Title:                 Blank Sheet Of Paper

Pairing:             Toby/CJ

Rating:              R

Summary:         I thought I communicated pretty well earlier.

Spoilers:           Up to and including the end of season six

Author’s Notes: This follows “A Flamingo Sang In Berkeley Square.”

Completed:       March 2006

~~~~~~

Toby dropped his luggage on the floor and slipped out of his jacket. It was nearly five am in New York and his body didn’t seem to know where he was or what time it was. His eyes barely seemed able to remain open but his mind was still racing with memories of the weekend.

His short stopover in DC to hand over his daughter to his ex-wife had proved the most tedious part of the trip and incurred him an extra hour‘s delay. Now he was relieved to be home with his feet firmly on terra firma.

Opening the cupboard, he grabbed his bottle of scotch and poured himself a drink before positioning himself on the couch.

The TV flickered in the background as he dialled CJ’s number. Sipping his scotch and channel surfing, he waited for her to answer.

“Hey,” she said, her voice laced with sleepiness.

“It’s me. It’s freezing here. They think it might snow.”

“You’re home?”

“Yeah, five hours in coach with Molly reading her book and plugged into her I-pod thing, a stopover in DC where the only thing on offer was coffee, then an hour stuck next to a republican insurance salesman.”

“My trip was fine, thanks for asking,” CJ grumbled, rolling over in bed and turning on the lamp.

“We’re you asleep?”

“No, I always sit up till 1.30 in the morning,” she said, her sarcasm barely concealed.

He listened silently to her breathing, the cadence indicating her mood. “What happened?”

“The usual.”

“I don’t know what the usual is?” For all their years of friendship and her penchant for confiding her problems in her friends, she had never discussed her relationship with Danny.

“Danny and I had a fight.” They had tried to be cordial for the sake of Erin. It generally lasted long enough to drop off their daughter and ended when Danny phoned and announced he had to change his plans. This time she had arrived home later than expected and what had followed seemed more like an interrogation than a friendly enquiry. It had descended into an argument rapidly, so much so that Erin had begged her mother to take her home.

“Ah. Because of me?” He wasn’t sure how he felt about CJ and Danny arguing about him.

“No. Well, kind of.”

“CJ?” A tremor of impatience slipped into his voice.

“It doesn’t matter. So?”

“So.”

“You’re home.”

“And you’re there.” The tone in the conversation had suddenly changed. They were boarding on discussing something of substance and they never did that.

He sounded melancholy and she was at a loss of what to say. “You need to get some sleep,” she suggested softly. “I’ll call you tomorrow, tonight, I guess.”

“And we can make plans. A weekend soon.” He couldn’t quite believe how much he missed her, how much he needed to see her again.

“Goodnight, Toby.”

“Night, Claudia Jean.” He didn’t know what to say. “Give Erin a kiss from me.”

“Do you have one for me?”

“Yes.” And so much more besides, he thought, his lips quirking into something that resembled a smile beneath his beard, but that would have to wait until they were face to face again. “Goodnight.“ He hung up the phone and made his way through the apartment, finally collapsing on the bed in his clothes.

~~~~~~

CJ wasn’t sure how she was going to pay her phone bill and for once it wasn‘t down to her daughter calling her friends.

She had last seen Toby in California over a month before and however hard they had tried they hadn’t been able to find a weekend that suited them both.

Instead they took it in turns to call. They would often talk long into the night, the clock in CJ’s room counting down the few hours she had left until she had to get up. But she wouldn’t end the call and neither would Toby, instead they would talk about inconsequential things until they’d exhausted every topic and then they would share a few moments of tenderness. Finally one or other would sigh tiredly and they would say goodnight.

In a month she had managed to rack up over twenty hours of calls to Toby, probably more than they had spoken to each other in the whole year before. His bill, she could only surmise would be just as bad, if not worse with his tendency to waffle on until they were both almost asleep.

Finally in their latest call they had plotted a weekend together, although she was still mildly sceptical that they would actually get together without something or someone getting in the way. The plan was that CJ would fly to DC and stay with him while he visited his kids. In the midst of Toby’s idea of domestic bliss they would get some much needed time together, or at the very least they would be in the same time zone for a few days. It sounded almost too good to be true.

~~~~~~

CJ made her way through the airport, pulling her small trolley suitcase behind her. She wasn’t paying attention and did not notice the young man until he spoke her name.

“Huck?” CJ appraised him like someone meeting him for the first time. He had inherited his father’s dark hair, although he still had a full head of black locks, and intense eyes and his mother‘s temperament. She could only imagine how many hearts he had broken in his short life.

“Yes, ma’am.” He took the suitcase from her hand. “The car’s outside in the parking lot. It’s a bit of a trek. I can come back and pick you up.”

“No, a walk would be great after sitting down for five hours.“ She longed to ask where Toby was and Huck seemed in no hurry to volunteer the information, but she didn’t want to come across as desperate.

“How was the flight?”

“Ok. It made a change to slow down for a while and watch a movie.”

Huck nodded. “I’ve been doing that a lot lately. Visiting schools and visiting Dad.”

“How’s Molly?” CJ asked, striding to keep up with him as he set off at pace.

“She wanted to come, even offered to drive, but really I wouldn’t inflict that nightmare on my worst enemy. I’m not sure she’s figured out what the brakes are for.“

CJ laughed, remembering Toby’s driving and his inability to take corners at anything less than sixty kilometres an hour.

“Dad’s landing tonight.” He grinned as she ducked her head and her eyes lit up.

“Oh.” She had tried for casual but by the way his grin widened she knew she had failed.

“Yeah, he had a couple of classes and we wouldn’t let him cut class. Molly’s gonna swing by the apartment and take you shopping, if you feel like it.” He continued to talk continuously as they walked through the terminal.“ And dad will get here about eight, that’s if the flight isn’t delayed. We can but live in hope.”

“Huck, do I make you nervous?“ CJ asked as they entered the parking lot.

“No.” He turned to look at her.

“Ok.”

“Why would you make me nervous?” Huck asked curiously. After all why would seeing his father’s oldest friend again after ten years be awkward, it wasn’t as if his father was in love with her, oh yeah, he was, and they were going to be ‘getting to know each other’ again all weekend.

She shrugged. “Just wondered. “You said apartment?”

“Yeah, Mom’s friend lends dad his apartment when he’s in town.” Huck gave her a small smile and opened the boot. “You’ll like the Watergate.”

CJ climbed into the passenger seat. “He stays at the Watergate?”

Huck nodded, climbing in beside her. “I think he likes the irony of the situation.”

~~~~~~

CJ, left to her own devices, unpacked her belongings and freshened up. The apartment was everything she had imagined when she thought of the Watergate, large, well decorated and had a great view. She just couldn’t imagine Toby feeling all that comfortable there.

“What do you think of the apartment?” Molly asked, letting herself in the door and appearing suddenly in the bedroom.

“It’s not just an apartment, it’s the size of my house.” CJ picked up her jacket from the bed. “Erin could sleep in the closet.

Molly hovered in the doorway. “Maybe she can, next visit. Did you know there’s a former Vice President living down the hall.”

“And a few senators.” She knew exactly which Vice President lived down the hall and she wasn’t in the least bit interested.

“Dad likes it for the historical significance.”

“You’re father likes staying at the Watergate?” Somehow CJ didn’t really see that. More likely it was because it was free, and he could see his kids without having to stay at Andi’s.

“As much as he likes anything,” she sighed. “So wanna go shopping?”

“I’d like that.” She was probably putting her life in her hands shopping with Toby’s daughter but at least it would get her out of the apartment and stop her obsessing over Toby’s arrival. Which was all she had been doing as she settled in. Although they had talked regularly, CJ was still a little apprehensive about being with him again. They had gone from friends to lovers in a weekend. Now they were moving on to dating. It was all a little daunting. “And I’ll buy you an early dinner.”

“I know a great Vietnamese,” Molly said, opening the front door. “And nobody else will eat there with me.”

“Yeah, your father has never been very interested in trying new things.”

Molly gave her a disarming smile and lightly ran her finger along her temple as she debated whether she could actually get away with teasing CJ. She decided she’d go for it. “Yeah, but things change. From what I heard in Berkeley he’s game for trying anything once.”

CJ turned a beautiful colour pink and studied her feet as she realized how paper thin the walls must have been in the hotel.

~~~~~~

“I thought you’d changed your mind,” Toby stated, opening the door for them.

“I took her shopping,” Molly offered with a grin, leaning up and giving her father a hug.

CJ glanced Toby up and down and nodded her approval. She had never really paid Toby’s wardrobe much attention except when he wore something truly awful and given her ammunition for mockery. Things were different now and she had taken to noticing everything. Tonight he was wearing a dark pair of pants, making him look taller and leaner than she remembered and he’d forgone the brown for a charcoal sweater. Toby looked pretty good.

“I guess I don’t need to ask if you had a good time,” Toby mock-grumbled.

Molly held up her loot. “CJ knows how to shop.”

Quite possibly bankruptcy was in his future, Toby concluded. Molly already liked to flash his credit card around and CJ wasn’t adverse to spending. He could only hope she would want a small wedding. At this rate, his mused, people were going to say he was obsessed with the idea of marriage. He’d married Andi, divorced Andi and begged her to remarry him so many times that she’ finally married someone else, and now he was contemplating marriage to CJ. Not that he hadn’t thought about marrying CJ many times over the years, now it just seemed a little less like a pipe dream.

“I guess I should leave you guys to it,” Molly said with a grin. “Two’s company, three’s a lot more fun and all that.”

“Are you going to be ok getting home?” CJ asked, dropping her bags on the dining room table and walking Molly to the door.

“Yeah, the car’s downstairs.”

“Death trap,” Toby grumbled.

“Well, y’know, when you buy me the Lexus as a graduation present. . .” She liked to tease him, knowing full well that whatever he bought her she would love because it would come from him. “See ya.”

Finally alone, CJ stepped closer to Toby, her hand playing with her hair as she contemplated what would happen next. “Hey.”

“My kids like you.” Toby had intended to say something more romantic but he found equanimity in the familiar.

“Erin wanted to see you.”

“I would have liked to have seen her. Maybe next time.” He hoped there would be next time. “Sorry I’m late. I couldn’t get out of class.”

She waited as he shuffled from side to side. Finally, he looked up from studying his shoes and managed a grin.

“Well?”

“Well what?”

“Toby.”

He stepped forward and kissed her hard on the mouth, his eyes flickering shut as he enveloped himself in her presence. “Are you hungry?” he asked, when they finally came up for air.

“Took Molly to dinner,” she breathed, not breaking contact with him, nervousness replaced with something much more compelling.

His grin widened as he walked backwards to the bedroom, taking her with him.

“You hungry?”

He shook his head. “Food is the last thing on my mind.”

The bedroom door slammed shut as she kicked it and pushed him onto the bed.

~~~~~~

Hours later, they lay in bed, CJ’s head resting on his chest as they watched the late news.

Toby kissed the top of her head, his hand making lazy circles on her hip .

“Mmm.”

“You used to communicate for a living,” he mumbled, watching the sheet rise and fall against her body.

“I thought I communicated pretty well earlier,” she replied, glancing at the clock.

Toby handed her his cell. “Call her.”

CJ turned to smile at him, “I’m that predictable?”

“Kids have a strange effect on us.”

She leaned up and kissed him lightly on the lips before dialling Danny’s number. He answered on the second ring. “It’s me. Can I talk to Erin?” She waited, her fingers toying with the salt and pepper speckling of hair on Toby’s chest. “Hey, Sweetheart. . . Yeah. I got here in one piece. . . Did you have a good day at school? . . . That’s great. . . You can tell him yourself.” CJ handed him the phone and watched as his lips quirked up into a smile beneath his beard. A minute later he handed it back to her.

“She is way too much like you,” was his only comment.

CJ smiled back at him before turning her attention back to her daughter. “Ok, I don’t know what you said but. . . I’ll let you go to bed. I miss you.” She blew kisses down the phone before she replaced it on the bedside table. “Are you hungry?”

“Not really.” He breathed deeply, holding her tightly against him. “I could do with some sleep.”

CJ lifted the blanket and nuzzled down until her legs were wrapped around him and his arm was draped over her body. “Sleep tight.”

He kissed her briefly on the lips and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep almost immediately for the first time in over a month.

~~~~~~~

Early morning sunlight streamed through the open curtains, left open in their haste to make love the previous night, and Toby groaned, rolling over to find himself staring at CJ’s back. He listened in silence to her breathing, trying to determine if she was awake or still sleeping.

“What time is it?” she mumbled, rearranging the pillow under her head.

“Seven.” Climbing out of bed, he padded to the window and closed the curtains before he climbed back into bed.

“Thanks.” CJ turned onto her back and cautiously began to open her eyes.

“So what do you want to do today?” Toby asked, propping himself up on his elbow and gazing down at her.

“Aren’t we spending the day with the kids?” she asked, giving him a sleepy smile.

He shook his head and ran his fingers down her cheek. “Dinner tonight. Huck’s game tomorrow. Otherwise we can spend all day in bed.”

CJ rolled her eyes. ”I didn’t fly down here to . . .”

He leaned in and kissed her, his lips lingering on hers as his free hand wandered across her naked skin beneath the covers. When he finally pulled away, her leg wrapped around his, holding him in place.

“Convince me, Pokey.”

“Your wish is my command.” He began to kiss his way down her body and his hands continued their exploration until his head disappeared beneath the blue cotton sheets and CJ prepared herself for a pleasant Saturday morning.

~~~~~~

CJ wrapped a towel around her body and walked back into the bedroom. She smiled at the sight before her - Toby lay naked face down on the bed, snoring softly. It seemed so natural to see him like that, to walk around his apartment scantily clad and not to feel in the least bit uncomfortable or apprehensive. Dropping the towel, she riffled through the wardrobe, pulling on jeans and his shirt. Checking he was still asleep, she padded into the living room, turning on CNN as she made fresh coffee.

Toby opened his eyes and reached out to cuddle CJ. He rolled over onto his back when he found the bed empty. “CJ?”

A few seconds later she appeared in the doorway. “Coffee?”

“How long have you been up?”

Her eyes twinkled.

“Awake.” It was his turn to roll his eyes.

“Half an hour or so. I enjoyed the view for a while.”

He glanced down and re-arranged the sheet, his cheeks reddening.

“I’ve made coffee but there’s no food.”

“We can go out for breakfast.”

“Better make that lunch.”

Toby took a second to study his clock. “Give me ten minutes to shower and change.”

“No hurry.” She leaned back against the door frame and toyed with her buttons.

“Wanna join me?”

The jeans landed in a puddle at her feet.

~~~~~~~

CJ waited for Toby to lock the door then slipped her hand in his. They rode the elevator in silence, stealing glances at each other, flushes of new love engulfing them both.

“You up to a walk?” he asked, as they stepped out of the elevator and made their way across the lobby, each scrupulously checking the vicinity for anyone paying them too much attention.

CJ rose an eyebrow. “Walk?”

“I’m trying to take in more exercise.” In truth he was trying to get fit and lose the weight his doctor continuously lectured him about. Between walking to work and playing basketball in his neighbourhood, he hoped he’d reach his ideal weight because the gym held zero appeal

She stared back at him in disbelief.

“I’m planning on going scuba diving.” A trip, he now hoped, she would accompany him on. He also wanted to live long enough to enjoy time with her, although with her in his life again he was getting more exercise than he had in nearly ten years. “What do you fancy for breakfast?” He looked at his watch and corrected himself. “Lunch.”

“You decide.”

He chose a small restaurant, that he often took the kids to on a Sunday morning. Silently, he led her up to the second floor and they were seated at one of four tables in the window.

CJ settled herself in the seat he had pulled out for her and stared out through the bank of curved windows. In the distance stood the Roosevelt Bridge and the Kennedy Center, while on the Potomac crew teams began Spring warm up.

“Molly likes it here,“ he said, closing the menu without looking.

“I didn’t even know it was here,” she offered wistfully, enjoying the moment. This was a side of Toby she had not witnessed in a long time. Brunch had seemed like a casual afterthought but as she felt him take her hand she realized he had planned it all - a walk, a lazy brunch and time for the two of them. At the expense of time with Molly and Huck she was sure, and that she would make up for later by doing whatever the three of them wanted.

“We worked too hard.”

“What can I get you?” the waiter asked.

“Eggs Benedict with Bacon and coffee,“ he ordered. “CJ?“

She finally turned from the window and smiled at him. “What do you recommend?“

“She’ll have the buttermilk pancakes, maple syrup and coffee.“ Left alone again he leaned in conspiratorially. “It’s not New Hampshire Syrup. I checked.”

CJ laughed and shook her head. “If I’d known I could have brought my own. Abbey sends me a can every year.” In acquiesce to Jed, she supposed.

Toby squeezed her hand tighter, his own thoughts drifting to the former President and happy memories flooding back.

The food arrived quickly, the restaurant almost deserted at two o’ clock and they both tucked in heartily, hungry after a skipped dinner and breakfast. Between mouthfuls they talked about their friends and children, and enjoyed the break in rain.

“You ready to go?” Toby asked, leaving a pile of notes on the table.

“I like this new Toby,” CJ commented softly.

“Yeah?” his voice was gruff but soft for Toby.

“You smile more. You’re relaxed.”

He wanted to say it was because of her but he didn’t want her to think him pathetic. Instead he mumbled, “I always smiled, on the inside.”

She laughed, shaking her head as they walked by the canal. “You’re sexier when you smile on the outside.”

“You should see me in a wet suit.”

CJ stopped walking, the image sending her mind flying in several different directions, and turned to face him. Her eyes met his and her hands cupped his cheeks as she moved in to kiss him. The kiss deepened as his hands roamed her back. She knew that they were too old to be making out like teenagers in public, but then maybe they could teach the youngsters a thing or two. She had certainly picked up a few tricks from Abbey and Jed during the Administration.

When they broke apart, Toby’s eyes were dark and intense and he seemed to be staring right into her soul. “I love you.”

Her heart beat a little faster as she stared back at him, taken aback by the simplicity of his words and the depth of the feelings before her. “I love you, too.”

Toby glanced down at his shoes and did the shuffling movement she had witnessed so many times over the years when he was unsure of himself. Finally he looked back at her, his feelings concealed, the smile still in place. “We should head back. The kids will probably be wrecking the joint.”

She nodded, all too aware that he suddenly felt uncomfortable. “Ok, but can we take it slowly. I’m too old, too out of shape and way too full for more than a leisurely stroll.”

He ran his fingers over her hip and waist before taking her hand. “Feel pretty good to me.”

~~~~~~

”We thought you guys had gotten lost,” Huck called hearing the door open but not turning away from the television.

“Just taking a walk.”

“It’s ok. We really didn’t want to know what you were doing,” he teased, his voice leaving them under no illusions as to what he was thinking.

“What are you watching?” CJ asked, dropping into a chair.

“Sports.”

She inwardly groaned and repositioned her long lanky frame in a chair.

Molly leaned forward in her chair. “This guy makes way too much money. He’s got a weak arm.”

“Right or left?”

Three pairs of eyes turned to look at her.

“Ok. Not important.” It was going to be an excruciatingly boring night, she concluded, as the three of them became engrossed in the game, but she knew she would make an effort to enjoy it. Toby had already given up part of his weekend with them to be with her and do things she would enjoy, the least she could do was the same, even if it meant hours of ESPN.

~~~~~~

“Are you cooking or are we getting take out?” Huck asked, lifting his feet up onto the table and leaning back on his folded arms.

“Was that aimed at me, dear brother of mine?” Molly queried, her elbow dangerously moving towards him.

“CJ.” He grinned in her direction.

“In that case we’re getting take out,” Toby deadpanned. “You annoy the hell out of me but I’d rather not inflict CJ’s cooking on you.”

“Dad!” Molly squeaked. “Not the best way of getting yourself laid.”

CJ blushed and picked up a paper from the table, pretending to read it.

“Too much information,” Huck groaned, his face scrunching up at the image as he jumped up and picked up the pile of menus from the table. “Chinese, Indian, pizza, Thai, Italian, French?”

“Anything’s fine,” CJ mumbled quietly from behind the newspaper.

“Now you’ve embarrassed her, Jackass.” Molly threw her cushion across the room and caught her brother on the head.

“Hey! Nice aim!”

“I’m fine.”

Toby rubbed his temples with his fingertips, wondering why women seemed to rely on the word fine as the answer to everything. “Why don’t you two run along and use the phone in the kitchen.”

“Run along?” CJ squeaked. “Erin hasn’t run along since she was about six.”

“Oh, you should have been there for the birds and the bees talk,” Huck laughed. It had been the single most embarrassing moment of his life. Or rather he thought it was going to be until his father began to stumble his way through the ‘talk,’ after that it became a riot fest.

Toby’s rubbing became more frantic and a large red patch of skin began to materialise on his forehead.

“I missed that. Mom did my talk.” Although Molly imagined she had the better end of the deal. Of course her real education in the matter had come from weekends hanging out with Josh and Donna. She would be scarred for life but it worth it for the blackmail material.

CJ glanced at Toby and back at Huck. “What did he use as reference material? The Abstinence Plus report he stole from my desk? Or a textbook? Or did he draw you a diagram?”

Toby returned to staring at CJ. He loved the way she teased him, even if it was a little bit embarrassing. Since they’d arrived back from their walk he had been positioning himself in quiet corners of the room just so he could observe her. He couldn’t help himself. She was across the room with his kids, her head thrown back as they traded stories and insults about him.

“Dad’s was born way too late.”

“Your father just has a unique way of dealing with kids.”

“No, he’s just a little backward in coming forward when it comes to the opposite sex. Look at him and CJ.”

"Thank you for coming around to the self-evident point I made five minutes ago," Huck said dramatically.

“I’m in the room,” Toby practically yelled.

They all looked at him, the same ‘so what’ expression on all their faces.

~~~~~~

Toby closed the bedroom door and leaned his back against it. “The kids are watching TV in the living room.”

“Yeah?” she asked, closing her book and placing it on the bedside table.

“It’s pretty loud.” He toed out of his shoes, leaving them in the middle of the floor.

“You think they’re trying to mask the noise?”

“Is there going to be noise?” he asked, hopefully.

“Depends.” She shrugged, the nuance of the movement not lost on him as the sheet fell to reveal bare sun-kissed skin.

Toby pulled his sweater over his head and tossed it across the room. The rest of his clothes he shed, leaving them in a pile on the carpet.

CJ appraised the naked form, licking her lips seductively as she pulled back the covers and made room for him to climb in.

Toby settled himself on his side, his body facing hers as he studied her face and caressed her cheek with his fingertips. As much as he wanted to take it slow and gentle with CJ, he knew the second he felt her body responding to his touch it would become fast and frantic. He snuggled closer and his lips began to lightly brush her shoulders, his fingers teasing her hair out of the way as he continued to explore newly exposed skin. “Is there anything I can do to be of service to you?”

“You’re going to service me, Toby?” she giggled, her body wriggling against him.

He growled something inaudible and his hands slipped to begin to caress her breasts, slowly kneading them and lightly pinching her nipples.

“Mm,” she mumbled, arching back, giving him better access to her breasts. His fingers increased their friction. "Oh Toby," she whispered, her tone surprised, her hands covering his, urging them to move lower, over her abdomen, and lower still, knowing that his touch would bring her closer to the edge.

“You want me to stop?“ he asked, his eyes meeting hers briefly, turning a deep black, filled with desire.

She wanted to slap him for the smug look but his eyes told her a different story and she found herself kissing him hard on the mouth.

Toby’s tongue gently demanded entry as his fingers slipped between her legs and she lost the power of speech.

CJ parted her lips, willingly allowing him entry, her body raising itself to his fingers, warmth seeping through her body. Toby grinned as he gently eased her legs apart. His fingers began a careful exploration of her folds, changing their tempo and rhythm as she writhed above him, clutching the bedclothes.

Toby began to kiss his way down her collarbone and across her breasts. Playfully, he licked and tasted each breast before sucking the nipple into his mouth.

Her response brought forth a light growl from his lips and he pressed his thumb over her clit, rubbing in small circles until he heard her breath catch in her throat and she crashed into her first climax, clutching his shoulders, his name on her lips.

Toby moved back up her body, covering her mouth with his own to silence her, and save them both the embarrassment and torment that would surely ensue if Molly heard their nights activities. As her breathing returned to normal, his hands began once more to roam her body, concentrating on her most sensitive areas, eliciting low moans from deep inside her.

“I want. . . You. . .,” she panted as his fingers began to increase their tempo.

Since the first time in the hotel room, he seemed to know exactly what she wanted. His fingers slowed then stopped their ministrations. Gently, he raised her leg and draped it over his hip. His eyes locked with hers, wanting to connect with her before he entered her in one swift motion. He stilled momentarily to allow her to adjust before resuming his ministrations,

The pressure of his thumb against her clit and his erection deep inside her, brought her ever closer to release. Rocking her hips, she helped him develop a rhythm that suited them both, the indecipherable sounds leading them into a pace that had CJ gripping the sheets and Toby almost screaming her name as he came. His thrusting slowed, his thumb increased it’s pressure as he regained the power of coherent thought, his eyes studied her face as she climaxed against him and she cursed him and everything holy.

Exhausted, Toby gently collapsed against her, his breathing taking it‘s time returning to normal.

CJ lay beneath him, listening and waiting, her hands stroking his back lightly.

“I love you,” he mumbled, kissing her neck.

“I love you, too, Toby.”

Minutes later, Toby rolled over so that they were laying side by side, her hip draped over his, their bodies still interwoven. He kissed her again, trying not to laugh.

“Hey!” she grumbled.

“They just turned the TV off. Guess they‘re no longer worried about the noise,” he offered, his eyes still closed.

CJ felt her cheeks redden in realization of what he was implying and she buried her head against his chest, earning a growl of approval from Toby.

~~~~~~

Huck’s Little League team had won. Except, none of the players were little leaguers anymore but they had all played together since they were six. The opposing team consisted of their professors, who’s average age was forty plus. It wasn’t very fair but it was traditional.

CJ had cheered in all the right places and restrained Toby when he got a little overwrought at the Umpire’s decision.

After subjecting the teenagers to Sunday brunch and a few public displays of affection, and enduring a little teasing from the kids themselves, they dropped them off at Andi’s and returned to the apartment.

It wasn’t long before the conversation turned to the future. It hadn’t gone well. Planning another weekend providing the first obstacle. Neither really sure when or where they could get together, the constraints of work and the social life of their children adding additional hindrance.

Then they had moved to hypotheticals about their long term future. Clearly love wasn’t going to be enough to make it work, nor was Toby’s new found enthusiasm for life likely to last very long. Logistics were an overwhelming obstacle to their happy ever after.

"No, I'm disagreeing with you. That doesn't mean I'm not listening to you,” he growled, which he blatantly wasn’t. “or understanding what you're saying. I'm doing all three at the same time."

“Well, that’s the Toby I know and love.”

“CJ,” he sighed.

“So this is it?” CJ asked, her voice laced with sadness. “I can’t leave my daughter. You can’t leave New York.”

“It’s not that I can’t. It’s that I haven’t got a chance in hell of getting a job in California.”

“I don’t want to fight with you.”

"It should be a fight! We disagree on something important and immediate." He was also hoping they would have a little time for making up before she left.

CJ sighed. “Danny lives twenty minutes away. Erin spends weekends with him. She couldn’t do that from New York.”

They’d been having the same conversation for the last twenty minutes, going around in circles. Having finally found each other it was becoming clearer that it wasn’t going to happen.

“So we just go back to being friends,” she acknowledged unhappily.

“Or we continue having a long distance relationship. Weekends and holidays.” He could feel a sadness enveloping him. He couldn’t imagine going back to how they were before. “Just think with the republicans in power I might be able to retire in another ten years.”

“It wasn’t them who screwed up social security and it isn’t their fault you have no money.”

“No, it’s my intimate relationship with half the lawyers in DC.” A Grand Jury Investigation and a Federal Prosecution will do that, he thought.

They were at an impasse. Nothing resolved and the relationship slightly bruised.

“I should head out to the airport.” She still had a couple of hours but she no longer wanted to stay in the apartment where they had made love and been so happy only hours before.

“I can take you.”

“A cab is fine.” Her voice sounded hollow but she just wanted to be gone.

He made his way into the other room and dialled the cab company. He didn’t mind not going to the airport. He wasn’t very good at good byes and he certainly couldn’t handle a final good bye.

~~~~~~

CJ stood in the doorway, watching Erin sleep soundly. Since she had arrived home Sunday evening she had been finding it hard to sleep. Her phone had been strangely silent and she missed his voice fumbling and tripping over words.

It was then she heard it, the soft ringing of her cell phone. Closing the door, she headed back down the hallway. “CJ Cregg,” she panted, grabbing the phone.

“Hey, it’s Kate. Damn, I just saw the time.”

“Don’t worry about it,” CJ said, dropping onto the bed, her legs hanging over the side. “I’ve been awake for hours. How’s it going?”

“We’re getting divorced.”

“Wow. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were having problems,” CJ said, her voice betraying her disbelief. “Is there anything I can do?”

“If only there was,” Kate sighed. “I just wish he’d realized what he wanted before we bought the house.”

“Want me to come up there? Want to come here?”

“What about Toby?”

CJ closed her eyes. Silence transmitted down the line as she contemplated telling her best friend everything.

“CJ, what happened?”

“We’re talking about your problems tonight.”

“No, we’re trying to take my mind off my problems. Tell me what happened.”

“We woke up and smelt the roses.”

“Poetic, Toby-esq., but not explanatory,” Kate said, staring out of her window at the early morning drizzle matching the grey of her mood.

“It was never going to work. He teaches political theory in New York, spends every other weekend in DC with the kids. I have a job, a daughter, a life here.”

“Yeah, I can see why it wouldn’t work.”

“Kate!”

“Ok. He’s been in love with you for thirty years, CJ. He’s practically worshipped the ground you walk on for most of those. He’s never taken you for granted.” At CJ’s scoffing, Kate corrected herself. “Rarely taken you for granted and only then when it was work related. He’s as tall as you are. He only confessed to the leak because he wanted to protect you.”

“I wasn’t the one . . .”

“No, but they were going to put you through hell.”

“It’s in the past,” CJ sighed.

“Yeah, it is. What matters is the future,” Kate mused. “He wants to spend it with you.”

“He’s not good at compromise.”

“Pot calling the kettle black.”

“If I didn’t have Erin, I’d resign my job, sell my house and move there in a heartbeat.”

Kate listened in silence.

“Of course there’s also the fact he didn’t ask.”

That Kate could believe. As much as Toby loved CJ, as good as he was with words, she couldn’t imagine him begging CJ to relocate. Of course Toby was full of self-sacrifice. If he loved her half as much as they all thought he did, he’d be the one offering to relocate. “And you didn’t ask him, I’m sure,” Kate chided.

“Did you call just to lecture me?”

“Nah, that’s a bonus.”

“Well, you’ve left me feeling all warm and fuzzy.”

“And I thought that was Toby’s job,” her friend deadpanned. “Anyway I have to go, hire an attorney, divide up our Dvd collection and try not to burst into tears on the mailman.”

“Kate,” CJ said softly.

“I’m ok.” The tone was less than convincing.

CJ let it go. “Call me if you need me. And if you need a lawyer, Toby knows a few hundred.”

“Yeah, I’ll bare that in mind.”

~~~~~~

Toby glanced up and scanned the departure lounge. There were forty minutes left until his flight was due to take off. He’d already been sitting there for an hour, anything not to have to go to the obligatory farewell dinner. Toby didn’t dislike his adopted family, In fact certain members of said family he truly loved. Which was in essence the problem. Tonight, however, he really couldn’t face another meal with Josh and Donna.

Another five minutes had passed and the paper was still blank, not even “dear” but then how did you tell someone the truth after too many years of denial. And what would happen if he did put pen to paper - he’d mail it, spend days waiting for the phone to ring like some obsessive school boy, then leave his answer phone to pick up his messages.

Procrastination was working in his favour. Shortly, he would board the plane and then it would be too uncomfortable to write. By the time he landed back at JFK, it would be late and he’d have other things to occupy his mind.

The crux of the problem was that thirty years ago he had met a woman, fallen stupidly in love with her, six weeks ago he had taken the step of admitting his feelings and it had gotten him nowhere.

Ten minutes until boarding seemed like an age and still he couldn’t put his thoughts to paper.

~~~~~~

“Mom, mail’s here,” Erin yelled up the stairs.

CJ gathered up the laundry from the bedroom floor and headed downstairs. “Anything interesting?”

“There’s one postmarked New York.” She grinned as her mother tossed the laundry on the table and grabbed the letter. Erin dropped on the couch and turned on the television.

“Claudia Jean,” she read, smiling at the use of her full name, picturing his face as he tried to write the words. “As I write this, it’s minus 20 degrees outside and they are predicting snow.”

“How’s the weather in New York?”

“Cold and snowing. . . How did you know?” CJ asked, her head snapping to look at her daughter.

“He always gives you a weather report.” The shrug and accompanying grin reminded CJ all too much of Danny.

Toby, as great a writer as he was, found it hard to express himself, so instead he wrote pages about the weather, work, how awful public transport was and he threw in additional information that told her how his week was. The previous week had obviously not been too bad. This time, he had slipped in his ticket from a Basketball game.

“He’s inviting you to a game.”

“Basketball, Baseball or Hockey?” Erin asked, not particularly a fan of any of them.

“Could be any of them. His sports metaphors are lost on me.” CJ reread the paragraph. “He just says he thinks you’d have fun.”

“I think I’d have more fun shopping on Fifth Avenue.” She looked unconvinced. “Why doesn’t your boyfriend take you to a game?”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” He really wasn’t anything. Not since they’d been unable to decide what to do next.

CJ returned to reading Toby’s rambling script. Two pages later he was still talking about inconsequential things and asking questions that bore no relevance to anything he had written. Finally, he turned to talking about them and she lost awareness of everything but his words.

CJ reread the last paragraph, her eyes seeing the words as her brain tried to comprehend.

“Mom, are you ok?” Erin asked, turning in her seat. ”Mom?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“What’d he say?”

Instead of answering, CJ picked up the phone and dialled his apartment. It rang and rang, finally switching to answer phone. She didn’t leave a message - couldn’t bear the thought he was screening his calls.

“He could be at Temple. In the shower,” Erin said, leaning over the back of the sofa.

“It’s too late for Temple.” She stared at the phone.

“You know you could try his cell.” At her mother’s pointed glare, she shrugged. ”Just trying to help.”

“I need to phone your dad.”

“If you’re going to New York, I’m coming with.” It was said with such determination that CJ turned sharply in her chair and raised an eyebrow.

“Toby can take me to that game. We can hit the museums. You can take me shopping. Think it as furthering my education. Uncle Jed would approve.” Erin came from a extended family of politicians, she was used to arguing her case and getting what she wanted.

CJ allowed her mind to wander for a minute, finally coming to a decision. “How would you feel about moving to New York?”

“For real?”

“It’s a strong possibility.”

“Wow, he really must be a good writer.” Erin gave her mother her most endearing smile. “Should I go pack?”

CJ contemplated the time difference, his carefully composed prose and the butterflies in her stomach. “Yeah, but make it a small one, your back pack, maybe.” She picked up the phone and dialled the airline.

~~~~~~

“You could be a bit more excited,” Erin complained as the taxi drove through the Upper West Side, her eyes darting from side to side as she took in everything. “We’re in New York.”

CJ turned from staring out of the window. “I’m sorry.” It had all seemed so straight forward when she’d booked the flights but now that they were actually here, she was having her doubts. “I forget you’ve never been here.”

“And whose fault is that?” Erin asked, miffed. “But we’re here now. And Uncle Toby still doesn’t know we’re coming?”

“No. I wanted to surprise him.”

“Disarm him, more like.”

CJ smiled. “After that letter, what could I do?”

Erin kept her mouth shut. Her mother was being impulsive, and she didn’t want to discourage her, but they were arriving unannounced at Toby’s apartment at 9.30 on a Saturday night. Not her mother’s best decision.

The car stopped and CJ looked up at the building, not moving from the cab.

“Mom!”

Climbing out, CJ removed her single overnight bag while Erin slung the back pack over her shoulder and rang the doorbell.

“Yeah,” a disembowelled voice replied.

“It’s CJ,” Erin replied, indicating that her mother should hurry up.

There was silence followed by a buzzing sound.

Erin led the way up the stairs two at a time, reading the numbers as she went, her mother trailing behind her, and came to a halt.

“Hey, CJ,” Huck said quietly, ”I haven’t told him you’re here.” He glanced down at Erin. “Hey, Huck Ziegler.”

“Erin Concannon.”

He nodded his head. “Well, come in.” He pushed CJ through the door, taking her bag as he did so. “Dad! Visitors.”

Toby appeared from the bedroom, coat dangling from his hand and his mouth dropped. “CJ?”

“Hey Tobus.”

His smile widened at the use of his pet name. “Hey.” His coat dropped to the floor.

Huck and Molly exchanged looks.

“I hope you don’t mind. We just jumped on a plane,” CJ explained quietly.

“It’s cool. Erin can share with me and Huck can take the couch,” Molly announced, rolling her eyes at her father and giving her brother a glare.

“Yeah, it’s comfortable enough.” He knew his sister’s game, he only hoped she had more up her sleeve than awkward sleeping arrangements.

Molly turned to Erin and gave her a wide smile. “Dump your bag and we’ll take you for hot chocolate.”

“I’m not sure,” CJ began, about to question the sanity of the suggestion. She wasn’t sure if she was more concerned about her daughter’s safety or being alone with Toby.

“It’s only a few blocks,” Huck said. “And we’ll both be there.”

CJ looked at Erin’s pleading face and relented. “Go, before I change my mind.”

The youngsters having departed, Toby was left alone with his oldest friend. “Do you want a coffee or something?”

“A hug?” she asked, tentatively.

He looked apprehensive as he opened his arms and she stepped into them, pulling her against his chest.

They stood in the middle of his apartment wrapped around each other as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Finally, she stepped back and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

“You’re here?”

“I got your letter.” She gave him a tentative smile. “I didn’t know what else to do.”

“You could have phoned, written back. . .,” he trailed off as she walked away.

“We’re going to have to find a bigger apartment,” she announced casually, walking into the kitchen then exploring the bedrooms, taking in every inch of his space.

“We will.”

She wasn’t sure if he was asking a question or confirming her statement. “Erin will need her own room and the twins will want something better than a sofa when they come to stay.”

“CJ?” He was more than a little confused.

“I’m trying to tell you that I agree with everything you wrote, that I love you and I want to be with you.” She nibbled her bottom lip. “I just couldn’t have written it quite so poetically.”

Toby took a step towards her. “You really want me to come to California?”

She shook her head and closed the difference between them. “Erin and I are going to move here.”

He opened his mouth to speak and CJ placed a finger against his lips. “We can talk about this later.” Her eyes twinkled as she kissed him lightly on the lips, leaving him in no doubt as to what she was thinking.

~~~~~~

It was the sound of the front door opening and slamming shut followed by three very loud, happy voices vibrating around the apartment that awoke Toby.

He glanced at the illuminous display of his clock and groaned. It was after midnight and CJ was curled up, naked, against his chest. The last thing he wanted to do was move or for that matter have a conversation with his children about keeping Erin out so late, which seemed like a parental thing to do.

“Dad!” Molly called, moving as close to the door as she dared. “We’re going to bed. You don’t need to get up.” She giggled and tried unsuccessfully to push the images from her mind. “Just lie there and . . . Anyway, Huck has a sleeping bag and I’ve given Erin my bed.” She really couldn’t let Molly sleep in the heap that was her brother’s unmade bed. “See you both in the morning.”

CJ opened her eyes and stared up at Toby. “So, I guess we’re busted.”

“Night, Mom,” Erin called.

“Night, honey.”

“Night CJ.”

“Guys,” Toby grumbled. “This isn’t the Waltons.” He kissed the top of CJ’s head and snuggled back down under the covers.

Silence enveloped the apartment except for the quiet chatter from the girls room, which quickly petered out.

~~~~~~~

Toby tried to roll over but he could not feel his arm and something heavy was pressing down on his chest. Gingerly, he opened his eyes and smiled.

At some point in the night CJ had dragged the covers over to her side of the bed and had wrapped herself in them, now ‘the mummy’ was wrapped around Toby. She looked so beautiful, her hair tousled over her shoulders, her features so peaceful that he did not want to wake her.

It was still early and a Sunday morning. As he lay watching her sleep, Toby began to ponder on the night before. Her arrival had taken him by surprise but her announcement had completely floored him. Her absence from his life the last few weeks would be completely forgotten and they would move forward, at least that was what they had discussed as they made love for the second time a few hours a go

Gently, he rolled CJ onto her side of the bed and began to get dressed - the sooner they talked to the rest of the family the sooner they could start to make plans, which couldn‘t be soon enough for him. Minutes later, he closed the apartment door and headed to the market on the corner. He returned to the apartment carrying the ingredients for breakfast and set about cooking as the rest of his guests began to appear.

“I thought we could eat in tonight,” Toby called from the kitchen. “CJ and I have something we want to discuss with you.”

“Please tell me, this isn’t a sign of things to come,” Molly groaned.

“What?” CJ asked, her voice laced with confusion.

“Family Night. He normally goes to a bar and we get pizza and a movie.”

“Toby, you’re scaring the kids.”

“Tell them to suck it up or I’ll stop their allowance,” he growled in response.

“He always did have away with kids,” CJ commented dryly. “Toby, come in here.”

He shuffled through the door and folded his arms across his chest. “Yes.”

“Toby and I are moving in together,” CJ announced when it became obvious he was going to leave the talking to her.

“And?” Molly asked.

“So I guess you’re gonna be my step mother?” Huck asked with a grin. “Does this mean I should call you mom?”

“Not unless you want me to call you Huckleberry.”

“He prefers Jackass,” Molly interjected.

“Why does mom call Toby, Pokey?” Erin asked, keeping up easily with the pace of the conversation.

“That, my dear, is something I don’t think any of us want to know,“ Huck said with a grin. “It goes back to when he had hair.”

“He never had hair,” CJ said, smirking.

“Hey.”

“We’re digressing,” CJ interrupted. “We’re moving in together. We wondered what you thought.”

“It’s cool with me.”

“I get to live in New York.”

“I would have held out for the ring.”

“Molly,” Toby growled, rubbing his face with his hand.

“Like it would have killed you to drop a couple of grand at Tiffanys?”

CJ blushed and pretended to stare out of the window.

“Ok, I’m going to share something with you, which might surprise you but I don’t want this gesture to be mistaken for an indication that I’m losing my mind or that you’re actually starting to get to me.”

“I don’t know what’s worse - when Dad lectures us or when he writes. Both involve hours of my life I’ll never get back.”

“Funny enough, Molly, your father used to say the same thing about chess games with the President,” CJ deadpanned, her eyes drifting to where Toby was riffling through a drawer.

His hand located the small parcel and he lifted it from the drawer. “Erin, come here.”

She leapt up from the floor and walked over to him.

Taking her hand, he turned it palm up before placing the tissue-paper-covered box on her hand. Carefully, he peeled back the paper and revealed a deep navy ring box.

Erin turned and grinned at her mother.

Toby hated being the center of attention, hence he was the speech writer, not the press secretary, the man who did the job and let others take the credit, why he had disappeared into obscurity after the leak.

Molly edged closer until she could see better.

Toby opened the box and gazed across the room expectantly.

CJ raised her hand. She didn’t move.

“You’re gonna make me come over there, aren’t you?”

“I jumped on a plane and flew two thousand six hundred miles.” Too many years working for President Bartlet had led to her reading every statistic and piece of trivia she came across.

He sighed audibly as he picked up the ring box and took a step. “Yes, you did.”

“Do you want us to go?” Huck asked, feeling as though they were intruding.

Molly and Erin glared at him.

“Twenty nine years a go we took a day off from the campaign. It had been raining and you made me walk with you.”

She remembered the day - they had been drunk and ended up in his hotel room the night before. It had been an awkward morning after and fresh air seemed to be an alternative to not speaking to each other.

“We had breakfast in a bohemian joint.”

Joint being the operative word. The smell of cannabis had been a little overpowering after a while and they had sat out on the pavement.

“And somehow we ended up walking down side streets filled with shops and you’d stop and rave about how great this would look in your apartment and how great that would look with your blue top,” Toby continued.

Her eyes drifted to the box as realization dawned.

“The look in your eyes when you saw it. You were like a kid in a candy store and I wanted to be the one to give you the candy store. Two days later I went back and bought it.”

“All this time,” Molly sighed, her hand on her heart.

“I had it reset. I was going to give it to you for your sixtieth. But I couldn’t make the party.” In truth he hadn’t wanted to give it to her in front of so many people and they had barely seen each other since.

“Toby!”

“So I’m giving it to you now.”

“Dad,” Huck growled, wondering how someone so dense had managed to get a President elected.

Toby took another step in CJ’s direction. “It’s always been yours.”

Huck massaged his temples in dismay, wondering why CJ would want to marry his father if he ever got around to proposing to her.

“I want you to have it, whatever you answer is.”

“Answer to what?” she asked, suppressing a smile as her heart hammered in her chest in anticipation.

“CJ!”

“You’re gonna have to work for it,” Erin offered smugly.

“With your mother, working for it has been a lifetime endeavour,” he replied, winking at her, before moving to CJ’s side. “Marry me?”

Molly rolled her eyes. “For a writer that sucked,” she muttered under her breath.

“You sure you want to marry me?” CJ asked, her tone serious, her eyes betraying none of the emotions she was feeling.

“You blew it,” Huck groaned. “Your intimation was that you weren’t sure you wanted to marry her.”

Erin stared at her future step brother, her face a mixture of ‘what the hell’ and concern about what the blended family was going to be like.

Toby glanced over his shoulder and grinned. Erin, Molly and Huck were all staring at him intently, hanging on every word. “You want me to try again?”

CJ nodded, her eyes focused entirely on the ring in his hand.

“You take my anxieties away.” He cleared his throat. “And you know how anxious I get. You teach me new things every day. I want to keep learning. I want to wake up every morning and watch you sleep. I, we want you both to be part of our family.”

Molly wrapped a sisterly arm around Erin.

“I would, if you will have me, like to be your husband and, although I know you are more than capable, take care of you for the rest of my life. So, Claudia Jean, will you marry me?”

“Yes.” Her arms flew around his neck, her lips kissing his cheek as he struggled to keep his balance.

“Now we should leave them alone,” Molly whispered to her brother, rising to her feet, and indicating they should follow her into the bedroom.

“Hand it over,” CJ instructed, stepping out of his arms.

Toby held out his hand and she shook her head, indicating he should place the ring on her finger. Pocketing the box, he carefully took her left hand in his right and slipped the band onto her finger. “I forgot something.”

She gazed up and found herself getting lost in his eyes.

“I love you.”

Her last thought as he leaned in to kiss her was that if he kept looking at her like that they were going to have to sound proof the walls in the new house.

~~~~~~

CJ stared down at the diamond on her ring finger, her lips quirking upwards.

“I take it you like it,” Toby commented, running his fingers down her arm.

“Not as much as I like you.”

“And how much is that, right now?” he asked, wanting to hear her utter the three little words.

“I love you.”

“We’re trying to watch the movie,” Huck mock-complained. "That was like a bad romantic comedy in fifteen seconds."

“Leave them alone. They’re cute together,” Erin said, playfully slapping his arm

“And it’s the first time Dad’s got laid since we were born.”

CJ buried her head in Toby’s shirt as she sucked in breath. “Whatever you say now, you’re screwed,” she whispered.

“Apparently I already have been.”

“You’re grinning.”

Toby allowed his eyes to skim the room - his children, sprawled out on the floor, Erin, curled up between them, CJ, curled up against his chest. His grin widened as he gazed down at her, slightly in awe at how life had finally given him everything he wanted, it had just taken him a little longer than he had anticipated. "I'm over the moon,” he offered simply, not one for easily giving in to corniness. “This is my over-the-moon face."

The End