Title:         Reaching For The Moon and The Stars

Series:      Abstinence Plus (16)

Pairing:    Jed/CJ- CJ’s POV

Rating:     PG

Spoilers:  Up to and including Red Mass

Completed: February 2003

*~*~*~*

The theme of today’s particular lesson, CJ had decided, was expectations. And if anyone should play teacher, it had to be her. After all her expectations of life had pretty much been shot to pieces numerous times over.

At nineteen she had expected to spend her life in Public Relations, earning a million dollars a year, driving a fast car, maybe a Porsche or a Lotus, and living the high life.

At twenty-one, she had met “the one,” or at least who she thought was “the one.“ The dream career had been pushed to one side in favor of love. That was when she’d expected to live in the big house with her husband and the two perfect children, maybe even a dog. Rob, the man in question, had shot that idea to pieces when he’d slept with her room mate.

Her expectations, at least in regards to relationships, had become more realistic. She expected to have casual sex and to get hurt. It made things easier for a while.

Then she’d met Toby. He was everything the boys she’d dated weren’t - idealistic, passionate and full of hopes and dreams. They’d become friends and he had encouraged her to have her own dreams and to look for more than a high paid career and a fairy tale marriage. She had never expected their friendship to last twenty years, but it had.

There had been other men, engagements had been broken, boyfriends had left and she’d dumped her fair share. If you didn’t expect the moon, it didn’t hurt so much when you only found Mars.

Of course there had been her relationship with the President. She wasn’t all that clear what her expectations had been in that regard. Or even if she’d had any. She certainly hadn’t anticipated him leaving Abbey and giving up the presidency for her. That wouldn’t have been what she wanted, nor did she want to be his mistress for years to come. It was always going to end. CJ had merely hoped that it wouldn’t hurt so much. The problem with her relationship with the President was that it kept hurting over and over again. She had to see him every day, knowing that he’d loved her once and that she still loved him, witnessing the tenderness he shared with Abbey, reinforcing the idea that happy marriages did exist. Except she had long ago concluded that they never would for her. His out-of-the blue question about her loyalty to him had cut like a knife. She would never betray what they had, destroy his love for Abbey, or ruin their friendship - it was all they had now, that and the love she still harbored. It was understandable that he would be concerned after the assistant sold her story to the press, but his expectations of her should have been higher.

Simon had followed quickly and hurt just as much. It was rebound and on reflection would have probably been short term and passionate, but it shouldn’t have ended the way it did. There was something in his eyes that told her that her expectations about making love to him were spot on. Instead she had found herself standing at his grave side and saying goodbye.

Where men were concerned saying goodbye had become predictable.

Now, in light of the last few weeks, she was scared that her expectations were about to fall apart once again. She had wanted to lower everyone else’s expectations in the hope of softening the blow for herself. Instead she was beginning to believe again, and that had rarely turned out good.

The Red Mass, and the President’s impromptu press conference over, the Presidential motorcade had returned to the White House.

CJ had headed straight for her office in case there were follow up questions on needle exchange and to prepare for the next few days.

Toby was down the hall, gesturing to anyone left in the West Wing and yelling at Sam. It was how they worked best - under pressure - and the next forty-eight hours were going to bring pressure. If they failed, then come November her world was going to change.

Everything about Jed Bartlet said he should be a two-term President, his ideas, his charisma, and the fact he was the real thing. The MS disclosure and the Congressional hearings that had followed had made it seem impossible that he could win. Then something had happened and the numbers had picked up. She had really thought the election might go their way.

At some point in the past few weeks it was once again looking in doubt. Ritchie’s numbers were rising and nothing seemed to be working in their camp.

After the pipe bombs things changed in the West Wing. It had shaken them all to the core and made them more focused. It had turned into a siege and there had been relief only when the FBI had taken the house. From what she’d heard on the grapevine the President had even offered one of his daughters as a reward for a job well done. He was joking, or at least CJ hoped he was joking, you could never be quite sure, especially after she’d seen the rather crude sketch he’d made of his proposed dungeon. It surprised them all the way the President reacted to everything. When the pilot had gone missing in Iraq, he’d had been overjoyed at the speedy resolution, it had been the same with Iowa. He had low expectations and when they were exceeded, he was overwhelmed and his enthusiasm spread through the staff. Hell, he’d even admitted to her in his barn that he’d never expected to win the first election. That was the man she respected and loved, the one she wanted to see get re-elected.

CJ removed her beige jacket and hung it on her coat stand.

It had been a normal day in the West Wing, everyone preparing for the mass, Toby and Sam working on possible debate questions as Josh berated himself that he hadn’t anticipated the Stackhouse u-turn.

Then something had happened that would lift the spirits of everyone and if they pulled it off everything they wanted would come true.

The President had asked her and Sam to drop by the residence before the Mass. He needed Sam to go over the speech and CJ, well she wasn’t really sure why he needed her, except he did.

A steward had brought them tea and the conversation had drifted to sports, which she had to admit was better than some of the topics he liked to discuss. Her mind had drifted as the men talked, there was something she just couldn’t bring to the surface, something that would solve their problems.

They had finally gotten around to discussing the debates and the President had voiced his unhappiness. Amidst his rants about the speech, he had shown his displeasure about the format of the debates. He never liked constraints and the idea of not being able to answer a question fully or, maybe it was more that Ritchie could dodge an issue, understandably upset him.

CJ had longed to be able to appease him, to find a solution, but she hadn’t been able to come up with a way. Instead she had timidly approached the subject of lowering expectations. If they accepted the debates and didn’t expect to win, merely achieve a draw, then they could focus on another aspect of the campaign and maybe win that. The pressure would be off the President and he could concentrate on the questions. Then she had had a rare moment of insight.

It had been so simple really. Ritchie’s team had wanted two debates, they had wanted seven. He had got his two. They would have to concede that point, but she had a way they could win the game. Jed was a wonderful speaker, he had a cadence that drew the listener in. They needed to use that to their advantage. Short answers would do him no favors, and constraining him would only make him frustrated. If Leo asked for another format - and that was the only real answer - without giving Ritchie something, it wouuld be rebuked.

Sam, sweet Sam, had followed her lead, and been on the same page. They would offer one debate and the President could and, if properly prepped, would win it and therefore the election.

The President had been at first surprised and then taken along in the simplicity of her plan. His eyes had twinkled, the same way they had when CJ had kissed him last Christmas, and her heart had done a somersault. After a few seconds she had pushed her feelings to one side, her longing to kiss him again, and studied his face. She could almost see his brain running through the implications. Of course she knew he would agree. His parting shot though was easier said than done. Getting Toby on board would take tact and she would have to use their many years of friendship to get what she wanted. It would be worth it though.

The sky had been clear as she’d waited in the court yard outside the church for him to arrive, her mind caught up with the service taking place inside, her President as he contemplated so many things, and her looming conversation with Toby.

CJ had smiled faintly as she heard Toby’s footfalls on the steps. Even by the heaviness of his tread she knew he was mad. After weeks of arguing, trying to win and get debates, he was about to lose again. Even he knew it was inevitable. This was the Toby she loved, riled up and agitated. She knew he would agree with her, eventually and as he stalked around she could see him coming around. It gave her a sudden calmness, a feeling that it was going to be fine. All they had to do was meet expectations, they couldn’t lower them, if anything they would exceed them.

Now she was back in her office, her empty office, with at least three hours work to do. The President’s schedule needed to be cleared so they could all head off for a few days to prepare.

It used to be that she enjoyed the trips, especially when Abbey stayed behind and she was allowed a few rare moments alone with the President. That had disappeared after India, they were now always professional and they avoided being alone, the private conversations all but gone. Of course this would be different, this trip could be the deciding factor in whether she got to keep her job for another four years or not. Whether she got to see Jed every day or whether, finally, they said goodbye and made empty promises to keep in touch. There was too much at stake to dwell on what had been.

CJ groaned and shook her head, she didn’t have time to start going off into what ifs. The only thing that was important was that they win the debate.

Of course the President was on form earlier at the church. His willingness to talk to the press about needle exchange, to actually take the sticky issues and deal with them was a sign that he was in the game. There were states that didn’t like him, states where the needle issue would lose him votes - Ohio, Maine and Michigan sprung to mind - but so many more states that would respect his integrity.

However, it was his honesty and sincerity that had won him the first election. That was what they needed to work on. And if they got it right, like he did tonight, her expectations would be realized, all their expectations would be realized.

CJ smiled and turned on her desk light. It was time to get down to work.

She was going to teach them all about expectations and how to achieve them. They were going to reach for the stars and hold them in their hands.

The End

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