty
*****
What a man desires is unfailing love...
- Prov. 19:22
*****
"Hi!" Abby smiled as she opened the door to her apartment. She had been expecting Luka, but for some reason her heart sped at the sight of him. Taking a deep breath, she gestured for him to enter. "Thanks for coming over."
"Seemed kind of urgent?"
Abby closed her eyes, leaning briefly against her door as she closed it, trying to gather her thoughts. Derek had managed to convince her to be smart about her sobriety by being smart about her choices. In the face of reality, Abby knew he had been right when he talked about getting her own act together before trying to bring in any baggage from anyone else. She had warred over it and he had won. "It's not something big," she hedged slightly. "But it kind of does effect you."
He looked at her warily.
"You know how we said we were going to give us another try?" she continued on, walking past him. "Well, my sponsor heard about it..."
"Derek?"
"Uh, yeah." She was put off balance, forgetting that Luka actually had met her sponsor; in fact, he had introduced her to him. She smiled briefly before remembering what she was trying to say. "Well, Derek, heard about us and well," she took a deep breath, "he didn't think it was a good idea." Abby tensed, ready for his reaction, whether it was hurt or anger; she knew that it was about to blow.
"W-What do you mean?" There was no big emotional blow up, no incredulous disbelief or cries of foul.
"He thought I was moving to fast," Abby explained, completely taken aback at how calm he was reacting. "Well, how he explained it was that I needed some 'me' time." It sounded absurd when she said it, but to a recovering alcoholic it made complete sense. She had to re-create her identity apart from the booze. "And I know how stupid it sounds, because that's what I thought at first. But after a little bit of thought, it doesn't. It really doesn't. And I know what I said before. I told you that I wanted to try and now here I am telling you we need to put it on hold."
"Is that what you're saying?" he asked seriously.
"Is what, what I'm saying?" she said, confused at where they even were on the conversation.
"That you want to put it on hold?"
Was that what she was saying? Abby sat down across from where Luka was standing. What was she saying? Was she making promises she couldn't keep? "I don't want to hurt you, Luka," she breathed, wringing her hands. "I just don't want to mess up again."
She couldn't read him. She couldn't tell whether he was ready to tell her to go jump off a cliff or whether he understood. What man in his mind would understand? Even to her own mind, it took a lot to grasp why this made sense, let alone for Luka to understand and stay by her side.
"So what you said the other night?"
"Luka," Abby said his name slowly and deliberately, locking gazes with him. She wanted him to know how sincere she was. "I never meant to jerk you around. I meant what I said..."
"You never made any promises," Luka said solemnly, as if in deep thought.
"But I..."
"Look Abby, I understand," he interrupted, turning away. "You've still got a lot of stuff you need to..." His voice trailed off.
She could see the doubt in his eyes. Abby could see the hurt. She could see the crumbling hope.
"No," she said, jumping up and grabbing his arm. Part of her was afraid this would happen. She was afraid she would say it right or that he would jump to the wrong conclusion. Or worse, Abby was afraid he would hear everything right and still walk away. "Please, I don't think you understand." Her heart was pounding. What she was about to ask him was unthinkable. Who in their right mind would agree to such a thing?
And in that moment where his dark eyes searched his, she prayed it would be him.
"Luka, wait for me. Just tell me you will wait for me."
"A date?"
Jing Mei thought it sounded insane herself. In fact she couldn't believe she was standing there in front of him say those words. "Yeah. Henry, do you want to go on a date with me?"
He looked at her curiously and then around him. It was like he was debating whether he was on camera or something. "Are you serious?" he laughed in disbelief.
"I'm dead serious." Jing Mei had never felt so awkward and uncomfortable in her entire life. Well, with the exception of kissing John. "I'm asking you on a date."
"Dr. Chen, you know this could be construed as sexual harassment!" he exclaimed, teasingly.
"Oh forget it," she groaned. It had been a spur-of-the-moment idea. Jing Mei had been brooding for days; but it had been that morning when she had decided to stop. She had to take control of her own life. The dreams she had for a life with John had never materialized and it was time to put that dream to rest. She now needed to move on.
"No," Henry said, grabbing her wrist. "Don't say that."
"It was a stupid idea." Henry had just broken up with Grace and he seemed like a prime candidate. "Just forget about it."
"No," he shook his head, "let's do it."
"Really?"
"Hey, two people who are hung up on two different people going on a date?" he said incredulously. "Doesn't that sound like the makings of some cheesy romantic movie cliche? Obviously we'll fall madly in love and forget about our fomer flames."
Jing Mei laughed out loud. She smiled at him and sighed. He could always make her laugh, which was definitely a bonus. It may not have been the beginning of some chemical romance, but it was a decent start. Even if she couldn't have that epic romance, Jing Mei would settle for a sweet guy like Henry. "Great."
"I'll pick you up for dinner and a movie?"
"Nothing like a typical American first date," she smiled, leaning over and kissing Henry on the cheek. "I'll see you tonight."
"Are you going through withdrawal," asked the grey-haired matriarch rather cheekily, obviously amused at his torment.
"Very funny, Gamma," John replied drolly. "You must be watching more of the comedy network lately."
He had been doing great with his resolve to no longer date anyone. It had made even more sense nowadays. As his shifts at Country seemed to draw out longer, not even leaving him enough time to get a decent night's sleep, John felt he had made the right decision. But of course it didn't make it easier on the nights where it was called upon him to go to a charity gala night or a formal foundation dinner.
"Well, do you not see how impractical this whole concept is?" she snapped impatiently. "You have an obligation to this family John Truman Carter."
"To what?" he scoffed. "To produce an heir? That's a little far-fetched and dated even for you, Gamma."
"Well, I refuse to believe you just stopped liking the opposite sex, John." She looked at him sternly. "I've witnessed much evidence to the contrary," she said slyly.
"Well, I haven't found her yet," John exclaimed irritably. "So what makes you think I'm going to find her in the next few weeks? I'm tired of trying."
"That's ridiculous."
"What's so ridiculous about it? Every woman I've brought home to you has been 'unsuitable'," he breathed deeply, "for you anyways. So who is the right one, Gamma? Unless I let you pick her for me, and that is just not going to happen."
"You think I would do so badly?" She eyed him critically.
"It doesn't matter if you pick the most amazing woman in the world!" he cried out in frustration. "I'd find someway to screw it up. Or she wouldn't want me. Me and women just don't seem to mix. Or at least for very long."
"Well, that's just absurd John. Just a figment of your imagination."
He raised a questioning brow.
"All right," she sighed, resigning herself to his track record. "Maybe you've had a little streak of bad luck. But that shouldn't bring you to call the whole thing off. There are plenty of women right in front of you..." There was a silent implication, but she would not speak its' name.
"I'm not talking about this," he shook his head at his grandmother, "anymore."
"John," she said, causing him to stop in his tracks. "Do you know how I saw the other night?"
He closed his eyes, knowing he could not get out of this conversation if he tried. "No," he groaned, wanting to hide in his room like a brooding seventeen year-old. "Who?"
"Jing Mei Chen," she answered matter-of-factly. "Last night at the Cultural Arts exhibit."
"That's nice, Gamma."
"She had a nice gentlman escorting her, as well."
His head tilted slightly as his interest perked slightly. "And?" he said, trying to sound casual about wanting details.
"Well he was a very nice man. Asian doctor, I believe," she said, her gaze locked upon her grandson's reaction. "They looked very friendly."
"Henry?" John was certain it was her colleague and friend. Who else could it have been?
"Yes, I do believe that was his name," she replied cheerfully. "It's so nice that she's finally found herself a man. She really deserves someone as respectable and...and he was so funny." She sounded slightly distracted when she finished her thought.
"He's not her boyfriend, Gamma," he groaned, wondering how many people his grandmother had taken part of this unwitting rumor-based gossip. "They work together and are just friends."
"Are you certain, John?" She looked at him slightly confused. "Because I'm sure..."
"I'm sure." He knew they were just friends. She had mentioned long ago that she only felt friendship for the man. John couldn't believe Gamma would miscontrue something so obvious as this...He turned to head up to his room.
"Well, then why did she introduce him as her boyfriend?"
John stopped mid-stride. "She said boyfriend?" he asked, turning on his heel. "She specifically used the word 'boyfriend'?"
"Yes."
"You're sure you just didn't hear wrong?"
"Well, of course not, John," she scoffed, furrowing her brow at him. "I maybe an old woman by your standards, but I do still have my hearing. I'm not deaf."
"Maybe she just said friend?" he suggested, trying to wrap his mind around what Gamma was saying. She would have told him if something new like this had come up. Wouldn't she?
"I'm sure of what I heard, John."
He didn't understand. Part of him was surprised that she would even date the guy. It wasn't because he was horrible or anything; but he was far from Deb's type. What is Deb's type? Suddenly John didn't feel all that well. Why did bother him so much? He wasn't sure why. He wasn't sure at all.
Or maybe he just didn't want to know why.