Title: Evergreen

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Set after 100,000 Airplanes

Notes: This is my first ever song fic, someone said they are difficult to write and I’ve never been one to back down from a challenge. The song is just out in the UK by the winner of Pop Idol called Will Young. (For those in America pop idol is coming to you soon.)

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Evergreen

The party was in full swing around him and everyone it seemed was putting the last few months behind them to enjoy the moment. Everyone wanted to congratulate him on the speech, while the senior staff were celebrating the numbers, thankful, that at last, they seemed to be crawling out of the mire. None of it mattered in the least to him. The only thing he could think of was that moment in the bullpen when she had kissed him on the cheeks and smiled. Then when Josh had lifted her in the air and spun her around he had been jealous, wishing in a part of him, reserved only for the dark of his room, that he had that relationship with her, instead of the emotional charged one that had been there for the last fifteen years. And now he was waiting to dance with her. She’d dashed off and he’d stood in the corridor hoping she’d come back, while people celebrated around him. Now he was in the lobby, watching everyone partying.

Then he caught sight of her, casting glances around the room, looking for someone. He sat back in the chair and observed as she made her way through the crowds, stopping to chat with people along the way but still searching for the elusive person. He lost sight of her as the dance floor began to fill up and he sighed. The song changed and she materialized before him, her smile wide and her eyes dancing.

“So Pokey, you still want to dance?” she asked, extending one of her delicate long hands.

“Why Claudia Jean, I thought you’d never ask.”

Taking her hand he entwined his fingers with hers and allowed her to guide him to the floor. His arm slipped easily around her waist and he held her tight against his body. This is comfortable; this has been them for more years than he cares to remember. He expects her head to fit into the crook of his neck, but she stares into his eyes and he loses the ability to think.

He met CJ at a fundraising dinner in San Francisco, she was spending a summer as an intern with a public relations firm and he was a lawyer on his first political campaign. Neither felt like they fitted in. She was trying to hide behind her boss in the department store black gown, except she was tall and lanky and unable to hide behind anyone. He was sat at a table, listening to the candidate’s wife complain about the crime rates in the District. At some point he had gazed up and his eyes had been drawn to her. He had lost himself in her eyes, the way they changed colour in the light of the ballroom, and he had decided in a heartbeat that he wanted to meet her.

Tonight she is gazing at him, silently. He can tell how happy she is by the way her hips sway to the music, which in itself is bringing forth all the feelings he’s spent years trying to conceal. But there’s something else in her face tonight, and for once he is unable to read her. The secret language they have developed, the friendship, which he has invested so much time and effort into, has brought them to this point in their lives. Her hand on his shoulder moves to the nape of his neck and he can feel her fingertips toying with the curls.

Toby has loved her since that first night when she excused herself from the crowd and crossed the room. Standing over his table she had grinned at him.

“Fish out of water,” she giggled, and that’s where the part sentences began.

“Have you always been so tall?”

“Yeah, I was born six foot two.”

“Smart arse. What’s your name?” he asked, grinning.

“CJ, but I’ve spent the last month being called, tall girl, so…” and she shrugged and the ill-fitting dress slipped down her shoulders. Pushing it back up she had waved her hands, “And you are?”

“Toby Ziegler.”

“Well Toby, are you going to buy me a drink?”

“What happened to equal opportunities?” he teased.

She shrugged and her eyes turned purple, “What are you having?”

“Scotch.”

Later, after about the fourth drink he had walked her back to her apartment and sitting on her couch he had learnt everything there was to know about CJ Cregg. That’s when he realised he could love her, she could be the one to break his cycle of one nightstands. Instead she had become his best friend, the only one to survive his life of failures, his constant. He’s often wondered why he’s never told her that he has all these feelings, and the truth is he’s frightened she’ll leave him again. The last few years have brought to the surface that he loves her. And now as she gazes deep into his soul he wants to know if maybe she could fall for him too.

Tonight the whole building is celebrating and for once no one needs him. Barring no crises or Josh’s antics he is free to relax. As he pulls her closer he wants to tell her how he feels, that now he wants a future with her.

Running his fingers across her knuckles he smiles lightly beneath his beard and maintains the eye contact.

“Having a good night?”

“I’m on a high, it’s like the campaign. He’s going to do it Toby, he’s going to win.” she grins.

“CJ,” he whispers, “You know I love you.”

“And I love you too Tobus,” she replies, her voice light.

“I mean I love you,” he says firmly, trying to explain. “ I have feelings for you and truthfully I always have.” He breaks the eye contact and glances around the room.

“Why?” she asks, squeezing his shoulder. And it isn’t what he expected.

“Why?” he queries, “Because you’re so beautiful, you make me want to get up every day and make a difference.”

She laughs that full-throated laugh and he melts in her arms, his lips move to brush hers and then they’re both standing just staring at each other.

“Toby?”

“Uh huh.”

“Take me home.”

He stares at her, and sees what has been evasive for so long, that this isn’t just him, that they both feel the something. It takes the longest second as she strokes his neck and whispers his name before he finds the power of speech.

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” He asks, the slightest quiver in his voice.

“We’ve waited too long already, Toby, I want you to take me home and love me.”

And that is enough for him as he releases her waist and increases his grip on her hand.

And it is only as they sit side by side in the car that he wonders, with all the guys who have asked her, why she would choose him.

CJ lays on her stomach, her hair falling across the pillow and he lays on his side, resting on one elbow. The sheet drapes across her waist as he lightly fingertips her back and marvels that she is here, asleep in his bed. They made love as if it had always been so, not haphazard or awkward, but loving and tender. He thinks it’s because he has memorized her body over the years, has seen her in her underwear more times than he wants to admit. She sleeps soundlessly, and he briefly wonders if this is the first time she has slept in ages. Her face is peaceful, her skin soft beneath his fingers as he watches over her. He has been watching over her for the entire length of their friendship, picking up pieces that fall helplessly and guiding her to be whatever she feels she needs to be. Now they have taken a different step, as friends they were good, as lovers he hopes they will be better. Of all the men at the party, gazing at her adoringly, she has chosen him and now he wishes he could see her dreams, and how in the recesses of her brain she pictures him.

Without her he doesn’t feel complete. The years apart have been barerable only because they are both good at keeping in touch. Unlike Andi she has never asked for, or expected, more than he could give. Whether it’s because as friends she has no right too or because she sees what’s beneath his cranky exterior he’s not sure. Behind them is fifteen years of missed opportunities, of a friendship he puts down to hard work, and the fact he knows in his heart he has always loved her. Now he has to make this work. To take one night of what they have shared and make it permanent. Once more he will have to put his insecurities behind him, to forget the fear of failure and give everything of himself to her.

The End

Back to The Communications Bullpen

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The Song is Evergreen, by Jorgen Elofsson, Per Magnusson and David Kreuger