Title:         When Words Are Never Enough

Pairing:     CJ/Jed

Rating:      PG

Summary: CJ finally makes it to New Hampshire for Valentines

Spoilers:    I’ve only seen up to the end of season six so anything until then is fair game.

Completed: February 2006

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PART ONE

Jed paced the entrance hall, constantly opening the front door and checking the driveway for a car, his nerves getting the better of him. It had been forty-two days since he had last seen her, he knew because he had been counting.

CJ had flown back to California the day after New Years fully intending to talk to Danny. Danny, it seemed, had had other ideas - two weeks later he was still in Jakarta.

To say CJ was a little annoyed in her nightly calls to Jed was an understatement, verging on psychotic would have been a little more accurate. Taking the time to be productive she had resigned from her job, and packed up Martha’s belongings. These had arrived at the farm three days ago and now took up a small proportion of the room he’d set aside for his favourite little girl.

At the end of January, Danny had returned from his trip and the couple had had it out. She’d been right, he didn’t want her in New Hampshire but she was finally coming, just in time for Valentines.

As stubborn as she was, she had insisted on driving herself from the airport. Which made Jed slightly nervous. It gave her too much time to change her mind, an option to check into a hotel and worst of all time for Jed to worry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CJ drove up the long windy driveway and pulled up outside the house. It was just as she remembered it, maybe a little less of a fortress, but despite the thousands of pounds of improvements it still looked slightly dilapidated. What she loved most was the feeling she got every time she came here - it was like coming home.

Martha began to squirm in her seat and CJ knew she would have to leave the nostalgia ride for later.

“Well, Baby, time to see Uncle Jed.” She was slightly apprehensive. Not that his feelings would have changed, hers certainly hadn’t, but if in reality they were taking things too fast too soon. Jed had called her every night from Leo’s, at Leo’s expense she could only speculate, to say goodnight and check they were both ok. He hadn’t stopped telling her how he felt. Then Danny had returned and CJ had gone a week without talking to him. She didn’t ever want to do that again, that much she knew. Carefully, she undid Martha’s seat, checking that her coat and scarf were wrapped snugly around her before she lifted her out of the car and carried her up the steps.

“You’re here.” It wasn’t the most eloquent statement he had ever made but seeing her in the flesh, he couldn’t find the words and kissing her the way he needed to was out of the question. Instead he embraced them both briefly, kissing each of their foreheads. “Come inside before you get cold.”

Jed led them inside and came to a halt in the entrance hall. “So I wasn’t sure if you’d be tired or want lunch or. . .”

She gave him a tentative smile. “Why don’t you show us to our rooms.”

“Ok.” Jed led them up the stairs and down the corridor. He paused before he pushed the door. “This is Martha’s room.”

Martha’s little face lit up as she wiggled in CJ’s arms.

“Jed,” CJ scolded, glancing around the room. It was more than she had anticipated. Everything from the curtains to the bedding, from the rugs to the tiny fairy lights hanging over the wooden bed were pink. One wall held a ceiling height bookcase full of books, DVDs and stuffed animals. The belongings she had shipped still sat in boxes in one small corner of the room while two large toy chests were full to overflowing with toys. In pride of place in the window was the rocking horse he had bought her.

“I wanted her to feel at home.”

CJ lowered her daughter to the floor and watched as she toddled off in the direction of the toys.

“I’ve put you in the room opposite,” he explained, opening the door to what had once been Ellie’s room. The room was simply furnished, allowing her, he hoped to put her own stamp on it.

“Thank you.” She hadn’t really doubted it but being there and seeing how much thought he had put into their needs, she knew, she had made the right decision.

“Anyway, I’ll make coffee and you get yourselves settled.”

~~~~~~

“Martha’s asleep,” CJ announced, wandering into the kitchen. “Don’t know how long for.” In truth she suspected probably only an hour, the change in time zones affecting the small child’s routine.

Jed turned from making coffee and grinned. “I’m guessing naptime is going to be the highlight of my day.” He faltered when he saw a hint of apprehension cover her face. “Oh.”

“No, it’s just. . . I’ve been here an hour. . . Kiss me.”

“I thought you’d never ask.” He closed the distance between them and stopped abruptly.

CJ crinkled her eyes in confusion.

Gently, he leaned in and cupped her face in his hands before he barely brushed her lips with his own. He pulled back momentarily to look in her eyes. The second kiss was hungrier, her mouth more demanding as his hands slid from her face to her waist holding her firmly against him. The final kiss was chaste, gentle and loving.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d come,” he admitted quietly.

“I would have come sooner.”

Jed took her hand in his own, holding it to his chest, his heart beating loud and fast. “Now you’re here I’m not sure I want to let you go again. Which I guess is either creepy or you think I’m a dirty old man.”

“I don’t think you’re either,” CJ offered gently. “I’m not sure I want to go anywhere other than here. It’s all been a little sudden or maybe it’s been too long, I just didn’t see it before.” She knew she wasn’t making sense but it was hard to sum up her feelings in a few short sentences.

“Why don’t we take our coffee into the sitting room and talk.”

CJ gave him an indecipherable look, her body suddenly on edge. “Talk?”

He could have kicked himself. “Chat. Converse. I didn’t mean we need to talk. I just thought we could catch up.”

She let out a sigh, not yet ready to start talking about anything long term or serious. “Ok.”

They made their way into the small family sitting room, that had been the hive of activity during campaigns. It hadn’t changed in the thirteen years she had known the Bartlets other than the appearance of a few new photos, some she noted from Christmas.

“So how are the girls?” CJ asked casually, wondering what they were going to make of the change in Jed’s circumstances.

Jed pressed his hands together in his lap. “Liz is still struggling to deal with Doug. Australia was great for them but they have a way to go. Annie is back at college. She’ll take the bar this summer. Ellie, is well Ellie.”

“I’m sure she says the same thing about you.”

“She does, but things are better.” He took a deep breath. “Zoey wants to come and see you.”

“She knows I’m here?”

“Yes.” He turned on the couch to look at her. “I haven’t told her about us, not yet but I thought she’d be pretty mad if I didn’t tell her you were coming to stay.”

CJ had always liked Zoey. She reminded her of a little sister she never had. At Abbey’s funeral, Zoey had clung to her like she was her life saver, talking nineteen to the dozen and CJ had made the effort to talk to her regularly since. “It would be good to see her.”

Quietly, he took her hand, gently kneading her knuckles. “When the time comes I want her to be the first to know.”

She nodded. “Donna is looking pregnant now.” Very pregnant, she thought but Jed no longer looked interested. “So we’ve caught up, what do you want to do now?”

“Sit here and hold you.”

There really wasn’t anything else she wanted to do.

~~~~~~

Part Two

CJ paused on the staircase, a moment of indecision clouding her otherwise happy demeanour. They had all shared the perfect day - a walk down to the orchard, a few hours watching a family movie and a fun filled bedtime routine with Martha. Now Martha was asleep, Jed was downstairs making dinner and she was alone, thinking about the other times she had been in this house.

“CJ?” Jed called, gazing up at her. “Are you ok?”

“I was thinking about Abbey.”

It didn’t surprise him. He’d actually been wondering when it would dawn on her. The farm was as much Abbey’s home as it was his, she had decorated, purchased the majority of the furniture and had raised her family there. Now CJ was going to be living there, raising a family. “It’s normal. And healthy.”

“I’m living in her house with her husband.”

“Firstly, you have nothing to feel guilty about,” he explained taking a step. “We’re not committing adultery. Abbey was taken. I miss her. I love her, I always will, but I love you.” He knew he wasn’t explaining himself very well. “We’d always talked about what-if and I made her promise she wouldn’t spend her life alone after I was gone. With me, I think it was more that she didn’t think I could manage alone.” He smiled weakly. “She’d want me to be happy. Secondly, she loved you. You were like the sister she never had.”

“That would make you my brother In law.”

Jed sighed, “What I’m trying to say is that she’d want me to be happy with someone she loved and cared about.”

CJ looked sceptical.

“And you can help with the remodelling, stop me making a complete mess of her hard work.”

“You’re remodelling?”

“My room. The en-suite. The kitchen.” He wasn’t trying to change everything Abbey had done but things needed to be done. The bathroom now provided him with all the necessary aids when his health deteriorated. His bedroom now had a more masculine air with less chintz. The kitchen was next on his list. “I need to be able to cook in it now the housekeeper’s gone.”

“You fired her?” CJ asked, making her way down the stairs.

“It was mutual.”

“So what are we having for dinner?”

“She made up a batch of stews before she left. The freezer’s well stocked.” Jed could cook but he wasn’t about to rub CJ’s nose in it. “Want to come talk to me while I heat one up?”

~~~~~~

After they had eaten their pre-prepared dinner around the kitchen table and cleaned up, they moved into his den.

Making himself comfortable in his over sized couch, Jed flicked on the television and motioned for her to join him.

“This is definitely your room.“ She indicated the pile of newspapers on the floor, the stacks of books on the shelf and the map on the wall. “You were planning a trip?”

He’d forgotten all about it, hadn’t even realized the evidence still littered his space. “Yeah, but it’s not going to happen.”

“Because of me?”

“Because I don’t need to go halfway around the world trying to pretend I don’t love you.”

She opened her mouth and closed it again.

“Come and sit down,” he said quietly. “A once in a lifetime offer to hang out in my den.”

CJ raised an eyebrow.

“Ok, as long as you don’t nag, you can come again.”

She folded her arms across her chest.

“Fine. You can hang out every night.”

CJ gave him a satisfied grin and flopped out on the couch, her legs stretched out across his lap and she removed the remote from his hand.

“Hey. There’s a game on.”

“It’s a re-run. I want to watch CNN.”

“Is this how it’s going to be?” he asked, pouting.

“Yeah. Dinner, news and an early night.” She took his hand in her own. “You can show me your new bedroom.”

He gulped and turned to look at her.

“What? Too subtle? I want you to take me to bed, Jed,” she said, grinning.

“What now?”

“What did you have in mind?”

He shrugged. “We could watch TV, talk, play scrabble.”

She scrunched her face up in despair.

“Do you have a better idea?”

CJ smiled and rose to her feet, offering him her hand. “Martha sleeps until eight. That gives us all night.”

He’d thought about that night constantly for the last forty one days and nights, not really sure if he’d imagined it. Now she was giving him the come on with her eyes. “All night?” he gulped.

“We can take it slowly.”

Jed took her hand and followed her into the hallway before he came to an abrupt halt. “Go on up. I’ll lock up.”

“Give her an extra kiss from me,” CJ said, releasing his hand, wondering why it had taken her so long to find someone who loved her so much.

~~~~~~~

CJ pulled back the comforter and threw two of the pillows onto the floor. She shed her clothes, piling them carefully up on the arm chair and slipped between his sheets.

“She’s sound asleep,” he announced when he arrived a few minutes later. “Cuddling Leo.”

“She really does adore him.”

“Leo has that effect on women.” He perched on the edge of the bed and slipped out of his shoes. Now that they were in the bedroom again he was suddenly nervous.

“So do you,” she whispered, lightly stroking his back.

Jed fumbled with his sweater, his hands shaking until finally she helped him out of it. As her fingers brushed his bare skin he felt a rush of adrenalin.

She gently tugged him back onto the bed as her lips caressed his neck, planting feather light kisses along his jaw line.

He didn’t want to rush it, despite how urgently his body was telling him to act and as his hand reached up to touch her she pushed it away. “CJ?”

“Let me.”

Jed closed his eyes and sighed deeply as she took her time, gently leaning in to kiss him, taking his hand, stroking his chest. She wanted to get to know his body, to encourage him to relax with her.

As her head moved lower, reigning kisses over his upper torso, she felt him stiffen. Pausing, to reassure him, she took his hand bringing it to her lips, her eyes locking with his, begging him to trust her. Slowly, she slid lower, releasing his hand as she began to relieve him of his pants.

A deeper sigh escaped Jed’s lips as he felt her fingers slip below the waist band of his shorts, freeing him. Instead of feeling vulnerable and exposed as he anticipated he felt totally at ease.

Unsure of what he would allow her to do, or how far she could take him out of his comfort zone, CJ slid up his body and gazed down into his eyes.

“You stopped,“ he said, uncertainly, opening his eyes.

“I wasn’t sure. . .”

Reaching up, he cupped her cheek, tugging her down for a kiss that left her in no confusion as to how he felt. His confidence restored, he slipped a hand under her back and rolled her over until he was gazing down at her. Silently, he took control, slowly and gently making love to her, her body’s responses controlling the pace.

CJ’s first orgasm took them both by surprise and his eyes twinkled as he glimpsed her flushed body and her hand gripping the sheet.

At her urging, the lovemaking turned frantic, the remaining pillows flying off the bed, the sheets tangled around their bodies as CJ fought to hold off her second release until he was ready. The rhythm finally becoming unsustainable for either of them, they crashed into climax, his hands searching for and entwining with hers as he collapsed on top of her.

When he could finally catch his breath he rolled onto his side and nuzzled against her, pulling the covers up over them.

CJ closed her eyes and listened to him breathing, unwilling to leave him so soon but knowing that she couldn’t allow herself to fall asleep in his bed. In the knowledge that he was ok, CJ kissed his forehead, her eyes lingering on his face as he slept soundly, then silently so not as to wake him she made her way back to her own room.

~~~~~~

Martha was in her room playing. She’d been up since seven, toddling into CJ’s room to make sure she was awake, then returning to investigate her new environment.

CJ had decided that it was time to get settled in, having spent most of the day before spending time with Jed and leaving her luggage unpacked. Other than the pyjamas she had hastily pulled from her case, everything else was still packed and she needed to find something to wear.

Jed had wandered in a little while ago bearing coffee and positioned himself on the bed.

“You can read the papers, I don‘t mind,” she said, trying to get him to amuse himself for what seemed like the hundredth time.

“Plenty of time for that later.” He sipped his drink. “This is more entertaining.”

CJ glanced down at the black lacy lingerie in her hand and shoved it in a drawer. “I spoke to Lieutenant Harper earlier,” CJ announced, hanging clothes in her closet.

He looked at her, confused.

“Kate.” Her friend had phoned at eight, excited that her best friend now lived in the same time zone and desperate to hear the gossip.

“Oh. Is she ok?”

“Yeah, they’ve decided to get married on Independence Day.” Kate had practically gushed about her marriage plans, which for her was a minor miracle.

“Are we invited?”

“I think we’re the only ones who are. It’s not a first marriage for either of them so they don’t want to make a fuss.”

“Not because she’s pregnant or anything?” Jed asked with a glint in his eye, fully intent on making a call of his own and teasing his friend.

“No. I think she’d tell me something like that. One pregnancy in the family is definitely enough right now.”

“Oh, and I was so…”

She kissed him. “No way.”

“See, and I thought you wanted to be around more people like me,” he said with a smirk.

“What I actually said was I wanted to meet someone like you, but not so much.”

“We could have a little Jed.”

“Or not. You just want to practice more.”

Jed wasn’t sure what he wanted. Until that moment he hadn’t even contemplated the idea of being a father again. But then until Christmas he hadn’t even thought it possible that he and CJ would get together.

“Can we just take it one thing at a time?” she asked, watching as he lost himself in thought. Her pregnancy with Martha had been a nightmare. The morning sickness alone had made her decide never to have another child. Holding Martha for the first time had softened her stance but circumstances hadn’t really led to another child. Now she was losing herself in what-ifs.

“Any idea what you want to do today?” He knew better than to push the issue, or to take CJ somewhere she didn’t want to go.

“I want to let Martha get settled. Then I need to pick up a few things for her.”

“Check the barn first. We still have stuff from Ellie’s baby. Then we can ride into Manchester. I can show you the safe areas.”

~~~~~

Shopping with the Creggs took slightly longer than Jed had anticipated as they stocked up. CJ insisted that they buy Martha new clothes for the winter climate, to add to the few items they had bought in DC, he could only imagine. They had then headed to a supermarket, by which time it was mid afternoon and Martha had been ready for her nap.

Most of the afternoon had been spent watching Martha play and CJ raid his barn.

By the time Martha had been fed she fell asleep in Jed’s arms. Carefully, he had carried her to bed, waiting until she was comfortable before he left.

Alone again, they had heated up something from the freezer and eaten at the kitchen table.

After dinner they made their way into the den, a new nightly routine developing. Automatically, Jed flicked on the television and turned to CNN, CJ settling herself beside him, leaning against his chest.

They lay beside each other, neither speaking, CJ listening to his heart beat for the longest time.

“So are you going to tell me what happened?” Jed asked finally.

CJ sighed deeply. “You really don’t want to know.”

“CJ, I do.”

“I told Danny I was leaving.” She paused briefly as the ensuing argument played in her mind. “He looked vaguely shell shocked, like he hadn’t even thought there was a problem.”

“Men have a tendency to be blind to things they don’t want to deal with,” Jed interjected, his voice flat.

“When he asked why, it opened up a whole floodgate. The next minute I was yelling at him.” She’d managed to refrain from throwing things, fearful that she might actually hit him. In the knowledge that Martha was upstairs asleep, she had lowered her tone. “I accused him of putting us second best, that he got more of a thrill from his work than from his family.” In a fit of anger she had told him he would never write the award winning biography because he didn’t know the true Jed Bartlet.

Something about her posture and the way she stared off into space told Jed she was holding back. Instinctively, he held her tighter.

“I threw in something about hating California. That isolating me from everything I loved wouldn’t make me the wife he wanted. And we fought about family.“ One of the reasons they had never married was because he resented how close she was to her adopted family. He could never understand that the tragedies they shared had bonded them beyond all comprehension.

“We both said things and when he finally accepted that I didn’t love him anymore, when I refused counselling and to try and fix things, he asked what I was planning to do.” It had probably been the second worst night of her life, which she supposed should tell her something.

“You told him you were coming here?”

“I told him I was going home. I didn’t specify which home.” Ohio or DC, the latter was more of a home now than her birth place. “Then to New Hampshire.” That caused the greatest stir, the reason why had become more obvious as she sat on the plane. It wasn’t that he hated President Bartlet, he respected the man, his work and the income a book would generate. He knew that under Jed’s roof he would have lost CJ altogether. She would be emotionally and financially shored up, stronger because of the support, custody of Martha pretty much assured. “He told me I wasn’t taking Martha.”

Jed didn’t need her to explain what happened next. CJ incensed was only the springboard to CJ in a rage. The fact she had flown out the next day with Sam by her side told him volumes. Two days in DC with Toby had restored her equilibrium. Now she and Martha were under his roof. “How soon do you want to file papers?” he asked, watching her scan the room for something to vent her anger at.

“Sam and Toby have drawn them up.”

“How much is it going to cost?”

More than she had unfortunately. Both Toby and Sam had offered their services free but there would be court costs and at some point there would be a need for a family attorney.

Mistaking her silence for embarrassment he cleared his throat. “Think of it as a loan. You can pay me back when you have a job or by taking care of me.”

They’d yet to discuss her long term plans but he didn’t really see her hanging out at the farm every day and he thought nursery for Martha would give him some time to regain his energy.

“I can’t.”

“You can.”

“I’m not with you for your money.”

“I realise that. I’m guessing it’s not for my body either, so let’s just tell everyone that I have a once in a generation mind and that turns you on,” he grinned.

She smiled back. “It does.” Her smile fell. “But this is serious. I won’t live off you.”

“I could cite the family argument.”

“You could, and it would probably win me over.”

He opened his mouth to speak and she pressed a hand to his lips. “I’ll let you loan me the money.”

“Ok.”

“Do you want coffee before we go to bed?”

“What no cocoa?”

“I can make cocoa.”

Jed shook his head. “No, I’m fine. Just tired.”

“I don’t mind if you want an early night,” CJ said, leaning back to study him. She hadn’t really noticed anything wrong but as she looked at his face she could see how hard it was for him to stay awake.

“Come with me. You can keep me warm.”

CJ wasn’t going to argue with him. She had no intention of sleeping alone.

~~~~~~

PART THREE

CJ lightly kissed Jed’s forehead and climbed out of bed. Quietly she gathered her clothes, grabbing his robe for the short walk down the hallway. She really didn’t want to leave him to wake up alone, knowing how much he wanted to wake up with her. For weeks he had told her as much. The issue was Martha. The last thing CJ wanted was for her daughter to pad down the hallway looking for her, falling down the stairs, or finding her in Jed’s bed. Of course long term she also didn’t want to be leaving Jed every morning. Somehow she would have to find a solution. She had barely made it inside her room when Martha toddled in, giggling.

“Morning, Baby.”

“Mommy.”

CJ lifted her up and swung her around. “Breakfast?”

The toddler bounced up and down.

As they made their way down the landing, Jed appeared in his pyjamas. ”Morning. How are my two favourite girls today?”

“We’re off to make breakfast.”

Jed shook his head. “Nope, Not today. It’s my job. I’m going to make you both a Valentines breakfast.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.” He looked into her eyes and resisted the urge to kiss her. They were in new territory - a new relationship, living together and raising a baby - and so much was still unclear.

As they made their way downstairs, Martha stuck her tongue out at him and he pulled a face back. At least some things about raising a child hadn’t changed in twenty years and for that he was grateful.

“You like pancakes?” he asked, opening the fridge door.

“Sounds good to me,” CJ replied, lowering her daughter into a chair.

Jed put the coffee pot on, his back to CJ. “How did you sleep?”

“I’m sorry,” CJ began, pouring milk into Martha’s cup. “I wanted to be there.”

“I understand it would have been too confusing for her.” He added milk to the batter.

“I will find a way,” she promised, running her fingertips over his arm.

“Mommy.”

“I’m coming, Baby.” She handed her daughter her cup and sat down beside her.

“Is she allowed to meet her P-O-N-Y?” he asked, turning to look at her over his shoulder.

CJ scrunched her forehead, trying to figure out what he was talking about, and nodded. “Before lunch then she can have a nap.”

“Naptime.”

“Yeah, an hour.” It wasn’t long enough to make up for leaving him in bed but she could make a fuss of him.

“I like the sound of that.” He poured the batter into the pan. “Then maybe Martha and I can watch cartoons or something.”

“Really?”

“You’re a part of my life now, CJ. She is too. I want her to be comfortable around me. To love me.”

“She does, already.”

“But I’m gonna kinda be…”

“Her stepfather.” CJ gave him a wide grin. “You sure you know what you’re letting yourself in for?”

He’d raised three daughters already, albeit he’d been in his twenties then, and it hadn’t been the easiest experience in his life. He was probably crazy for even thinking about doing it again but he loved CJ and Martha was part of her. Of course the little girl had wormed her way into his heart over Christmas.

“I don’t expect it to be easy,” he admitted. “But I’m kind of relying on the two of you sticking around for a while.”

CJ watched as he placed the first pancake in front of her child, as always putting them first. Walking out on Danny had not been an easy decision, not least because once she had been in love with him, but she didn’t want to pretend any longer. Of course there was also going to be a battle ahead. They weren’t married so there was no messy divorce on the horizon but they shared daughter and somehow they would have to figure out bicoastal access. Things would be complicated, she was sure, when he found out she was already in a relationship.

“CJ?”

His voice brought her out of her reverie.

“No looking back, remember? Only forward. We face whatever comes together.”

“Just keep reminding me of that,” she sighed, giving him a tender smile, wondering exactly what was ahead of them.

~~~~~~

Although it was probably the worst kept secret in the White House, Jed was an old romantic. He loved old movies which ended with the boy finally getting his girl, he loved opera, classical music and soft strands of music that he could dance to. The perfect date had always been dinner and dancing. Every Valentines he would organise flowers for the women in his life. Of course he was prone to forgetfulness and making errors in judgement but he hoped the gestures more than made up for it.

This Valentines day he had gone out of his way to be romantic, wanting to prove that CJ was the most important thing in his life.

After breakfast he had taken his girls to the stables and introduced Martha to her miniature pony. She had squealed in delight and insisted on stroking it. CJ had refused to let her ride until they had all the proper equipment so instead they had spent an hour exercising the animal in the yard and watching Martha groom him. It was blissful and as he watched CJ’s face light up in adoration he knew instinctively how to make them both happy.

The bouquet had arrived as CJ was putting Martha down for a nap. Her gentle slapping of his arm told him that he had chosen just right. The pink roses were beautiful and her eyes glistened as she read the card. Jed had never believed in saying in one word what he could say in ten hence the card had taken him several drafts but he had clearly gotten it right.

After an afternoon of relaxation, Jed had prepared tea for Martha and sent them both up for a bath. Now he was making dinner for CJ.

Living in the middle of nowhere made it difficult to enjoy the finer things in life without driving a great distance or having a cohort. In this case he had employed a cohort - his grand daughter Annie. Armed with list she had driven into Boston and returned with enough food to feed them for a week.

“What’ya cooking?” CJ asked, walking into the kitchen and leaning against the door jamb.

“You’re supposed to be taking a bath.”

She gave him a look that sent his heart pounding. “It was boring on my own.”

Jed loved flirtatious CJ, he loved the way her eyes seduced him and she acted as though she didn’t have a care in the world. He also knew it was an act. “You don’t have to say those things, you don’t have to pretend with me,” he said flatly, turning to the sink.

CJ pulled her robe tighter around her, and crossed the room. “I’m not pretending.” It stung that he would think she didn’t mean it, that she wasn’t as committed as he was.

“It’s really ok. You haven’t had as long as me to know how you feel.”

“Jed?”

Jed began to peel potatoes, refusing to look at her.

“I say those things because I mean them, because I love you. I’ve never lied to you and I’ve never felt like I needed to pretend. I can be myself with you. I want to jump you every chance I get.” She let out a sigh. “I would wake up alone in my bed in California and wonder what you’d been doing in the five hours you’d been awake. Now I know you drink coffee, read your paper and phone your daughters. I’d get dressed and chose the outfit I thought you’d like, the one that would have your eyes fixating everywhere but on my face.”

He finally turned to look at her.

“I’d talk to you on the phone and imagine your face, your smile and just want to hear your voice. Then as I fell asleep I’d here your voice and wish you were holding my hand. So I say those things because I can.” She smiled weakly. “I don’t want us to waste the time we have by not saying what we feel.”

Jed was, not for the first time, floored by her. He’d gone out of his way to be romantic and she’d told him in no uncertain terms how she felt. “And I love you.”

“Well, now that we have that cleared up, how about I help with dinner?”

“Dressed like that?”

She glanced down at her appearance. “Well if you won’t join me.”

“What if you take a bath and I read to Martha, then we make dinner together?”

“That sounds like a compromise.”

Jed had a feeling life with CJ was going to be based on a lot of compromise, but then he’d had thirty-five years of practice with Abbey and those had been for the most part filled with happiness. He gave her a knowing smile and followed her upstairs.

~~~~~~

CJ closed the bathroom door and dropped the bath robe to the tiled floor. Crossing the room, she turned on the faucet and tipped a generous amount of bubble bath into the tub.

For a long time she had felt like a single mom. Danny always seemed to be away or busy and Martha was a handful. So instead of relaxing she had always been on the alert and rushing around after a toddler. As she stepped into the bath she realized that for the first time in a long time she could enjoy the water, the time and the opportunity to think without having to worry about her daughter. Jed would look after her.

Closing her eyes, she settled herself in the bath.

She loved him, she’d realized that at Christmas. Being apart from him left her feeling empty and alone which as she had decided in California wasn’t how she wanted to live her life. The depth of her feelings, her true home and her future she had only concluded a few minutes ago revolved around being in New Hampshire with Jed. They were going to be a family and she hadn’t been part of one of those for a long time.

~~~~~~

Jed stuck his head around the bedroom door and was rewarded by a giggle.

“You’re supposed to be going to sleep,” he mock-grumbled, walking across the room.

She ducked her head under the pillow.

“Ok, how about a story?”

Martha reappeared, clutching a small brown bear.

“Who’s that?”

“LEO!”

“Ok, so does Leo want a story?”

Martha nodded.

A minute later, Jed perched himself on the bed, Leo tucked under the covers between him and the little girl he deeply loved. “This is called the Ducklings.”

He’d forgotten how tenacious small girls could be until that night. It was thirty minutes later when he’d read the whole book and one other that he finally kissed her forehead and managed to leave the room.

“What kept you?” CJ asked, when he emerged on the landing.

“What can I say? She couldn’t get enough of me,” he grinned, taking her hand.

“I’m just going to get changed,” Jed announced, heading back down the corridor to his room. He’d wanted all day for everything to be perfect and at times it had been. But there had also been moments when the awkwardness of a new relationship had threatened to ruin everything.

CJ watched him go, not really sure what to do. She hovered on the landing, nibbling her bottom lip.

Jed unbuttoned his shirt, un-tucking it from his pants. He’d planned everything for the evening except what to wear. Now he was suddenly nervous.

She watched from the doorway as Jed stared into the wardrobe, his shirt gaping open to reveal his upper torso.

“We could just skip dinner,” CJ mused, stepping over the threshold into his room.

Jed turned sharply, his hands covering his chest.

“Don’t!” her eyes drifted to his bare chest and the scattering of salt and pepper hair. “I like the view.”

“You are the reason I don’t get anything done,” he threw back, pulling a sweater from the cabinet.

“I can think of lots of things we can do.”

He shook his head in despair. “Downstairs. We’re having dinner then maybe we’ll try out one of your suggestions.”

Inwardly she smiled, knowing that eventually she’d get her own way.

“So what are we actually having for dinner?” CJ asked, as they entered the kitchen.

“Melon with a wildberry couli, steak with potatoes, asparagus and beans and a chocolate pudding.”

He’d made it sound so simple but she knew there was more to the ingredients, more effort involved. He wasn’t trying to impress, he just wanted to spoil her. “Want me to open the wine?”

He motioned to the bottle of merlot on the counter.

CJ crossed and lifted the bottle of wine, her eyes fell on the small square box beside it.

“Open it,” Jed said, sneaking up behind her.

“Jed?”

“Happy Valentines.”

Inside the simple blue box on white silk lay two bracelets, one inside the other.

She glanced back at him.

“I wanted to get you both something you could wear, something to remind you always of me.” Two days after CJ had flown back to California, after a particularly hard phone call he had ordered the bangles. They’d finally arrived two weeks ago, the day before he left DC and returned home. It had been a risk, the possibility of her not wanting him still there, but New Years had convinced him it was a risk worth taking. Fred had etched the platinum with five simple words that said it all.

“I had them engraved. I figured I was a little too past it to have your name tattooed on my backside.”

CJ studied the underside of the band and turned to him. “We make your world complete?”

“You are my world,” he mumbled back.

Leaning in she kissed him, her hands finally finding his. “Happy Valentines, Sweetheart.”

~~~~~~

PART FOUR

Jed pulled a chair out and waited for CJ to sit down, his fingers tracing the bracelet on her wrist, a smile tugging at his lips that she had loved it so much she had insisted he put it on her immediately.

They ate the first course in silence, the glow from the candle light the only light in the room. Their eyes met fleetingly across the table as she toyed with her hair and ran her foot along his calf. He shook his head in amusement, trying to remember the last time he’d enjoyed himself so much, or when he’d felt so young and virile. Briefly, he disappeared into the kitchen to fetch the entrees and when he returned she had refilled their glasses with the full bodied wine and turned on the stereo.

The wine bottle empty and the plates cleared, he placed a large china bowl on the table. “How much dessert do you want?” he asked.

“I’m not sure I can eat another thing.” She glanced at the rich chocolate mousse and sighed. “But I’ll try.”

He spooned chocolate into her bowl and pushed it towards her, grinning as he watched her turn the spoon upside down and lick it. His eyes widened as he continued to watch her tongue swirl around the spoon. “You like it?”

“Aren’t you having any?”

He shook his head. It’s more fun watching you.”

She raised her spoon to her mouth and teased him, her tongue demonstrating one of her unannounced talents

She was driving him crazy - her tongue licking her lips, her eyes gazing wantonly into his. He watched her for as long as his body remained in control.

“Great mousse.” She licked her lips seductively.

Jed got up from the table and walked around to wear CJ was sitting. “Would you like to dance?”

“Yeah. Yes.” She dropped her spoon in the bowl and rose to her feet offering him her hand. “You realise I can still only lead.”

Without preamble, he slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her against him. “You lead, I’ll follow.”

They began to move to the music, slowly at first as she moved closer until there was nothing between them. Her breath teased his ear.

“We shouldn’t be doing this. Your cane?” He wasn’t supposed to be without it, that much she knew. At first he’d refused to use it during the day, saving it for when he was tired at night. Now he conveniently forgot it even then.

“I’m fine. I have you to hold me up.”

“Always,” she whispered, wondering when and how she had missed falling in love with him. “We’re becoming the corny couple.”

He shrugged nonchalantly.

“I like this,” she said after a moment’s silence.

“I can’t promise you this every night,” Jed said lightly. “Of course I’ll cook dinner and buy you flowers every week, but dinner, dancing, and chasing Martha, I’m not sure that’s entirely possible.“

“It’s not all those things I want, it’s you.” She lifted her head and gave him a smile. “Not that this isn’t nice.”

He lightly brushed her lips with his own.

“Just let me know when you’ve had enough and you’re ready for bed.”

“I’ve had enough. I’m ready for bed,” he said, his lips crinkling up at the edges.

CJ stepped out of his arms, her hand still clutching his. “Then we should go to bed.” She watched as he moved around the room, turning off lights, turning off the stereo and locking doors before he took her hand again and led her upstairs.

Jed paused at the top of the stairs and looked in the direction of Martha’s room.

CJ ducked her head to look at him.

“I just want to check she’s ok, make sure she hasn’t kicked her blankets off.”

She smiled and gently tugged him down the hallway.

Silently, they crossed the room and glanced down at the sleeping infant, her blanket pulled up to her chin, the bear cuddled up beside her. CJ leaned in and kissed her cheek.

Jed lightly stroked her hair, before leaving. “Sweet dreams, baby.”

~~~~~~

CJ heard the soft padding on the hallway carpet before she registered what it was. Her brain connected the sound with the image seconds before she felt the sheets move.

“Hey, Pumpkin,” Jed said with a smile. “You wanna come up?”

Her arms came up and he lifted her over his body and into the middle of the bed.

“You’re getting heavy.”

She giggled.

CJ opened one eye and looked over at her daughter. “Morning, Sleepyhead.”

“Mommy.”

Jed couldn’t believe how lucky he was. Here he was waking up with the woman he loved, finally. And she wasn’t rushing from his arms. And now her daughter was curled up with them. “You wanna watch TV?”

Martha reached for the remote and flopped out on her belly.

“Are you ok?” Jed asked hesitantly, glancing at CJ.

“It wasn’t me, I was worried about.” She’d been worried how her two year old would react to finding Mommy in someone else’s bed and what she would tell Danny. Martha didn’t seem the least bit fazed by it.

“Well, she’s fine. But I’m glad I got up at three am and got dressed.”

“I wasn’t so happy about it at 5am.” CJ suppressed a grin. Waking up at five from an interesting dream she’d wrapped herself around his sleeping form intending to awake him, only to find he’d slipped into his pyjamas. Cuddling up was her second, but almost equally as delightful, option.

“There will be other mornings.”

“We may have to move the safety gate to her bedroom door,” CJ sighed.

“If that’s what you think is best but I have no problem with this.” In truth he loved having them both in his bed, the epitome of a happy family at the weekend. “She doesn’t hog the comforter as much as you.”

“Hey.”

He reached out a hand to touch hers and let it fall on the bed between them. “You’re worried about Danny.”

She nodded.

“Then tell him about us.”

“And he’ll flip and I’ll have to fight for Martha.”

“He’s gonna fight you anyway. This way you can actually get on with your life.”

“And you’re ready to tell everyone? Your daughters? Josh? Toby?” she asked, her voice rising with each word.

Martha turned to look at them, her little face beginning to show concern.

“It’s ok, baby. Watch your cartoons,” Jed said softly, tickling her feet. “No, I’m not ready. But then what they think doesn’t change how I live my life. Your happiness is all that matters.”

“It’s not that easy.” CJ climbed out of bed, pulling his robe around her.

“I know that, CJ,” he countered, padding around the bed to stand before her. ”You still care about him. You don‘t want to rub his nose in it or hurt him and you don‘t want a war on your hands. I understand that.” He reached for her and she backed away. “Maybe I just want you to make a clean break.”

“Maybe I just want to deal with one challenge at a time.”

“And today’s challenge?”

“To make you breakfast.” Her smile widened as she saw the look of momentary horror on his face. “I’m really not as inept as you think.”

“I know.”

She shook her head and took a step towards him. “Think carefully before you answer this question. Would you rather I didn’t cook for you?”

Jed pondered what to say and what his reward might be if he gave the right answer. “There are other things I’d rather you did.”

“Wonderful thought and I may hold you to it later, but there’s a slight flaw in your plan.” She gazed down to the toddler, sitting on the bed staring at them.

“Ah. Then I guess I get to enjoy breakfast cooked by your own fair hand.”

CJ ran her fingers lightly down his chest. “You give up so easily and I was so looking forward to a challenge.”

“I thought I gave you a few challenges last night.”

“Leo was right then, you really were trying to lure me here to have your wicked way with me.”

“Mind, body, spirit, can’t I have it all?”

“We’ll see.”

“Your mind inspires me to greater things. It opens my eyes and my heart to greater possibilities. I see my future in your hopes and dreams and expectations and I want to live up to those expectations. I want to worship your body, loving every inch slowly, gently, reverently, then again not so slowly, gently and reverently. I want to laugh with you, I want to grow old with you. I want to see the world through your eyes.”

She had always known Jed talked too much and there were occasions she wished he’d shut up more but when he was like this she’d listen to him for hours. Of course when he was like this she was also inclined to do other things. Martha’s naptime suddenly seemed a long way away but she knew it would be worth the wait. For now she had to be content with kissing him, no longer worrying that Martha would get upset, instead sharing her happiness with her child.

Jed’s eyes twinkled as she leaned in and she realized that the greatest challenge of all wasn’t going to be making it work with Jed, it was going to be keeping it from their family and friends for any length of time, when every time they looked at each other it was so obvious. In that moment though her worries dissipated as he kissed her and held her in his arms, all that mattered suddenly was being there with the two of them.

THE END