Title: Keeping It Together

Rating: PG

Series: Story Of Us

Spoilers: Up to season three

Keeping It Together

Part One

CJ called out from the bathroom when she heard his footsteps.

‘Leo, are you busy?’

Sticking his head around the door he admired the view, his eyes falling on the gentle swell of her breasts.

He shook his head, ‘I’m all yours for…’ he glanced at his watch, ‘fifty six minutes. What did you have in mind?’

‘I need you to go to the drugstore.’

His face fell, ‘Okay, headache?’

‘I need pads and chocolate,’ she replied.

‘Okay. You want me to go and buy your pads.’

CJ stepped out of the bath and grabbed a towel, ‘Don’t be a wuss. Anyway I could have asked you to go and get some from Donna.’

He leaned in and kissed her, ‘I’m going. You need any Advil?’

She shook her head.

When he returned she was sat on the bed talking on the phone. By the nature of the conversation he guessed it was Abbey.

‘So you think I need HRT?’

Leo handed her the paper bag and powered up his laptop.

‘Leo’s just come back so I gotta go. I’ll go and see Dr Baker when we get back. Which is…’

‘Tuesday,’ Leo called.

‘Tuesday. Thanks Abbey, give my love to Jed.’

CJ put the phone down and disappeared into the bathroom. When she reappeared she was chewing on the candy bar he had just brought her.

‘MMMbb thmmks it’s thm mmnpoes.’

He looked at her blankly.

She swallowed and repeated herself, ‘Abbey thinks it’s the menopause.’

‘Oh,’ he replied, well there wasn’t really anything to say to that. ‘Toby sent an email. He’s in London, researching for the next book. Linda sends her love.’

CJ shook her head, ‘Roselyn.’

‘No, it definitely says Linda. That’s what, three since Christmas? Don’t know how he does it,’ Leo commented and caught the look on her face.

‘And you’re not going to,’ she stated before bursting into tears and rushing into the bathroom.

Leo got up and stood outside the door, this had been going on ever since they’d arrived in Illinois, one minute she would be ecstatic the next blubbering away. At least he had some idea what it was all about now.

‘CJ, honey, I’m sorry,’ He started. ‘I don’t want anyone else but you. You are more than enough for any man.’

‘So I’m fat,’ came a muffled reply from the other room.

He sighed, it was going to be a long weekend. ‘You’re beautiful and you have the most amazing hands.’

She mumbled again and he had to strain to hear her, ‘Tell me more.’

He opened the door and took a step in, ‘I get lost in your eyes, and I love resting my head on your stomach because you carried our children there.’ That got him a smile. ‘And your legs are so soft and silky but there is this little spot just below your earlobe that drives me wild.’

She stood and moved closer to him. Leo wrapped his hands around her and pulled her close.

There was a knock on the door and Leo groaned.

‘I’ve got to go. Sam is meeting those school teachers,’ he kissed her lightly on the head. ‘You have that thing with Ginger so I suppose I’ll see you tonight.’

She turned away so he couldn’t see the tears building up again.

Part Two

By the time he got back the that night she was asleep, undressing he climbed in next to her. An hour later he was awoken by the sound of the shower running and an empty space next to him, the sheet drenched.

‘CJ?’ he called. Getting no answer he padded into the bathroom.

The curtain was closed and he could see her naked frame.

‘Are you okay?’

CJ pulled back the curtain, ‘Hot flush so I thought I would have a cold shower. Go back to sleep,’ she added softly.

‘But you feel okay right?’ he asked somewhat confused.

She turned off the water and climbed out, wrapping a towel around her. ‘I’ll be fine once I get the drugs. For now I’m going to have these irregular bleeds, hot flushes and cranky moods.’

‘I’ve been living with your cranky moods for years,’ he muttered.

She glared at him.

‘I’ll put the comforter on top the bed so we can sleep on top.’ When her gaze didn’t waver he continued, ‘I’ll get you a fresh pad, my boxers and how about some candy.’

She grinned at him sweetly, ‘I ate the three bars you bought.’

‘I’ll go to the machine in the lobby.’

CJ’s grin widened, ‘You might want to put some clothes on first.’

Leo looked down and shrugged. Five minutes later CJ settled on the bed he made his way down in the elevator. He was just putting change in the machine when Josh came from the direction of the washroom, he saw Leo and put the tiny box in his pocket.

‘CJ wants chocolate?’ Josh asked blushing.

‘Women’s problems,’ Leo replied. ‘I thought you two were trying for a baby,’ Leo asked trying to change the subject.

Josh ran his hand through his hair and gestured widely, ‘The last attempt failed and she uh…women’s problems,’ he ended.

The two men looked at the ground shaking their heads.

‘We can only hope Ginger is okay or the next two days are going to be hell,’ Leo offered leading the way back to the elevator. When they reached the floor they separated and headed back to their respective rooms. Leo opened the door and found CJ on the bed giggling.

‘Feeling better?’ he asked handing over the three bars of candy.

‘It’s this article on Seabourn’s sirens, I’ve got to have it framed. I’m described as the thinking man’s crumpet.’

‘I have something to make you laugh. Josh was buying condoms.’

She turned sharply, ‘I thought they wanted a baby.’

‘Seems she is experiencing woman’s problems and is nevertheless horny.’

CJ shook her head, ‘You guys really need to learn the words. So Josh is actually going to wear a condom?’

‘Doesn’t he normally?’ Leo asked a little incredulous. ‘You know what, I don’t want to have this conversation, it’s a bit like finding your teenagers making out on your couch.’

‘Sleep would be good,’ she said turning out the light and rolling over to face him. He stretched out his hand and entwined it with hers.

They were awoken the next morning by the ringing of the phone. CJ reached across and grabbed it, ‘Hello.’

‘Mommy.’

CJ shifted to sit up, ‘Hi honey. Having fun with Annie?’

Leo groaned beside her, wishing he’d never let Margaret teach his daughter how to use the phone.

‘Yeah, I have Ballet today, then we’re going to the zoo. Is Daddy there?’

CJ smiled and nudged him, ‘Anna wants you.’

He took the phone and mumbled into it, ‘Hey Pumpkin, you being good?’

‘Annie says I’m her favourite girl. Tommy’s been sick.’

‘Is he okay now?’ Leo asked as CJ tried to grab the phone.

Anna whispered conspiratorially into the phone, ‘Annie’s trying to clean mommy’s bed as we speak, and the carpet. I miss you.’

CJ grabbed the phone, ‘We miss you too, we’re be home soon then we can do girly things.’

In the background she could hear Annie calling for Anna and then taking the phone.

‘Hello?’

‘Annie, it’s CJ?

Annie groaned, ‘Sorry, I let her out of my sight for five minutes. Tommy it appears finished off the Mexican leftovers from last night, he’s alright now. How’s the campaign?’

It was CJ’s turn to groan, ‘I’ll be glad to get home, Illinois doesn’t hold happy memories. Are you sure they’re both okay?’

Leo chuckled in the background.

‘CJ, it’s what, four am there, go to sleep. If there’s a problem, I’ll call. Here’s Anna say goodnight.’

‘Night Mom, give Dad a kiss.’

CJ put down the phone and turned back to Leo, ‘What’s so funny Leopold?’

‘You haven’t called me that in ages. You, are funny. When I met you, you were such a career woman, look at you now, buying cute dresses and panicking when Tom gets sick.’

‘I miss them,’ she pouted. ‘I’m not doing this again, it’s too hard.’

Leo wrapped an arm around her and cuddled close. He had to admit, this campaign was harder than the others, they all missed their kids and the energy levels weren’t what they were. And Josh had a real funk about him, something to do with sad memories he supposed but he felt helpless not knowing what to say. He planned to spend some quality time with the kids when he got back.

Part Three

The weekend went as planned with everyone rushing around trying to win as many votes as possible. Josh and Leo were in their element talking issues and policies with people who only really needed to know if Sam were elected he would grace their parties and support their issues. CJ and Donna ran interference, and as it turned out Ginger was hormonal too, which meant the campaign split into two definite camps. By Sunday afternoon Leo kept Josh out of the way and sent a junior volunteer to the store for a whole box of candy, earning him appreciation all round. By Sunday night everyone was running on adrenaline as they worked their way around the fundraiser.

CJ grabbed her cell from her pocket and moved away from the crowds.

‘Hello, CJ McGarry.’

‘CJ, it’s Mallory,’ came a quiet distant voice.

CJ had to hold the phone close to her ear to hear, ‘Hey Mal, what can I do for you?’

‘I tried to phone Dad but his phone is off and the hotel said you were out, and I didn’t know who else to call. CJ….’ Mallory rambled and then suddenly started crying.

‘What’s wrong?’

Mallory took a deep breath, ‘Mom was in an accident. CJ she’s in a coma.’

‘Oh god,’ CJ whispered, ‘Where are you? I’ll get your Dad, and he will phone you back.’

‘Hospital. 212-345-8391. It’s the nurses’ station.’

CJ waited for the line to go dead and headed back across the ballroom in search of her husband. He had his back to her as he chatted with Josh.

‘…so he can’t go out there and announce a zero tolerance policy.’

Josh had stopped listening when he saw the ashen look on CJ’s face. He reached out blindly for Donna’s hand and gripped it tightly. Donna glanced towards CJ and back at Leo. Realising that no one was paying him any attention Leo followed their gaze and turned around.

‘CJ, you not feeling very well?’ he asked.

She took his hand and faced him, ‘Leo, Mal has been trying to reach you.’

‘Battery’s flat. Is it the baby?’

CJ shook her head, ‘Jenny was in an accident, it sounds bad. I have the number. I told her you’d phone.’

He looked down at the piece of paper and stiffened. ‘I’ll phone her from the airport and let her know I’ll be there as soon as I can?’

‘I’ll go and book you on a flight,’ Donna offered, squeezing Josh’s hand.

Once she had gone Josh turned back to Leo, ‘Is there anything I can do?’

‘Can you let Sam know? I won’t be back before tomorrow night.’ He allowed a wry smile to fleet across his face, ‘Illinois, it really sucks doesn’t it.’

Josh smiled back, ‘Yeah, can’t say I won’t be glad to get outta here. Give my love to Mal.’ He patted Leo on the back, stepped away and turned back before he pulled him into a rather loose hug.

Once alone CJ continued to watch Leo, not really sure what to say, or if she found the words would they be the wrong ones. Leo looked at his feet.

‘I have to go, CJ. Mal needs me.’

‘Do you want me to come?’ she asked, already knowing what his answer would be.

He shook his head, ‘I’ll be okay. And besides I need you to make sure none of the team drop the ball.’

Donna hovered beside them.

‘Yeah.’

‘I’ve got you on the 11.45 to Baltimore but you need to go now.’

Leo nodded and let go of CJ’s hand. ‘I’ll phone. And if you need anything Josh will take care of you.’ He hugged her and planted a kiss on her nose. As he let go and walked away he whispered over his shoulder, ‘I love you.’

She nodded, frightened she might beg him to stay. Donna laid a hand on her arm and waited while she composed herself. CJ took a deep breath, pushed her bangs to one side and turned to Donna.

‘We’d better go and check on Sam, by now Josh will be trying to pump him up, and Sam will be panicking.’

Donna laughed, ‘Either that or they’ll both be at the bar, and I don’t think we’re covered for damages. Leo will be okay,’ she added.

‘Right let’s go and smooze.’

Part Four

CJ entered the senator’s suite and tried to paste a smile on her face. She couldn’t tell them tonight, it was going well and the exit polls were good. She saw Josh, and Donna never far from his side tonight of all nights. Donna caught her eye and waved her over. CJ took each step carefully, wondering how Josh would take the news.

‘How’s it looking?’

Josh grinned, ‘36%. Riley’s on 42%. If we do as well in California, he’ll have to offer him the ticket.’

‘What was it Toby liked to say? Don’t tempt fate.’

‘I prefer Leo’s Fake it till you make it. Have you spoken to him?’ Josh asked.

CJ nodded, ‘I need to check on Sam.’

‘CJ, talk to me,’ he begged.

‘Jenny’s gone. They turned off the machine an hour ago.’ She focused on Donna who had moved in to stroke Josh’s back.

Josh pushed her away, ‘I need some air.’

Donna was about to follow but CJ stopped her, ‘Leave him be. He needs to deal with this himself.’

Sam appeared next to them, grinning from ear to ear, ‘38% CJ. I have to tell Josh.’

‘He’s outside.’

Sam looked between them, ‘What happened? Is this because of his dad?’

‘Jenny died. It brought it all back.’

‘I should go find him.’

CJ shook her head, tucked loose strands of hair behind her ears and when she spoke it was composed.

‘NO, Sam, you need to find Ginger and get ready to make a statement. Joe is finalising the remarks. Donna, go and check the arrangements. Guys, I know this seems hard but tonight we have a job to do. If we can pull this off in a fortnight we’ll be running for VP. Leo expects us to get on with it. Later we can get drunk with Josh and you can phone Mal, but now I’m going to kick the press into touch. Okay?’

She asked, wondering if she had overstepped the mark.

After Donna had gone he turned to CJ, ‘How’s Leo doing? How are you doing?’

‘Leo is holding up for Mal, but I want to get back as soon as I can. And I’m fine.’

He nodded and headed off across the room.

The final numbers had Sam on 39%, putting him second to Senator Riley of California. Sam and Ginger stood in the lobby and gave a short speech thanking everyone for their support and said they were looking forward to the nominating convention. Later back in the suite CJ sent various people off to empty mini bars and dumped the hoard on the coffee table. Josh had arrived back in the suite before the final results had come in but refused to talk to anyone but Sam. Now the others were gone and the main campaign team sat drinking.

‘There’s no answer at the farm,’ Sam stated.

CJ shook her head and drank the whisky in one, ‘Probably in DC.’

‘Yeah. Mal sounds pretty bad.’

Donna kicked her shoe off and it missed Joe’s head by inches.

‘Uh, if you want me to go…’ he stuttered.

Sam waved him off, ‘Relax, stop being so uptight. Anyway how’s your mother?’

Joe McNally shrugged, ‘Her visit to the Middle East is becoming a quest against injustice.’

CJ raised another bottle, ‘To Nancy.’

‘You know CJ, you’re drunk,’ Josh slurred.

‘Fuck you Joshua.’

He groaned as Donna hit him on the arm, ‘Hey can I help it if she’s got PMT.’

Sam, drunk, but sober enough to sense the impending storm, sank further into his chair.

CJ stood up, wobbled over to him and looked down her glasses like he was something she trod in, ‘I AM NOT pre menstrual, I am menopausal. My husband is with his daughter grieving for his first wife, my kids are in the District, and I am suppose to look after all of you, so if I want to get drunk I will.’ She sat back down much to the relief of all of them.

‘Well last time I was here for a primary my father died.’ he got up and stomped towards the balcony.

CJ waved them all down as she headed after him.

‘This reminds me of the old days,’ Ginger said to no one in particular. ‘Except we’re missing Toby.’

‘Shit, I meant to phone him,’ Sam said reaching for the phone.

CJ found him on the balcony staring into the distance, walking up behind him she placed an arm gently on his back.

‘I suck at this,’ she whispered.

He didn’t respond so she continued, ‘Leo’s away for one day and tells me to keep it together and I can’t even do that.’

‘Did you bring my beer?’ She handed him the bottle and slid to the floor against the railings. ‘CJ, you can’t help me with this. I didn’t mean to yell at you. I know we’ve all got problems. Donna and I can’t conceive. Sam still relates better to Leo than his father and Margaret’s boyfriend had a drink problem.’

CJ looked up at him, ‘When did you become camp counsellor?’

He slumped down next to her, ‘Donna. We’ve spent the last eight months doing this, trying to ignore real problems and now because finally the end is in sight it’s coming back to haunt us.’

‘Does it make me a bitch because I didn’t want Leo to go to DC?’

Josh shrugged, ‘I didn’t want Leo to go to DC. He’s what keeps us sane most of the time.’

‘It was a marriage of convenience,’ she simply said.

‘Uh,’ he replied wondering where the hell this was going. ‘What was?’

CJ waved her hands wildly, ‘Leo and I. It was a campaign thing.’

‘No shit. But you’re still together.’

‘Kansas, the night of the rally, put a different spin on things.’

Josh sipped his beer, ‘Do you think we’d be so fucked up if we hadn’t worked in the White House for eight years?’

CJ smiled and raised her bottle, ‘For sure, except we wouldn’t have each other.’

They sat outside a few minutes more until the rain started, which just about put the seal on everything, and went back inside to join the others.

Part Five

The next morning, or rather two hours after going to bed the Seabourn campaign team left the hotel and flew back to DC. A bottle of Advil, the remains of the candy and a box of alka seltzer went up and down the aisles. Once they touched down at Dulles CJ grabbed the first cab she could and headed home. She was paying the driver when the front door opened and Thomas and Anna ran towards her. Crouching down she gathered both of them in a bear hug.

‘Mommy,’ Thomas McGarry started. ‘Are you going away again?’

That pretty much broke CJ’s heart in two, ‘Next week for a few days, then that’s it.’ She hadn’t discussed it with Leo but she was quitting the campaign, she needed to be with her kids and start the HRT therapy.

Anna squeezed her tighter as Annie appeared in the door.

‘Hey CJ, you just missed Leo. He’s gone to see Mallory.’

CJ stood and picked up her case and Annie herded the kids inside.

‘Did he say when he would be home?’ CJ asked, falling into the chair.

Annie shook her head, ‘They’re going to sort the funeral out and he’s having dinner with Grandad.’

CJ inwardly cried, he knew she was coming home and yet he was going out.

‘Do you mind if I take Anna to school?’

CJ nodded, ‘Can you take Tom while I unpack and have a shower?’

‘Sure.’

Ten minutes later CJ stood under the shower, trying to clear her head and mentally prepare herself for what was going to be a difficult week. The phone rang and she ran naked to grab it.

‘Hello?’

‘Hi Babe.’

She sank onto the bed, forgetting she was wet, ‘How’s it going?’

He sighed and she could picture him stroking his temples, his forehead creased.

‘Mal’s getting dressed then we’re going to the director’s. When did you get in?’

‘Fifteen minutes ago. Though if he does well in California you may want to book later flights,’ she laughed.

He groaned, ‘You were all hung over. Up to having dinner with Jed tonight?’

‘Okay, what time?’

‘Seven and I’ll come home first.’ He paused and she could see him playing with the phone cord. ‘I’m sorry for leaving like that, I needed to be here.’ He stopped again. ‘CJ, I do love you.’

‘I love you too. Do you want me to come to the funeral?’ she asked, hoping he would let her in.

He sighed, ‘I’m counting on it. I’m not sure if I can do this without you.’ There was more he wasn’t saying she knew.

‘Leo?’

‘I spoke to my sponsor this morning,’ he said softly.

‘Okay. And you’re going to a meeting?’ she asked.

‘Yeah. Look I gotta go. I’ll see you later.’

CJ put the receiver down and stood up, shaking her head as she noticed the pool of water forming on the wooden floorboards, wondering if warping could be applied to her. Towelling herself off and throwing towels on the floor she pledged to spend the day with Thomas.

Leo arrived home at six and found his children already asleep, Annie in the kitchen making ice cream and his wife nowhere to be found. He headed upstairs to the bedroom, noted the suit laid out on the bed and went into the bathroom to run the shower. Which is where he found her.

‘Hey babe,’ he greeted her, leaning down to brush his lips over hers.

‘Hi yourself. How’d it go?’

He shrugged, ‘It went. Funeral’s Friday at eleven. Let me ditch the clothes and I’ll join you.’ he disappeared out of the room and she heard the sound of cloth hitting the floor. CJ added hot water to the bath and slid forward, knees bent. When Leo came back a few minutes later he climbed in behind her and she rested against his chest.

‘So tell me about Illinois,’ he whispered against her ear.

‘It can wait,’ she said.

‘CJ, I want to hear it all. I need to know everything else is okay.’

CJ leaned in closer, ‘The result was great, better than expected and Sam kicked arse with his speech. He’s going to be great in office. Josh was in a state and we kinda had a yelling match.’

‘Nothing new there.’

‘Yeah. So it turns out they’re having problems conceiving, and with his Dad and everything, it wasn’t a good time. Have you spoken to Margaret?’

He nodded against her hair, ‘Before yes, I recommended Gary a treatment centre and offered Margaret the money. She loves him.’

CJ smiled, ‘Strangely enough I offered Josh money if he couldn’t find enough upfront.’

‘What about you? And the thing?’ he asked, his hand running across her breasts.

‘Dr Baker has given me the HRT. It may take a while for me to accept everything that’s happening but I can always get a counsellor.’

Leo continued to soap her off, ‘You’re quitting the campaign, aren’t you?’

CJ turned to look at him, ‘Yeah, how did…?’

‘I love you. I saw how much you missed them. You can consult from here and I’m going to let Josh take over some of my work load. I need to be here for my kids. Sam, Josh and Margaret will always be my kids too but they are going to be alright on their own.’

‘I love you,’ she whispered, snaking her arm up to run her fingers through his hair.

‘That’s good because I think I’m going to need you more than ever.’

CJ turned in the water and knelt between his legs, dragging a sponge across his body.

‘I’m going to a meeting in Arlington tomorrow night and I’ve promised to phone him every night from California.’ She nodded. ‘Mal may move in here for a bit. Losing Jenny is hard on her and here Annie can take care of Harry. I said I would talk to you.’

‘Okay. But what about you?’

‘I miss her CJ. It’s one thing to be divorced and know she’s across town, another for her to be dead. I never stopped caring about her.’ He paused, ‘It doesn’t mean I loved you any less.’

CJ pulled him to her chest, ‘I know that, after all this time I know that.’

His eyes misted over but he shook his head, ‘We need to get going, Jed will be waiting.’

‘Let him wait,’ she whispered kissing him. He kissed her back.

Later they would go out for dinner with friends and try to recreate normality, for now it was about keeping it together the only way they knew how, by being together.

The End