Stay
Indigo
***
It scared him sometimes, how much he needed Lance. He'd promised himself early on that he'd never allow himself to become so dependent on anyone. It was emotional suicide, really, letting himself fall into the whole trap. He wasn't even sure if it was love, it felt more like psychotic obsession.
Every minute he wasn't with Lance he was missing him. Every time anyone got within a yard of him, it was instant jealousy. He wanted to keep Lance in a little box and carry him around in his pocket, have Lance fit in the palm of his hand, just so he would be all for him, ALL FOR HIM. He wanted Lance in a cage so that he couldn't go anywhere without JC's permission.
They said he was a passionate person. Well, shit, yeah, and this was proof. The kind of raw, scary emotion he felt for Lance wasn't normal, he knew. He was possessive. Beyond possessive. Lance was it for him.
***
Beautiful, beautiful pale skin. He traced patterns as Lance slept, round and round again and again, trying to shut out the world and make it just them, maybe then no one would try to steal Lance, no one would try to take him away...
"Josh?"
"Hmm?"
"Stop it, you're tickling me."
He stopped. Whatever Lance wanted. As long as he stayed with him. "Sorry. You sleep well?" He felt him shift positions, so he was facing JC.
"Yeah." A kiss. All his. "What about you? Do I have to ask?"
Smile. "I slept fine, baby. You hungry?"
"A little...I'm ordering room service. We can get the guys to come to our room."
Lance felt JC stiffen at that. "The guys? Why?"
JC asked weird questions like that sometimes. Like he didn't enjoy the others' company. Like he didn't want them intruding on their time. Like he was actually jealous. "Josh, don't start this."
He sat up in bed. JC sat up with him. "I just don't see why they have to come to breakfast. Can't it be," a kiss on the shoulder, "just US?"
"It's always just US. What's wrong with having them for breakfast? We used to do it all the time."
JC was starting to get angry. He didn't bother to hide it. "Yeah, that was BEFORE you and me, Lance. You want them to come over? You don't want to spend time alone with me? FINE. But don't expect me to STAY."
He got up and got dressed. Lance said nothing. JC walked out of the room, and shut the door behind him.
***
"So he just got up and left like that?" Justin was staring at Lance's back. Lance was sitting on the other side of the bed, shaking as he cried a river. Over JC and his stupid fucking jealousy.
"What an emotional FUCKWIT..." Joey was getting more irritated with JC every day. He noticed how possessive of Lance he was getting lately. They'd be out at a club and he wouldn't let go of his arm the entire time. They'd be performing for a crowd of fans, GIRL fans, and JC would glare at anyone who dared to speak to Lance. And for christ's sake, Lance wasn't even into girls.
It hadn't been like this a year ago, when they'd both found out their sexual preferences and found each other at the same time. The two of them were sweet, they were happy, blissful even. The other guys would smile when JC and Lance would give each other looks, would make sure to stand next to each other during every photo shoot. It was the kind of love you'd see and want to have.
They weren't even sure when the whole possessive thing had started. Had it been weeks? months? since JC had started displaying obsessive tendencies? When had all the pain started? When had Lance started to seek refuge in their rooms every other night, crying because JC was acting like an asshole?? Lance had even stumbled into Chris's room one night, claiming JC had hit him because he'd refused to stay home with him instead of going clubbing. JC had denied everything, and Lance, not wanting to upset their relationship, had let it go. But Chris, and the other guys, were starting to doubt that the whole thing was entirely made up. If there wasn't some truth to Lance's accusation.
"Lance?"
"Joey, what?" This was something huge. Neither Chris nor Joey nor Justin knew how to say it. They'd chosen Joey to do the talking. He was closest to Lance after all. Well, HAD BEEN, before JC decided to keep him on a shelf.
"Lance...I don't know what to say, really. But haven't you noticed how JC's been getting a little too...possessive lately? I mean, shit, Lance, you just want us over for breakfast and he walks out! What the fuck...??"
"Yeah and it's like you can't go anywhere without him," Chris cut in, his voice agitated. "He treats you like a dog on a fucking leash!"
Justin's turn. "He's starting to scare us, and I can see he's starting to scare you too, Lance. This dependence on you...it's more than love, man, I know you don't want to hear it but--"
"Damn RIGHT I don't want to hear it! Are you telling me Josh has some psychological problem or some shit? You're telling me what he does to...FOR me is too much? How the fuck can you say that??" His eyes were still red from the tears but they were angry now, too.
Silence and quiet. Joey spoke. "Lance, I didn't want to bring this up, but that time he hit you--"
"He NEVER hit me, Joe."
"That time he hit you, that should've tipped you off. All signs point towards what we're saying, Lance. You know we're right."
Chris. The psychology major. "It's getting bad for him, and for you, too. If you love him you'll let us get him help."
"He loves me, Chris. He loves me SO MUCH. That's all it is, he really cares..."
"If he cared he would treat you more like a boyfriend than a fucking PET." Justin. His words hung in the air, settling down like a fine mist over the four of them.
Stifled sobs as Lance finally broke down. "Okay, okay. I'll talk to him."
***
"This is a serious problem, Mr. Bass. Your boyfriend...he's showing signs of having a major psychological disorder. Now, we may have to run more tests, and we believe he should be kept under surveillance."
Lance's eyes grew hard as he looked at the doctor. Chris patted him on the shoulder, reassuring him. "You're saying you want me to have him committed? You want me to send the man I love to a MENTAL HOSPITAL??!?" He screamed the last two words, suddenly angry at everyone around him, angry at his other bandmates for making him get help for JC in the first place.
It hadn't been easy, obviously. JC had yelled at first, screamed at the four of them and cried tears of rage, never wanting to accept that he had a problem. He was doing it to save Lance. He was doing it to save himself from losing Lance.
"Lance, listen to what she's saying. If JC really needs this, then it's what we have to do. What YOU have to do."
"No, no...I...Chris, we're not going to survive this. I'm going to LOSE HIM."
The doctor spoke soothingly. "Mr. Bass, Joshua needs to learn how to become a whole person again. He's forgotten how. He can't go ANYWHERE without you. The first time you left him alone with me for counselling, he literally started SOBBING. Do you want him to live like that for the rest of his life? I'm sorry if this is hard for you, but trust me when I say that if you don't do this, he's going to lose any part of himself that he still has left."
"Alright. Okay. Help him. PLEASE."
***
"Lance!" He ran, crushed his body against Lance's, smothering him. "I missed you, god I missed you..."
"Josh...you okay, baby? How are they treating you?" He held on to him, gently, scared he would break, he looked so BREAKABLE right then...
"I want to go home, bring me home, baby, don't let them keep me here..." His shirt was suddenly wet by tears. He started crying as well, letting his tears fall into JC's hair.
"I'm sorry, I'm SO SORRY, but you know I can't do that. Stay here, you have to Josh. For me. Okay, Josh? Will you stay for me?"
He shook his head. "How can you let them keep me here? How can you leave me alone? I need you, you know I need you...stay WITH me, Lance, please? Can't you stay WITH ME? It'll be just you and me, no one else, just us, please? Just STAY Lance, STAY...please stay...say you'll stay..."
"I can't, Josh, I...can't..." He had to leave, he had to get out of there, or else he would stay, he would hold on to Josh and never let him go, he would stay forever just like Josh wanted him to. But he couldn't, he couldn't stay, he had to go...
"Stay, Lance, please stay...please?...LANCE STAYY!!!!!!!!" He was running now, down the hospital corridor, outside, to his car, running running running...
He couldn't stay.
***
fiction