CJ accepted another goblet of wine from the roaming waiters, and drank it down in one long gulp.

"Getting drunk?" Toby asked.

"No, not drunk," CJ contradicted. "Smashed. Completely wasted."

“Ah,” he growled, swirling his whiskey glass. “It’s usually me who hates these things.”

“It’s the last time, y’know,” she babbled, biting her quivering bottom lip.

“You aren’t going to cry like a girl are ya?”

She slapped him and grabbed another goblet as the waiters wandered by. "I'm not crying!" she said indignantly.

"You are, I can see the little tears in your eyes now," Toby teased lightly.

"Jackass," she grumbled.

“How about we dance?” he suggested, quietly.

CJ raised her eyebrows at him. “You don’t dance!”

“I’ll make an exception.” He glanced across at the dance floor and cocked his head. “What exactly are we going to be dancing to?”

CJ followed his gaze and shook her head. “Hell if I know, but I don’t think I can do that with my leg.”

Toby stifled a chuckle and hid a smile. "Whatever, come on -- you've got rhythm, babe..."

"Yeah," she said hesitantly.

"CJ, it's not like I'm asking you to marry me."

"I don't really feel like dancing," she admitted, turning her back on the dance floor and heading unsteadily to the corner to sit down on one of the chairs.

“This isn’t like you,” he commented, his fingers drumming unconsciously on the table. “You’ve always been the life and soul of the party. What gives?”

CJ concentrated on her hands. “Are you really going back to New York?”

“Yeah.”

“To write a book?”

“Yeah.”

She nodded and sipped her wine, savoring the flavor and the intensity of the smooth warmth as it trickled down her throat.

"What are you going to do?"

"Go back to California."

"And...?"

She shrugged. "I have an offer from a high school in Bakersfield to teach American Government."

“What do you know about American Government?” he asked, the smirk hidden behind his beard.

“More than you do about women,” she snapped back, a look of hostility in her eyes.

“Are you going to spend the rest of your life brooding about us?” he asked, watching as Josh danced the tango with Donna, oblivious to the dance track playing. “The sex was okay, the rest was a nightmare.”

"I'm not brooding about us," CJ snapped, draining the last of her wine in a long swallow. When her chin lowered again, a single tear streaked down her cheek. "I want to leave but I can't."

Toby crouched down in front of her. "CJ, what the hell is wrong with you?"

“It doesn’t matter,” she muttered, weakly.

“It does to me,” he said softly, stroking her hand. “Want me to get Abbey? She’d be better at this than me.”

“No,” CJ shook her head firmly. “I’m really not drunk enough for that.”

“Okay. So if you don’t want to leave, what do you want to do?”

"I need to talk to someone, but I don't think you'd understand," CJ whimpered, swiping angrily at her eyes with one shaking hand, more upset with herself for crying than for having these emotions of loss she thought inappropriate.

"I can handle anything you dish my way," Toby said. "Lemme get a chair."

He settled himself beside her and placed a protective arm across the back of her chair. “But, I have to tell you, now, if this is sex related I have limited experience.”

CJ grinned, despite herself. “That’s your story and you’re sticking to it, right?”

He rolled his eyes back in his head. “We’re talking about your thing.”

"Don't start making fun of me," she protested.

"I'm not making fun of you, but you've got to tell this guy you've got the hots for him before, y'know, you're clear across the country from him."

"Well, aren't you just a fountain of wisdom?" she sniped.

“Missed opportunities are my forte,” he quipped. “Andi and I were so busy not talking to each other I forgot to tell her I loved her. And the only other woman I ever saw myself marrying turned out to be better as a friend.”

“We just weren’t meant to be.”

“Now you’re sounding like the First Lady, and all her clap trap about destiny and it being in the stars,” he grumbled, rubbing his forehead in consternation.

“Soul mates,” she mumbled. “We all have a soul mate. I just want to know why loving someone is never enough.”

"Because you... you have to be able to touch them," Toby sighed. "Be in touch with them. Whatever."

"I wish love was enough," she whispered, closing her eyes.

"Who is this jerk, anyway? I'll punch his lights out for making you feel like shit."

“It’s not his fault. He doesn’t even know the effect he has on me,” she groaned, casting a glance around the room and spotting him. He had his back to them and his hand resting on Margaret’s back, low down on Margaret’s back.

“Do I even want to know the effect he has on you?” Toby growled, pressing his fingers against the spot where his headache was forming.

"I'm surprised you can't see it," she sighed, her glance leaving him and trailing back to Toby.

"I can't, and I'm glad I can't..."

"It's like a fire, Toby, and it's burning out now," she moaned softly. "I need more wine."

Ignoring her desire for more alcohol Toby shook his head. “He’s not married, is he?”

“Jesus, no.”

“Okay.” He waited a beat. “So what are you most afraid of?”

"He doesn't love me," CJ sighed. "I mean, yeah, we get along, sometimes we don't, but he doesn't see me as anything but a friend at best." She made a wild gesture with one hand. "He's in love with someone else," she choked out, starting to cry. "And goddamnit, I've got to stop putting myself in this position!"

"First you've got to stop crying," Toby muttered.

“You think I don’t know that?”

“The worst that can happen is that he’ll say he doesn’t feel the same way. It’ll be embarrassing but you’ll get over it. I mean you have before,” Toby quipped, then cringed at his thoughtlessness.

“I knew I shouldn’t have opened up to you,” CJ grumbled, standing shakily and walking away.

Toby groaned and stood to follow. He stopped when he noticed Leo approach her.

CJ was staring at her feet, her uncovered back turning pink. From what Toby could see her hands were also gesturing wildly, well, more wildly than normal.

It took a second for the realization to hit and by that time she was already heading for the door.

Toby glared at Leo, catching the answering 'what the hell do you want from me?' look before he stormed toward the door, anxious to catch up with CJ before she made it to her car.

He didn't have to worry -- he found her sitting on the floor outside his office, her knees up to her chest, her tears running unchecked.

“Come on.”

“What?” she asked, glancing up at him from the floor.

“We’re going into my office, I’m going to switch CNN on, open the bottle of Glenlivet I have stashed and we’re going to watch the ball drop in Time Square,” Toby explained, holding out his hands. “Kissing me at the stroke of midnight is optional.”

CJ allowed him to pull her to her feet.

"I'm such a fool," she mumbled.

"Yeah, but you're my fool, not his, so get over it," Toby teased, tugging her into his office and closing the door firmly behind them. "I love you because you're a wonderful woman and my best friend. Not because I want to fuck you."

“You say the nicest things,” she chuckled, sliding into his couch as he located the bottle and two glasses.

“I try.” He poured the amber liquid into a glass and handed it to her. “But he’d be a fool if he turned you down. And he’s anything but.”

CJ sipped her drink and took a deep breath.

"Ah, don't say anything right now," Toby said sternly. "I'm talking to you, young lady." He inhaled deeply and took a sip. "Okay, here's how I see it. He's not a fool, CJ, and he certainly wouldn't turn you down. And you've only got a little bit of time left before you go off to teach a bunch of loser high school twits how to vote Democrat. He'd really be a fool to say no."

“To a one night stand at the Last Supper, yeah, he would be. But I’m looking for a little more than that,” CJ muttered, glancing at the television as it went live to Time Square.

Toby groaned and leaned against the desk. “I’ve known Leo eight, sorry nine, years and I don’t think he’s ever had a one night stand, CJ.” He closed his eyes as they started to count down to midnight. “So, are you going to snog me, or what?”

"Not so much snog," CJ said softly, "as give you a little kiss."

"Same diff," Toby said, waiting for "ONE".

Her lips were soft and undemanding, and she pulled away after the brief touch.

"You wish I was Leo, don't you?" he asked.

“No,” she said confidently, chinking glasses with him. “I’m glad I’m here, seeing in the New Year with my Best friend.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You really can be quite sweet sometimes,” she grinned.

“Urgh,” he growled. “Any New Year Resolutions?”

"Yeah," she said with a grin.

"What, exactly?"

"Well, top of the list is getting over Leo," she said with a sad smile. "And next up is trying to not go on an insane high school killing spree."

"One's going to be easier than the other," Toby pointed out.

THE END

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