“I can’t believe you talked me into this,” CJ groaned.

“What?” Danny folded his arms across his chest and gave her, what he hoped was, his most charming smile.

CJ waved her arms in the general direction of the room they were currently standing in, “This.”

“Okay, but I thought we’d agreed. We wanted something we could work on together.”

“Yeah, but you’re a senior white house reporter, and I’m, well unemployed, so I know what’s gonna happen.”

“It’s gonna be a labor of love,” Danny grinned. “Our love.”

Her eyebrow rose in mock annoyance, “Cute fish boy, real cute.” CJ picked up the sledge hammer from the collection of tools on the floor. “So, where do we start?”

Danny ducked his head as she turned to look at him and the hammer swung through the space where his head had been. “That wall there needs to come down.”

CJ nodded and strolled over to the raspberry pink wall and swung the sledge hammer in the air. Seconds later it crashed into the plasterboard and hung there precariously. “Danny, I can’t get it out.”

He rolled his eyes and came up behind her. Using both hands he gripped the handle and pulled. Nothing happened. He tried again as CJ stepped back, hands on hips. The third time he toppled back and landed on his backside with his legs thrashing in the air.

“See, I told you,” she smirked. “Still think this is a good idea?”

“You’ll thank me when it’s done,” he grumbled, struggling to his feet and dusting himself off as he went.

“Don’t count on it.”

“How about we try something less. . .,” he trailed off as he searched for the appropriate word. “Less physical.”

“I thought you liked it when I got physical,” CJ purred, running her palms down the front of his shirt.

He swallowed hard, “I do, I REALLY do, CJ.”

CJ gave him a satisfied smile and headed into the kitchen. “DANNY!”

He sighed and traipsed after her, “Yes, dear?”

“I know I’m no expert, but I don’t think that’s supposed to be there.”

Danny followed her finger and looked up at the ceiling. “Ah.”

“I’m beginning to see why it was such a bargain, now,” she groaned.

“No problem. We’ll lower the ceiling and you can have that sunken bath you’ve always wanted,” Danny grinned, moving back from below the giant hole in the ceiling on the off chance the rest of the ceiling was about to fall.

CJ glanced around the kitchen, her shoulders slumping as she took in the green algae in the sink, the cupboard doors hanging off their hinges and the rotten floor boards. “I’m really beginning to wish we hadn’t given notice on the apartment.”

“Look, we’ll strip the bedroom walls, sand the floor boards and the bedroom will be fine. It’s the only room we’re gonna use anyway.”

“Stripping sounds like something I could do,” CJ commented.

“Is that a promise?” he asked eagerly, taking a step closer and running his fingers over her hip bone.

Her hand collided the back of his scalp, “Forget it, I’m withholding all conjugal rights until this place is liveable.”

“You’re kidding me, right? CJ?” His voice went from pathetic to begging in seconds.

“I’ll be in the bedroom, stripping, if you want me?” she offered, brushing past him. Her footsteps could be heard a few seconds later on the stairs accompanied by cursing.

The town house had been a bargain at $100,000, at least that’s what the realtor had said. Danny had purchased it with the intention of the two of them working together and building a family home. Looking at it now, he wasn’t so sure that was truly possible. The basement needed to be water sealed, due to flooding, while the three reception rooms needed renovating. The one wall with the sledge hammer dangling from it needed to come down and at the very least the whole house needed decorating.

“Danny Concannon, you have got to be kidding me,” came a cry from upstairs.

Danny scrunched up his face in consternation. CJ had obviously found her way into the main bathroom.

“Coming, darling,” he called, stepping over the two broken treads at the foot of the stairs.

CJ flushed the toilet and peered into the bowl. The water swirled around and around and around, until it filled the bowl. “Danny!”

“Don’t . . .,” Danny yelled as he watched the brown murky water hit the maroon floral carpet. “I called the plumber.”

“Well, that’s good, and while he’s here he can put in a new shower and a bath,” she snorted.

“What’s wrong with the original bath?” Danny asked, mentally calculating how much the remodeling was going to cost.

“I’m not a midget,” she retorted, pointing to the minute tub. “I wouldn’t get one leg in there.”

Danny crossed the room and sized up the bath. “Yeah, you’re right, it’ll have to go. There’s no way I can perform my marital duties in there.”

“What was that?“ CJ asked, pushing her glasses up her nose and squinting at the ceiling.

“What?“

CJ shushed him and shuddered at the sound of scurrying coming from the roof. “There’s something up there. Rats or mice or something. “You’ll have to go up and see what it is.“

“I’m not going up there.”

“What’s the matter? Afraid of heights?” She smirked at the look of horror on his face. “Oh, my God, Danny Concannon, ace reporter of the Dallas Morning News, Time magazine, the Washington Post and the New York Times is scared of heights.”

“So what if I am? I bet if it was a snake up there, you’d be miles away by now.”

She poked her tongue out at him. “Just get the exterminators. And what’s that smell?” Her nose wrinkled in disgust as she made her way over to the window.

“It was vacant for a while. A little fresh air and new paint and you won’t notice.”

CJ mumbled in reply as she tugged at the window sash, gritting her teeth and yanking it up with all her strength. “Bloody thing.” The thing refused to budge. She pursed her lips and contemplated the problem. Then it came to her, she picked up the scraper from the window sill and wedged it into the window, wriggling it and trying to loosen the seal. Her hand slipped and there was a sudden crash.

“You broke the window there, CJ.”

She spun around and gave him her infamous death glare.

“Yeah, air conditioning is a great idea,” he mumbled, shivering as the cold November air blasted through the palm sized hole.

CJ waved her paper scraper at him and wandered into the bedroom, her eyes squinting at the red walls and purple carpet. Whoever the previous owner was they were either color blind or had no taste what so ever. She approached the wall and ran her fingers over the embossed paper, locating a small piece of peeling paper. The small tear came off easily and CJ made another. Five minutes later, she had two lengths off to reveal a pale blue floral design.

However hard she scraped, the lower layer of paper refused to budge. Groaning, she ran her hand across her forehead and eyed the window, weighing up whether it was worth trying to open it. Finally, the heat won and she made her way towards it. One gentle wriggle and it slid up letting in a cold blast of air.

The bedroom door slammed shut.

“CJ?”

“In here.”

Danny tried the door knob, shaking the door with both hands. “Eh, CJ, it won’t open.”

“Not funny.”

He wedged his shoulder against the wood and shoved. The solid oak door stayed put.

“DANNY!”

“I’m trying.”

“Yeah, we know that,” she groaned, grasping the handle with both hands. “Get me out of here.”

“I’ll be right back,” he called, heading downstairs to find his tool box. He returned moments later with a screwdriver and began to unscrew the hinges. “Almost there.”

Finally, there was an empty space where the door had been and Danny stepped into the room grinning, “See, all it takes is a little hard work.”

“Make that a lot of work and you’re half way there. Unfortunately, I think my love is waning.“

******

An hour later CJ had given up on stripping the walls and had taken to pulling picture hooks off the wall.

Danny had seconded himself in the bathroom and was happily removing tiles from the walls, at least she thought he was happy as he sang out-of-tune to the radio.

CJ shook her head, whining wasn’t getting her anywhere. Danny’s little labor of love was more than she bargained for and she didn’t fancy living in this death trap. She pulled the clip from her hair and ran her fingers through it before dropping her cardigan on the floor. “Danny?”

He appeared before her in record time. “You called, o’delightful one.”

“I found the four poster bed,” she commented, toeing out of her sandals and bouncing up and down on the dusty mattress. “Wanna test the springs?”

“Ah-kay,” he agreed, giving her a wide grin and taking a run up at the bed. “Here I come!” He ran, he launched and landed face first on the mattress. “Come and get it, baby.”

CJ stood up and began to unbutton her pants just as the bed creaked.

A sudden crash followed, accompanied by a look of horror on Danny’s face as the bed dropped through the floorboards and landed upright in the middle of the living room.

He clung to the headboard and slowly turned to gaze up at her. “That wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“You’re telling me.”

“I’ll phone the contractors in the morning,” he said, patting the space beside him. “Wanna try again?”

The living room floor groaned in distress and began to sag with weight of the bed.

CJ let out a hysterical laugh as the bed disappeared into the basement and a few seconds later Danny‘s red hair finally vanished from sight.

The End