It had been a week since Air force One had left New York, two days since the funeral and CJ was dealing with everything pretty well. At least she had stopped the high pitched wailing every time she thought about him. Now she was resigned to the fact he was gone.

Simon had been an enigma. She liked him, when every instinct told her to hate him. Well, she couldn’t ignore the fact he was hot, and tall, and a man. There hadn’t been much of that lately in her life.

There was also the fact he was a great kisser. It took them weeks to get to that point, and it only happened because her stalker had been caught. But damn, it was amazing. There was this sensation hovering in her heart, telling her she might actually have some feelings for this man, and that was something she hadn't felt in a long time.

Now he was gone.

The past four years had been incredibly draining for CJ, both physically and emotionally. The Claudia Jean Cregg who walked into the Bartlet for America Campaign headquarters in New Hampshire disappeared in the first week of the campaign. Suddenly, she was CJ Cregg, the Press Secretary and the image that they wanted to portray–confident and infallible.

She had dropped a dress size practically over night, and somewhere along the lines it had been suggested she change her hair. By the time they reached the White House she hardly recognized the woman in the mirror.

For nearly four years she walked through her job as Press Secretary, sometimes wishing she could step back and have a life -- a boyfriend, a cat, the rest of the time she couldn‘t imagine herself anywhere else. She often wondered if a husband and maybe a child would be too much to ask for? But of course it was. Every decision she made personally would affect her professional life, and CJ knew that, so she played it safe. It was as if she had spent four years of her life as her job, not as a person.

The past few months had been particularly trying for CJ. After all, she had been winding up for another campaign, and a difficult one at that. And of course, should they win, she would be signing up for another four years. CJ had no doubt that they would, so the realization of what she was forfeiting seemed all the more prominent.

The First Lady’s birthday party had reminded her of all of the things she wanted from life, and had yet to achieve. While Abbey had been wallowing in self-pity about losing her medical licence for a few years, CJ had been recalling that she didn’t even have a cat, and the symbolism that held for her. It didn’t escape her that she wasn’t getting any younger either.

When Simon had wandered into her life, things seemed to be looking up. There was finally a man interested in her, and she in him, and there was no good reason they couldn’t be together once the stalker was caught.

And then he was killed.

It wasn’t as if she were seeking a life partner in Simon, but more the ability to explore a relationship with someone, and maybe even relieve some sexual tension.

She didn’t laugh as much around the West Wing, she was quieter in staff meetings than she had ever been and she shut out everyone who cared about her the most. Even when Josh threatened to break into the Press Room and run a briefing, CJ barely offered him a glance.

Everyone close to CJ knew that she was hurting, but nobody was sure how to bring her back.

Things came to a head, late one Friday night, when Josh decided he had a brilliant idea and dragged Sam and Toby over to CJ’s office. He was going to make life normal for CJ again, and part of normalcy was that they went out together and had fun. It had worked in the past and he couldn’t see any reason why it wouldn’t this time.

The three men barged through her door and stood in front of her desk.

"CJ, you’re comin’ out with us!" Josh announced, beaming from ear to ear with the brilliance of his plan.

"Thanks for the sentiment, Mi Amor, but I have other things to do tonight," CJ lied, horribly.

"Like?" Toby interrupted, deciding, for once in his life, to go along with Josh’s plan.

"Like a bubble bath, a bottle of wine, and a book." CJ stared back at her friends, wondering what they were up to.

"Come on CJ, we haven’t all gone out together in ages, and it will be fun." Sam chimed in, secretly wishing it had been his plan.

"Guys, I’m really tired, and I don’t know if I’d be much company." CJ smiled at her spin boys, all hanging off of her every word.

"Please," they pleaded in unison, staring at each other and realizing the "Family Ties" factor of their actions.

She inwardly groaned. Part of her still wanted to wallow. But there was also another part of her fighting to be heard.

Since Simon’s death there had been an urge that she couldn't quell; one that made her want to be alive and carefree. It was like a desire to be twenty again, and to know that she held everything, and everyone, in the palm of her hand.

Mostly, she wanted to feel like an ordinary woman again. She wanted to prove to herself that the sensations she felt when she kissed Simon weren't just because of who she was kissing. CJ needed to know that SHE was still able to feel those things which had made her remember that she was alive.

Simon. The campaign. Exhaustion. The desire to feel like a woman again, as opposed to just the Press Secretary. All of these things combined had encouraged CJ to accept the spin boys' offer to go out to a Georgetown bar. And thus, set in motion the climax of CJ's illustrious downfall and her ultimate recovery.

CJ closed her laptop and stretched her arms above her head. It had been another long day, with more questions about Secret Service training and protocol. Most of which she had brushed off with no comments, but the lingering scent in the room had been that the President’s guards were badly trained and sloppy.

She wasn’t really sure how much longer she could deflect them. In fact she was beginning to long for a national emergency or something just so she wouldn’t have to hear the constant criticism of the very people she had to thank for being alive.

Hence the fact there were two empty beer bottles in the trash can. Both of which would be removed before the cleaners arrived by Carol, no doubt, and disposed of somewhere more discreet.

CJ removed her glasses and rose to her feet, swaying slightly. For the last two nights she had been to the bar with the spin boys, but she had begged off tonight, citing too much work. The idea of listening to another night of their whining and their constant attempts to lift her spirits was just too much.

“You need a lift home?” a voice called from the door way.

“What are you doing here?” Her voice failed to hide her pleasure at seeing him.

He was her best friend. Intuitively he knew when she needed to talk, needed to be alone and more often than not when she needed something else.

He shrugged. “Thought you might want a ride home. Didn’t much want to play chaperone to Josh and Sam again.”

CJ shook her head and gave him a rare smile. “You waited for me.”

“Doesn’t mean I like you,” he growled, shuffling towards the couch.

“Of course not, why would I think such a thing?” she teased. “Wanna get take out?”

“Pizza?”

“And we’ll go to your place.” CJ didn’t have the heart to tell him how much she hated her apartment now that it was so empty. The detail had already cleared their equipment from the apartment when she arrived back from New York and as such it didn’t feel much like home anymore, just an empty void.

Toby lowered his gaze to his shoes and his voice, when it came, was barely audible. “Are we talking or doing other things?”

“Can’t we do both?” she asked, her voice flirty.

Toby’s head snapped up.

“Company would be good. I need to feel,” she added more seriously. Toby and she had sex, it wasn’t anything more. When one was down they would end up in bed, never preordained, more drawn by unexplained forces. She could cry, curse and Toby would do whatever she wanted.

“Let’s go.”

CJ grabbed her wrap and purse and followed him out to the parking lot, her fingers brushing his arm.

Toby stopped at the pizza place three blocks from his house, disappeared inside only to re-emerge ten minutes later with a vegetarian deluxe. They rode to his apartment in silence and it was only as she slid onto his couch that she spoke again.

“I’m thinking I should pass it over to Treasury,” she sighed. “They aren’t going to comment either but at least the pack would leave me alone.”

“Want me to handle it?” Toby asked, locating plates and napkins.

“Yeah.” Her voice sounded more than a little defeatist and lost. Opening the lid on the pizza she extracted a piece and took a bite.

“You’re dripping grease all over the carpet,” he growled. “For god’s sake have a plate.”

CJ grinned and held the plate under the now dripping mess. “You’ll make someone a wonderful wife someday.”

He grumbled something inaudible and she laughed.

They fell back into a companionable silence as they ate and Toby made coffee. Two friends enjoying each other’s company, with no awkwardness about what was to come.

It was after midnight when Toby yawned. “We should get to bed.”

CJ rose to her feet first, walking the ten feet down the corridor to his bathroom. After cleaning her teeth she walked back into the bedroom.

Toby brushed past her, his suit discarded in preference to his boxers.

CJ undressed quietly, folding her clothes over his armchair in readiness for the morning, before climbing naked into his bed.

“You found the spare toothbrush, I see,” Toby muttered, walking into the room and switching off the over head light.

“I kinda guessed flourescent green wasn’t yours,” she retorted, propping herself up on her elbows.

“I saw it in the store and it reminded me of those leg warmers you wore in dance class,” he chortled.

“That was fifteen years ago.”

“What can I say? It’s an image that’s stuck with me,” he grinned, turning off the side lamp and sliding in bed beside her. His hands disappeared beneath the covers, only for his shorts to appear a few seconds later.

“I can’t believe you still do that,” CJ whined. “We’ve had sex like twenty times and you still won’t let me see you naked.”

“You’re my best friend,” he growled, as if that was explanation enough.

“Toby?”

He slid his hand beneath the covers and ran his palm across her stomach.

A low moan escaped from CJ as she closed her eyes and allowed his hand to trail lower, across her honey curls and between her thighs.

“Toby!”

Toby smirked and pushed back the sheets. “I’m guessing you don’t want it slow and steady tonight.” His thumb brushed her clit and she gasped.

CJ slipped her hands up and around Toby’s neck, pulling his mouth to her breasts. “I just want you to fuck me, okay?”

His lips closed around her breast and he sucked on the pale white flesh as his thumb pressed against her clit. He wasn’t surprised by the frustrated sigh and her leg wrapping around his hip.

CJ had always liked to be in control and by the looks of it tonight was no exception.

Now on top, CJ sat up and straddled him. Pushing his hand away from her clit, CJ replaced it with her own fingers, frantically trying to bring her own release. Her eyes closed as she gasped and moaned.

Toby watched her in the faint light from the street lamp, the rocking of her hips and her taut nipples increasing his own arousal. She had always been beautiful, even when drunk. Her vulnerability only added to it. Gently, he held her hips while she thrashed above him.

As she came down from her self-induced haze, CJ opened her eyes and grinned at him. “Sorry.”

He shrugged and moved his hands from her hips over the soft curve of her bottom, pulling her over his groin. “Now, do I get a turn?”

CJ smirked and closed her fingers over his engorged member, pumping it gently with her fingers. “Maybe we need some illumination.”

“CJ!”

“Or maybe not.” Raising herself up on her knees she guided him to her opening. Suddenly she sank down the length of him, gasping as he filled her.

Toby inhaled sharply as he felt her tight around him. “C . . .J . . .?” he groaned, holding her in place. Once more able to breathe, he ran his fingertips up her sides, gently stroking the curve of her breasts.

CJ arched her back at his touch and threw her head back. She knew exactly what they both needed to find release. Her hands ran the length of his back to his shoulders, encouraging him to sit up.

As Toby raised his body she locked her ankles behind his back, effectively trapping him in position. Gently at first she rocked her hips.

His hands moved to her lower back, supporting her upper torso as she rode him, fast and erratically, her moans his only gauge of how close she was.

The flow of cursing elicited from her mouth was a good indicator she was getting close to the edge. As were her hips squeezing him tightly.

Coming from Brooklyn you would have thought he would have heard it all, but no, the first time he had screwed CJ in a washroom he had added a few new ones to his repertoire.

“Toby,” she cried, her orgasm close.

That was his cue to take her over the precipice. Forcefully, he lifted her off his penis and slammed her back down again, twice more and she was screaming his name. Gasping, he felt the first surge of blood flow through him.

He came before her, his hands clammy against her slick skin, a low growl his only sound.

CJ clung to him, bouncing up and down until her eyes fluttered shut and she gasped in rapture.

Toby fell back against the bed, pulling her down against his damp chest.

They lay entwined, even after he had slipped from her body. His hand rested in her hair as she shed tears, the drops mingling with his sweat.

When she finally lay silent, he kissed her head and allowed her to roll to his side. His arm remained around CJ’s waist, offering her support and hopefully encouraging her to sleep.

Toby couldn’t sleep, his mind was processing too much information. He had finally realized how badly his friend was hurting, the destructive path she was taking. Finally when he had concluded all he could do for her was just be there, his thoughts turned back to work.

Toby suddenly sat up in bed. “Ah, I've got it.”

CJ rolled over and stared at him, hoping IT wasn't anything infectious.

“I’ll be right back,” he announced, dashing off to write the D section of an elusive speech, his flaccid penis swinging from side to side.

CJ caught sight of him in the dim light as he turned on the lights in the hallway. She grinned and wondered why he had ever been embarrassed, his performance and his more than adequate member were enough for any woman. She closed her eyes in the knowledge he wouldn’t be coming to bed again that night and that there would be coffee waiting for her in the morning.

The four of them sat in the Georgetowne Tavern, several empty bottles on the table in front of them.

It had been Josh’s idea to get a drink. He was having another crisis, not that he didn’t have them on a daily basis, it was just this time it involved Amy and their latest fight. He may or may not have called her ‘Sex kitten,’ and ‘baby.’ Both of which she hated. Hence the fact he had been walking around the West Wing looking like an injured puppy dog.

Toby and Sam were relatively sober, enjoying watching their two colleagues wallow far too much. CJ, for her part was smashed, her vision blurred and she was pretty sure Toby had grown two heads.

At some point the conversation between Josh and CJ had slipped from feminism to who was more pathetic at love and choosing partners.

Mandy was Josh's big regret. "You've met her! You know what she's like! I spent years trying to figure out how she could be such a bitch. If the sex wasn’t good, I wouldn't have had any motivation to stay with her!"

Both Toby and Sam scowled at that comment, thinking that it would be enough to push a sober CJ beyond pissed.

"I wanted to date Danny!" CJ blurted out her words quickly, and slurred them together.

"But you didn't!" Josh was proud to point out that there was no relationship, and somehow he thought that this nullified her “Biggest Loser” entry.

"It was Danny! Isn't that bad enough?" CJ winced. She raised her voice a little too loudly.

"Okay, yeah, I see where you're goin' with this," Josh conceded.

“And Tad Whitney, Jesus, that has to win it,” she whined, lowering her head on to her hand and her elbow collapsing from under her. Her face hit the table and she lapsed into a fit of giggles.

Toby rolled his eyes and helped her sit back up straight.

“Sarah Wittenger,” Josh announced.

“What?” the other three asked simultaneously.

“Sarah was another mistake.”

Sam frowned. “But you and Sarah didn’t,” he waved his arm as if to explain. “And she sent you great gifts if I remember correctly.” He paused. “I win, with Mallory.”

“Don’t diss the boss’ daughter,” CJ slurred.

“Did she just say diss?” Josh pointed his finger at her. “Diss?”

"I can be hip too, you know," CJ mumbled in between slugs of beer. "I'm not that old that I don't understand the jargon of today's youth!"

"CJ, honey, you just called it jargon...most of today's youth don't know what that means!" Toby tried to contain his laughter, but failed miserably when CJ gave him what was supposed to be a death stare, but instead mirrored something from a bad horror movie.

"DON'T call me honey!" CJ looked between the men. "You know you're getting old when someone starts calling you honey as if it's perfectly normal."

"CJ, it's just a term of endearment." Toby watched as she downed the rest of her drink, and raised her hand to let the waiter know she was ready for more.

"Endearment my ass..." CJ began to lean towards Josh, pushing him against the wall as her body touched his. "It's...it's...Just wrong, okay?"

"CJ...I can't...feel...my arm..." Josh looked somewhat frightened, but mostly discouraged because he couldn’t reach his drink from that angle.

“Sorry HONEY,” she hissed. “I want another drink.”

“The hell she does,” Toby muttered under his breath.

“Got something to say, Pokey?”

He growled and drained his glass. “I’m going home. It would be good if at least one of us had a clear head in the morning.”

“I’m sober,” Sam piped up.

“Great, then you can get these two home in one piece.” Toby picked up his jacket and stood. He glanced once more around the table before lowering his head to Sam’s ear. “And you might want to make it soon.”

As Toby left the bar the waiter appeared with more beer.

CJ grabbed the first bottle and took a lengthy pull before slamming it down on the table. “Now that sour puss has gone we can talk about the good stuff.”

*******

Sam parked up on the street outside Josh’s apartment and moved round to the passenger side of his SUV. Opening the door he held out his hand to CJ.

Taking it, CJ fell into him and snorted as he held her steady.

“Are you sure, you wouldn’t rather I take you home?” Sam asked, softly.

CJ waved him off, giving him a glazed expression. “And miss drinking Josh’s ass under his own table, no way.”

As Josh climbed out of the back seat, CJ grabbed his arm and followed him up the stairs.

Sam shook his head. It didn’t much look like either of them needed anything else to drink. And CJ looked so lost and needy, he could only hope Josh was going to be a good friend.

Sighing he drove home.

Josh threw his jacket across the couch and stumbled into the kitchen, returning a few seconds later with a bottle of brandy and two glasses.

CJ was sprawled along his couch, her shoe hanging off her left foot as her right foot trailed along the floor.

“Brandy?” he slurred, tripping over her foot and landing in a heap on the floor beside her. “So that was way uncool.”

“Joshua, Mi Amor,” CJ purred, ruffling his dishevelled hair with her fingers. “You are a really good friend.”

“Are you drunk Claudia Jean?” he asked, teasingly.

“Bet your ass, I am,” she snorted.

He shook his head and gazed up at her lovingly. “I should really put you to bed.”

“Was that an invitation?”

“Er? I wasn’t . . .” Josh opened the brandy and took a gulp. “If you promise to keep your cold feet on your own side, you can share the bed.”

CJ climbed off the couch, losing one shoe in the process. She kicked the other at the door and headed through the apartment. She couldn’t seem to walk in a straight line and it wasn’t long before Josh heard her familiar cursing and the sound of her hitting the wall, hard.

“Josh!”

Stumbling and clutching at furniture, Josh followed the sound of her voice. He found her face down on the bed. “Whatya doing, CJ?”

“Going to sleep,” she mumbled.

“’k, I’ll join you,” he grinned, jumping and landing beside her. As he closed his eyes his arm draped itself across CJ’s back. “Night,” he groaned.

His eyes flew open a second later when he felt CJ shift towards him.

CJ leaned in and kissed him hard on the mouth. The kiss was sloppy and wet, but it didn’t seem to bother Josh as he moaned his encouragement. His hand at her waist tugged her blouse from the waistband of her skirt.

“I can’t…” he complained against her lips.

Soon CJ’s hands were moving behind her, yanking the blouse up her back and unzipping her skirt.

“Are we really?” Josh slurred, his hand hovering inches from her backside.

“If you stop talking,” she groaned.

Josh knew he was either dreaming or they were both extremely drunk, in the latter state his sexual prowess was never that good, or at least women had told him so.

After two failed attempts by Josh at getting her skirt over her hips, CJ sat up and yanked the offending item down her legs, her slip following momentarily.

Josh watched her in awe, his lips fixed in a lop sided grin.

“I’m changing my mind,” CJ announced, unbuttoning her blouse and glancing down at Josh’s twitching pants.

Josh followed her eyes and struggled with his own clothes. In the end CJ took control, divesting him of his pants, his shirt and his socks. His Tazmanian devil boxers were all that remained.

CJ burst into a fit of giggles, pointing to Taz’s head now several inches from Josh’s body.

“Hey,” he groaned, flushing red at her teasing.

CJ hung her head and muttered an apology. Lifting her head, CJ crawled back over to his body and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her taut nipples brushed against his chest through the silk of her bra and Josh let out a deep growl. His fingers moved to her back. He frowned when he failed to locate the fastening.

“Front loading,” CJ giggled as she sucked her way down his neck, leaving not one but two hickeys in her wake.

“Ah.” He pushed her back on the bed and popped the butterfly clasp. He clutched the pale breasts in his palms, bobbing them up and down as if weighing them. A whimper of delight escaped his lips as his thumb and forefinger pinched her nipple.

“Ow,” CJ yelled. “Jesus Josh, I’m not a radio and you’re not searching for a channel.”

“Sorry,” he offered, chastised, his lips replacing his fingers.

“Now that’s better,” CJ gasped as his tongue swirled around the dark nubs. “God yes.”

“You like that?” he asked, his ego raising its ugly head. “Cause baby I’m going to blow your mind.”

CJ stifled the laughter that was threatening to spring forth from her lips. “You use that on all your women?” she asked, incredulous.

He lifted his head to look at her, hurt, and ego squelched.

CJ actually felt sorry for him. And that was something that didn’t happen very often. Tracing his scar with her fingertips, she slipped her hand between them and closed her hand over his covered erection. Lightly at first she palmed it, then increased the friction as he moaned and pushed against her.

“If you break it, you buy it!” Josh croaked, in true Josh fashion, as she squeezed a fraction to hard.

CJ stilled her hand for a fraction of a second and looked at him.

He gulped nervously. “I should just fuck you already.”

“Pretty much.”

As Josh kicked his boxers across the room, CJ slid her silk panties down her legs, pulling the straps of her bra over her shoulders at the same time.

CJ lay back on the bed, watching as Josh’s lips moved but no words came out. Briefly she wondered if he was giving his member encouragement or saying a prayer.

*******

“Oh god, yes, yes, yes,” CJ cried, writhing against him.

She questioned whether another yes would be overkill and decided it wasn’t the scene from “When Harry met Sally.” The headache was definitely starting to cloud her judgement and Josh‘s best efforts were becoming tiresome. She was debating whether it was good form to finish the job herself, when Josh finally spilled into her with a grunt. Taking a deep breath CJ sighed, “Oh my god,” really thinking thank god he’s done.

Josh collapsed onto CJ’s chest and let out a breath. After a few seconds he sat up and flexed his muscles. “I’m so da man.”

Da man climbed off the bed and headed towards the bathroom.

CJ closed her eyes as Josh slammed the bathroom door and his voice could be heard yelling, “I drink from the keg of glory...bring me the finest muffins and bagels in the land...."

When Josh finally came back out of the bathroom, CJ pretended to be asleep. She felt him crawl in the bed next to her and heard his soft snoring.

Keeping still she tried to drift off, but thoughts of the sex from hell kept coming back to her.

She was just dropping off when the alarm clock sounded.

Josh groaned and hit the snooze button.

CJ timidly rubbed her eyes and stepped out of the bed. Dropping to her knees she felt for something to wear, Josh’s pyjama top came to hand and she pulled it over her head. Without a second thought she wandered into the kitchen to make coffee.

The sound of knocking brought Josh running from the bedroom, the pyjama pants hanging from his waist. “I’ll get it,” he announced, barely glancing at CJ.

Gripping the mug of coffee, CJ wandered into the living room and had a front row view as Josh opened the door.

His face fell and he glanced back into the apartment. “Amy.”

“Hey J. I’ve decided to forgive you.”

Pushing past him, paper bag in hand she walked into the living room. She stopped at the sight of CJ and glared at Josh.

“CJ needed a place to stay last night,” Josh stuttered.

Amy gave him an unimpressed look and opened the bag. “I brought you blueberry muffins and onion bagels.” Her eyes moved from his face to his neck and her eyes went wide. “What else did you give CJ last night?”

Josh rubbed his neck and his face turned panicky. He glanced at CJ and back at his girlfriend.

“I think I need to get going,” CJ coughed, grabbing her purse and heading back to the bedroom to get dressed.

The sound of yelling and things being thrown followed her. Finally the sound of the door slamming echoed through the apartment.

“I think it’s over,” Josh announced, running his hand through his hair.

“I’m sorry.”

Josh shrugged and shook his head. “She thinks I make a better friend, than I do boyfriend.”

“You really are sweet sometimes,” CJ whispered, kissing him on the cheek and walking away.

It was Wednesday, that much CJ was sure about, but she couldn’t remember ever being quite so hung over as she was this morning. Considering the events of recent weeks, that was quite an accomplishment.

Last night it had been a girls’ night out. She had gone to the bar with Donna and Carol but somehow they’d left without her. Hence the fact she was in the state she was now.

Her head was throbbing and a weird pulsating sensation filled her stomach as she remembered the previous night’s events. Since about two o’clock this morning, she had been throwing up Kamikaze shooters, then there had been dry heaves, finally about four o’clock, CJ managed to stumble into bed and get a bit of sleep, however restless it was.

The alarm clock had scared the hell out of her, jolting her body into consciousness and giving her a fierce head rush, and a matching headache. The vague memories of the night before were enough to make her want to go back to bed, with out compounding it with illness. Even the dim light coming through the window at six o’clock in the morning was enough to make her retinas ache.

CJ managed to stagger out of bed and towards the bathroom, only to be surprised by what she saw in the mirror. Her eyes were bloodshot and dark circles hovered below her eyes. "Shit," CJ moaned, "I look like absolute shit." It was then she noticed the odd shaped hickey on her shoulder, and a weird bite mark. She couldn’t remember how she got them but she told herself in future, she was going to lay off the drinks with weird names.

Climbing into her car, CJ located her oversized retro-eighties sunglasses on, in an attempt to shield her eyes from the streams of light that were ambushing her eyes and making them throb, much like her head. She had bought them in Napa last time she was home, thinking they would be great for Halloween, somewhere along the way, they had ended up in the car. Now, she was barely aware that she was wearing them into her office

Shaking their heads in unison, the staff began to file out of Leo‘s office.

Sam and Josh were arguing over the previous nights’ pom pom girls and whether their acrobatics could really be considered artistic, while Toby trailed behind pretending not to listen. The glimmer of a smile beneath his beard suggested otherwise.

CJ was walking solemnly behind them all, desperately waiting for the day to be over.

Leo waited until the others were out of sight. “Hey CJ, can you spare me a few minutes.” He sat down on the sofa and gestured for her to do the same.

CJ inwardly groaned, expecting a lecture. Silently she perched on the arm of a chair. “Well, Leo, what do you need?” She gave him a weak smile.

“What are you doing tonight?” His voice sounded unusually cheerful and he briefly wondered if she’d take it the wrong way and think he was making a pass at her.

“I was probably just going out for a couple of beers, why?” CJ concluded it was getting easier to lie. A couple of beers? Just going out? Yeah, like she’s done anything half assed lately.

“I had a meeting with Bruno last night and he has a few concerns about our media strategy. I told him you were our gal,“ he grinned. It sounded benign enough to his own ears, and hopefully instilled in her that he, for one, still had faith in her.

“I’ve got a couple of free hours this afternoon–well, as free as they get. My meeting with the Post was cancelled, so we could meet up then,” CJ offered.

Leo rubbed his temples unconsciously. He had been hoping for a more relaxed atmosphere. Somewhere where they could talk and he could hopefully get her to relax.

“I was thinking more of over dinner. We can work, order Chinese and maybe talk. We’ve not had the opportunity to really talk much lately.” Leo couldn’t believe how pathetic that sounded. The last thing he wanted was for her to think he was propositioning her.

“I’m looking forward to it,” Leo responded, only half honestly. He wasn’t sure what to expect but he rather liked the idea of hanging out together.

CJ settled herself on the couch and crossed her legs. “You know, one of these days, you might want to think about moving into an apartment,” she called out.

“And lose my twenty four hour kitchen and laundry service, what the hell for?” he called back as he loosened his tie and kicked off his shoes.

“I don’t know, but coming home every night and finding my glasses wrapped in cellophane and the toilet paper corners turned down would freak me out.”

“Nah. Do they do that?” he asked surprised.

“You’re really not home much, are you?” she laughed, patting the couch beside her.

Leo dropped a stack of files on the table and settled himself in the armchair. “I hope you don’t mind giving up your evening for this.”

CJ shrugged. At least with Leo she’d spend the evening sober.

“Right, so I thought we’d start with the press packs.” Leo leaned in over the table and started to read from his sheets. After a few seconds he looked up at her. “You can’t read it from there,” he grumbled. “Move closer.”

CJ smiled and slid over the couch, propping herself up on the arm. “That better?” she purred.

Leo gave her a strange look and returned to his papers. “So I’m thinking we need to work in there about Hoynes and his commitment to rural communities.”

“Bruno doesn’t like Hoynes.”

“Bruno doesn’t like anyone,” Leo grumbled. “Although he bought Margaret a gift.”

“That’s cause he has a crush on her,” CJ offered, patting his thigh.

“He does?” Leo squeaked, all too aware of her fingers on his leg.

“Yeah. He acts really cool around her and pretends he can’t remember her name. Then he spends all day sneaking looks at her,” CJ explained. “All the classic signs.”

Leo pretended to study his folders as he wondered if CJ ever noticed him staring at her.

“Leo,” CJ said, her voice drawing out the sound. “Why did you really invite me here?”

Leo glanced up at her blankly. “To work.”

“To work.” CJ hadn’t heard it called that before but then she’d never had a man shout “I’m da man” when he came before either. “And how do you like to work?”

Leo shrugged. “I prefer to just get down to it.”

That, CJ thought, I can do.

Slowly, she walked her fingers along his thigh towards his groin.

Leo jumped up out of his chair. “CJ! What the hell?”

“You said you wanted to get down to it,” she offered glibly.

“I was talking about Bruno’s list of amendments,” he croaked. “What did you think I meant?”

CJ gazed around the room. “You know I could do with a drink,” she said, standing up and walking to the minibar. So maybe she was coming on too strongly with Leo, perhaps he needed the subtle approach.

Opening the bar she located two bottles of water. “Do you want one?” she asked, over her shoulder.

“Yeah.” Leo watched as she leaned over further into the fridge. His eyes practically bugged out when the skirt rode up her thighs and he caught sight of her white lace panties. He glanced down quickly at his papers, and tried to think benign thoughts.

CJ grabbed two fresh glasses off the unit and wandered back to the table. She poured them both a drink and sat back down.

Leo picked up the glass and took a lengthy sip. He almost choked as CJ undid another button on her blouse. He tipped the glass and it landed in his lap. Leo jumped up. “Shit.”

CJ smiled wryly and stood with him. So maybe he did want subtle. “You should get out of those,” she purred.

Leo glanced down at the wet patch that was seeping across his groin. “Yeah, I’ll be in the bedroom.” He grinned at her sheepishly and headed through the suite.

She gave him a second then followed. Leaning against the door frame she watched as his pants dropped to the floor.

He was oblivious as he stepped out of them and tossed them into the corner. He was standing staring into the closet when CJ wrapped her hands around his waist. “That was smooth,” she whispered.

“CJ . . .,” Leo stammered. “I need to get dressed.”

“You really don’t.”

Leo covered her hands with his own and removed them from his waist. “I think there’s been some misunderstanding.”

“Oh?” CJ frowned and then she nodded. “Right.” Obviously Leo was an old fashioned guy. It made sense now, he wanted to take it slowly and make all the moves. “I’ll be in the other room,” she said, turning to walk away. As she reached the door, she glanced back over her shoulder. “I love the briefs, very you.”

Leo blushed and glanced down at his cotton briefs. He cringed when he realized the cold water had seeped through his pants and there was a large damp patch over his groin.

CJ kicked off her shoes and started to read one of the files. As she waited she made notations. She couldn’t help but grin at the effect she obviously had on him. She just wasn’t sure how to get him to make the next move. Recently, she hadn’t had to do much.

Changed, and somewhat disturbed by CJ’s actions, Leo wandered back into the main room of the suite and picked up the phone. “You want dinner?”

CJ looked back over her shoulder. “Sure, anything’s fine.”

As she waited for him to hang up the phone, CJ crossed the room to his stereo. She scanned through his CD collection and decided there was nothing suitable. Instead she fiddled with the radio dial, finally finding a rock station that played something other than boy-bands, CJ began to dance around, lip syncing the lyrics.

Leo finished his call and glanced across the room. He grinned as he watched her, totally oblivious to him or anything else. After a few seconds he called out, “Where did you find a station that’s playing Tiny Dancer?”

“Ah, it’s ‘Love Songs in the Heart of the Night‘,” CJ grinned. “Perfect station, don’t you think?”

“Um, yeah, it’s just weirding me out. I don’t know when I last heard that on a radio.”

“When was the last time you listened to the radio?” she asked, grinning back at him, broadly.

He couldn’t answer that. There were so many things he hadn’t done in a long time. Listened to music, watched a television program that wasn’t news, gone on a date. Well the last date had been Jordan, but that hadn’t exactly been an unmitigated success. After blatantly throwing herself at him all night and getting no response, she’d slipped to the washroom and left.

“That long, eh?” CJ nodded. “Wanna dance?”

“Dance?”

“Yeah. Come on, it’s not like we haven’t before.”

Leo watched as she swayed her hips. Of course they’d danced before, in a room full of people, at functions. In his suite the idea seemed a little strange. He was about to say no, when she grabbed him and began to lead him around the room.

With her hips pressed against his pelvis and her hand on his shoulder, Leo was trapped and he wasn’t exactly immune to her attributes.

“You really should take your keys out of your pocket,” CJ breathed against his earlobe. Catching the look of confusion on his face CJ let out a deep throated laugh. “Oops, sorry, my bad.”

Leo blushed and wondered when it was he lost control of the situation. Pulling back, he tried to increase the distance between them.

CJ worked her fingers up to the nape of his neck. “Well this is nice?”

“Yeah,” he croaked.

CJ chuckled. “You could try and relax a little.”

Leo was relieved a few minutes later when there was a knock at the door. Breaking away he went to open it. The Chinese delivery guy grinned at his regular customer and cheerfully took the tip.

Bringing the food to the dining table, Leo waited for CJ to join him. “We’ve gotta eat before it gets cold again.”

“I’m not all that hungry...for food, anyway.” CJ offered him her most seductive voice, all too aware of the control she had over most men.

“Dinner. You’ve got to eat something. Try to help your stomach out a bit, will ya?” Leo instructed firmly, sudden aware that she was coming onto him, and not having a clue what to do.

“Leo?” CJ looked across the table at him.

“Yeah?” Leo replied, expecting something important..

“Could we not discuss Mallory’s eating habits when we’re together. I mean, it just seems strange...” CJ’s eyes were pleading with him.

“Sure,” Leo responded, totally unsure of why she made such a request.

They ate the rest of their dinner in silence, looking back at each other periodically, and trying to figure out something to say.

As Leo cleared the table, CJ lead herself to the sofa, and sat back, listening to the quiet strands of music that lead themselves away from the radio.

Eventually he joined her, stacking the folders out of the way, as he realized they weren’t going to be working anymore that evening.

And so they sat on the couch, like two nervous teenagers, and absorbed the silence. Their bodies gravitated to opposite ends of the couch, both watching the distance between them from the corner of their eye.

After a few minutes, Leo turned to CJ, and tried to formulate what he wanted to say to her. It wasn't that he wanted to stress how inappropriate it was, or a disinterest in her. Exactly the opposite, really, he liked her, he just didn‘t want to be another notch on her bedpost.

As he opened his mouth to speak, CJ interrupted. “Leo. . . “

“What?” he asked, concentrating on her face.

“Perhaps if you just kissed me, we could get past all this nervousness,” CJ suggested, her eyes pleading with him.

Leo gulped. “CJ,. . .I. . .”

The look of complete panic in his eyes confirmed her worst suspicions.

“Shit,” she mumbled, glancing away.

“It’s okay,” Leo announced, moving to stroke her hand.

CJ looked back at him and took in his warm, loving eyes and smiled. Quickly, she moved across the couch and kissed him hard on the mouth.

Leo pulled back and stared at her. “We need to talk.”

CJ groaned, at his use of the worst four words in the English language. “Please don’t,” she begged.

"Don't what?" His eyes were searching hers, begging for some answers.

CJ gestured towards him. "Don't give me the talk." CJ couldn't look at him anymore, dreading what she was sure he was going to say. That she was wrong. That he wasn't interested in her. That she misread the signs, and he was ashamed or upset.

"You're losing me here, CJ. The talk." Leo's hand moved through his hair, his forehead creasing as he tried to figure out what was happening.

“I should go.” CJ looked at him in awe and confusion. “I made a mistake coming here.“ Tugging her hand away from him, she rose to her feet and moved away from him.

“CJ?” he called after her, but she was already grabbing her purse.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Leo,” she said, waving her hand at him. “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you.”

Leo watched her go and lowered his head to his hands. The evening hadn’t gone as well as he’d hoped. All he wanted was for them to talk, and for CJ to hopefully realize that she did have a friend. Instead, Leo felt as if he alienated her further, and that was the last thing he had wanted to do. He could hope, things wouldn’t get any worse.

When Toby had asked if she wanted to go out with the spin boys again, CJ debated saying no and opting for a night at a bar on her own, at a bar somewhere she wouldn’t know most of the patrons and where she wouldn’t have to haul Josh’s ass off the floor.

But that was half the fun, she told herself. Besides, she had been well behaved for so long, it was definitely time that someone had to pick her up off the floor–not that it hadn’t been necessary at intervals throughout the last few weeks.

She’d made her decision several hours ago. At least eight beers and several shooters later, CJ had begun to feel the alcohol rush through her system, unyielding and burning. Her solution? Drink more.

As the new round of alcohol invaded her system, CJ no longer felt ill and surprised her friends by running out to the dance floor.

At first she was dancing alone. There was no way Toby would humiliate himself by dancing and Josh couldn’t sit upright, let alone stand. Sam seemed mesmerized by the way CJ moved, so he was down for the count as well. That was until CJ began gyrating with a random patron on the dance floor.

Watching her dance seductively with a rather frisky man was enough to motivate Sam up from his chair and towards her.

"CJ, can I cut in?" Sam tapped her on the shoulder, looking over the man in front of her.

"I’m dancin’ with Lloyd, Sam. Not right now." CJ pointed to an embroidered name on the shirt of the man in front of her, and tapped it.

"Yes, I can read CJ. It being written across his chest and all." Sam offered a fake smile to ‘Lloyd’ and redirected his attention to CJ once again. "I was thinking we could get out of here."

"Really? I mean, it’s only 10:30?" CJ looked at her watch and tapped the face of it.

"It’s 9:30, CJ, and remarkably enough, we’re both incredibly drunk. Let’s just call it a night." Sam took her hand in his and began to pull her towards the door, knowing that she was waving to Lloyd, who was looking pathetic all alone on the dance floor.

"I’m gonna take CJ home with me. We’ll get a cab, so you guys can stay and have fun." Sam told Toby as he walked past the booth.

"You can’t leave me here with Josh! He’s totally plastered. What am I supposed to do with him?" Toby looked up at CJ and Sam, both of whom were swaying precariously.

"Take him home with you. It must be your turn. You have a sofa too, why the hell not?" Sam crossed over to the door and vaguely heard CJ yell back to Toby.

He thought he heard "be gentle with him, Pokey" but Sam hoped he misheard.

The taxi ride was pretty quiet on the way back to Sam’s apartment. The only real noise came from Sam whenever CJ ran her hand over his groin area. At first he had been a little taken a back by her advances, but after a while he murmured soft, incoherent noises and she would offer a silent giggle.

By the time they made it to the elevator, CJ had started to undress him. Her hands moved over his chest, untying his tie, and unbuttoning his blue cotton dress shirt.

"CJ, um...We’re in an elevator." Sam mumbled his words, too distracted by what her touch was doing to him.

"Yeah?" CJ moved further down his body, kissing her way along his stomach and licking in small erotic patterns.

"Well, we could...um...get caught." Sam ran his hand along her shoulder, willing her to continue, despite his first observation.

"How many more floors to go?" CJ asked, kneeling on the floor in front of him and gazing blurrily up at him.

"Three. Not enough. Come on, we’re almost there and then..." Sam offered his hand, and she took it, pulling herself to her feet, and almost pulling him off of his.

"Whoa there. Don’t go anywhere on me. I have big plans for us tonight," CJ whispered into his ear, entwining her fingers with his.

Sam could barely get the key in the lock, while CJ’s hands were sliding up and down his body, and trailing kisses on his lips. Finally, when he got the door unlocked, he leaned against it to hard, his body’s reaction to CJ’s hands grabbing at his erection. They both tumbled through the door.

"Where’s the bedroom, Spanky?" CJ began to unbutton her blouse and unzip her skirt before he could even answer her.

"Uh, CJ, I would really appreciate it if you don’t call me Spanky when we’re about to make love, ok?" Sam watched with desire as her hands made their way up and down her sides.

"Sure thing Spanky." Stumbling a little further into the apartment, CJ ran into the bedroom.

"Found it!" she called back, as if he had been hiding it from her. When she materialized again, CJ was wearing nothing but her bra and panties. "You didn’t come into the room?"

"Uh...um...no, I mean...yeah. I wanted to...you know...let you get comfortable. You’ve never...um..." Sam’s eyes trailed across her skin, entranced by the few inches of lace that kept her from being naked. "You’ve...never...been here before."

Walking closer to her, Sam wrapped his arms around CJ and began to kiss his way down her neck.

"You’re over dressed," CJ whispered, a wide grin on her face. "I think I should take care of that for you."

Sliding her hands over his chest again, she finally discarded the dress shirt and tie. His pants, which he had re-zipped after the scene in the elevator, were her next concern.

Sam gargled something incoherent again, as CJ ran her fingers along the zipper, pulling it slowly down. She had discovered that he was easily teased and part of her wanted to take advantage of that.

Sliding the pants down his well-toned legs, CJ began to tug on his boxers, watching as his eyes glossed over from excitement. His hands were firmly planted on her shoulders, holding himself upright, as his eyes firmly fixed on her.

Once the pants were around his ankles, CJ stood to face him, allowing her body to press up against his. "Now I’m feeling kinda over dressed," CJ teased. "Wanna help me get out of these?"

Sam didn’t need to be asked twice. He hardly needed to be asked once. Quickly, his hands slid around her back and unclasped her bra with ease, considering his state of inebriation.

CJ shrugged her shoulders and the straps slipped down her arms, the lace landing in a crumpled heap on the ground. Wiggling her hips a bit, CJ helped Sam pull her panties down and she kicked them out of the way.

"Can we go to the bedroom?" Sam practically pleaded with her.

"What? You’re not into living room sex?" CJ teased as her hand travelled the length of his erection.

"The first time I make love to you, I want it to be in a bed, and properly." Sam caressed her breasts and led CJ to the bedroom.

"‘Kay," CJ muttered as he led the way...

****

Waking up, CJ could feel that same sensation that she had felt almost every morning for the last few weeks. Her stomach was in knots, her head was pounding, and every part of her body felt sore.

Keep your eyes closed, CJ told herself, and the headache won’t make you throw up. This lesson, although it had been the hardest to learn, was now CJ’s morning mantra. If she could make it out of the bedroom, and into any other room (other than the bathroom) without puking, the day wouldn’t be all that bad.

Of course, most mornings she woke up alone, having sneaked out of stranger’s bedrooms in the dead of night. That maneuver usually allows her to take her time preparing for getting out of bed. This morning, however, she heard the clatter of pots and water running in the kitchen.

"Who was it last night?" CJ muttered to herself, rolling herself on to her side and trying to string together a couple of the memories from the night before. She remembered drinks and a hazy vision of a car trip somewhere with someone. Yep, that’s all she could remember.

The sound of whistling drew nearer as CJ tried to hide her head under the pillow.

And to think, I’ve been awake for at least ten minutes and haven’t puked yet, CJ reminded herself. How much do you wanna bet he, whoever he is, will ruin that for me?

"Good morning Sunshine." The voice calling her sunshine, an endearment which was never a good thing, even when she wasn’t hung over, sounded much too familiar.

Slowly peeling back the pillow from her face, CJ first caught a glance at his knees and then his boxer shorts. A breakfast tray loaded with food, the mere idea of which repulsed her, and then his stomach. At least he has a good body, CJ told herself, as she tried to remember where she picked him up.

Moving the pillow back the last couple of inches, CJ was horrified to see Sam standing before her. Her first reaction was to pull the sheet up over her naked body and sit up right, leaning against the headboard.

"Sam?" CJ cried his name in horror.

"I thought you’d be thrilled to have some breakfast brought into you. We worked off tons of calories last night, and I am absolutely famished. I can’t imagine how hungry you are, considering you just kept going." Sam blushed at his last sentence, the mere implication of which made CJ want to dash towards the bathroom.

Be strong, she told herself. This is just a bad dream and you didn’t really sleep with Sam.

CJ closed her eyes, only to open them and see him smiling at her still. She didn’t know what to say, or how to respond. Her first instinct was to get out of bed and run as quickly from the room as possible.

"I was thinking..." Sam began. "We don’t have to be at the office for another couple of hours, so we could eat, and then...you know." Sam smiled at her, as he sat down on the bed and ran his hand over her arm, and kissed her shoulder.

"Um..." Speechless, CJ thought. When have I ever been speechless?

"So, what do you say?" Sam was already making his way over her neck with soft kisses, feeling her body tremble. By the look in his eyes he thought it was desire, but CJ knew that it was really just out of repulsion.

Not that Sam wasn’t a sexy man, but he was Sam. Deputy dog, Mr. Goody-Goody, with a beautiful face and a naivety that is unmatched by anyone CJ had ever met. And she had slept with him!

"I was thinking, I might take you up on that offer for the shower. I mean, I’ve never really considered it an option, but what you described to me last night sounded...pretty extraordinary." Sam continued to move his lips down her neck, and across her collarbone, only to start tugging on the sheet she had so tightly wrapped under her arms.

"Oh, look! Breakfast is going to get cold," CJ spoke quickly, and as if she just discovered the food sitting there. Not very convincing, my dear, she told herself, but anything that bought even a few minutes was worth it. A few minutes might be enough time to get herself out of this catastrophic situation.

"Oh, I’m so sorry! I managed to pick at some food while I was cooking, so I can’t imagine how hungry you are. You’re right. Let’s eat first, and once we’ve built up our energy reserves, we’ll get back to where we left off." Sam smiled, and moved the tray closer to her, as if to display his culinary talents: waffles, pancakes, bacon, scrambled eggs, toast and what appeared to be a massive omelette. "I wasn’t sure what you eat for breakfast, so I just made a bit of everything."

Don’t puke, CJ kept telling herself. "Oh Sam, that’s so..." Don’t say over-ambitious, CJ chided herself. "So very sweet of you."

"Anything for you." Sam began to pick at the food, offering her some off his fork. "Wanna try the ‘Seaborn Sure-thing Omelette’?"

Oh, GOD! CJ inwardly groaned. It’s like getting a puppy, all he wants to do is slobber all over me and get in my bed! This is the perfect reminder of why I don’t have any pets.

"I’ll start with the toast, but thank you." CJ smiled, secretly praying that a cell phone would ring, or a pager would buzz. Anything, right about now that would get her out of his bed and out of the apartment before breakfast finished. Chew slowly, she told herself.

Minutes of silence passed, as Sam watched her chew every bite of toast for what must have been at least fifty times each.

"It’s wonderful that you chew your food so carefully," Sam began. She could tell it would be another stupid quote from Sam. "There’s nothing less attractive than having to do the Heimlich manoeuver on your girlfriend."

Really? CJ thought. I can choke! Really, I can! Of course, the sheer desperation of her thoughts made her feel somewhat guilty for the man who was sitting beside her. Girlfriend? The implication of what he has just said, seeped through her brain and she had to bite back the nausea.

A faint ring from the living room distracted him. "I’ll be right back, don’t go anywhere!" He looked back at CJ as he bounded towards the doorway and then disappeared.

If I could figure out where to go, CJ thought, I would be gone by now.

A few minutes later, after a futile search on the floor for her clothes, CJ pulled the sheet back around her, clutching it tightly to her body.

When Sam somberly walked back into the bedroom, he wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned his head against her shoulder.

"I have to head in early. There’s been a disaster with the speech–somehow Doug managed to get it and he changed the entire direction we were taking it. I’ve got to get it back to some semblance of what it was yesterday." Sam kissed her neck, so caught up in her that he didn’t hear her sigh of relief.

"Damn it," CJ said, trying not to sound too false.

"But we’ll pick up later on, so no worries. I still owe you a couple of favors." Sam smiled as he pulled away. He open a drawer and pulled out a pair of boxers.

CJ cringed to think what kind of favors he could possibly owe her and what she did to earn them. She closed her eyes as he continued to walk around before her in various stages of dress.

"Yeah, we’ll talk later," she agreed, half debating if she should ask where her clothes have disappeared to. Finally, she decided to wait until he left then try a more thorough search of his apartment, realizing that no answer he could provide her would be worth the explanation.

Bringing her face to his, Sam pulled her in for a passionate kiss, catching her completely off guard. When he pulled away, she was too dumbfounded to really say anything.

"I’ll see you later honey, just let yourself out." Sam bounded out of the room and in a minute she heard the front door pull closed behind him.

"Shit!" CJ yelled to herself. "I slept with Sam-fucking-Seaborn and I can’t find my underwear. I’m going to hell."

CJ walked into the State Room and glanced around the room. She snagged a glass of champagne off the passing waiter and continued to head across the room.

Toby had made her promise that tonight she would take it easy on the alcohol. He had been pretty furious at Sam’s total uselessness for the last few days and had blamed CJ.

It was definitely the way Sam stared at CJ during the meetings and hung around her office at lunch that had given it away. He had a crush of epic proportions on the Press Secretary, and had it not been so icky, it would have been quite sweet. CJ was avoiding him as best she could.

Of course there were only so many excuses she could use to avoid meetings, and the constant flow of gifts was raising suspicion in West Wing.

Josh, thankfully, was acting like nothing had ever happened, except in those rare moments when Amy’s name cropped into a conversation and he would glance pointedly at CJ. The couple were officially over, which was a great relief for many, so at least CJ would get the credit for that.

Toby was right about the drinking and she had sworn off sleeping with colleagues for life.

Out of the corner of her eye, CJ caught Sam chatting with a congressman. She groaned as Sam turned and saw her, pondering whether running for her life was in order.

Instead she took long strides towards the far corner of the room. She was too busy glancing over her shoulder at Sam to see the table cloth dragging on the floor. Her heel caught in the material and she went flailing.

The group of people nearby turned at her shriek and one stepped forward to catch her. CJ regained her balance as the arms held onto her. Looking up, CJ found herself gazing into a familiar pair of grey eyes. Her first thought was of hell and jumping out of the frying pan into the fire. The second was how hot he looked in a tuxedo.

CJ swallowed and smiled weakly.

“Good evening Mr. Vice President.”

“CJ. Are you okay?” he asked, his eyes dancing over her.

Dusting off imaginary lint on her gown, CJ avoided his eyes as she nodded.

“Did you want something?” His voice held none of the amusement she usually expected at her clumsiness.

“Not really, no.” CJ glanced over her shoulder and noted that Sam was standing in the middle of the room with a hangdog expression.

John Hoynes followed her gaze and closed his lips in a smirk. “Avoiding someone?” he whispered, leaning in and brushing her shoulder with his jacket.

“You could say that,” CJ admitted, deciding honesty was the best policy. “My colleagues seem to think I need a babysitter.”

John waved his hand at the group of staff surrounding him, effectively dismissing them. “Well you’re with me now. What could be safer?” His grin, which most would say was disarming, made CJ’s heart flutter.

“Exactly.”

“And I’m sure you can take care of yourself.”

CJ gave him a perfunctory smile and looked beyond him to the balcony. “If you’ll excuse me, I think I need some air.” She also needed a drink, but that didn’t seem the most appropriate thing to say to a recovering alcoholic.

“I’ll join you, that‘s if you don‘t mind.” He really hoped she wouldn’t.

“Not at all.“ CJ nodded, catching Sam and Toby in a huddle, both desperately trying to pretend they weren’t watching her.

John rested his hand on her back propelling her towards the doors.

The French doors closed behind them but his hand remained in place. John was staring out at the Washington Monument, trying to resist the urges he had. All of which involved him disappearing beneath her evening gown. His hand had long since moved from the red silk to the bare skin of her back, where it toyed with the side of her dress.

What he was doing was risky, maybe even a little stupid, but considering what he had heard on the grapevine, she hadn’t been rejecting that many people of late. He also felt safe in the knowledge his attributes had to be more satisfying than the likes of Josh Lyman.

“I’m sorry about the Secret Service agent,” John said, softly, turning his body to look at her.

He caught the moment of sadness in her eyes before she blinked it away. He briefly wondered if anyone would ever react that way to his death. Certainly not his wife, who considered sex disgusting, and his career as a hobby.

“Yeah. He wasn’t even on duty,” she offered soberly.

“The best trained armed guards in the world. . .” he trailed off. His hand stroked at the soft skin beneath the fabric of the dress and she leaned into his touch.

“I’m pretty sure I said that,” she said.

“In a briefing, yeah,” he acknowledged. Not that he would admit just how many of her briefings he had watched over the last three years. Mostly he taped them and watched them in the privacy of his bedroom at night.

"Sometimes I don’t remember everything I say," CJ confessed. It was a bitter truth. She didn’t remember vast portions of the past few weeks, or much of anything that had happened.

“Neither do I. It goes with the territory.” He smiled. “It can’t be easy combining work with a private life.”

“Surely that goes for you too, Sir.” CJ acknowledged. “As Vice President there must be many things you miss out on.”

“Too many.”

His wistful tone reached her and she stepped away from him to look in his eyes. What she saw, surprised her. Reflected back at her were her own fears and emotions.

John moved his hand up her arm, letting it rest on her shoulder before moving it up to her face.

CJ’s voice caught in her throat, as she reacted to his touch, the gentleness with which he caressed her cheek.

“You really are beautiful,” he said softly. “We’re so alike, you and I, trying to fit in, balancing our lives to suit everyone else, our loneliness at the end of the day.”

CJ took a breath. “You have a wife,” she said simply. She had done some pretty stupid things lately, but if the look in his eyes was anything to go on, this would be the stupidest.

“Yes I do.” He looked back at the monument before he gazed into her eyes again. “She doesn’t make me feel alive, not the way I do right now.”

John moved in closer to her, still cupping her face, but once he was within inches of her, he stopped himself. He had been planning to kiss her on the balcony in full view of the guests inside.

CJ shuddered as he backed away. “Do you want to talk?“ Her fingers brushed his arm. “I’m a good listener.“ It occurred to her then that maybe it wasn’t the drinking that was causing her problems.

“CJ?” he asked, his voice betraying his nervousness.

Her fingers moved up his arm and back down. “I’m a very good listener.”

John gulped. "Let’s go inside. It’s cold out here, and we don’t have any privacy."

"Like we’ll have privacy in the Ballroom?" CJ laughed, thinking of how many of the men in there she’d slept with in the past few weeks. "Not the place to go if I don’t want to be noticed."

"Not in the Ballroom. To your office. Nobody will bother us there." John took a step away from her and lead her back through the French doors.

There was no doubt in either of their minds what would happen next. For her, it was another chance to feel something, and for him, a chance to see how great in bed, or on the couch, the desk, the floor, she really was.

They made their way through the Ballroom and corridors to the West Wing. No-one paid them any attention as they feigned conversation about a bill that was in the air and the agents trailed in their wake.

Almost no-one. Sam watched them make their exit, noting the ease with which the Vice President’s hand rested against her back, and CJ’s unwavering gaze. He lowered his eyes to the ground, wrestling with his jealousy and anger.

CJ opened her office door and waited as he motioned for his detail to wait down the corridor.

As he stepped over the threshold, she closed the door and allowed her eyes to wander over him. "So what do you want to talk about?" CJ asked softly, licking her lips.

"The National Debt." John’s mind was running through every subject in his head he could to prolong the moment, even thinking about Bartlet didn’t seem to have any effect.

"And what is your opinion on that?"

She noted his obvious interest in her, and as her eyes moved upwards she caught the anticipation in his eyes. With eyes locked on his and a smile, CJ began to unzip John’s pants, tugging gently at the material at his hips.

John coughed and his mind went blank as her hand brushed his groin.

Leading him to the couch she pushed him down. "Sit back and relax, and I promise you’ll enjoy this." She knew she would.

"I’m sure I will." His drawl held a touch of smugness as he allowed himself to be dominated by her.

CJ’s hand stilled and she looked up at him, one eyebrow raised. “Well?”

“Well, what?” he asked, trying not to think about what she was about to do.

“TALK.”

John looked perplexed for a second. “You really want me to talk about Debt?”

CJ smiled and cupped his swelling erection.

“Okay. The whole point of the tax refund in 1999 was to increase consumer spending,” he explained.

CJ’s hands slid into the waistband of his briefs, tugging them down.

His erection sprang from its confines and CJ’s eyes darted to the thick shaft.

John stopped talking and lowered his gaze to watch her.

CJ sat back on her heels and grinned back at him.

John sighed. “The idea was that people would use the refund. . .”

Moving closer to him, CJ appraised his erection before dropping to her knees and wrapping her lips around him, slowly sucking around his head.

John let out a frustrated moan as she continued to toy with him. He wanted her more with each touch. He hadn’t expected her to go down on him straight away, but god he was a man after all and who in their right mind would reject her.

Slowly, her tongue trailed up and down the underside of his shaft, and John shifted in his seat, his fingers firmly tangling in her hair, holding her in place.

His voice faltered.

Mumbling against his skin, CJ resisted the urge to bite down.

“CJ, I can’t do this while you’re. . .“

Changing tack, CJ dragged her teeth along his penis, her tongue rolling over his tip. She matched her motions with her fingers, and began to knead his inner thighs. While her hand travelled in a frenzied motion across him, CJ’s mouth never left contact with him.

She watched as John flung his head back and she felt the first throbbing in his erection, increasing her ministrations until finally he climaxed in her mouth, spilling into her.

CJ swallowed, releasing his erection from her mouth.

Separating herself from him, CJ moved her hand to wipe her mouth and watching as the Vice President tried to regain his composure.

Pulling up his pants, and his briefs along with them, John lowered his face to CJ and kissed her forcefully, revealing in the taste of him on her lips.

“You’re amazing,” he whispered, as his fingers gently pushed her strap from her shoulders. His lips trailed across her shoulder blade. “We’ll be so good together.”

Something inside her snapped. CJ pushed at his shoulder. “We’ll be good together.” Hell, she really did pick them. First it was Sam the spaniel and now Hoynes wanted her as his mistress.

"You should get back to the dinner," CJ quietly offered with a feeling of sudden repulsion and disbelief.

John looked at her in surprise, having assumed that this would go further. "I thought..." He had thought she was looking for more, maybe something that would benefit them both.

"They’re going to wonder where you are." CJ walked away from him, turning her back towards him. “I’ll be back shortly, if anyone asks. I just need a moment.“

"Are you okay?" John caressed her back gently, but she shivered at his touch. "Oh..." is all he managed to verbalize.

"See you later," CJ said, waiting for him to leave.

As he left, confused and not fully sure what he had done to offend her, CJ let out the breath she has been holding. After weeks of self-induced self loathing, it had taken one simple act to make her realize how far she had fallen.

CJ made her way through the White House, ignoring the greetings and the people milling around. The West Wing was still buzzing but she didn’t care, there was only one place she wanted to go, one person who could help her.

Walking straight past Margaret’s desk she stalked into Leo’s office and closed the door behind her.

“CJ?” he asked, taken back by her entrance and concerned by her confused state at the same time.

“Can we talk?”

He motioned for her to sit down but she continued to pace the room like a caged animal. Her hands gestured wildly as she avoided any eye contact.

“What’s going on?” he finally growled after an endless silence.

“The last few weeks. . .The drinking . . . Simon.” CJ paused and finally looked up at him, her eyes damp from the tears she refused to shed. “This guy's walkin' down the street when he falls into a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out. A doctor passes by, the guy shouts up "Hey, can you help me out?" The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole, and moves on. Then a priest goes by, the guy says "Father, I'm down in this hole, can you help me?" He writes a prayer, throws it in the hole, and goes about his way. Then a friend walks by. "Joe, it's me, can ya help me out?" The friend jumps into the hole. Our guy says "Are you stupid? Now we're both stuck down here!" His friend says "Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out." She stopped again, as a stray tear trickled down her cheek. “I need a friend.”

“Is there anyone in the building Josh hasn’t told that story to?” he grumbled before circling his desk.

“Leo, I don‘t know what I‘m doing anymore,” she admitted. “There are huge gaps in my memory.”

“I’m not surprised with the way you’ve been knocking it back. Take it for one who’s been there, it doesn’t help.“ He stared at her concerned. “It’s not wrong to want to live. Survivor guilt is all well and good but you are alive. You just need to change the way you’re living.” He shook his head.

“I wasn’t even love with Simon. I liked him, I wanted there to be something, but. . .” CJ stopped as her tears began to fall. Balling her hands into fists she composed herself. It was the first time she had voiced her feelings.

“He died before you could. You might want to speak to a grief counselor, I can arrange that.” Leo scribbled a note to himself. “But I need you to do some things for me. From now on you leave the office at the end of the day and go home, no bars and no picking up guys.”

“Leo?”

“CJ, I’m not stupid. Sam is like a lovesick puppy. And I know the thing you and Toby have. But Josh?” He raised an eyebrow.

“And Hoynes,” she said quietly, turning away from him, expecting him to yell.

His sigh was something else and she could sense his disappointment. “Okay.”

"Leo, it might be easier if you yell. Please, could you at least say something?" CJ's eyes were filled with tears, knowing that on some level, all of the things she's done in the past week have hurt him, almost as much as herself.

Which is why, she knew, he was the right person to talk to about this. He had been on his own downward spiral and survived.

"Why yell, CJ? I mean really, everyone makes mistakes. Some of your choices could have been better, but that‘s what they are, choices." Leo had to look away, he could see in her eyes how much it was killing her to have this discussion with him.

"Mistakes? Leo, I slept with the entire senior staff, with the exception of you, and that's only because you turned me down!" She didn’t mention the endless sea of nameless faces that she’s screwed besides. The reality finally struck CJ completely, and she could feel her stomach wrench with the thought of it.

She'd made her way around the West Wing, in drunken stupors, sleeping with anyone that had a penis, and now she was in her boss' office asking him for help.

“And I lost myself in a bottle, Toby uses work, we all have crutches, it’s just they aren’t always the best ones.”

He crossed the room and lightly touched her shoulder. “But now you’ve admitted there’s a problem, I, we, can help. That’s what we do for each other around here, pick up the pieces.”

“I don’t deserve this.”

“You’re embarrassed, that’s understandable, and there are other issues we need to discuss at some point.” Leo looked at her pointedly, deciding against asking prying questions in her fragile state. He didn’t think she would have even considered the possibility of getting pregnant or worse still catching something. He made a mental note to get all the staff tested and save her a little embarrassment.

CJ nodded.

“Go home CJ, get some sleep.” He waited until she reached the door. “Two things. If you need anything, call me and we’ll talk all night if need be.”

CJ gave him a weak smile. “And the other thing?”

“You forgot part of the speech. So long as I've got a job, you've got a job. That goes for you too, Gal.” He gave her a grin before returning to the open files on his desk.