chapter2: the star
***
JC walks into the hotel room. Lance's breath catches in his throat and he blushes to the roots of his peroxide blond hair, hiding his face in the couch cushion as JC comes up to sit between him and Chris. He feels JC poke him in the side and pretends to be asleep, not wanting to emerge, not wanting to let JC see what his presence does to Lance.
Justin is lying stomach down on the bed, Joey beside him. They are at present engaged in a furious battle of Xtreme Racing on the room's Playstation. Neither of them are paying much attention to anyone else.
Chris and JC talk for a while, about nothing and everything. Lance, still pretending to be taking a nap, grins into his cushion as JC asks Chris how long he's been asleep. Lance feels JC turn toward him as he does so, touching Lance's back gently then turning to face Chris again.
'How long, how long, in infinite pursuit...' The words find their way into Lance's head and he wonders if they apply to him. JC is still there, Lance is still here, but Lance doesn't know how to bring them together.
Finally tired of the act, Lance stretches and sighs, emerging from the couch's corner. JC stops in mid-sentence to look at him, give him a soft grin that sends Lance reeling, and say "Welcome back to the land of the living, you."
Lance mumbles in reply, something about getting some air out on the balcony, which enters into the living room of the hotel suite. Lance is thankful. He needs to be far from them, just for a little while. He leaves the bedroom and walks into the living room, throwing open the french doors to step out into a New York evening.
The stars are hidden by towering skyscrapers, but Lance knows they're there; just like he knows JC's there, always, even if he can't see him. Even if he can't reach him. "JC, you're my star," he says softly to the night sky. He hears nothing, just the far-off noise of the cars forty-three stories below.
He stays just like that for quite some time, leaning on the cool marble railing with his eyes half-closed to the lights of the city. He whispers the occasional stray thought into the air, but never does he hear anything in return. Finally, unable to think of something better to do, he begins to sing--low, soft, gentle, perfect. 'When the night has come and the land is dark, and the moon is the only light you see. No I won't be afraid, no I won't shed a tear, just as long as you stand--stand by me. So darling, darling stand--'
'By me...oh, stand by me...' Lance turns his head sharply as a soft voice joins him. JC continues singing and stands beside Lance at the railing, half-whispering the words and smiling at Lance...
Lance, who can do nothing but keep quiet and breathe in JC's voice, turns his head back toward the skyline and half-closes his eyelids. The voice he would love to touch is getting closer, and it is all Lance can do to keep from opening his eyes and seeing what JC is doing.
It's so close to his ear now that he can feel JC's breath, but still he doesn't move as the song ends and JC stays like that. After moments, JC speaks, so softly Lance can barely hear, but still he does. "Lance, you're my sun."
And suddenly there's nothing else, nothing but this, and finally--finally, Lance gets to cradle a star.
***
It had been two years since they'd first gotten together. In two years, they'd grown closer even than brothers. It was their world, and they couldn't change that, not even if they tried.
But it had been far from perfect. For the first few months they had to deal with Justin cringing every time he saw them together, uncomfortable (they thought) with the fact that two people he knew well had the nerve to admit their sexual preferences when he didn't. Chris had been supportive--Chris had been the one to talk to Justin and break him down. Joey was just the same. Joey was always the same.
Then there was him. Lance had never really bothered to learn his name. He didn't want to--it was too painful. All he knew was that he'd been a...a groupie. Lance felt sick at the thought. Of all people...he didn't want to think about it. Maybe it was eight months ago, something close to a year, when the stress of the tour was on them and things weren't going well at all, that JC had left Lance (just for a night) for what seemed like forever and gone off with...HIM. Lance had been frantic, he'd been scared, hurt, broken, and for an entire night he stayed up not saying anything (not feeling anything), just numb as his other bandmates stayed with him. Then the next morning he got a call from JC, who sounded so drunk he could barely get the words out, and he said "Come get me" and Lance came running. But when he got there he saw them--naked, tangled in the sheets, the stranger asleep next to JC, who just peered at Lance through unfocused eyes and collapsed back on to a pillow. Lance didn't even know how JC had managed to call him and remember the address.
At that point he collapsed, too. Justin, Joey and Chris had, thankfully, come with him and they managed to get both JC and Lance into the car. It was a long time before any of them spoke to JC again.
They had that in the past, but it was good now. It was great. Lance never wanted anything like that to happen again--but in this business it was inevitable. Maybe it would be him next time.
No, probably not. Probably never.
***
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