~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“How long do you need me for?“ CJ asked, twirling the phone cord around her fingers. Her first instinct had been to say no when the half inch thick envelope had arrived at her apartment. Since then she had reread the letter a dozen times. The more she thought about it the more CJ was coming around to the idea of going.

“Three months would take me to January,” CJ acknowledged to the charity’s Director. Three months of living in a hotel, or in make shift tents, and getting shouted at or worse by men on the street. Twelve weeks of helping women become more than they were, of assisting rape victims, of making life better.

“The answer’s yes. I need a couple of weeks to tie up a few ends.” Not to mention calming the boys down when they found out, she mused. “Book me on a flight for the 16^th.”

~~~~~~

CJ waited until Margaret had left her desk and headed for the Mess before she slipped into Leo’s office. Checking to make sure no-one else was around, she slipped the handwritten envelope onto his blotter and left.

It was the right thing to do. After everything that had happened she had thought about this day on and off. This time was different - this time she had been offered the chance to do something worthwhile.

~~~~~~

“No Josh,” Leo said firmly.

“But . . .” Josh followed his boss into his office and gestured wildly with his hands.

“It won’t pass. And you know it.” He removed his glasses from his pocket and slipped them onto his nose, noticing for the first time the envelope on his desk. There was no mistaking the handwriting, the neat, legible way she had written his name. With a heavy heart he turned it over in his hands and sliced it open.

“Damn!” Leo cursed, scanning first then reading the carefully worded note. After Sam‘s departure one or other of the President‘s advisors had threatened to leave at some point, but now that the term was drawing to its conclusion he had thought they were beyond this. “Margaret?”

His assistant appeared in the doorway, pen poised, her forehead firmly fixed in a scowl. “Yes?” She looked pointedly at Josh.

He shrugged back, oblivious as usual to what was going on around him.

They both turned to look at their boss.

Leo tossed the letter on his desk and looked between the two of them. “CJ’s leaving.”

Josh spoke for all of them, ”Well that totally blows.”

~~~~~~

Debbie barely glanced up from her keyboard. “You can go straight in, CJ, he’s waiting for you.”

Hesitantly, CJ smoothed down her dusky grey skirt and tucked a stray hair behind her ear. She had been expecting a call from Leo or Toby dropping by her office. What she hadn’t expected was to get a call to the Oval.

“He’s waiting,” Debbie reiterated. “And for once he’s on schedule. We wouldn’t want to change that.”

CJ took a deep breath and quietly slipped into the office. The President was pre-occupied with signing papers and she smiled as she watched him, his glasses slipping to the end of his nose. His jacket lay nearby on a visitor’s chair. Despite everything that had happened over the years and the slight weariness about him, he was the same man she had met in a tiny office in New Hampshire.

“Take a seat.” It sounded like an order and CJ settled herself gently on one end of the candy striped couch.

Jed had tried to ignore her presence but as always it was impossible. Every time she entered a room, everything stopped. Like most married men he liked to look but his Catholicism meant he didn’t touch. CJ was the closest he had ever come to breaking every rule.

There was trepidation as he made his way to the door and closed it, fear as he settled himself beside her.

“Leo showed me your letter,” he started. “You want to leave?”

CJ ducked her head and mentally prepared herself.

“You didn’t explain why.”

She had simply typed that she was leaving to pursue a private venture. Mainly because she didn’t want them all to yell at her. Of course that had been a pipe dream.

“Was it something I said? I did?” he asked when she remained silent, his voice raising an octave as he continued to study her face in the hope of finding the answer there.

“No.” She said it firmly, and too quickly. It had more to do with what he hadn’t said - couldn’t say.

“Did Leo upset you?” Jed was clutching at straws, unable to comprehend why she wanted to leave three months before they had to. If his Chief of Staff had done something stupid he’d make him fix it.

“I’m going to Qumar.” She waited and wasn’t disappointed.

“Claudia Jean?” His voice was tinged with confusion and more than a little fear, he knew but he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

Fighting back a groan at the inevitable, she sighed. “The Red Cross, Doctors without Borders and the Woman’s Coalition are working to rebuild the country. They have asked me to join them.” Of course that didn’t tell him a lot.

“To do what?” He sounded like her father, which was the one thing he definitely didn’t want to sound like. “What exactly will you be doing?” he asked more gently. And why can’t you do it from here? he didn’t add.

CJ turned slightly to face him. “Teaching them to read and write, helping them to get the jobs that are now available to them, re-educating the husbands about abuse. Finding out what they need so I can get Russell to put together a realistic foreign aid package.”

Jed couldn’t fault her for that. She had always been passionate about the treatment of women in the Arab nations. In truth he had always been a little frightened that she would end up going there. This time there was more to it. His stomach had been in knots since Leo had handed him the letter and Toby’s yelling had only quickened his pulse. She was really going and it affected him more than he was willing to admit.

“Sir?” She really wanted his support.

“You realize how dangerous it is? What are they doing to ensure your safety?” He couldn’t demand she stay but he could make her rethink. “You’re the most visible outspoken woman to their laws and beliefs. I killed a member of their government. . . ,” he trailed off, not wanting to voice his next thought.

CJ allowed her hand to stray, to slide across the two inches of fabric between them and rest on top of his hand. “You think they’re going use me for retribution?”

In unison their thoughts drifted to Zoey and those few days when the world collapsed and she disappeared.

“CJ.” He wasn’t joking. His greatest fears in life weren’t for himself but for Abbey, the girls and CJ. If anything happened to her his retribution would be on a scale never seen before.

She squeezed his hand and smiled. “I’m going quietly. No big fanfare. They won’t even know I’m there.”

“Can I have Ron check a few things out?” He briefly wondered if he could get away with having her installed with a homing beacon but she’d probably kill him if she found out.

CJ agreed reluctantly. Anything was better than sending a detail of agents along for the ride.

“When do you leave?” His heart quickened at the look of sadness of her face. He wasn’t going to like the next few words out of her mouth.

“Two weeks.”

There was nothing he could say. His heart dropped to his stomach and panic set in. “Ok. Ok.” Jed rose to his feet, leaving her hand to fall onto the sofa. A sudden chill filled the room as he moved to settle behind his desk.

“Was there anything else, Mr. President?” CJ asked politely, half hoping he would tell her he didn’t want her to leave, or forbid it in some way.

Jed shook his head and cast his eyes downwards onto the stack of papers on his desk. He suddenly wanted to be alone, to clear his head and put the latest turn of events into perspective.

~~~~~~

The two weeks notice seemed to fly by.

While Toby and Josh spent their time following the President all over the country campaigning on the Vice Presidents behalf CJ remained in DC.

Her belongings were now packed into boxes ready to go into storage, her office presently covered in papers and gifts from everyone from the doorman to the NSA Director. It was hard packing up, knowing as she did so that she would never work in the White House again. In the quiet moments when she was alone she let the tears fall. The majority of the time she allowed Margaret and Carol to sort through her life for her.

“Carol!”

Carol sighed and adjusted the pile of folders in her arms. “Yes, Boss?” She found CJ sat cross legged on her office floor, holding the goldfish bowl in her hands.

“Would you look after Gail?” CJ asked, watching Gail the Sixth, blissfully unaware her world was about to change, swim in circles.

“Don’t I always?” Carol stared at her boss and realization finally hit. It had been bothering her for weeks and the more CJ became withdrawn the more Carol had started to put two and two together. CJ Cregg, her hero, her mentor and a woman who knew no fear was running away - she just wasn’t sure what from. “Gail will be fine. I promise to keep Josh away and let Danny have visitation rights.”

“He offered to come with me, y’know?” CJ said wistfully, her head running through the years with Danny and then Ben and naturally her thoughts finally fell on the latest man to cause her heartache.

“Yeah, well I don’t think Donna would have been too impressed.” She grinned as CJ gave her a strange look. “It was bad enough Ginger having to talk Toby out of scheduling a state visit to the Middle East in December without you dragging Josh half way across the world.”

CJ hadn’t known about that, then again she had been too preoccupied of late.

“Danny will be fine. He’s going to be covering the election and the final days in office. Josh has Donna and the impending birth to worry about, and Ginger and I. . . And Margaret will watch over Toby.” The assistants had practically sat on the boys since CJ announced she was leaving, not from fear they would make her change her mind, but from the guilt trip they would inevitably put on her. It wasn’t fair not after everything she had done for them. The least they could do was support her.

“Thank you.” She gave Carol her first genuine smile in days.

~~~~~~

“You take care, Kiddo,” Leo said, opening up his arms and waiting for her to fall into them.

CJ clung to him as she fought to control the tears that were threatening to spill on to her cheeks.

Saying goodbye was proving harder than she ever imagined, and that was even though she knew she would be back in a few months. The assistants had crowded into her office over lunch, showering her with what they considered essentials for her trip. Donna had cried continuously, blaming it on hormones.

“If you get into trouble you find a news crew or an aid agency and we’ll get you out,” Leo mumbled against her hair. “Or just call me.” He had wanted to talk her out of going but as much as he loved her like one, she wasn’t his daughter and he had no right to try and control her life. Instead he had encouraged Toby to talk to her, then Abbey. Both had seemingly failed.

“Thank you,” she hiccupped, squeezing him tighter then releasing him. “I’ll be back before you know it.” Gently, she kissed his cheek and moved to leave.

“You bet your ass you will,” he said quietly to himself.

~~~~~~

Getting her drunk, CJ feared, was the boys way of preventing her leaving the country. The three of them had left the White House together, walking the short distance to the bar they had frequented regularly since taking office. The same bar Josh and Donna had announced their pregnancy in, the same bar they had held their impromptu wake in after the MS scandal broke, the same bar they were now saying their goodbye in.

“No grasshoppers, CJ,” Josh slurred for the fourth time that evening. “No beer. . . No naked women.”

CJ rolled her eyes and mentally prepared her own list of things that she wouldn’t get in Qumar - no phone calls from Josh when he was drunk, no all out yelling matches with Toby, no sex - not that she was getting much of the last one in DC anyway.

Toby took another puff of his cigar and leaned back further in his seat. “See what you’re leaving behind?”

She more than knew what she was leaving behind, what she was running away from, but she also knew what she was coming back to.

“I’ll miss you,” she said softly, never wanting to appear the weakest of them all.

“So stay.” Equally as soft. He’d tried to talk her out of leaving but to no avail. It wasn’t just that he was frightened that he’d be the one to look after Josh while Donna was in labour. He’d miss her too.

CJ lightly placed a hand on his shoulder and shook her head. “I’ll be back before you know I’m gone.”

Toby hoped that was true for all their sakes. They had never done very well when she was out of town. Somewhere in the last eight years they had become a family. He was convinced it hadn’t happened over night and he hoped no one had noticed how much he needed them all. If Leo was the stern father figure and Josh the chaotic, needy son, CJ was the calm, positive sister that got them through the bad times. Things seemed to fall apart whenever she left them.

“Do you need a lift to the airport tomorrow?” Toby asked, watching with amusement as Josh’s head fell closer and closer to the table, chuckling as Donna‘s voice resounded from the door and Josh leapt up from his chair.

Some things would always stay the same.

“Yeah.” CJ watched as Josh rose to his feet and pulled out a seat, waiting until Donna was settled to sit down himself. Their relationship had been the making of him. And for the rest of them he was no longer a cause for concern. Donna and the baby had proved to his satisfaction that he wasn‘t cursed. “I‘m having lunch with the First Couple first.”

~~~~~~

CJ arrived early for lunch, using the visitors entrance rather than walking through the West Wing and having to say goodbyes all over again. She had barely slept the night before in anticipation of both the lunch and the trip. As the agent shepherded her into the elevator that would take her up to the mansion she wondered which would prove to be the most difficult.

The President was waiting for her in the hallway, looking more than a little apprehensive himself. “Good morning, Claudia Jean.”

She smiled back at him, grinning almost subconsciously. “Good morning, Sir.”

He motioned with his hand for her to enter the small dining room that he used for entertaining his staff and he pulled out the chair for her to sit down.

While she waited for him to take her seat, CJ noticed the lack of a third place sitting and her heart beat a little faster.

“Abbey apologises but she couldn’t make it,” he said as if reading her thoughts.

It explained Abbey’s impromptu visit the afternoon before, her kind words and the hug that seemed to last forever. “Just you and I then?” CJ asked, locking and unlocking her hands nervously.

“Just you and me. It‘s not a problem is it?” he asked with softness. He hoped it wasn’t. In truth he had been delighted when Abbey had announced a lunch engagement. His lips curled up into a grin when he remembered her teasing about not doing anything she wouldn’t. There were so many things he dreamt about doing to the woman opposite, so many inappropriate things that would never go beyond his imagination.

An aide chose that moment to enter the room, carrying with him fresh bread and a pitcher of iced water. He left as unobtrusively as he had come.

“Don’t be nervous. I’m not planning to have you locked in the dungeon,” Jed chuckled dryly as he helped himself to butter. “Although it has been discussed as an option.” One evening over poker on Air Force One Josh and Toby had come up with endless ways to prevent her leaving. He had chastisised Josh for suggesting they have CJ arrested for theft. Now as he watched CJ brush her hair from her face and smooth down her blouse he wondered whether stealing his heart could be classed as theft. He shook his head as he realized how cheesy that sounded.

“Are you okay?” CJ asked, her forehead crinkling as she watched him lose himself in thought.

He nodded and his grin widened.

Another waiter appeared carrying two entrees and a small smile crept over her face as she saw the inch thick steak and baked potato. The small side salad she decided must have been his compromise to his diet regime but she mused it would do little to balance the onion rings and mushrooms.

“I thought we should at least try and feed you up before you leave.” It struck him then as they began to eat in silence that he had never heard her call him by his first name and he wondered if when it was all over if she would. Jed - he could imagine it on her lips.

“It’s the least we can do. You’ve done so much for me,” he added, his voice barely a whisper in the room. “I’d planned to do this in January but as you won’t be here. . .I’ll never be able to thank you for everything you‘ve done for me. For putting up with lawyers and more than a little intrusion into your life. For keeping you in the dark, and for times when we didn’t appreciate you enough. ”

CJ took a lengthy sip of water and fought to keep her emotions in cheek. Her eyes watered as he continued to gaze at her.

“We would never of gotten this far if you’d not stayed.” He didn’t need to elaborate. They both knew the only other time she had come close to leaving. “You’ve become very important. We’ll . . . I’ll miss you.”

She tried to laugh, “I believe you.” Something in his eyes stopped her. “I’ll miss you too. It’s been an honor to work for you.”

“Eat,” he ordered, all too aware of the sudden tension in the air. He hadn’t meant for things to become so charged. His feelings had always been easy to mask before but now that the day had actually come he was in danger of telling her the truth, of actually admitting things that he only voiced in his sleep.

They lapsed back into silence, concentrating on their plates rather than on each other. Conversation returned as they shared coffee and the moistest chocolate cake she had ever tasted. They talked about the future and the comfort and ease they had always shared with each other resurfaced.

All too soon it was time to leave. Jed rose and pulled out her chair for her.

There was a moment of awkwardness as they stood facing each other, then he opened his arms and she stepped into his embrace, kissing him gently on the cheek and powerless to stop the single tear falling onto her cheek.

“You take care of yourself,” he whispered against her hair. The scent of her fragrance engulfed him as he held her tightly, not yet ready to release her.

CJ lay her head against his shoulder and allowed herself to imagine for just a second that they were something more. Finally she pulled away, studying his face as if to remember his features. “I . . . Toby’s waiting for me.”

Jed nodded, accepting that she was really going. “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.” CJ turned and opened the door, her cheeks damp, her eyes misted over. As she pulled the door closed behind her she stole a glance. Jed was still standing in the same place, staring after her. She smiled softly and went in search of Toby.

~~~~~~

The first thing CJ noticed when the plane landed and the passengers were allowed to leave was that it was hot, the second was the sand in the air. Summers spent in Napa sprung to mind and not for the first time she doubted the sense in her trip. Then her thoughts turned to Jed and grabbing her luggage she set off determinedly into the terminal.

It had been a long flight and the rest of the journey would be made overland as planes from the US were still prohibited from landing in Qumar. Her ride should be waiting for her.

“Miss. Cregg?”

CJ looked around and spotted the man motioning her over. He reminded her of Sam, tall, good looking and straight off of a magazine cover except for his grubby chinos and shirt. Her smile widened as he brushed stray hair from his face.

“Hey.”

“Jack Woods.” He held out his hand and she shook it. “Let me take your bag.”

She shook her head and swung the bag out of his grip. “CJ.”

He half grinned and rolled his eyes. “Amy said you were gonna be a tough one.”

“You bet your ass.”

They walked in silence to the jeep and he threw her bag in the back amongst the rest of the luggage before opening the car door and helping her climb in.

“It’s going to be a long and bumpy drive,” he said, closing the car door and walking around to the driver’s side. “Keep your passport handy and let me do the talking.” He glanced towards her. “I know your reputation but trust me on this.”

She nodded. It wasn’t the first time she had been given such advice. The state department representative Leo had ordered she sit with had laid out pretty much what she could expect.

He hadn’t been kidding, CJ mused, as they drove off from their third road block in as many hours. The road from the airport to the border hadn’t seemed any more treacherous than the pot holed track near her father’s home in Ohio. They bumped along, trying to avoid the holes and talking intermittently.

At the border the guards had asked dozens of questions before they let them pass. Then things changed.

The roads in Qumar were less comfortable, no more than tracks, full of dips and bumps. Every twenty or so miles they would get stopped, the jeep searched and another box of food or drugs would disappear.

CJ kept her mouth shut and her eyes downcast. The guards studied her passport, directing their questions to Jack and finally waved them on.

“You okay?” Jack asked, keeping a careful watch out the back window as they pulled away from what he thought would be the last stop. “Another hour and we should be there.”

“I’m fine,” she said flatly, laying her head against the window and trying once more to get some sleep.

Only ninety days to go, she concluded as Jack swerved and she went flying across the car.

~~~~~~

The first few days were strange for Jed. At staff he was faced with four men, CJ’s beautiful face missing. Her laughter no longer echoed down the hallways and at dinners he still looked for a glimpse of her stunning gown. There was a pang of dismay when he realized she wasn’t there.

Election night brought back memories of four years earlier. Of the night she walked in the office, poured him a drink and told him he’d won New Hampshire. This time she wasn’t there and he felt a loneliness he couldn’t explain.

Jed took a walk out on to the portico and stared up at the stars. He hadn’t been able to shake her from his mind of late. It was like the old adage was coming true - absence making the heart grow fonder.

“The Vice President just won New Hampshire,” Leo announced, appearing at his side. “It’s looking good.”

He nodded, not that he really cared. Whoever won he was heading back to New Hampshire to write his memoirs and spend time with his wife, the wife who was already practically living a separate life. He wondered fleetingly what CJ would be doing when she came back.

“Sir?” Leo asked, his voice tinged with concern. Usuriously he glanced down at Jed’s hands and let out a sigh of relief when he saw they were ok. “Mr. President?”

Jed let out a sigh of his own. “Do you need me to do anything?” At the shaking of Leo’s head, he began to walk away. “I’ll be the residence.”

Leo watched him go, confusion etched on his face.

Later Jed would have to celebrate with the others and make calls he knew. For a little while at least he wanted to be alone with his thoughts, feelings he couldn‘t even share with Leo.

~~~~~~

The first month CJ had been staying in a hotel in the middle of nowhere, teaching the local women to read and write and trying to make notes for the Aid agency. She took a long bath every night and felt moderately clean which, after the horrors she saw, was no mean feat.

Jack brought dinner to her room every night. They had ventured out on the first night only for the local men to stare at her or shout abuse. It was easier and safer for Jack if she stayed in.

CJ made use of the presence of the laptop and emailed her step sister and Toby. Her father hadn’t even noticed she was gone and that made her cry. Toby on the other hands regaled her with stories from the West Wing.

Four days after the election, they drove eight hours and set up home in what she could only describe as a shack. The quarters were adequate if a little basic. There was electricity and running water, the two things CJ was grateful for. Of course the water was luke warm and rationed but at least she felt mildly clean.

The days were long, the nights sometimes seemed longer but she felt like she was actually doing some good. Each day they counselled rape victims and saw girls who had suffered atrocities at the hands of men they should be able to trust.

She would sit on the stoop staring at the stars and cry. She would also wish for beer but accept graciously the sodas Jack would bring her.

The following day would be Hannakah and after months of little or no contact, CJ planned to talk to Toby. Taking her cell from her bag she prayed that there would be a signal. Her prayers were rewarded and after it rang for what seemed like an eternity she heard the all too familiar growl. The fact she actually managed to get through had been a miracle in itself.

“Toby?” she asked, her happiness carrying across the continents.

“CJ?”

“Yeah.” She smiled and held the phone closer to her ear. “The lines not very good. It might die on us.”

“Are you ok?” he asked in his usual gruff tone.

Her grin widened and for the first time in a long while didn’t feel so alone. “Fine. Happy Hannakah, Pokey.”

“Happy holidays, CJ,” he smiled as he turned his back to the door and placed his feet on the window ledge. There was a moment’s silence as there had been a thousand times before when they were together. “It’s snowing here. Do you remember when you put snowmen in the reporters seats? Josh is being, well Josh. Donna finally took maternity leave and he phones her every hour to check on her.”

“Toby?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you alright?” She missed him.

“Yeah.” He missed the sound of her voice. “It’s what 3am or something there?”

CJ laughed and held the cell phone to her ear. “Four actually. And eighty five degrees in the shade.”

The phone began to crackle and she had to fight the wave of emotions that threatened to overwhelm her. “Take care, Toby.”

The line went dead leaving her to stare into the distance, tears pricking at her eyes.

“I thought you might need this,” Jack said, appearing on the step beside her with a glass of clear liquid.

She raised an eyebrow in question.

“It’s vodka. If we hide it in lemonade bottles we can just about get away with it,” he added with a grin. “And we have quite a few bottles in the cellar.” They were going to suffer greatly in the morning after weeks of abstinence but by the look on her face she needed it.

~~~~~~

They were all sitting in the Oval Office when Toby walked in, waiting for him to arrive.

For once he was smiling on the inside and on the outside. He couldn’t help himself.

Jed finished his lecture to Josh on parenthood and turned to face his Communications Director. “Wow, Toby’s in a good mood.”

“That’s cause he’s getting laid,” Josh offered casually.

They all looked at him and groaned, the President giving him a look that was a cross between parental consternation and despair.

“Only Josh,” Jed commented dryly. “I think you and I need to talk more when the others leave.”

Josh barely managed to stifle the groan.

“I spoke to CJ,” Toby announced, waiting and not being disappointed by their reaction.

Three of the four men stared at him.

“Well?” Jed asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

“Toby?” Leo growled, folding his arms across his chest.

“What?” Toby never really could sound innocent.

Jed rolled his eyes and leaned forward in his seat. “You’re trying my patience.”

Toby allowed himself a mild smile. “She’s ok.”

There was a collective sigh of relief in acknowledgement that she was not in trouble. They had all imagined the worst in the intervening weeks that no one had heard from her. Leo had phoned the state department on more than one occasion to inquire about CJ, to the point where the Secretary of State had taken it upon himself to brief Leo on the situation in Qumar at their weekly briefings.

“And?” Josh probed, practically jumping up and down in his seat.

“She wished me happy Hannakuh.” He settled back on the couch, his grin firmly fixed.

~~~~~~

CJ pulled her hair back into a bun and pulled on the long sleeve shirt she had stolen from Donna, who had stolen it from Josh, before she left. It was still hot outside but the shirt protected her skin from the swarms of insects that flittered in the night sky.

“Looking forward to going home?” Jack asked, appearing at her side with a soda in each hand.

CJ glanced up from her contemplation and shrugged.

“Uh-oh. I know that look.”

“What look?” She took the drink and snapped open the top.

Jack settled himself down beside her and focused on a spot in the distance, the easiest way he knew to get through to her. “Everyone comes here to do good and generally escape something. I ran away from a marriage. Gill from a job she hated. You - from a man, I’m guessing.”

She turned to give him her death glare.

“Hit the nail on the head. What was he? Married? Gay? Republican? All of the above?” He grinned back at her.

CJ swatted him with her hand but smiled none the less.

“Wanna talk about it?” he asked, positioning himself better against the step. “I’m a good listener.”

That much she knew from the nights they had ended up sitting in the same spot discussing the horrors they had seen that day. This was different, this was something she had never voiced, not out loud, even to herself. And she could never tell anyone his name. Which is why she found it so hard to start but then she didn’t seem to be able to stop.

An hour later, slightly less burdened, she had come to a decision, one she was sure a few people weren’t going to like.

~~~~~~

It felt strange walking down the street in Washington. Even stranger looking up from Josh’s stoop to his apartment, except it wasn’t his apartment anymore. It was hers for the time being.

“You going to stand there all day?”

“I’m thinking about it.”

“In that case I’ll just dump your luggage here and get off home,” Toby offered dryly, moving to open the trunk. When she still didn’t move he added, “The Dinner is in three hours.”

CJ finally turned to him, a sadness reflecting back in her eyes. “You hate these things. I’m not sure I want to go. Can‘t we just stay here and get drunk?”

Toby closed the trunk and inwardly groaned. They were going. Abbey would kill him painfully if he didn’t show up with CJ. “That’s fine but you can make the call.”

“What call?” she asked guardedly.

“The First Lady.” Not to mention to Donna and Margaret and Carol and every other woman who was looking forward to seeing her. “While you’re at it, call Donna.” He’d learnt a few tricks from Abbey over the last few years. If all else failed try blackmail.

CJ’s features soften. Tomorrow she would get to meet the newest addition to the family, three week old Charlotte Lyman, Lyman-Moss, Moss-Lyman, or whatever it was they had chosen to call her. “Pick me up at eight.”

He began to walk around the car. “One thing. Margaret is coming with us.”

The edges of her lips turned upwards.

“Leo said if we were. . .” he gestured wildly with his hands.

“Having mind blowing sex?”

“CJ!”

She grinned back at him.

“Anyway we got married.”

Her jaw dropped and he couldn’t resist grinning.

“Is she pregnant?” CJ asked, her tone letting him know she was teasing and not casting aspersions.

“Not yet.” He climbed into the car leaving her staring after him, a wistful look on her face.

~~~~~~

“Jed?” Abbey asked for the second time when she realized he wasn’t paying any attention. He’d been acting strange for days but tonight he definitely wasn’t himself. Finally she tugged on his arm and he turned to look at her.

“What?”

“Are you ok?”

Jed felt a sudden pang of guilt. Lightly, he squeezed her arm. “I’m fine.” He couldn’t tell her the truth. That it wasn’t his health that was causing his distraction. It was the woman across the room, the one holding court with his most trusted staff. No one had told him CJ was coming back early, and they had failed to mention she would be attending the dinner. “CJ’s here.”

Abbey scanned the room and her eyes finally fell on the reason for Jed’s reaction. Even she had to admit CJ looked stunning. Her once somewhat frail frame now looked tanned, her hair sun kissed, removing the years of stress and the dress was something to behold. The cloth was practically the color of CJ’s skin, clinging to her body like a second skin.

“Well are you going to ogle her all night, or go say hello?” Abbey teased, giving him a gentle shove.

He didn’t need asking twice. Slowly but steadily he made his way over to where his staff were gathered. “Good Evening, Claudia Jean,” Jed said softly, waiting for her to turn and look at him.

CJ took a sharp intake of breath, turning slowly. It all came rushing back. All the reasons she had stayed for so many years, the endless reasons she had finally left. In a split second she realized that three months away hadn’t changed anything only confirmed what she had suspected since a day long ago in the Bartlet barn - she loved him.

His eyes locked with hers and he smiled.

“Mr. President.” CJ mentally chided herself. She was a former Press Secretary to the President and she couldn’t think of anything to say.

“Hello.” So much for his being a world renown economist.

She waited and when he didn’t budge she gingerly wrapped her arms around his back and kissed his cheek.

The agents ignored her as they always did.

Pulling her to him he held her longer than he should, almost paranoid that if he let her go she would disappear again. “Dance with me?”

Her nod was almost imperceptible.

They moved towards the dance floor and slowly began to move to the music, CJ edging closer to him with each step.

“I’m glad you’re home, Claudia Jean,” Jed said softly, his lips dangerous close to her cheek. “Things haven’t been the same without you.” And they hadn’t. It had been far too quiet and he had missed her calming presence around the West Wing.

CJ smiled and for the briefest of moments closed her eyes. It wasn’t easy being in such close proximity to him, to feel his breath against her ear, to smell the sweet cologne he always wore, to know that she wouldn’t see him again for a while.

“What are you thinking about?” he whispered, momentarily forgetting where he was and letting his hand slide lower down her bare back.

She opened her eyes and moved until she could look him in the eyes, his deep blue eyes. “Just how strange it’s going to be . . . Josh and Donna in California . . . Toby in New York, you in New Hampshire.”

“Where are you going to be?” He didn’t want to have this conversation with her here. He wanted it to be somewhere private, somewhere where they could talk without a thousands eyes watching them, including Abbey.

“I have some congressmen to lobby, a project with Amy to prepare. . .” She waited a beat wanting to see his reaction. “Then I’m going back to carry on the work.”

Jed felt his whole body stiffen and he knew that his feelings were clearly visible in his eyes. This time he wouldn’t let her go without trying to talk her out of it. “Why?”

CJ stared back at him. There were so many reasons she could give but not the real one. That as much as she abhorred adultery she was in love with him and would have done anything to be with him. In Qumar she wouldn’t have time to think about him and she’d be too far away to see him.

“Why do you keep running away?” He didn’t care that it was clear how much he loved her.

“I’m not.”

“I believe you….” He sighed audibly. The conversation was probably going to end in an argument if he wasn’t careful.

“I’m not running away,” she lied. “I just don’t have anything to stay here for.”

Jed felt a stab of pain shoot through him. She had him, her friends, any job she wanted.

“I mean I have something there to do. I’m doing something that matters and we’re making progress. I don’t want to work in some newsroom, commenting on the latest bill to pass through congress,” she added, her hand squeezing his as her eyes avoided his.

“I wish you’d stay here,” Jed admitted, his voice taking on a gentle almost caressing tone as his fingers splayed across her naked back.

“I always come back,” she laughed lightly, wanting to remove the sudden tension. “And you know Jack is there to look after me.”

His grin widened, but then she had always been the most observant of his staff. He didn’t say a word but his face had already given him away.

“What is he? FBI, CIA, Secret Service?” she asked, tilting her head to catch his eye.

“Ex-Navy Seal.”

CJ nodded and lightly brushed her lips across his cheek. “I’ll be fine then. And besides I’m here for a few weeks at least. Plenty of time for you to try and change my mind.”

Jed swung her around as the song changed. A few weeks might not be enough but he was certainly going to have a good try.

~~~~~~

CJ settled herself at the bureau in her hotel room and plugged in her laptop. It had become a rarity in the last few months to actually be somewhere where they had electricity. For a few days at least she was in a city - civilization or the closest it got.

The screen came to life and she typed in CNN’s addy. She saw the banner headline straight away and her heart lurched.

“Former First Lady Abigail Bartlet died suddenly Sunday night in her sleep at the Bartlet family farm.”

The rest of the story became a blur as her fingers reached for the phone and she began to dial the number. Just as quickly she replaced the handset. There was nothing she could say or do to ease his pain. Instead she dialled another all too familiar number.

“Toby?” CJ asked as the phone was finally answered.

“CJ, it’s Margaret.”

“Hey, is Toby there?” CJ asked quietly as the first tear cascaded on to her cheek.

Margaret shifted Zack to her other arm and held the phone closer. “He’s in New Hampshire. . . CJ, Abbey passed away. . . They’re making arrangements.”

Tears spilled openly onto her cheeks as CJ heard the words said out loud. She loved Abbey. The woman had become a good friend over the years. They had confided their greatest fears and argued like sisters.

“I read about it online,” CJ choked out.

“They tried to get in touch with you, honey. Can you get back?” Margaret asked, at a loss of what to say to the woman half way across the world.

“I don’t know.” she wanted to ask how Jed was, whether there was anything she could do but it wasn’t the time to be near him. “Tell Toby I called.” She didn’t wait for Margaret to say goodbye, instead hanging up.

The note book she always carried lay beside her on the bureau. Instinctively she picked up a pen and began to write, her words punctuated with tears. An hour later she slipped the sheaves of paper into an envelope and scribbled the address .

A letter arrived ten days later. She would recognize his handwriting anywhere, the gentle flourish with which he wrote the return address. Almost guiltedly she slipped away from the building they were using as a headquarters and found a quiet spot beneath a tree. His words were beautiful and she felt his pain at losing the love of his life. When the day was over she wrote him back.

It soon became a ritual.

~~~~~

“Mail’s here,” Jack called, knocking on the hotel door, a smirk forming on his face as he waited.

CJ opened the door in her robe, rubbing sleep from her eyes. Her eyes fell on the single white envelope in his hands and she reached for it.

Jack snatched it away.

The death glare she gave him only made him grin more.

“If you don’t give that to me. . .”

He shook his head. “Are you going to tell me who the secret guy is?”

“Jack, I don’t care that you’re a trained marksman, if you don’t give it to me I’m gonna damage you.”

Jack held out the envelope and smirked.

The door slammed behind her as she sank down onto the bed and carefully undid the envelope as she had done on the other thirty letters he had written her. Her eyes lit up as she read his words and heard his voice in her head.

~~~~~~

As the seven men stepped off the plane, Jed wondered whether he was losing his mind. For all intent and purpose he was running away from home, albeit he had a good reason.

A short blonde woman approached the group and halted as one of the agents stepped forward. “Mr. President, my name is Gill.”

Jed smiled and held out his hand. “Call me Jed.”

She nodded mutely. “I apologise for the transportation but we didn’t think it would be safe to take you overland.” Gill headed across the tarmac to the small Lear jet. It had obviously seen it’s fair share of the desert. “We’ll be landing on a small airstrip outside of the town,” she offered nervously.

“How long will it take us?” He wanted to get there as quickly as possible. He had waited far too long to see her.

Gill smiled, “Ninety minutes, Sir.”

Jed nodded, his heart beginning to hammer in his chest at the knowledge he might be on a fools errand.

~~~~~~

CJ waited in the jeep for the latest arrivals to touch down. She had been in the make shift school with her class when Jack had asked her to meet the aircraft. His tone had been begging and now she found herself killing time.

The door opened and she spotted Gill hop down pulling with her the latest supply of goods.

There was something in the way the man in the dark suit stepped off the plane and surveyed the area that sparked something in CJ’s brain. Another followed and CJ found herself climbing out of the vehicle and walking towards the group of three.

She stopped yards from the plane and her heart lurched. There was no mistaking him even after over a year apart. No one else looked quite the same in a Notre Dame T-shirt.

Jed took a deep breath and moved towards her. “Claudia Jean.” He had planned to say something witty but now that they were face to face words failed him.

CJ ran her fingers through her hair. She knew she looked a mess. The hot water had cut out again and she hadn’t been able to wash her hair in days. A cold shower each morning was about the extent of her ministrations. Her tank top suddenly felt grubby and the shorts made her thighs hot.

“Jed,” she practically breathed. “What are you doing here?”

He laughed then and shook his head. “If Mohammed won’t come to the mountain the mountain came here.”

“I. . .”

Slowly he opened his arms, making a silent prayer that he hadn’t been reading more into her letters than there was there. He cocked his head and waited.

Natural was the only way to describe it, she thought later. The way she fitted against his chest, the way she suddenly didn’t understand why she was in Qumar. He held her tightly, his fingers tracing the lines of her upper torso as his lips pressed feather light kisses to her temples.

“Is there somewhere we could go, somewhere we can talk?” Jed asked quietly, all too aware that people were watching them.

She nodded almost imperceptively, her hand searching for his.

Hands joined she led him to the car, releasing him briefly to climb in, reaching blindly for him once more as they drove.

The hotel they had commandeered as home was three stories high, the women having installed themselves on the top floor. CJ led him to her room, closing the door behind them and suddenly not knowing what to do.

Jed hovered on the threshold, his eyes observing everything from the black framed bed to the cracked basin on the side table. It was nothing like what he was used to but it gave him some insight into her life there.

“I’m going to take a shower and freshen up,” CJ announced, grabbing a towel from the chair and moving towards the door. “Take a seat.” A cold shower she mused was probably a good idea, her body reacting to his presence in a way she hadn’t anticipated.

He grabbed her arm as she walked past and CJ stared back at him.

Their first kiss was tender and soft, his lips barely touching hers before he pulled back, losing himself in her eyes as he sought permission.

Her fingers found his, her palm pressing against his as she tugged him closer.

The second kiss was more intense as CJ guided them forwards, fearful it was a dream or that he would realize what he was doing. Her eyes sprung open as she felt his fingers slipping beneath her tank top, reverently stroking the new skin he found there.

~~~~~~

“I love you. I want you to come home,” Jed said quietly, holding her tightly against him.

Since they had returned to the hotel, he had barely let her go in the fear she would once more disappear. Now they were sitting on the fire escape, watching the stars in the distance.

CJ swung her bare legs through the iron railing and leaned into his embrace, the Notre Dame sweatshirt pooling around her thighs. “I love you too.”

He hadn’t expected to hear the words from her so soon. He had known how he had felt since her third letter. It confirmed to him that his impulsive trip had been the right thing to do. He also knew he couldn’t return without her. Somehow he was going to have to persuade her that she could continue her work back home but he knew it wasn’t going to be that easy. This time he wasn’t going to fail.

The End