Softly Awaken

 

 

Chapter Seventeen

 

*****

Many a man claims to have unfailing love,
but a faithful man who can find?

                                                                                                            Prov. 20:6

*****

 

“I’m glad you invited me over John,” said Deb, while gazing at him over her glass of milk.

 

John grinned while taking a huge bite out of his warm pizza.  They were sitting in the kitchen, with the pizza box opened, and a tall glass of milk.  This was their study spot.  All of the other rooms were too ‘nice’ to contemplate sitting and eating pizza in. “Well it’s the least I could do after all that complaining you did, about me not spending enough ‘time’ hanging out with you anymore,” he teased.

 

Deb’s jaw dropped and her eyes narrowed.  “I did not complain!” she protested.  “I just made mere mention of the fact that since you got a girlfriend you don’t have time for your friends anymore.”  Deb smiled cheekily and picked up one of the smaller slices of pizza.  “I can’t help it if you always obsess over the people you date,” she mumbled, her mouth full of Italian delicacy.

 

“I don’t obsess,” John rolled his eyes, “I am vigilant.”

 

Deb covered her mouth, threw her head back and laughed.  “Oh, yeah!  Sorry about the mistake,” she chuckled.  She raised her eyebrows and shook her head.  “We wouldn’t want someone to mistake your vigilance over Abby and her every need as obsession.”  John swallowed and his face became somber.  “What?” she asked, swallowing the remaining bite of her pizza.

 

He shook his head and smiled distractedly.  “Nothing,” John dismissed.

 

Deb eyed him, looking over him knowingly.  “It’s not nothing.  You don’t brow doesn’t crease that extensively when it’s nothing.”

 

John sighed.  It was silly.  How could Abby be jealous over Deb?  He looked over at the 28-year old woman, whom he had known for years; her hair was shoulder length now, and a stray lock hung in front of her face while the rest was tucked neatly behind her ear.   

 

Deb was so different from Abby, or was the other way around?  With Abby it had been this immediate attraction, though he didn’t realize it until she came to work as an ER nurse, rather than a med student.  And though he had to suffer with being her ‘friend’, and listen to her drone on and on about Luka; all the while wanting to kiss her, John saw the positive side of their journey to being a couple.  Now all of the sudden, this woman who sat in front of him, with cheese clinging to her chin, was a threat to the relationship he waited so long to have?

 

“A penny for your thoughts?”

 

John looked up at Deb, who had set down her half eaten slice of pizza, and was staring at him thoughtfully.  “Huh?”

 

“John, what is it?”

 

He debated whether he should tell her.  Deb would most likely laugh it off, but he felt like it would be inappropriate.  “I don’t know…I don’t think you want to hear it.”

 

Deb frowned.  “What do you mean?  Of course I want to hear it…especially since you said I wouldn’t want to!”  She winked playfully at him, setting him at ease.

 

“Well, it’s stupid really…”  His voice trailed off.  He raised his eyebrows and squinted his eyes, trying to stall, hoping to find a way to tell her without making it sound immature.

 

“Oh, what is it!” she growled exasperatingly, hitting him on the shoulder.

 

John sighed and closed his eyes.  “I think Abby has a problem with us being friends and that it might be because she’s jealous,” he blurted out.  As he slowly opened his eyes, so there was a narrow slit, enough to be able to catch Deb’s reaction, John was surprised.  She sat there for a moment, in what seemed to be deep thought, and then looking at him straight in the eyes, Deb laughed heartily.

 

“She thinks me and you are getting it on?”

 

John sat up and shrugged his sweatshirt back so it would sit squarely on his shoulders.  He cleared his throat.  “Uh, I wouldn’t put it that way exactly,” he said dryly.  “But along those lines, yeah.”

 

Deb shook her head.  “Why?” she asked curiously.

 

John slid off his stool and threw his hands up irritably in the air.  “I have no clue!”  He walked towards the refrigerator and grabbed the 4-litre jug of milk.  “When you called that night, at like 12, she got really annoyed.”

 

“Well, I would be if I had to work in the morning too,” Deb offered.  “Could it be she’s not annoyed at me?  Just at the phone call?”

 

John shook his head.  “She gets uptight even at the mention of your name,” he groaned, leaning on the counter and setting the milk down.  “I don’t get women!”

 

Deb had a funny expression on her face.  Her lips were curled into a satisfied grin and she had one eyebrow cocked.  “Maybe all the fooling around with all those women is catching up to you John,” Deb said slyly.

 

He rolled his eyes and ran his fingers through his shaggy hair.  He would soon need a haircut.  “Yeah, right.”

 

“Well, what’s the problem?” Deb asked lightly.  “Just tell her that we’re friends.”

 

John pushed himself up from the counter and twisted the cap off the milk.  “Easier said than done,” he sighed.  “I just don’t see why she’s jealous of you?”

 

“You don’t?” Deb asked mischievously.  She flipped her shiny ebony hair over her shoulder.  “Maybe because I’m gorgeous, intelligent, and sexy?”  Deb leaned suggestively on the counter, crossing her tan legs playfully.

 

John creased his brow and leaned over the counter, near where Deb was sitting.  He looked at her calmly, trying not to break a smile while delivering his line.  “No, but seriously…”

 

Deb opened her mouth in protest and hit him playfully on the chest.  “Shut up!” she growled, pushing him back against the counter.

 

As he put his hands in front of him, waving them frantically, John shrunk back.  “Okay, okay!” he chuckled, in between her light swats.  “I take it back!”

 

Deb stood up, tilted her head and rested her hands on her hips.  She narrowed her eyes and slowly approached him.  “You don’t think I’m any of those things eh?” Deb whispered in a low husky voice.

 

John frowned as Deb lightly rested her arms on his shoulders.  Her dark round eyes stared up at him longingly, as her long slender manicured fingers began to trail up along the nape of his neck and then twist a few locks of his hair between her fingers.  It sent a shiver up his spine.  As he tried to back away, Deb entwined her fingers, holding him in this position. His body tensed, unable to process Deb’s behavior.  She’d never acted this way towards him before.  It was quite unsettling.

 

He opened his mouth, but no words came out.  His brain didn’t quite seem to want to function.  “Uh,” John finally managed to stammer, “w-what are you doing?”

 

Deb smiled coyly and then slowly backed, glancing behind her and finding her way back to her stool and folding her arms across her chest.  “I’m not that kind of type of woman, hmm?” she asked, with smirk on her face.  Then as quickly as the ‘siren’ appeared, Deb’s familiar cheeky grin rose out from behind those dark intense eyes.

 

John nervously ran his fingers through his hair, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.  “Uh, I guess I was…wrong?” he managed to choke out.  Her behavior, the look in her eye when she had her arms around his neck, John felt some sort of connection with her in that moment.  Swallowing uneasily, he laughed, pretending it hadn’t unnerved him as much as it did.  “I didn’t think you had that in you!” John joked.

 

Deb stuck out her tongue and rolled her eyes.  “Well, just don’t think I’ll be doing that too often,” she chided, wagging her finger at him.  “I’ve got to save that stuff for guys that don’t have girlfriends!”

 

John laughed.  “I guess Abby wouldn’t like it either.”

 

“No,” Abby’s voice echoed into the kitchen.  “I guess I wouldn’t!”

 

John turned around and found Abby standing in the entrance of the kitchen.  Her face was clouded and expressionless.  Her arms were folded across her chest and her eyes almost hooded by her lowered lashes.  “Abby!” he exclaimed, startled to see her there.  “I wasn’t expecting to see you here.  I thought you had a double shift?”  He could feel the blood rushing to his face.  How much had she seen?  And how badly would she misinterpret it?

 

~~~

 

Jing Mei was ready to crawl into a hole.  She hadn’t expected Abby to walk in at that moment.  In fact, Jing Mei hadn’t exactly planned to do anything she had executed in the past several minutes.  She could feel the blood rushing to her face.  How pathetic she must have looked?  “Abby,” she said, laughing nervously.  “This is definitely not what it looks like!”

 

As she rose from the stool, Jing Mei prayed that she would listen to her.  Jing Mei hoped that Abby would allow them to explain what had happened.  She glanced over at John who was already closing the gap between him and his girlfriend.  Jing Mei watched silently as John grabbed Abby by the shoulders and began to explain how the innocent and playful flirtations she had seen had just been a joke.

 

Jing Mei stopped where she was and watched Abby allow herself to be guided into the hallway by John.  She stayed behind in the kitchen, realizing that they needed time to themselves.  As she closed her eyes, Jing Mei shook her head and chided herself.  “Stupid, stupid!”

 

“What is stupid child?” a poised and raspy voice asked from behind her.

 

Her heart raced, startled at the voice.  Jing Mei turned around and saw Mrs. Carter, frowning as she stood in front of the kitchen door.  “Mrs. Carter!” she exclaimed, quite surprised and embarrassed.  “I thought you were at a fundraiser tonight?”  She looked down at her wristwatch and checked the time.  10:47 p.m.  Jing Mei hadn’t realized that it had gotten so late.

 

“Yes, I was,” Mrs. Carter sighed.  The silver-haired elite walked over to the kitchen counter and tiredly dropped her burgundy satin purse on the smooth cream tile.  “A tired old bunch of buzzards, but they all gathered together for a good cause.”

 

“I thought you liked those buzzards.  John used to always tell me how you want him to get involved with those ‘people’,” Jing Mei smiled, happy to focus on something other than the embarrassing moment that had just occurred.

 

“Oh, well John exaggerates and puts words in my mouth.  He doesn’t listen to a thing I say,” she sighed.  

 

Jing Mei always enjoyed talking with her.  She was blunt and said what was on her mind.  Never had Jing Mei met anyone like her.  “You mean when you told him that he shouldn’t be a doctor?” she asked curiously.

 

Mrs. Carter shook her head slowly and pointed at Jing Mei.  “I have never told him to quit being a doctor,” she huffed.  “I just merely suggested that there are far better ways to practice medicine than in that County General.”  The older matriarch’s face cringed when saying the hospital’s name.  “I’ve often suggested that he open up his own practice.  I think he would be very successful in that venture.  And though John dismisses the idea like I have no idea what I’m talking about, I haven’t given up on that either.”

 

“Well I think John would disagree.  He’s quite stubborn that way.”  Jing Mei looked down at the box of pizza that was splayed on the kitchen counter and the open jug of milk.  Out of habit, she began to clean up after John and her pow wow.  “I think he’s more like his Gamma than he would like to think,” she chuckled.

 

“I suppose,” Mrs. Carter smirked.  “But I just don’t understand that boy.  He has been stabbed, and been witness to many horrible things in that hospital.  I don’t know why he’s so adamant about staying.”

 

Jing Mei put the milk into the stainless steel fridge and closed the door.  She leaned on it while thinking about how to explain it.  “I can’t say for John, but the reason I do it is because it’s where I make the biggest difference,” Jing Mei explained.  “I don’t want to just treat people who can pay for it, which we make them do, through the nose.  I want to help those who really need it.  And I have a feeling that’s the way John feels about it.”

 

The dismissive wave of the elderly Carter showed her unchanged view of the matter.  “Well, I can’t argue with you young people when you won’t listen to reason,” she sighed.  Mrs. Carter picked up her purse and frowned.  “All this talk about John, bids the question, where is the boy?”

 

Jing Mei bit her lip and tucked her hair behind her ear.  “He’s talking with Abby somewhere in the house,” she said lamely.

 

Mrs. Carter must have noticed her distraction because the woman walked purposefully toward her.  “My dear, what happened?  I haven’t forgotten the name calling I walked in on.”

 

Jing Mei rolled her eyes and they remained gazing at the floor.  “I did something completely inappropriate and Abby walked in on it,” she explained.  “It was stupid.”  Jing Mei raised her eyes to meet Mrs. Carter, waiting for her reaction.

 

“Could you be a little more specific?”

 

“Well, I was pretending to flirt with John, and Abby walked in on it.”  The blood rushed to her face from just admitting it.  In all the years that she had known Mrs. Carter, Jing Mei had always respected her opinion and saw her as one of the strongest women she knew, other than her mother.  “You must think I’m pathetic, I know I do,” she groaned.

 

Mrs. Carter smiled knowingly.  “Now why would I think that?  It was an innocent mistake.  It’s not like you planned on throwing yourself at him, right?”

 

Jing Mei blushed even more, shaking her head fervently.  “No!  It’s just…well; you know how I like to tease him.  And I was just making a point,” she quickly explained, hoping for the understanding, which she didn’t get from Abby.

 

There was a silent pause.  Mrs. Carter tilted her head, her eyes staring intently at her.  Jing Mei felt like she was debating whether to believe her or not.  Finally the older woman smiled and stood up, as if someone had reminded her that good posture was required of her.  “Well, I’m tired and I don’t suppose you will probably see John later tonight if he’s got a perturbed girlfriend on the loose,” Mrs. Carter joked.  

 

Jing Mei sighed.  “I suppose you’re right.  I probably should be going.”  She stood up and grabbed her purse that was sitting on the counter.  “It was nice talking with you for a bit,” Jing Mei smiled warmly.

 

“Why don’t I walk you to the door?” Mrs. Carter suggested.

 

Jing Mei nodded.  “I would like that.”  Mrs. Carter reached out for Jing Mei’s arm for a little balance as they left the embarrassing moment in the kitchen behind.

 

As they slowly strolled towards the main entrance, they passed the sitting room where Abby and John happened to be talking in whispers.  Mrs. Carter looked at Jing Mei.  “All’s not well in the ER?” she commented quietly.

 

“I’m not sure.  They always seem to fight, but they always seem to make up too,” Jing Mei replied skeptically.

 

“Well I always thought that girl just wasn’t right for my John,” Mrs. Carter said attentively.

 

“Is anyone in your eyes, Mrs. Carter?” Jing Mei laughed.

 

Her old acquaintance looked up at her thoughtfully.  “Yes,” she said cryptically.  “I think so.”

 

~~~

 

“Now why would I be upset?” Abby asked sarcastically.  She had left earlier than she had planned to, getting Chuny to cover for her.  Luka had admitted that he still cared about her and that he wasn’t over her.  It unnerved her and she had felt uncomfortable the entire shift.  

 

Her first thought was to see John.  She didn’t know if she would tell him about Luka’s confession.  Abby thought he might take it the wrong way, and think that she told him because she felt something.  It was the way John’s mind worked.  Instead she was stunned to find Dr. Chen’s arms wrapped around John’s neck, looking suggestively at him.

 

“Abby it really wasn’t anything.  It looked worse than it was!” John coaxed.  “I jokingly said Deb wasn’t sexy and she was just flirting to prove me wrong.”

 

Abby rolled her eyes and shook her head.  She couldn’t believe how lame that sounded.  “And I’m supposed to buy that lame excuse?” Abby asked dubiously.  “I may be a little cynical sometimes, but I’m not blind.  I can tell when a woman is hitting on you.”

 

John’s eyes widened into round circles, an expression of disbelief on his face.  “NO!  That is not what was happening!” he protested vehemently. “Look I’m telling you, we were just playing around.  Deb was not making a pass at me!”

 

At that moment, Abby didn’t care.  Even though what John was adamant about, might have been true, she was tired of it.  Deep down inside, Abby knew this would never work out.  “No,” she said calmly, her mind was swirling.  “This isn’t working John.  I shouldn’t be worrying about this only a month into our relationship.”  

 

Abby thought that he might be the one to understand her.  He had shown promise, sticking by her through thick and thin.  John had been the friend she had needed during some of the roughest weeks of her life.  And when she and Luka had broken up John had been there.  She had made so many mistakes in men during her short-lived career on the dating scene.  She had ended up marrying the first real man who had shown any interest in her, which had been a huge mistake.  Abby had thought she had known Richard, but once they were married, things changed and his focus was less on her and more on work.  They had had rough times, but she had vowed to work through them – that is before she found out he was cheating on her.

 

Luka was the story of complete attraction, and the nurturing instinct inside of her.  He was attractive and the tragic story of his wife and children broke her heart.  It was a complete mess.  Though, Abby had developed very strong feelings for him, he wasn’t ready for a relationship and neither was she.  And that might have been what brought them together.  Each knew that neither would expect too much out one another.  But then came the day when she wanted more.  Somehow her desire for something more outweighed her fear of being hurt again, and Luka in an inadvertent way had relieved her of those fears.  But when down to it, she didn’t have the same effect on Luka that he had on her as she thought.

 

Which brought her to her relationship with Carter.  She had a strong relationship with him from the start.  He was kind, compassionate.  Abby admired his skills as a doctor and as a friend.  He would listen to her and was her shoulder to cry on when things weren’t working with Luka or with Maggie.  John had become her reality check.  He would always tell her like it was.  

 

And once she and Luka broke up, knowing John’s feelings and intentions, Abby allowed the attraction and relationship she had with John to flourish.  He seemed so sure of their relationship and committed.  Abby sighed as she looked up at John who was holding her trying to make her see reason.  Now she wasn’t so sure this wasn’t the biggest mistake she had made yet.

 

~~~

 

What had he hoped to accomplish?  Luka was sprawled on his couch, mulling over the night’s slight catastrophe.  He had told her he still cared about her.  As the conversation played over and over again in his head, Luka wished he could just go back in time and stop himself from the humiliation.

 

“What do you mean ‘you lied’?”

 

“I lied about not caring about you, about not being jealous Carter when he kisses you and hating having to watch you kiss him back,” Luka admitted.  He watched her face carefully.  She hardly ever gave anything away, but nonetheless, he watched her fine delicate features.  The long lashes, and a few stray locks of hair that had tumbled in front of her face hooded her dark eyes.

 

“What am I supposed to say to that?” Abby asked awkwardly, brushing back her hair with her fingers.

 

Luka swallowed.  He knew it had been a mistake.  He should have never listened to Susan and her flights of fancy.  “Never mind.  This was a mistake.”  Abby stopped him as he attempted to make some sort of graceful exit out of the staff lounge.  “You can’t just say that and then tell me to forget about it,” she exclaimed nervously.

 

Luka turned and looked at this woman who he had shared more intimate moments with than any other, since the death of his wife.  “What am I supposed to say then?” he asked calmly.  What else was he supposed to do in a situation like that?

 

“You talk to me about it?” Abby said frustratingly.

 

“What is there to discuss?  I foolishly thought that maybe telling you this would make a difference.  I was wrong,” he stated somberly.  “I won’t make that mistake again.”

 

“It’s good to let our your feelings Luka, even if, I might not feel the same way.”

 

“That’s your point of view,” he huffed, shaking his head.  He pointed his finger at her.  “You’re not the one who’s in love with a woman who is dating another man.”

 

It had been impulsive and regretful, yet at the same time he had felt freed.  He no longer denied what he felt for Abby.  It was a weight that had been lifted off his shoulders.

 

Luka reached over and grabbed an open beer off his coffee table.  He drank it slowly.  As if the he drank slowly enough would make the act last forever, keeping him from the unavoidable looks and stares of the ER employees.  No one had overheard their conversation, but the nurses would notice the change - the awkwardness and the hesitation between he and Abby that would ensue after their talk – and the rumors would begin.

 

Luka sighed, helplessly drowning in the sorrows of his circumstance.  He had gotten rid of one weight, but now, another replaced it.  Would it make any difference?  Admitting to Abby that he loved her?  Or would he forever have to endure watching Abby from afar, in the arms of another man?