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| Any fake phone number a chick gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number. |
| When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. |
| When women climaxed, they'de mak a sound like a pinball machine. |
| Breaking up would be alot easier- a smack on the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get'em next time" would pretty much do it. |
| Birth control would come in ale or lager. |
| "Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness. |
| Lifegaurds could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance. |
| Instead of beer belly, you'd get beer biceps. |
| Easy chairs would give hand jobs. |
| Two words: Alley McNaked |
| Oprah would become a pro wrestler with the moniker Eater of Words. |
| Michael would have to keep playing basketball long into his 80's, until his bones started snapping like breadsticks. |
| It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car. As long as you returned it the next day with a full tank of gas. |
| Every man would get four real "Get Out of Jail Free" cards per year. |
| It would be a class-A felony for any man to call himself a feminist or in touch with his feminine side. |
| No highway would have a speed limit, and every one of them would be shaped like an oval. |
| When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded woulld actually reduce your fine. |
| Male nurses would be called doctors no matter what level of their training. |
| John Holmes, Nobel Prize Winner. |
| Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style. |
| Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of meanigless conversation. |
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