To Love You Again

Well, here's part 1 of my first multi-part fanfic, entitled, "To Love You Again". It's set in an alternate universe, a "What if Taka didn't appear as in the end of the anime?" universe. Miaka and Yui have started school at Yotsubadai, just as the anime narrates, and one day Miaka stumbles upon an upperclassman who eerily resembles Nuriko. He turns out to be the reincarnation of said seishi, and thus our story begins.

Notes: In case you know even fewer Japanese phrases than I do (an amazing feat),
Keep in mind that I'm doing this from memory. If I mucked up the meaning, lemme know, 'kay? Thanks.

-sempai: honorific used to address your senior, an upperclassman, in this case a 12th grader.
Sumimasen: excuse me (for bothering you, but...)
Hn (also Un): a nod and confirmation, "Mmm-hmm", what have you

"Itadikamasu!" Miaka yelled gleefully as she poised her chopsticks and dove into her lunch. Yui sighed and rolled her eyes, though she was long used to her best friend's voracious appetite. "Miaka, be careful, or you'll choke for sure," she said sternly. "Huh?" Miaka asked, looking up from her already empty plate. Yui sighed for what must have been the twentieth time that day. "Never mind."

While Yui and Miaka hit a lull in their conversation, a cheerful, feminine laugh rippled gaily through the other students' lunchtime discussions and reached Miaka's stunned ears. She blinked in surprise. She had only known one person who laughed like that. Why would she hear that laughter here, now? Miaka's eyes widened and she searched the school grounds for the source of the laughter, gasping as she thought she caught a glimpse of an amber-colored eye with a mole just beneath and to the side. "Nuriko," she whispered breathlessly, and continued to stare, hoping to get a better look. The most she could gather was that the student belonging to the voice was dressed in the boy's uniform and sat in a circle under a nearby tree with several other male students, enthusiastically engaged in conversation.

Miaka's eyes welled with tears as she remembered having to say goodbye to Nuriko, first on top of Mount Black, then when he and the others had returned to the book world. She'd had to say goodbye to Tamahome then, too. Surely her mind was playing tricks on her. Now, some six months after returning to her world, she was seeing things, seeing the faces of her seishi in other people. Why? Why couldn't she move on?

Miaka stood up abruptly, disturbing her dishes and generating angry stares from the other students sitting nearby. "Excuse me, I'm sorry," she murmured before bolting off to the washroom, unable to maintain her composure any longer. Yui started after her, then sat back down, reconsidering. She had heard Miaka whisper one of her seishi's names a moment earlier, and sensed that that was the source of the outburst. Yui understood; on more than one occasion since the ordeal in the Shi Jin Ten Chi Sho Yui had had flashbacks to her time there and she had burst into tears more than once, too, seemingly without reason. It had been an emotional experience for them both, after all.

Miaka sat inside one of the stalls in the washroom and sobbed quietly to herself. As she brought her hands to her face she caught a glimpse of her and Tamahome's wedding ring, and her sobbing increased in intensity. Tamahome had promised he would cross space and time to be with her....where was he? Why hadn't he come? And here she was seeing Nuriko at her school...was she going insane? Was that what it was?

By the time she was finally out of tears, lunch period was over. Miaka washed her face at the sink, wiping away all signs of distress. As she exited the washroom, three boys, senior students, passed in front of her, and again she heard that distinctive, cheerful laugh. Miaka gasped as she stared after the boys.

"Sumimasen!" she called out loudly. The boys turned around to see if they were the ones being addressed, as did several other students nearby. Miaka fixed her eyes on the boy in the middle, and her eyes widened at what she saw. It was remarkable. She was looking Nuriko in the face. This boy had the same large round eyes, amber, with a depth that more than hinted at a sadness within, framed by thick dark lashes. The same small nose and mouth, the lips almost pouty in seriousness. The mole under his left eye was exactly as she had remembered it; a perfect beauty mark. But his hair was shorter than it had been when she last saw him in her world and although this student was petit as Nuriko had been, the way he carried himself was decidedly more masculine; Miaka had noticed that right away.

Miaka caught herself staring, and tried to save face. "Er, sorry to have bothered you," she said to Nuriko's twin. "You just look like...someone I knew. I must be mistaken. Sorry again." Miaka thought she saw a flash of recognition in those amber eyes, thought the upperclassman looked uncomfortable for a fraction of a second before his face brightened with a smile again.

"Sorry, but I don't think we've met. I'm Shinboku Hidori, 12th grade." At once Miaka was taken aback by Hidori's speech pattern. His voice was high-pitched and feminine as Nuriko's had been. Yet he referred to himself with the masculine pronoun, something she had never heard Nuriko do, the latter preferring to refer to himself in the feminine.

"Pleased to meet you, Shinboku-sempai," Miaka responded with a bow, still unable to take her eyes off of that face. "Yuuki Miaka desu."

One of Hidori's friends cleared his throat meaningfully, and Hidori jolted as though he had been caught sleeping on the job. He covered his momentary distraction with a grin. "Ah, Yuuki-san, I have to get to study hall now, but maybe I'll see you around. Later!" With a wave, Hidori and his friends turned and walked away.

As Miaka stared after them, she saw Hidori sneak a glance at her over his shoulder and the two locked gazes once more. Surely he recognized me! Miaka thought, before the three upperclassmen turned the corner and were gone.

"Nani? You saw one of your seishi?" Yui asked in disbelief as the two girls rode the bus home after school.

"Hn, and his name in Shinboku Hidori. He's in 12th grade," Miaka responded. "Yui-chan, have you ever thought you'd seen anyone from Shi Jin Ten Chi Sho in this world?"

Yui thought about it for a moment. "Well, a couple of times I've thought a fellow student resembled Suboshi, but I've never felt it as strongly as you seem to feel."

"If only I could talk to him about it, I'm certain he would remember everything," Miaka said, determined.

"Miaka, don't be silly," Yui chided her friend gently. "The thing about past lives is that you hardly do remember them. You can't just try bringing up memories in total strangers. That's even if this Shinboku Hidori *is* Nuriko's reincarnation." The bus came to a stop near Yui's apartment. "Well, here's my stop. I'll see you tomorrow, Miaka."

"Hai. And thanks for looking out for me after lunch!" Miaka called after Yui. Then she continued her ride alone, deep in thought.

"Yuuki-san!" Hidori called to Miaka from across the yard as she and Yui sat under a tree eating their lunch the next day. Yui looked knowingly at Miaka, and as Hidori made his way toward them, she stood up briskly, as though she had an appointment.

"Well then, I'm off!" She got her things and turned to go, pausing to whisper in Miaka's ear. "Tell me all about it later."

"Debate club," Hidori said, smiling brightly as he sat down on the grass across from Miaka.

"Pardon me?"

"That's where I know you from, right? You were in debate club with me last year. I've never met you but I'm certain I've seen you somewhere. That must be it."

Miaka's heart quickened as the older student acknowledged that he had indeed recognized her. Perhaps her mind hadn't been playing tricks on her after all. "Sorry, but I'm in 10th grade. I wasn't here last year."

"Hmmm...," Hidori frowned. "I don't suppose you were in debate club this year then?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Swim team?"

"No."

"Track and field?"

"Sorry."

"Well, why does your face seem familiar to me? Maybe I've just seen you around school more than once..."

Unable to allow what she perceived as this charade to continue, Miaka decided it was best to come clean.

"Shinboku-sempai?"

"Yes?"

Miaka swallowed carefully before continuing. "Do you believe in past lives, reincarnation, that sort of thing?"

Hidori arched an eyebrow. "I've never really thought about it, to tell you the truth." He casually leaned back on his hands. "I guess I don't have an opinion either way."

Miaka never took her eyes off his. "Would you think I was crazy if I told you that I knew you in a past life?"

Another arched eyebrow. Hidori's uneasy smile indicated that he wasn't sure whether or not to take Miaka's statement seriously. "I certainly would." He leaned towards her and winked mischievously. "But then I'd want to know more."

Miaka took a deep breath and continued. "I think...I think we knew each other, in a past life, of sorts. You protected me, many times. We were friends."

Hidori eyed Miaka warily. "So...if I can't remember any of this -- and I don't -- how come you seem to be able to recall so much?"

Miaka smiled, ever so slightly. "Let's just say that for me, it's as clear as if it had happened yesterday."

Hidori's expression had become very serious while he allowed this information to sink in. He opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it, deliberating. When he caught Miaka gazing at him, he finally spoke. "Yuuki-san, what I'm going to tell you, please don't tell anyone else. Okay?"

"I won't."

"Normally I wouldn't go for such a story, but right now, at this moment...." He seemed uncomfortable, as though he wasn't certain what to say, or how to say it. "Last night I had the strangest dream. I was at the top of a snow-covered mountain. In the side of the mountain was a door, obscured by a large boulder. I approached this boulder and somehow I knew that I had to move it. Somehow I knew that I *could* move this enormous boulder, although I don't see how. Suddenly this beast, an animal, appeared behind me. It vowed to kill me and some others dear to me." Hidori shuddered, almost imperceptibly. "I tried to fight it but it was faster and stronger than I was. I was trying to get away when all of a sudden I felt this terrible, terrible pain in my chest.... Then I woke up."

Hidori had averted his gaze while he spoke, but now he looked back up into Miaka's eyes. "Does this have anything to do with what you're telling me now?"

Miaka's eyes filled with tears as Hidori described Nuriko's last moments to her. So that's what you went through, she thought. For us. How brave you were! "Yes. What you described is something that happened to you before."

Hidori was afraid to ask, but voiced the question that had formed in his mind anyway. "Did...did I survive? That injury, that fight?"

Miaka made no attempt to stop the tears that now overflowed and streamed down her cheeks. "Iie," she whispered, forcing the words past her tightened throat. "I'm sorry. You didn't survive. But you did kill your opponent in return."

Hidori suddenly felt an overwhelming desire to embrace Miaka, to scoop her up into his arms and let her cry on his shoulder until she felt better. He was silent for a moment as he began to realize the impact of his dream. "I was protecting you, wasn't I? It was you that was threatened," he said, fishing his handkerchief out of his pocket with one hand and handing it to Miaka for her to wipe her tears. He placed his other hand on Miaka's shoulder, his head down, and Miaka wasn't sure if this was to comfort her or to steady himself. "I'm sorry," she thought she heard him whisper, but it could have simply been a sigh.

"Yes, it was for me, but it was for others as well," was all that Miaka could manage.

Finally Hidori looked up and made eye contact with Miaka once again. "You said we were friends. Was that all we were?"

Miaka blushed as she recalled how Nuriko wouldn't tell her the reason behind his decision to stop crossdressing and devote all his time protecting her. She remembered the conversation she overheard in the tavern the night before Nuriko was killed, hearing Nuriko confess to Tamahome that he loved her as a man. She didn't quite know how to go about explaining all this to Hidori, so she kept it simple. "Yes, that was all. We were just friends."

"That's an awful lot to do for a friend," Hidori said, smiling ruefully, "To die protecting her." He opened his mouth to say more when the chimes rang, indicating the end of lunch period.

"Meet me on the roof after school. We have to finish this conversation. Are you going to be okay?" Hidori asked, pulling away from Miaka when she nodded in response. "Well, I'll see you later, then." Hidori stalled for a moment, still concerned about Miaka, before he turned and ran off to join his friends again. Miaka wiped the remaining tears from her face with Hidori's handkerchief and tried to regain her composure before returning to class.

End Part 1

Author's notes: So, how was it? This all came to me (minus a few details here and there) one night while I tried to force myself to study...without success. So I had to get it all out on paper. (Er, computer, whatever)

Send criticism and comments to me at [email protected], but please be gentle! I have a fragile ego!