Today...Hidori told me he liked me, and then we kissed. I...I think I like him, too. It's not like it was with Tamahome...I feel like what we're doing isn't right, but at the same time...I don't know what's right.

Miaka pressed her lips tightly together to stifle the whimpering sound that threatened to push its way past her throat. Tears burned at the corners of her eyes. If she didn't know what was right, then what exactly was this dull ache in her chest trying to tell her?

Breath shuddering, Miaka formed a picture in her mind of Tamahome, his face, distinctive features and the lines of his body forever etched in her memory. Her Tamahome, her love, her...husband...in a past she was no longer sure would repeat itself. In Miaka's mind his image gradually became superimposed with that of Hidori. Painfully, regretfully, Miaka made her decision.

"So...just like that? You're giving up on him?" Yui's voice was soft and gentle as she questioned Miaka on the bus on the way to school. Still, Miaka could see disbelief and a little anger reflected in her best friend's blue eyes as she spoke. She put on a false smile and forced cheer into her voice.

"Not giving up, Yui-chan! Just...moving on," she said, a small sigh giving her the lie. "Do you realize how lucky I am? Sixteen years old and I've already had the great love of my life! I'm not going to be silly enough to expect it all to happen again." She paused as Yui gave her a look of pure concern, then gave a reassuring grin. "It's okay, I'll be fine, really, Yui-chan. Thank you."

Hidori goggled, eyes wide as saucers and mouth hanging open, as Miaka licked clean her fourth plate of noodles. For their first real date as a couple, he had made the unfortunate decision to treat Miaka to a meal. He hadn't been clued in at Miaka's immediate joyful reaction, but the reason was now becoming all too clear.

"Ah," he sighed to himself, exasperated, "of all the things to remember, you would think Miaka's appetite would be at the top of the list!" He stretched somewhat lazily and watched Miaka finish up. He was so lucky, he knew, to have a chance to be with Miaka, to make her happy, to be the person in her life as she was in his. Second chances were mythical, fairy tales, but he was having his, and it was like a dream he couldn't quite believe coming true. He blinked at Miaka, noticing that she had stopped eating and was sitting silenty with her head bowed, her face obscured by her bangs. He tilted his head quizzically at her. "Ne, Miaka, what's up?"

Miaka gave a start as though jolted into consciousness, and looked up sharply. Her large brown eyes appeared a bit too moist for a moment as they stared, unseeing, into Hidori's, before crinkling into a grin. "Oh, dinner was delicious, Hidori, thank you so much!" she said suddenly, and a bit too loudly, waving her hand as though trying to dispel the tension with it. Hidori struggled to hide the frown that sprang to his face, and attempted to change the subject.

"Soo~o, since the movie theatre's only a couple of blocks from here, what do you say we take in a flick?" he said, leaning forward on his elbows toward the love of his life, whose eyes were still glistening far too much for him to enjoy the moment.

Miaka smiled beatifically at him before nodding once, emphatically. "Sure!"

"...Miaka..." Hidori murmured absently as the two students followed their routine path from the high school to Miaka's bus stop.

"Hidori?"

Hidori blew out a small sigh and bowed his head. Nothing, he wanted to say. I'm not concerned about your feelings towards me, because I know everything is fine between us. I know that you're not having any trouble getting over Tamahome. It's nothing at all.
He wanted to say it. He wanted to be able to say it. But it would be a lie. For the past couple of weeks, he and Miaka had seemed to observers as a normal couple; they went out for dinner, they took in a movie occasionally. They always exchanged a sweet hug and kiss goodnight, and sometimes, when no one was looking, he felt okay with slipping an arm around Miaka's waist, or she would reach for his hand. But...

Hidori felt a burning at the corners of his eyes. But...there were times when Miaka seemed to withdraw into herself, long moments where she didn't seem to hear him speaking to her. Moments when he would be hugging or kissing her and feel her tense up, or -- and this was possibly worse -- crush him to her with such ferocity that he knew, just knew that she had forgotten who she was holding. No, things were not all right between them, and the longer the two of them pretended that it was, the worse they both would feel. He didn't want to know, but...he needed to know.

He took a deep breath to ready himself. "Miaka, how...how do you feel about this? About us?" Abruptly he realized that Miaka had stopped walking, and he turned to face her, now several steps behind him. Her face was hidden from view, again. A familiar ache started up in his chest. Again.

Miaka's head snapped up with a smile that Hidori had long come to recognize as false. "I feel-- I feel happy, Hidori," she said soothingly.

Hidori did not feel soothed. He tried another approach.

"And Tama...home --" his voice cracked on the word "-- how do you feel about what the two of you had?" There. He'd said it.
He already knew the correct answer; the question was whether Miaka would deny it or deal with it. He was ready -- no, not ready, but willing -- to break up with her, give her up so that she could have the time she needed to get over Tamahome -- if she ever would. If it would make her happy. He held his breath through the pain in his chest and waited.

"Tamahome is..." Miaka's voice was soft, but it carried well. "...not here," she finished, looking Hidori right in the eyes. He held her gaze for a moment, making sure that she would catch the disappointment in his eyes, before looking away.
He'd need to go further.

"Then why" he blinked back hot tears, "why do you still wear his ring?" He bowed his head and clenched his jaw against an angry sob. He wouldn't cry over this. He was doing the right thing here; he was!

Soft hands against his own jolted him out of his thoughts. He looked up, startled, and met Miaka's eyes as she smiled sadly up at him. She withdrew her hands from his, then moved her right hand over her left, tugging at the piece of costume jewelry that adorned her ring finger. When she had removed it, she held it up for Hidori to see clearly, then tucked it carefully into a pocket.
Well, he could hardly expect her to discard it.

Her breath was warm and welcome against his ear as she reached up and pulled him into an embrace. "I don't wear it anymore..."

Keisuke sighed contentedly as he pulled back the tab on his beer, reveling in the healthy *crack* and *fizz* of a newly opened can. A history paper was always a little easier to write with a beer in one hand.

Tetsuya paused in his scrutiny of the university student directory to give Keisuke a significant glare. He really didn't approve of using the Ancient History Club's HQ for regular homework, but he supposed his best friend wouldn't choose this moment to change. Not surprisingly, Keisuke didn't notice the glance in his direction.

A tentative knock at the open door brought both of their heads up in surprise. Their makeshift club headquarters had proved even more unpopular than the club itself, and was one of the most undisturbed places on campus. As their eyes passed over the tall figure standing in the doorway, a gasp echoed through the room in stereo, accompanied by the sound of two jaws dropping.

"...Hello? Pardon me, but this is the Ancient History Club, right? I was wondering if I could join? I'm a freshman. My name is Sukunami Taka."

Tetsuya turned back to the student directory, mouth working soundlessly, as he jabbed at it repeatedly with his index finger. "Right here...he was right here all along...and we missed him...!" he sputtered.

"Excuse me?" The young man who bore an astonishing resemblance to Suzaku ShichiSeishi Tamahome asked.

Keisuke stood up abruptly, noting with dismay that he'd tipped his can of beer in surprise. He righted the can and swept away the small puddle with his hand before stepping toward the puzzled freshman. "A~h, Taka-kun, please, come on in. We'd love to have you as a member! So tell us, what brings you this way? Curiousity? Extra credit research? Long lost love from a past life...?"

Sukunami Taka blushed.

Miaka tried in vain to calm the rapid thudding of her heart as she stood outside the high school. With shaking hands, she placed the pay phone back into its cradle and turned to face her boyfr--Hidori.

"Miaka? Daijoubu ka?" Miaka looked pale, as though she'd seen a ghost. She was breathing in gulps, and her hands were trembling. What could her brother have said to upset her so? An itch started at the corner of Hidori's mind, only to be firmly stifled.

Air! She needed more air! Drawing a shaking breath, Miaka straightened her back and looked up at Hidori.
"They've found Tamahome."

Hidori's world collapsed.

Just outside of the Ancient History's HQ, Keisuke danced nervously from one foot to the other as he attempted to brief Miaka and Hidori for meeting Taka. This was going to be so tricky. He was definitely not looking forward to it.

"Okay, here's what we know. He's a freshman here, so he's a year older than you, Hidori," he said, nodding in the high school senior's direction. Hidori nodded slowly, his eyes distressed.

"He doesn't remember much about his past life beyond the basics; he was one of seven, destined to protect one girl. And..." Yes, very tricky indeed. "...He knows that he fell in love with that girl and promised to meet up with her again one day." Keisuke sighed heavily, then forced himself to face his sister. "He's wearing the ring you gave him, Miaka."

He expected her sudden intake of air at that revelation. He knew how hard it had been for her to remove Tamahome's ring. But...she had done it, and perhaps had not thought she'd have to face the consequences so quickly. Or at all. His gaze shifted to take in Hidori as well. His heart went out to Nuriko's reincarnation. At the same time a tiny pang of anger merged with sympathy. Hidori was Nuriko's reincarnation, not Nuriko himself. Nuriko...Nuriko would have known better than to get so involved with Miaka to begin with.

"Hidori," Keisuke continued, "Tetsuya and I informed Taka that you were one of Miaka's seishi, but he doesn't remember much about the actual seishi or what you shared. We...thought we'd wait before telling him the whole story, give him some time to remember some of it on his own." He spread his hands out in front of him. "That's it. Now you know everything we know. Are you ready for this?"

Miaka nodded mutely. Hidori, standing behind her, clenched his hands tightly into fists. The two high school students followed Keisuke into the club headquarters, and Tetsuya and Taka stood to greet them.

Miaka's eyes immediately focused on the familiar, yet somehow different face staring at her. She caressed Taka with her eyes, sweeping her gaze over his violet-gray eyes, slender straight nose, and strong smooth jawline. Her lips moved in a soundless murmer. "Tamahome..."

"Miaka," Taka whispered hoarsely, starting to move towards her. He crossed the room swiftly and pulled Miaka into a crushing embrace. "I've finally found you, just like I promised," he said fiercely into her hair, showering the top of her head with kisses, before pulling away long enough to look lovingly at her face again. Then he lowered his mouth to hers and kissed Miaka sweetly. The hand she had half-lifted in feeble protest lowered to rest on his hip.

Keisuke and Tetsuya exchanged shocked and embarrassed glances. Behind the embracing couple, Hidori focused his gaze firmly on a spot somewhere on the floor ahead of him, frozen in horror. He should have seen this coming. He should have expected this to happen. He just couldn't have imagined that it would hurt so bad!

And now Taka was leading Miaka over to the couch in the corner of the room, and the look on her face was...bliss? It was like he had disappeared from her thoughts, in that one fleeting moment.

Taka stopped in the middle of the room, holding Miaka's hand in his. He turned to her, puzzled. "Your ring..." he gestured to the glittering piece of jewelry hanging from the chain around his neck. "You lost it?"

Miaka blushed deeply, and glanced quickly in Hidori's direction before giving a minute nod. "Hai."

"Tamahome is...not here," she had said. Well, now he was. Hidori didn't want to think about what that meant.

"Um...Tetsuya-san?" He had to try a couple of times before sound actually came out on his breath. He sounded sick, and decided he liked the effect. He couldn't force cheer into his voice this time. He simply couldn't. "Could you give me a ride home, please?"

Tetsuya turned to him, concern plain on his face. He nodded. "Sure thing."

As Tetsuya escorted Hidori out, Miaka finally allowed herself to look in his direction. She had expected the empty space in her heart to be filled once Tamahome appeared. Instead, she felt like her heart was tearing in two.

"If you're not careful, some other man might steal Miaka away from you. Like...me."
"I just want Miaka to be happy with you...forever and ever!"

Hidori tossed and turned in the dark, refusing to let the tears that stung his eyes flow freely, refusing to allow the sobs that caught in his throat to escape. He'd said that to Tamahome? That he wanted Miaka to be happy with him...forever and ever...? Suddenly his relationship with Miaka smacked of betrayal -- Hidori had betrayed Taka in the extreme. No; Nuriko had betrayed Tamahome. It was the same thing, wasn't it? Why, why didn't I remember before?!

"Hidori, we need to talk," Miaka said, standing over Hidori's form as he sat against a tree trunk on the school grounds. He rose wordlessly, nodding his agreement. He didn't trust his voice just yet.

When they reached a cherry tree that was a little further removed from the other students, Hidori finally turned to face her. "Miaka," he began, forcing his voice to remain steady, holding the ache in his chest at bay. He closed his eyes momentarily as his gaze took in the glint of metal on her left ring finger. She'd put the ring back on. Of course.

"Miaka, you don't need to explain anything to me. You don't have to defend yourself. My feelings toward you were always second to Tak-Tamahome's." He took a breath to secure more strength. "I once vowed that I lived to see you happy, with Tamahome, forever. I..." Oh, the pain in his chest threatened to suffocate him! "I intend to honor that."

Miaka's lips twitched in a mere ghost of a smile as Hidori mentioned his vow. She tilted her head up to look at him, and he was surprised to see tears streaming down her face. Still, she looked contented. "Arigatou," she whispered. She kept her eyes on his as her hand moved to her pocket, sought something out in there. She only glanced down as she brought it into view, caressing it with her fingers.

"I...I didn't feel right, keeping this," she said, holding Hidori's handkerchief out to him. His fingers were numb as he took it from her grasp. "We can--" she suddenly looked concerned "--We're still going to be friends, right?"

Could it be any other way? Some things just couldn't be allowed to ruin a friendship. "Of course," Hidori said, reassuringly. The corners of his mouth turned up in what he hoped was a smile.

"Oh, Hidori!" Miaka cried as she threw her arms around his neck. "I'm so glad...I'm so glad..." she murmured into his neck. "You're wonderful..." After a moment she pulled back and gazed upon him fondly; he couldn't resist smiling back. The chimes signalling the end of lunch rang, and he disengaged himself from her embrace.

"You'd better get going. Yui must be wondering where you are."

Miaka nodded in agreement and left, waving happily as she ran to catch up with her classmates. Hidori looked down at the handkerchief, given to him from his Oba-san, that he'd been unconsciously twisting in his hands. He re-read the inscription, as the first tears leaked down his cheeks.
To my Sad Eyes.

-The End-

Author's Notes: Okay, first and foremost, I am *sooooo* sorry for the delay! *sweatdrop* *begs for forgiveness* Yikes, I was quite the slacker there for a moment!
*sob* Writing this was so sad! I feel so bad for Nuriko-sama (who, incidentally, I completely gave up on trying to keep in character *Honorable Reader: You were trying to keep him in character? Hm, couldn't tell*)

And now: Me no own any of the fine Fushigi Yuugi characters described above. Me just like to play with them. Me not harm anyone and me not make any money from this. Please no sue me. Belong to Watase Yuu they do.
Shinboku Hidori, on the other hand, is my own creation, so if you want to use him for anything (like, why would you?), please ask me first, 'kay?