Title: When Next we meet
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None, but up to season three to be safe
Follows: When AllEelse Fails, Prodigal Son, Expectant Parents
When Next We Meet
Part One
The sky seemed to turn grey as James stood outside the old stone church in the navy blue suit his mother had bought him the month before. At fourteen he was the spitting image of the young Jed Bartlet, with the temperament to match. Leonora and Thomas stood on either side of Uncle Leo, watching the coffin as it was carried up the aisle. It had been so sudden, one minute walking down the street, the next intensive care and two days later death. He had long since stopped asking why, now he was angry that life would never be the same. He felt her arms around his shoulders, the light kiss on the back of his head and her hand taking his.
‘We need to go in now and take our seats,’ she whispered.
He let her lead him blindly to the front pew and sat dazed as the clergy stood front and centre and thanked them all for coming. Nora was openly crying against Leo’s chest, at eight all she really understood was that death had taken the person she loved most in the world. Leo slipped his hand around her back and rubbed gently, all the while holding on tight to Thomas’ hand. James slipped his hand out of Zoey’s and into the man next to him.
Jed took the hand and looked down at his son; he was worried about him; since CJ’s accident he had yet to cry or scream or allow any reaction. The little ones were emotional and for once in his life he didn’t know what to do. As always their friends had rallied around, all descending on the hospital as he kept his vigil by her bedside. It seemed ironic that she should go before him; the entire relationship they had been working on the premise that it would be him to die. Ironic that they were returning from his hospital appointment when a mother, harried by her children, should look away from the wheel and plough headlong into his Claudia. In the first few hours he had maintained the hope she wouldn’t leave him, that she couldn’t trust him to raise their children and that her love for them would help her fight it. Suddenly in the middle of the night she started haemorrhaging and they rushed her into theatre, but during the operation she slipped into a coma. Two days later she flat lined and her body refused to be shocked back to them
Her dying had left a vacant space in all of them. Toby, known for his strength and gruffness, had dropped to his knees as Jed left the hospital room, tears openly spilling down his face. Andi had held onto him as he fell apart and later when he realised never again would she be there to tease him. And Leo had been there for Jed, sitting with him through the night as he refused to sleep, his own grief all too apparent. Leaving the hospital that night and going home had been the single most frightening experience of his life. Josh and Donna had been waiting with the children when he entered the sitting room. Donna’s gasp had broken the silence and Leo’s hand on his arm had been the only thing to catch him from falling. His friends, their friends had left him to tell the children, but returned when they heard the high pitch wailing emanating somewhere deep inside Nora. In those first few hours, emotionally wrecked, he had deferred his children’s care to Andi and Donna. Now when the funeral was over he would have to manage alone and somehow get his son to accept his mother’s death.
Part Two
Jed tried to focus on the words but his eyes scanned the room at the people who had made the trek to be with him. Sam sat at the back, his tears openly falling, at the loss of his friend and with the guilt that they had never patched things up. Two rows in front the former assistants sat, appearing in Boston as if by some telepathic link, each clinging to the other for support. Josh and Donna sat in the front pew opposite, hand in hand, perhaps, as he was, remembering another funeral long ago. Now he had lost three great women in his life, his mother, Delores, his surrogate sister and now Claudia. His eyes settled across the aisle on Abbey, head bowed, with Charlie by her side. He certainly hadn’t expected that but she had asked Leo if it would be okay, and Jed had agreed. In the great scheme of things the past was the past and should be laid to rest with his wife. Nine years was all they had managed but it might as well have been a lifetime for the impact she had had on his life.
Toby was on the podium as Jed once more focused on the words. He gripped firmly to the lectern as he told of his first meeting with the tall, stubborn redhead. No one could fail to notice the tears he barely kept in check as he spoke of their years of friendship and working side by side. The tears fell as his eyes settled on the children, and he spoke of the joy she expressed in her children. Jed wouldn’t remember later falling sideways on to James as Toby told of CJ’s love for Jed, the everlasting unconditional love that he himself hoped to have one day. He would remember the look of desolation on Toby’s face as he stepped down and paused by the white coffin, and the simple words of Hebrew he whispered. Jed tried to focus as the choir sang Ave Maria but he continued to stare at the coffin, trying to picture CJ in life rather than in death, and it took a light squeeze of his hand for him to realise the music had stopped.
There wasn’t a dry eye in the chapel as Jed walked the few steps to the lectern, his cane on one side and his fourteen-year-old son on the other. They waited as he took a deep breath and James held firmly to his hand.
‘My Claudia,’ he began, ‘was an exceptional woman. The first time I met her all I saw was this tall, lanky redhead who looked like a movie star. She was so much more. I think most of the men in the campaign office had a crush on her at some point, but if you ask any of them they would say she was too good for them, she deserved better and more than likely she wouldn’t look at them twice.’
Sam started nodding in the background.
‘And there wasn’t a day when one of us didn’t give her grief or a headache but she forgave us. Claudia believed in second chances and I was lucky enough to be granted one. She came back into my life unexpectedly and to this day I believe fate lead her there. I could give a hundred funny stories and talk of her beauty, her intelligence and her wit but each of you know a least a hundred more. And these are what we will keep in our hearts. God only gave us nine years together but every second of every day was worth a thousand more. She loved me with every part of her, and I her. I’ve been granted three special gifts, James, Thomas and Nora, who are, as Claudia would like to say, very much in my image but I see their mother each time I look in their eyes. And because of this I know she will always stay with me. I have one more thing to say to Claudia Jean, next time we meet I want to know why she had to leave me, it should have been me first, and I want to make sure she knows I loved her….’
His eyes misted over as he clutched the wood, James moved to catch him and steadied him for a second before he felt Zoey take him on the other side and help him back to his seat.
Part Three
They buried CJ in the churchyard under an old apple tree and as the mourners expressed their grief at the gate James slipped back to the grave and sat on the wet grass, eyes closed trying to remember his mother.
‘Do you need anything?’ A voice asked.
He opened his eyes, ‘No, thank you ma’am. Dad is by the gate.’
‘I know I came to speak to CJ,’ she added softly.
‘Oh, should I go?’ he asked, unaware who the stranger was.
She shook her head and slowly crouched down.
‘CJ and I were friends along time ago; we’d talk about everything, especially about marriage and children. She was so worried when we thought she might lose you.’
‘I didn’t know that.’
‘I didn’t see her again for a long time after that, until one day at Uncle Toby’s and there you were the spitting image of your dad.’
‘You’re Abbey?’
She nodded, ‘I came to apologize. I was horrible to your mom; mad for things that happened but mostly mad at your father. Now I realise what I was most angry about was losing my best friend.’ She sighed. ‘I expect your dad tells you stories about her all the time, how special she was.’
James smiled, ‘Dad is a great storyteller.’
‘Yeah. If you ever want to hear another side of your mom you come to me. I can tell you about all the things she did that Jed doesn’t know about. You were very lucky, she was something very special.’
He stood and waited a second, ‘You know she forgave you a long time ago. When Dad got sick the first time. She didn’t hold grudges; she said they took up too much energy. Are you coming back to the house?’
‘No,’ she replied trying to get up.
James moved to help her, ‘Please, I’d like you to be there.’
‘Your dad wouldn’t like it,’ Abbey stated.
‘I would like it and so would mom. It’s time to put this behind us, don’t you think?’ He fell silent for a minute. ‘Abbey, do you believe she is watching over us?’
Abbey thought for a second, ‘Yeah, I know she is. CJ cared so much about the people in her life she wouldn’t leave them.’
‘So why did she have to die?’
‘I don’t know sweetheart,’ she wrapped her arms around him as he started to sob, ‘but next time I see her I’ll ask. And you know what, she’ll have an answer.’
Jed walked up behind them and watched the scene play out. Quietly he added,
‘Claudia Jean had an answer for everything.’
They both turned at his voice and James straightened up, wiping his eyes with his sleeves.
‘What do we do now Dad?’
Jed held out his hand, ‘We go and celebrate her life and makes sure from up there she knows how much we love her.’
James took his hand and reached out for Abbey’s as they walked back to the cars. Abbey held onto his hand tightly, thanking god for the chance to make it up to him.
Part Four
As the weeks passed Jed struggled to maintain some normality in the house. Nora desperately needed a mother, someone she could open up to and Thomas needed a father who could keep up with him. Jed was neither. The only one who seemed to need nothing was James. James took over the space his mother had left, ensuring his siblings ate each night and finished their homework before watching television. More importantly he watched over his father, inwardly dreading the possibility he would go too.
Jed spent his mornings, not at the library, but at the grave, talking to Claudia and asking advice. When he woke in the middle of the night he reached out for her, and finding her not there he cried. When he was alone in the house he’d search for things and in frustration he’d call her name. Accepting that it was his grief he told no one and continued to raise the children as best he could. His visits to her graveside became longer as he began to lose his memories of her and he felt her slip away. Eventually all he found he had were photos and when he tried too hard to remember even those didn’t bring his Claudia back to him.
It was James who found him that day on the floor, unable to get up. Coming home from school he settled his siblings at the dining table with milk and their homework before going to search for his father. It was as he entered the bedroom that he saw the feet sticking out from the end of the bed. Crouching over his father he tried to wake him, stroking his cheek and calling his name. Reaching up he grabbed the phone and made two calls, the first for an ambulance and the second to his father’s oldest friend.
Leo picked up his cell, ‘McGarry.’
‘Uncle Leo.’
‘What’s wrong?’ The minute he heard the faint voice at the end of the line he knew.
‘I can’t wake him up.’
Leo started to grab belongings and stuff them into a bag, ‘Is he breathing?’
‘Yeah,’ James whispered.
‘Okay, keep Nora and Tom out of the way. I’m going to call Zoey and get her to come down. In the meanwhile can they stay with next door?’
‘He’s going to be fine Leo,’ James said.
Leo inwardly cringed; he hadn’t expected the twelve year old to be so strong, worrying about him. ‘Yeah, I’m on my way.’
James put down the phone and held on to his father’s hand.
The neighbour appeared in the doorway as soon as the ambulance arrived and took the younger Bartlet children with her. She tried to get James to go but he refused to leave his father’s side. The paramedics largely ignored him as they tried to treat his father. At the hospital a nurse lead him into a side room and left him. For what seemed like hours he sat alone, waiting to hear what was going on. Nurses came by every half hour to check on him but would give him no answers until finally he stopped looking up when the door opened. When next the door opened he heard two sets of footsteps. It wasn’t until he felt her hand on his arm that he gazed up. Zoey smiled down at him and her heart broke in two. He was so young to have to go through this much.
‘They won’t tell me anything.’
The other woman stepped forward and took the seat next to him, ‘Who has your father’s power of attorney? Leo?’ James nodded. ‘Okay I’m going to find a doctor and see what I can find out.’
She left them alone.
‘Where are Nora and Tom?’
‘Next door.’ He waited a second and asked, ‘Do we need to get the others?’
Zoey looked at him and realised what he was asking, ‘Not yet, he’s going to be fine. You want me to call Toby anyway?’
‘Yeah, and Josh.’
The both turned to the door as Abbey entered. She waited for them to join her at the door.
‘Your dad’s asleep. He had an attack of some sort and his body needs to recover. He woke briefly but was hysterical so they sedated him. Do you want to sit with him?’
James outstretched his hand and let her lead him down the corridor to the private room. His father was hooked up to a drip, dressed in a gown beneath the stark white sheets. Abbey motioned with her head for him to go sit with him. James sat down and took his hand, squeezing it tightly. Abbey watched for a second before turning and returning to the waiting room.
Zoey waited for her, ‘And?’
Abbey shook her head, ‘They are going to do an MRI tomorrow, CAT scan, you name it. Sometimes my name still carries some weight.’ She smiled, ‘From the results it looks like he had an attack, a major one. Without speaking to him and seeing his notes I can’t say whether it’s secondary progression or not. He’s had the betaseron and a sedative for now. We’ll know more when he wakes up.’
Zoey took a deep breath to control the tears that were threatening to well up. ‘I need to make those phone calls, will you watch James until you leave?’
Abbey wrapped her arms around her daughter and held her tightly for a second before releasing her.
‘I’m staying here with you. When Leo arrives I’ll go to the house.’
She knew her mother well enough to know what she was saying and slipped out of the embrace to ensure the family knew the score before the press did.
‘You need to leave now son.’
James heard the words but didn’t move, his brain willing things to be different, to wake from his nightmare.
Leo placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed lightly.
‘I’ll bring you back in the morning.’
James shook his head vehemently, ‘If I go now he’ll think I’ve deserted him too.’ His eyes rose to meet Leo’s and Leo’s heart ached at the sight of so much pain on one so young.
‘I’ll stay; you let Zoey take you home. Try and get some rest.’
James held tighter to his father’s hand, ‘He keeps asking for Mom.’
Leo’s concern turned to fear, if Jed was asking for CJ; he didn’t know she was dead. This meant he was probably getting worse. Leo sighed, ‘It’s the meds, son.’
Zoey appeared in the doorway and motioned with her head for James.
‘Go,’ Leo instructed settling himself in the chair, ‘I’ll call if there’s any change.’
‘Promise?’ James’ voice was low but his eyes were angry.
‘I promise,’ Leo placed his hands over his heart as James bent forward and kissed his father’s cheek.
‘I love you.’ With that he was gone.
Abbey was waiting at the house when they arrived back, filling the dishwasher and tidying up. She came into the living room when she heard Zoey’s voice.
‘Hey. Hi James.’
‘Are they asleep?’
Abbey nodded, ‘Do you need anything? A drink, something to eat?’
James pulled away, ‘I’m going to go to bed.’
They watched him go.
‘Leo says he’s been like this since CJ died. No emotion, no tears, nothing. It’s like it hasn’t hit him yet.’
‘Delayed shock. How’s Jed?’ Abbey asked, picking up toys from the floor.
‘The same,’ Zoey replied distracted by the photos on the wall. ‘They’re only children.’
Abbey followed her eyes, ‘Yeah, but they’re Jed and CJ’s kids, and that has to stand for something. He will be okay. You need to get some rest too, and eat.’
Zoey shook her head, ‘Don’t fuss.’ She rubbed her stomach, ‘Charlie junior lets me know when he’s hungry.’
Abbey smiled, ‘And I’m a doctor and I know what’s best. Bed.’
Zoey was about to argue when she saw the determined look in her mother’s eyes.
‘I’ll check on the kids on the way. I’m in with Nora, right?’
Kissing Abbey on the cheek she headed wearily upstairs.
Part Five
Leo awoke with a start sometime around five am. He glanced around the room, adjusting to the light before focusing on Jed. It took him a second to realise Jed was speaking; leaning closer he strained to hear what he was saying.
‘I promise if you just let her live you can have anything.’ He seemed to suddenly realise Leo was there.
‘Leo, how is she?’
Leo swallowed hard, not really sure whether to tell him the truth or lie. ‘How are you?’
Jed closed his eyes and whispered, ‘We’re going to have twins.’
Leo’s face cracked, he was having a hard time keeping up with Jed and his ramblings.
‘Jed, go back to sleep. It’s going to be okay,’ he whispered holding the other man’s hand tightly.
‘Yeah, sleep. Then I can see CJ?’
That was the thing that really threw Leo, was his friend still confused or was he preparing to die. Assured Jed was asleep Leo made his way to the nurses’ station and flashed the nurse on duty a smile. She melted before him; seventy or not he still had an effect on women, and offered him the phone.
Abbey answered on the fourth ring.
‘Bartlet residence.’
‘Hi sweetheart it’s me.’
Abbey pulled herself up in bed, ‘What’s wrong Honey?’
‘Jed is wandering. One minute he’s reliving the accident then he’s talking about expecting twins. Abigail he wants to see CJ,’ his voice failed to hide his panic. ‘Is this what we have to expect?’
‘I’m on my way in. There’s written consent for you to have access to all his affairs. I’m going to get his notes, put a rush on the tests. It’s going to be fine.’ She paused, ‘Except it’s not. Leo, my love, we need to be ready for this.’
Leo nodded, ‘Give me facts and statistics and I’ll get ready. Call a cab, will ya?’
Putting down the phone he headed back to his friend’s room, wondering about the irony of life.
By the time Abbey arrived Jed was awake again, demanding breakfast and to see his wife. Abbey ordered the nurse to summon the doctor, waving the sheaf of papers at her. Stepping into the room she smiled at the sight before her. Jed trying unsuccessfully to get out of bed and Leo pushing him back down.
‘Need adult supervision boys?’
Jed looked round and threw his hands in the air, ‘Now perhaps we can get somewhere. Will you tell this idiot that I’m fine, and I’m going to see CJ?’
‘Josiah Bartlet get your arse back into bed,’ she ordered picking up his charts. ‘You’re running a temperature and the medication is going to make you woozy.’
‘Hmph,’ he grumbled, ‘Gang up on me why don’t you.’
‘You have a busy morning of tests and I want you to rest,’ she wasn’t sure how far she could push it before he remembered how they parted.
He glared at her and back at Leo before pulling the covers back over himself.
The doctor appeared in the door and motioned for Abbey to follow. Once in the corridor he started,
‘You demanded to see me.’
Abbey waved him off, ‘My partner in there has power of attorney, we want his notes and I want the test results.’
‘Excuse me Mrs Bartlet but we haven’t done the tests yet.’
Abbey curled the corners of her mouth up, ‘It’s Dr Bartlet. And you are going to put a rush on the tests. I happen to know the scanner is manned 24 hours and that it’s empty right now. Or I can have Jed transferred…’
She let the sentence hang in the air, the young doctor had the good sense to realise such a transfer would hit the press and what that would mean. He made her wait a full minute before he shrugged and went to make the phone call.
Abbey stepped back in the room and hovered by the door as Leo continued to talk about their friends,
‘…so Josh and Donna have just celebrated six years of marriage, and he finally admitted they only did the deed because Donna was expecting April. And Daniel is four next month, talk about Josh junior..’ Leo looked to Abbey and she motioned for him to continue, anything to keep Jed’s mind away from CJ.
‘…Sam is still trying to convince Mal to marry him, you’d think with the baby she’d say yes, don’t know where she gets her stubbornness from.’
Jed smiled and for a second Leo thought things were going to be okay.
‘…And Toby and Andi, I don’t even want to go there..’
There was a knock at the door and all three turned to see two porters enter,
‘We’re going for a ride Mr Bartlet, guided tour of the hospital.’
‘Abbey, come with me,’ Jed called, gripping the rails. ‘I don’t want tests.’
Abbey crossed and covered his hand with hers, ‘It’s going to be okay, I’ll be here when you come out.’
Jed shook his head from side to side, ‘Please.’
Abbey looked at Leo who shrugged. ‘Okay.’
Jed eventually went into the scanner after much coaxing. Abbey watched from the side room until she heard him crying out. Within seconds she was outside the machine talking to him.
‘Jed, talk to me, are you in pain?’ Her voice betrayed every emotion.
‘Claudia’s dead isn’t she?’
Abbey folded her hands and said a silent prayer, ‘There was an accident three months ago, it was quick.’
‘I loved her.’
‘I know. Tell me about her,’ it was all she could do.
Jed started crying as the nurse motioned with her hand ten minutes. Abbey sighed.
‘She was the love of my life,’ he began and Abbey had to steal herself not to run out of the room. ‘She gave me two sons, and Nora. We were happy, and now she’s gone. I miss her.’
‘But you still have James and Thomas.’
‘Why are you here? I want to see CJ, why can’t I see her?’ Jed said.
At least his bouts of normality were increasing Abbey thought. A minute later they were removing him from the scanner and he reached for her hand, ‘I want to see the kids.’
Abbey nodded and walked back up to the room with him. She waited while the doctor finished his tests and then excused herself.
She found Leo in the waiting room, Nora wrapped around his chest. James was pacing up and down, his hands moving in the air as he went. She found Zoey in the corner talking quietly to Tom. They all looked up as she entered and Leo tried to stand, giving up when Nora only gripped tighter.
‘Here’s what I can tell you.’ She glanced at Zoey and nodded. ‘Your father has had tests this morning to see what’s wrong. It will be a while before we get the results, probably a few days but he’s resting now. If you want to see him you can.’
James stopped pacing and was at the door before she could stop him. ‘Zoey, why don’t you go with them.’
Leo watched as Nora clutched James’ hand and followed him down the corridor. In seconds he was up and wrapping his arms around Abbey.
‘Oh Baby. Are you okay?’ He whispered against her hair.
‘It’s not easy hearing the man you loved for over thirty years tell you someone else was the love of his life.’
Leo lifted her face to his, ‘I love you, and right now you need to hold on to that. Jed is going to say worse I’m sure.’
‘Yes,’ she nodded. ‘Now we’d better go and supervise the others.
He took her hand and led her down the corridor, hoping she never had to find out who the love of his life was.
Part Six
The few days dragged on. Every morning Zoey would bring the children by to see their father while Leo went home to sleep. At night Leo would sit in the armchair and watch his friend sleep. Abbey took charge of the house and made it her mission to make sure Jed had the best care.
Jed slept most of the time, his body weak as his brain tried to fight whatever it was that was wrong. In his dreams he smiled as he remembered CJ. It was patchy but the images that came were clear. He could see her face, her smile, hear her laugh. When he woke he reached for her and found only Leo. Somewhere in the deep recesses of his brain he knew she was dead, that she had left him but something inside of him needed to believe she was coming back.
Jed watched his children’s faces when he asked for their mother, the exchanges between Leo and Abbey but he couldn’t make them comprehend. There were moments when he slept that he wanted to just let go, to be with his wife. He had even voiced them to Leo, who had told him how stupid it was. Mostly though he tried to sleep without dreaming.
Abbey worried mostly about James. The kid was running on adrenaline, she knew for a fact he didn’t sleep, what food he ate was minimal and he lived in some sort of haze. Leo shrugged off her concerns saying he would get better once Jed recovered. Something inside her told her he was wrong.
Five days after Jed’s collapse, he disappeared from the hospital. Zoey came back from the bathroom and found him gone; his two siblings sat on the bed watching cartoons with their father.
‘Hey, where’s James?’
‘He was here a minute ago, hey you’re looking really pregnant.’
At least her father was recovering, he may not be completely back to normal but things certainly were looking up.
‘Yeah, and he’s active. Look I’ll make a phone call and I’ll be back.’
Zoey ignored the nurse and grabbed the phone, dialling the house. Leo answered almost immediately.
‘Leo, James is missing.’
‘Missing, have you checked the hospital?’ he asked.
‘No, but he isn’t with dad. He’s always there. Leo?’
Leo explained to Abbey what had happened and she groaned, climbing off the bed and getting dressed.
‘We’re start looking here, get security to search the grounds.’
Zoey put the phone down and listened to the nurse on the other line yelling at security. Assured that everything that could be done was being Zoey went back into Jed’s room.
‘What’s the cartoon?’ she asked hoping she sounded more light hearted than she felt.
‘It’s not a cartoon, it’s Sesame Street. Uncle Toby’s favourite,’ Leonora informed her. ‘Very educational. Did you know that Big Bird…?’
Zoey closed her eyes as her sister explained all about the characters. The last few days had been taxing and Charlie was stuck in New Hampshire, in their late night discussions they still hadn’t found a solution to the problem. With Jed’s condition someone needed to take care of the children and it fell to her, except three would be too much to handle with a baby. Liz and Ellie wanted no part of it and the only other people the children trusted were Josh and Toby, neither of which could handle their own responsibilities let alone three children.
She opened her eyes when she heard Jed speaking to her. ‘Sorry dad, I was dropping off.’
He shook his head, ‘And I thought it was just me who had that effect on you.’
Zoey smiled, he really was still her dad.
‘I need to speak to mom,’ he said.
‘Mom?’
‘Yeah, that’s what James said. Or is this one of those times…’
Zoey jumped up, ‘No it’s not one of those times.’ She was calling Leo on his cell before he finished.
‘Leo, he’s gone to speak to CJ.’
‘Yeah, we know, we’re at the cemetery now,’ he confirmed, wondering what was going to happen next.
Part Seven
Abbey approached tentatively, not wanting to intrude on the teenager, nor wanting to let whatever was bothering him fester. She stopped yards from the grave and watched as he whispered to the granite. The leaves must have betrayed her because he turned sharply and glared.
‘Go away,’ he spat.
Abbey took a step closer, ‘I can’t do that. Your dad is worried about you.’
His tough exterior cracked before her, ‘He’s okay?’
She nodded, taking small steps towards him, ‘Want to tell me why you ran off like that?’
He shrugged and she crouched beside him.
‘Did you tell your mom what’s wrong?’ she asked folding her hands in her lap to stop herself reaching out.
James nodded and turned back to the dying flowers, ‘I miss her. She was always good at telling me what to do. You know I never got to say goodbye.’
Abbey frowned, ‘The funeral?’
‘No, at the hospital. Leo came and got me after the accident and I got to see her, then we went home. After she…‘ He couldn’t say the words. ‘They kept me away after that.’
She wanted to reach out and hug him and give him the security he needed. ‘It’s not going to happen with your dad.’
‘Can you promise that?’ he asked with more anger than she expected.
‘Honestly, no,’ Abbey said, her voice reflecting the doctor in her. ‘But I can tell you he’s recovering from this episode, in a few days he’ll be home. There are going to be more attacks, in a few days, a few months, a few years no one knows. What happens then, well we’ll have to wait and see.’ She hoped she wasn’t being too honest but he was CJ’s son, and she hated to be lied to.
‘Will they separate us when he dies?’ He asked from nowhere.
Right then she wanted to tell him she would take care of all of them. That wasn’t realistic under the circumstances, and as much as she had come to love Jed’s children in the past week, even she wasn’t that much of a saint.
‘Leo and Zoey are doing all they can to make sure it doesn’t happen.’
He shook his head, ‘Do you have any good news for me?’
Abbey passed a quick smile and turned away, ‘Right now your dad is watching cartoons and waiting for you, and he’s getting stronger by the day. You’re going to have a nephew in a few months, and he is going to want to look up to you. In the short term we’ve found someone to come help take care of you. And as your mother would say that’s a full lid.’
‘Or as Leo would say and the rest is crap,’ he laughed.
‘Yeah, he’s always been eloquent.’ Abbey reached out for his hand, ‘Your dad did what he thought was best, he wanted you to remember CJ as she was. And the funeral was a chance to say goodbye. But she’s always going to be with you, in your heart, every time you look in the mirror, and she’ll always be up there watching over you. You can come and talk to her whenever you want. Nobody expects you to take her place.’ Abbey paused and wondered just what to say next. ‘James, right now you’re in a bad place, you’re grieving, you’re angry and you’re scared. No one expects you to deal with it alone so just let the rest of us pick up the pieces, okay?’
‘You mean let it go?’
Abbey nodded, ‘Nora has Zoey, Tom has Leo and you have your dad. He needs you to need him right now. Cry, scream, throw things if it helps but please don’t bottle it up.’ She had to admit she didn’t know what she was doing but at least he seemed to be taking it all in.
James lowered his eyes to the ground, pushing his fringe to one side, ‘Can you give me a minute, I want to say goodbye.’
‘Sure, I’ll be in the car with Leo,’ she replied, pulling herself up and heading back the way she had come.
When he appeared a few minutes later there were fresh trails on his face and his eyes were red. They waited while he strapped himself in before Leo drove them back to the hospital.
Jed was sat up in bed, Nora stretched out along the bottom watching a soap while Zoey napped in the chair.
Leo walked in the room and grinned, waving his arms at them all he motioned with his head for them to follow, shooing them all to the canteen he left Jed and his son alone.
‘Where’d you get to?’ Jed asked patting the bed.
James climbed up and faced his father, ‘I went to talk to Mom.’
Jed sighed, he missed talking to CJ, especially now, at least she would know what to do.
‘And?’
‘I miss her.’ He stopped and looked away. ‘Dad, why did you keep me away from Mom?’
‘You mean after the accident?’
‘Yeah,’ James turned back, ‘I needed to see her, I needed to say goodbye too.’
And therein was the heart of it. Jed lowered his head to his hands and wished CJ was there.
‘Oh son, I’m sorry. I was so consumed by my own grief, anger at losing her I didn’t realise. I wanted to protect you from that. I thought if I let you remember how she was it would be easier on you.’
‘And that worked really well,’ James commented sarcastically.
‘Yeah, I’ve never been great at this parent thing.’
‘You do okay, most of the time.’ James shuffled closer to his father, ‘I need you.’
‘You don’t, you’re like CJ in that respect. We all needed her,’ he sighed wistfully and for the first time admitted what he was truly thinking. ‘It should have been me.’
‘NO,’ James shouted, reaching out and hugging his father to him. ‘Don’t ever say that. Mom’s dead but things wouldn’t have been better if it was you instead of her. Nora’s scared because she doesn’t know what’s going to happen, Tom is petrified because he can’t understand what’s going on. I need you, to tell me about mom, educate me about this thing you have…’ He waited for his father to look up. ‘..and to be my dad.’
Jed smiled weakly, ‘And since when have you been so wise?’
He gave his father a look that said are you an idiot and his eyes lit up, ‘My mother was Claudia Jean Cregg.’
James grinned and Jed pulled him against his chest.
‘Go, find Leo.’
‘He’s probably making out with Abbey.’
Jed shook his head, ‘Yeah, go.’
Leo awoke the next morning to find the doctor standing over him, checking his pulse. Leo jumped up and pulled his arm away.
‘Mr Mcgarry you really need to get more exercise, you’re out of shape.’
Jed smirked from the bed.
‘That goes for you too.’
Leo grinned, ‘You have the results?’
He nodded, ‘Yeah, I have to phone Dr Bartlet shortly,’ he didn’t want to say it for fear of what the two of them would do.
‘Or else?’ Jed commented.
The doctor smiled, ‘Her reputation certainly comes before her. Anyways your blood pressure is good, blood count is twelve thanks to the iron. There is nothing on the MRI to suggest you have deteriorated since the last visit.’ He stopped as he remembered the day of the last visit. ‘It wasn’t a stroke and you aren’t secondary progressive. We think it was brought about by stress. You may have a few more lapses, mental blackouts but they should be minimal. So I want to monitor you, okay?’
‘Can I get outta here?’ Jed whined.
‘Anytime you want. I’ll give Dr Bartlet the directions.’
Leo was grinning from ear to ear and reached out to squeeze Jed’s arm. Jed covered his hand with his own.
‘You sticking around for a bit?’ Jed asked.
‘I’ll have to rearrange my schedule, you know reorganising my correspondence, painting the den.’
Jed laughed, ‘Retirement that boring?’
Leo grinned, ‘Makes me anchor for Josh and Sam.’
‘In which case you should be the one in here. So we gonna get outta here?’
Leo opened the closet and pulled out his clothes. Jed struggled for a few minutes before looking at Leo for assistance. Twenty minutes later, TTAs in bag, forms signed Leo was pulling the car up at the main entrance.
Part Eight
Jed didn’t want to be rude but they were all driving him crazy. He’d been home exactly forty eight hours and he wasn’t sure if there was a single second of it he had been on his own.
The kids were back at school, mainly so he could rest in peace but also because he didn’t want them to miss too much school. Zoey had left this morning to go home, at six months pregnant she wanted to be by Charlie’s side. Now he was left with his ex wife, who somewhere in the last week had become his primary physician, and his best friend.
He also wasn’t sure why Leo was sleeping in James’ room, he’d already caught Leo and Abbey in a clinch, he supposed they were just trying to be sensitive. Maybe he would bring the subject up later. All he really wanted to do right now was talk to Claudia Jean.
He watched as Abbey vacuumed around him and wondered what sort of response he would get if he mentioned it. He had visions of straight jackets or another week in the hospital.
Taking a deep breath he decided it was now or never. ‘Leo, can we go for a drive?’
Leo looked up from his paper, ‘Where to?’
Jed watched as Abbey stopped what she was doing and waited patiently.
‘I want to go and see CJ,’ he stated. The other two people in the room glanced at each other. ‘The cemetery, take her some flowers.’
He couldn’t be sure but he thought he saw Abbey exhale sharply.
‘Yeah, we can do that. When do ya wanna go?’
‘Now.’
Abbey rolled her eyes, ‘It’s only been forty eight hours, are you sure?’
It was Jed’s turn to roll his eyes, ‘I’m fine. My name is Jed Bartlet, I’m seventy one years old. Today is Friday. The President is Shallick, and he’s a republican. My wife has been dead for three months.’
‘Okay, I get the point.’
Jed rose and headed towards the door, smiling, ‘And don’t worry I won’t keep him away too long, he gets all grumpy if he misses his afternoon canoodle with you.’
Leo buried his head in his paper as Abbey blushed. ‘Oh.’
‘Good luck is all I can say, he’s a pain in the arse,’ Jed said opening the door.
‘Yeah, and you’re a bed of roses,’ Leo called after him.
Kissing Abbey gently on the cheek and assuring her everything would be fine Leo followed after his friend.
They drove to the cemetery via the florist and parked up at the gate. Leo moved to the other side of the car and went to help his friend out. Jed waved him off,
‘I need to be on my own.’
‘Jed, Abbey will kill me.’
‘Welcome to my world,’ Jed muttered. ‘I won’t be long,’ he said out loud.
He found the apple tree and stood in front of the stone, running his fingers across her name, Claudia Jean Bartlet, he had never expected her to take his name, beloved wife of Josiah, devoted mother of James, Thomas and Leonora. He had wanted to add some words of love but when the time came he couldn’t think of anything to do her justice. Crouching against the white granite he removed the dead roses from the grave, put there by Leo no doubt, and replaced them with wild flowers.
He leaned against the stone and took a deep breath,
‘Well Claudia sorry it’s been a while. Did you miss me? I miss you, more each day. One day you’ll have to explain to me why you left so soon and quite how you expected me to manage without you.’
Jed rubbed his brow, ‘Well I have some news for you. Firstly I’ve been in hospital, lost my marbles there for a while, I know I lost them years ago. But I’m okay now, it was an episode, a major one but quite understandable under the circumstances. As long as I avoid stress I should live forever, at least long enough to watch the kids graduate. Carol is arriving tomorrow, she told Leo she‘d stay as long as we need her. You should have told me about the letter but I should have known, you always wanted things to be sorted. She’s taken a job at the university, and I‘ll make sure financially she’s okay. Zoey is looking pregnant, not long now and I will be a grandfather again. I wish you could have gotten to see that, Granny Claudia.’
He paused and took a deep breath. ‘Oh and Leo and Abbey are courting. She’s been great the past week, nagging and controlling but that’s pretty much a female trait. We haven’t talked about what happened in the past, I’m taking your advice and letting sleeping dogs lie. Besides I’ve never since Leo so smitten. The kids are great. Missing you desperately. James is so strong, and brave, which is more than I can say for me. Nora and Zoey have been bonding, she wants to hear everything about you. And Tom is just like me, which I’m assured Carol will change.‘
Folding his hands in his lap he lowered his voice, ‘What I came here to say was I understand now. That I have to live for life’s sake. Yes I have this illness and yes at some point I’m going to get sick but that I shouldn’t sit around and let it happen. I’m not going to die. And you’re right, there’s still so much I want to see and do. Our kids need me, it will be a challenge but I’ve never backed down from one yet. And when next we meet, though it will be some time, I’m going to tell you all about it. Keep your eye on us.’
Putting his fingers to his lips he kissed them and stroked her name, ‘I love you Claudia, and I miss you more than words can say.’ He stood and shuffled back through the cemetery towards the car. He turned as a cool breeze rustled the leaves around him. He thought he heard her voice calling to him, and he almost shrugged it off except in that split second he was certain he heard, ‘What no latin?’
Jed grinned, ’No Claudia Jean, no latin this time.’
Turning once more he took the last few yards to the car. Leo climbed out and moved around the car to meet him, ‘You okay?’
Jed smiled, ‘Yeah, take me home.’
The End